Eddie: You still awake?
Richie blinked as his phone lit up the darkness of his room as the text came in. Shoving his glasses back onto his face (and narrowly avoiding stabbing himself in the eye in the process) Richie read the text as his brows furrowed together in confusion. He typed out a reply on autopilot, wincing after he pressed send as he remembered the last thing Eddie had said to him.
Richie: aw eds are u booty texting me right now?
Groaning at his lack of charm and abundance of stupidity Richie ran a hand through his overgrown hair before pushing himself up into a sitting position on his bed as he stared down at the three little dots and waited for Eddie's reply. Glancing at the clock Richie saw it was only just after nine pm. Considering Richie didn't tend to fall asleep before one he wondered why Eddie was even bothering to text him instead of just showing up like usual.
Although considering that Richie was currently wallowing in his bed in a pile of self-pity it was probably best that he had texted after all.
Richie threw the blankets off his legs and jumped out of bed, somehow still managing to tangle his legs up in the sheets in the process. He stumbled for a moment before gravity won and he toppled to the ground in a graceless heap with a loud thump that barely even registered to Richie as his phone lit up again.
Still laying on the floor Richie kicked halfheartedly to free his legs as he brought his phone back up to his face, not even wanting to wait the time it would take to untangle his limbs before reading Eddie's response.
Eddie: Fuck off Tozier. Can I come over or not?
Richie snorted at the curse before frowning at his phone. Since when did Eddie ask before coming over? Richie's mind quickly brought up their conversation that had been playing on a loop through his mind since it had happened that afternoon and his stomach clenched as he remembered the look on Eddie's face before he walked out the door. Richie had known then that this whole night was going to change everything. Now Eddie was asking him for permission to come over, something that neither of them had done since grade school when their parents still arranged their playdates.
Sighing Richie gave up on trying to free his legs from his evil sheets and instead focused on the more important matter at hand.
Richie: always
He cringed the moment he pressed send. Way to sound desperate Tozier. He cursed to himself as he sat up and ripped at the sheets knotted around his calves. Richie was still cursing when there was a soft knock on his bedroom door and he looked up at it in a panic. Had Eddie been texting him from inside the house like a serial killer in a ninety's horror movie?
"What?" Richie called, his heart suddenly beating frantically in his chest. He hadn't had time to mentally prepare to face Eddie again. He knew he'd told him to come over but he'd hoped to at least have a minute to make himself look like he hadn't spent the last six hours turning his bed into a cocoon of desperation and heartache. A cocoon that really didn't want to let him go as the sheets still fucking tangled around him were evidence of.
"I heard a noise. You okay?" Beverly asked softly, her voice floated through the door and some of the tension in Richie's shoulders relaxed at the familiar sound.
"My bed's trying to eat me." Richie called in reply, tugging uselessly at the sheets as Beverly eased the door open and flicked on the overhead light. Richie cried out as the bright light seared into his eyeballs and threw his hands up to protect his face. "Rude Marsh!" he cried as he blinked furiously to try to clear the spots from his eyes.
"Huh you weren't kidding." Beverly said, ignoring his comment like she usually did and staring down at the way his sheets were trying to pull him back into bed. Clearly, they knew what Richie did, that it was where he belonged.
"You gonna help me or not?" Richie sighed, looking up at Beverly with pleading eyes and clasping his hands to his chest as if in prayer.
Beverly rolled her eyes and knelt by his feet, swiftly untangling the sheets from his legs in three quick movements Richie could barely track. Richie blinked at her in surprise and wiggled his feet to check that they really were free before he grinned up at her. He wondered if she could untangle his stomach that easily too, because it had been locked up in knots for days now.
Richie looked up at her to say thanks but instead what tumbled out of his mouth was, "Eddie's coming over."
Beverly leaned back on her haunches as she stared at his face in a way that made Richie feel like she could see straight through him. "Wasn't tonight his-"
"Yup." Richie cut her off quickly, not wanting to be reminded of one of the reasons that had caused him to crawl into the bed cocoon to start with. He popped the 'p' on the word in an effort to make it sound nonchalant but Beverly was used to his diversions by now and she didn't look fooled.
Instead, she looked him up and down before springing to her feet and reaching down to offer her hands to Richie. "You look like shit."
Rolling his eyes Richie grabbed her offered palms and let her pull him up to his feet. "Thanks for the pep talk Red."
"It's what I'm here for." Beverly said with a grin before shoving Richie into the hallway and in the direction of the bathroom. "Shower, hurry."
While Richie often liked to act like he didn't let anyone boss him around the truth was that when Beverly told him to do something, he did it. He didn't even complain or launch into a Voice like he did when Stan or Bill asked him to do something. If Bev told him to jump Richie wouldn't bother asking how high, he would just jump.
After the quickest shower he had ever taken and the fastest teeth brushing in history Richie went back into his bedroom to find that not only had Beverly managed to turn the bed cocoon into a normally made bed but she'd also laid a fresh pair of clothes out on said bed. On a normal day Richie would disregard the outfit and yell down the hallway that he 'could dress himself Mom!' at her but today was not a normal day. Today felt like normal was a thing of the past. Besides, the shirt she'd picked was one of his favorites, bright blue covered with bananas so yellow they looked neon.
He dressed so quickly he nearly fell over again putting on his socks (purple and covered in orange dinosaurs, Ben had really amped up his gift giving game last Christmas) but somehow, he managed to make it through it unscathed. Richie looked down at his bed and considered sitting on it while he waited for Eddie but he didn't trust that the blankets wouldn't wrap themselves around him again in the cove of sadness so instead Richie pocketed his phone and headed out into the main room of the house.
Stan briefly looked up from the puzzle he was doing on the kitchen table where pretty much every activity other than eating happened. He must have seen the frazzled look on Richie's face because he pointedly did not ask him any questions and instead went back to expertly putting the puzzle together. Richie stumbled into the seat across from him and watched Stan pick up a piece, study it for a moment and then immediately put it into its correct place. If Richie didn't know better, he would have assumed Stan had done this puzzle a hundred times before with how quickly he was putting it together. But Richie had been with Stan earlier that week when he bought the puzzle to 'have a bit of fun this weekend.' so he knew this was the first time Stan had done it.
Pulling his phone out of his pocket Richie peeked to see if he had any other messages from Eddie. His notifications were empty and Richie tried to ignore the tightening in his chest as he reminded himself that Eddie was the responsible one in their friend group. He was likely already driving and he never texted and drove. Unless he had a drink at dinner in which case, he wasn't driving at all because Eddie was of the strict mindset that even one sip of alcohol left one too impaired to drive. If he had a drink he would be in an Uber and then he would be able to text. Well, unless he'd decided to strike up a conversation with the driver which was Ben's polite way of referring to how Eddie tended to grill the drivers about how long they'd lived in the city and if they'd ever had a parking ticket and so forth. Eddie thought it was rude to hold two conversations at once so if he was grilling a poor unsuspecting Uber driver Eddie wouldn't be texting during it.
"The mourning dove is the most common bird in North America." Stan's calm voice suddenly pulled Richie from his deep Eddie spiral and he wrinkled his brow as he looked across the table at his roommate.
"Okay?" Richie asked slowly, unsure of what had spurred this random bird fact. Stan was Richie's oldest childhood friend so he was well used to his bird obsession by now but usually when he threw out facts like that there was a reason behind it. Richie was still puzzling over it when the front door opened and his twisted stomach dropped down into his feet.
Some of his panic must have been apparent on his face because Stan nodded at him encouragingly as Richie gathered what little composure he had and got to his feet, remembering to dodge the low hanging light over the table at the last second. He'd knocked his head on that so many times in the two years they'd lived there he was pretty sure there was a permanent dent in his skull.
Straightening, Richie took a deep breath before he turned and faced the doorway all of his nerves twisting up and feeling like he was about to explode at the slightest touch or word. All of his tension flooded out of his body at once as he caught sight of who was in the doorway.
"Mike!" Richie cried in confusion before turning to glare at Stan who ignored him and waved at his boyfriend before slotting a puzzle piece into place.
"Hey Rich." Mike grinned, seeming to not notice the frantic state Richie was currently in. Richie was so busy glaring at Stan that he missed the sound of the door opening again and likely wouldn't have noticed the fourth person in the room had they not spoken his name.
"Richie."
The man in question swallowed hard and shoved down thoughts of how he wanted to hear that voice say his name in much different tones as he forced on a bright smile that he knew from the way it felt on his face looked slightly manic before turning to face the door.
And there he was, the source of all of Richie's tangled up insides and the reason he had created the self-pity cocoon, Edward Kaspbrak himself.
"Hey Spaghetti!" Richie cried brightly before launching full tilt into the British guy Voice because he knew it was the one that Eddie hated the most. "I do say you look positively delightful this evening."
Three little wrinkles appeared between Eddie's brows as his face scrunched up in annoyance and he glared at Richie. Richie wanted to lean over and smooth the wrinkles out with his fingers so he shoved his hands in his pockets instead. Eddie did look good, in fact he looked fucking great. He was wearing the jeans that Richie privately called the cursed jeans because they made his ass look so good that Richie found himself unable to look at anything else when he wore them. He was sporting a bright blue button down that Richie had never seen before and was only a few shades darker than the shirt Richie himself was wearing. Richie found this profoundly unfair since Eddie was always complaining about how obnoxious Richie's clothes were. He chose not to comment on it at the moment and filed it away for later because he was too distracted by the fact that Eddie had had a haircut since he'd last seen him.
Richie swallowed and dug his fingers into his thighs in his pockets as he tried to calm his clenching chest at the sight that Eddie had obviously gone to this much effort for the night.
"So how was it?" Richie forced himself to ask, even though the words felt like broken glass in his mouth. He made himself meet Eddie's eyes too while he asked even though he very much did not want to see if Eddie's eyes would light up when he talked about the evening or if he would get the same sappy smile on his face that Ben did whenever he talked about (or looked at, or thought about) Bev.
Eddie opened his mouth to answer but before he could Mike's voice from behind Richie suddenly cut him off.
"How was your date?" Richie didn't need to turn around to know that Mike was smiling in his easy carefree way and Richie had to resist the urge to close his eyes and curse. "Did you and Hank hit it off?"
Richie bit down on his tongue so that he didn't go off on another tangent about what kind of twenty-three-year-old was named Hank and how Eddie was actually getting catfished or set up with a grandfather trapped in a young man's body. He'd already said all of that (and more, an embarrassing amount more) to Eddie earlier. He still wanted to kick Mike for setting Eddie up in the first place so Richie just tightened his shoulders and forced himself to not look away from Eddie's face even as he heard Stan mutter quietly, "Read the fucking room Mike."
"It was err-" Eddie pulled at the collar of his shirt and Richie's eyes immediately flickered down to the brief flash of skin at the hollow of his throat the movement exposed. "It was a date." Eddie finished lamely and Richie's eyes moved up to his again surprised to see that Eddie looked nearly as uncomfortable as he felt.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Richie opened his mouth to ask him such before reconsidering and snapping it shut. He heard Mike start to say something but then a sharp noise like Stan had kicked his chair. Richie had a thousand things he wanted to say but each one seemed worse than the last so he kept rejecting them and racking his mind for something coherent to say while Eddie stared across the room at him awkwardly.
"Rich can we go for a walk?" Eddie finally asked when it became apparent that Richie's brain was not working enough to come up with any words at all.
He nodded numbly before heading towards the door, he almost walked out of it before he remembered he needed shoes. Richie shoved his feet into his beat-up Converse before grabbing the leather jacket that hung on one of the hooks by the door. The leather jacket was the coolest looking thing he owned even if Bill's little brother said the fact that it was a hand-me down from Richie's dad erased its cool factor. Personally, Richie thought it made it even cooler.
Choosing to focus on the several arguments he'd had with Georgie over the matter seemed easier than thinking about what Eddie wanted to talk to him about that was so private he had to get them out of the house. Richie held the door open so Eddie could walk out before him and he let himself have one quick look at Eddie's backside before shaking his head and moving so that he was walking beside Eddie as he reminded himself that friends did not check out other friend's asses.
Richie shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket as he noticed Eddie's car was not in the driveway meaning that he'd had a drink with dinner after all. Richie swallowed and reminded himself not for the first time (or likely the last) that the predicament he was in was all his own fault.
When Eddie had come out to them all two weeks ago Richie should have chosen that moment to come out to them all as well. Or well not that exact moment as that was clearly important to Eddie and Richie wasn't about to make it about him but he could have done it the next day. He'd seen how supportive their friend group was when Eddie (and Stan and Mike years and years ago) had come out and Richie was already out to Stan (they'd spent the majority of middle school practicing kissing with each other, they'd known for a while they were both at least a little bit gay) but Richie panicked and psyched himself out. He'd typed several different variations of coming out texts into the group chat (his favorite had been bi the way im bi) but he always chickened out before he could get himself to press send.
Even if Richie hadn't wanted to come out to the whole group yet he should have at least worked up the courage to tell Eddie. Tightly wound, hypochondriac Eddie who was always prepared for anything despite the fact that he'd never been a boy scout. Eddie who went to the doctor more in a single year than Richie had been in his life. Eddie who kept a bullet journal and habit tracker of nearly every single aspect of his day, who didn't just have a five-year plan but a ten year and a twenty. Eddie who'd started a retirement account when he was fifteen. Cautious, careful, meticulous Eddie who was the exact opposite of Richie in nearly every way and yet was the constant subject of his affection since he was thirteen and he realized that he was just practicing kissing with Stan because when he finally kissed Eddie, he wanted to know what to do.
Eddie had been one of Richie's best friends for over a decade and they told each other everything, or at least that was what Richie had thought. When Eddie had come out to all of them Richie had been thrown for a complete loop. He'd spent the last nine years telling himself that Eddie would never be interested in him and trying to stop himself from feeling the way he did. So, when Eddie sat across from him on Bill's couch, his leg bouncing nervously as he looked straight into Richie's eyes and said "I like men." Richie hadn't known what the fuck to do.
He wanted to say, "Me too, the fuck?" but before he could get his shocked brain to form words Ben was already hugging Eddie and telling him how much he loved him and thanking him for telling them and it was all so touchy feely. But Eddie's shoulders had untensed like the weight of the world had fallen off of him and Richie could tell just how much he needed this moment and this reassurance so he'd snapped his mouth shut and forced himself to say something supportive and not crass and that was that.
He'd had two weeks since then to tell Eddie his sexuality. Two weeks to tell Eddie he was hopelessly in love with him now that he knew that he might actually have a shot, or at the very least that Eddie liked his gender. And yet, nothing.
Richie was very good at doing nothing it turned out. He was also very good at missing his chance. He spent so long stalling that three days ago he'd overheard Mike telling Eddie that there was a guy he worked with that he would be perfect with. And to Richie's abject horror Eddie had agreed to the set up. Richie had spent the last three days throwing a true rager of a pity party and cursing Mike Hanlon's name almost as much as he cursed his own.
Then this afternoon had happened and despite what he wanted; Richie knew he had no one to blame for that but himself.
"So..." Eddie's voice drew Richie's attention back to the present and he looked over at the secret object of his affection and felt his heart flutter stupidly in his chest. Richie resisted the sudden urge to blurt out that he was in love with him because of course now his stupid mouth wanted to get the words out right.
"Date that terrible old chap?" Richie asked in the British guy voice because he didn't dare ask that question in his true voice and have his hopes be so fucking apparent.
Eddie paused for a heart stopping moment and Richie was suddenly nearly bowled over by the fear that he was going to tell him no, it was great actually. That Hank was his soulmate and that Mike had been right they were perfect for each other and they've decided to get married tomorrow and Richie isn't invited to the wedding because that would be super fucking awkward. No worse, they did want Richie to be at the wedding. Wait, worst worst, they want him to officiate it and-
"I don't know what Mike was playing at." Eddie finally admitted, crossing his arms tightly over his chest as they walked the familiar path down the dark streets.
Richie nearly stumbled over the curb at the annoyance in Eddie's voice and he swallowed hard at the implications of the phrase.
"So, it was like, really bad?" Richie asked softly, hoping his hopeful tone wasn't as obvious to Eddie as it was to him. He stared resolutely ahead as they approached the playground that was always their destination when they went on walks.
Eddie let out a huff of air and came to a halt, making Richie stop and look back at him curiously. The glow of a nearby streetlight threw half of Eddie's face into shadows but Richie was so used to the familiar pinch between his eyebrows that he felt like he could still see the lines even in the dark.
"Worse. It was a setup." Eddie spat the word like it was something dirty which was ridiculous because Eddie would never let something dirty into his mouth. Richie blinked at him in confusion before shrugging.
"Uh yeah Eds. I kinda fucking knew that already." Richie rolled his eyes and cursed Mike for the uncountable time that day. "Are you gonna tell me what was so fucking bad about this date or not?"
He didn't say what he really meant, what his traitorous pounding heart was hoping for. Had he not missed his chance with Eddie after all?
"No Rich it was a setup." Eddie repeated staring at Richie as he repeated the words slowly like some new meaning would worm its way into Richie's brain.
He opened his mouth to make another vaguely rude comment before he felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him. Richie felt the cold tendrils of fear crawl down his neck. "Did he hurt you?" he asked, his voice coming out in a growl that Richie wouldn't have thought himself capable of.
If this Hank fucker hurt Eddie Richie would kill him and then he would probably kill Mike too for setting them up. But then Stan would be pissed so maybe Richie would just hurt Mike.
He was still in the middle of plotting (double?) murder when he noticed Eddie frantically shaking his head no.
"No nothing like that." Eddie seemed to notice the murderous look on Richie's face because he took another step closer and reached out like he was going to put a hand on Richie's arm. He was halfway to Richie's sleeve when he seemed to remember their last conversation and he curled his arm back against himself instead, like he was trying to keep out the cold or the hurt Richie wasn't sure. Eddie met his eyes, and it was only the fact that he could never look Richie in the eye and lie that made him believe what he said next. "I'm fine."
"Then what the fuck happened Eddie?!" Richie cried, flinging his arms out in exasperation. His stomach felt like he had just gone on a roller coaster which was not a good feeling with how twisted up he'd been for the last few days.
"It was a setup because Mike knew I didn't want to go out with Hank!" Eddie cried, curling his arms tighter around himself like that made up for Richie's wild movements.
Richie dropped his arms back against his sides as he stared down at Eddie in confusion. That made zero sense to him and he shook his head like that would somehow wiggle his brain enough for that comment to make sense. No such luck.
"No one wants to go out with Hank, his name is Hank." Richie finally said after a long pause. He wasn't even sure what his mouth was saying at this point he just felt like if he didn't say something, he'd never understand what was happening.
"Ugh Richie." Eddie finally unclenched his arms from around himself to drop his head into his hands. Richie wished he could bundle Eddie up against his chest like he used to when he got all stressed like this. Usually Eddie was always firing off words, he could talk faster than even Richie could. He didn't understand why Eddie couldn't see to spit out whatever was bothering him. But considering that Richie had been choking down his own feelings for nearly a decade he couldn't really talk, which was after all, the root of all their problems.
Richie cast his mind around for something to say, tearing his eyes off Eddie because Eddie in distress was not a sight he could look at and still think at the same time. His gaze landed on the playground equipment in the distance and he nodded at it before turning back to Eddie.
"Let's go to the merry-go-round." Normally Richie would have extended his hand and Eddie would have taken it and they would have walked over while both pretended they held hands with all their friends. Things were no longer normal so Richie did not reach out and instead held his breath while Eddie dropped his hands from his face and followed Richie across the grass to the metal circle that was Eddie's favorite toy as a kid because his mom always refused to let him play on 'that spinning metal tetanus shot of a death trap'. So naturally whenever she wasn't chaperoning at the playground it was the toy Eddie played on the most.
Richie gripped the metal handle, shivering at the cold as Eddie stood across from him and grabbed hold as well. Neither of them said anything as they started running, pulling the metal along with a familiar groan. Richie's feet ran along the worn dirt track like he'd done this yesterday even though he hadn't gotten Eddie to do more than sit on the merry-go-round in years. As if he could sense his thoughts Eddie reached over to grab another section of the metal bars before pulling himself up onto the wheel. Richie ran one more lap before he clambered up as well, a lot less gracefully than Eddie had.
Both of them held on as the wheel spun them in circles and Richie looked across the wheel at Eddie and tried to figure out what the hell he wanted to say to him. That he was sorry? That he loved him? That he still didn't understand what had happened on his date? There were so many things he wanted to say that he found himself incapable of saying any of them and instead he just kept his eyes trained on Eddie's as the merry-go-round spun them round and around. Eddie didn't drop his gaze as they spun although he slowly moved his hand off the metal bar which made Richie raise his brows, he had never seen Eddie be on the merry-go-round without both his hands securely in place. He never even leaned backwards off it like Richie and Bev used to do.
Eddie's hand came back to rest on the bar next to Richie's hand, so close that their fingertips were brushing and Richie forgot how to breath. He opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't hear his thoughts over the rushing of the air in his ears. Instead he slid his pinkie across the bar so that their fingers were fully touching and nearly fell over backwards when Eddie curled his finger around his, pining Richie's finger between his and the bar.
Neither of them took their eyes off each other as the merry-go-round lost its speed and slowed to a stop.
For a moment no one said anything before Richie swallowed hard and asked, "Want to go again?" He hoped Eddie said yes because he wanted to stay on this merry-go-round with him all night and pretend that there was nothing else in the world but the two of them, spinning and spinning through the darkness. He also hoped he said no because he really did not want Eddie to move his finger off of his.
Richie was so busy trying to figure out if he was hoping for a yes or a no that when Eddie finally did speak his question made his stomach roil more than if they'd spun for ten minutes straight.
"Did you mean it? What you said earlier?" Eddie's voice sounded tight and Richie couldn't tell if it was because he was mad or nervous or what. For someone who was used to being able to read Eddie like a book suddenly not knowing how he felt was leaving Richie feeling strangely discombobulated.
Richie considered lying for half a second before realizing that he was sick of being a coward where Eddie was concerned. Eddie was giving him the second chance to say what he'd been meaning to say for years and this way he could say it better than he said it that afternoon.
XxX
"Why are you acting like this?" Eddie huffed, leaning back on his hands as he glared at Richie who was leaning against the headboard like this was just another normal Saturday conversation.
"I'm not acting like anything." Richie grumbled, pulling one of his pillows onto his lap so he could strangle it against his chest and pretend it was Mike's neck.
"Yes, you are. You've been acting like a jerk to me for days." Eddie persisted, glaring at Richie as he sat up straighter. Whenever Eddie was pissed, he got such perfect posture that Richie was tempted to put a book on his head just to see if he could balance it like he thought he could.
"Have not." Richie muttered into the pillow which they both knew was a blatant lie.
"Richie I-"
The sound of his name coming from Eddie's mouth was suddenly too much for him and Richie squeezed his eyes shut before spitting out, "Where are you going on your date tonight?"
There was a pause that stretched out long enough that Richie finally looked up from the pillow he was all but tearing apart to see Eddie staring at him openmouthed. Richie's brow furrowed at the expression before Eddie jumped to his feet and pointed at him angrily.
"That's what this is about! You're pissed that I'm going on a date!" Eddie cried accusingly.
Richie's stomach clenched even tighter which he didn't think was possible since it had been in knots since he'd heard Mike set up Eddie days ago. "No." he bit out, squeezing the pillow so tight to him it was a wonder it didn't explode.
"Holy shit Rich, I cannot believe you." Eddie shook his head before looking down at Richie, the only time he ever got to do that was when Richie was sitting down. "You're pissed because I'm going on a date with a guy and its pathetic. And homophobic! And ridiculous!"
Eddie was working himself up into a right frenzy and didn't even notice Richie shaking his head at him. How could he possibly think that Richie would be pissed Eddie was dating a guy? Didn't he know that Richie had been wanting Eddie to date a guy for years now? Specifically, him?
"I'm not pissed you're going on a date with a guy!" Richie finally cried, throwing the pillow to the side and jumping to his feet. Eddie jumped back in surprise and leaned his head back to glare at him, clearly not believing him. Richie could handle Eddie thinking a lot of things about him but thinking that he cared about the fact that Eddie was gay? That was not okay. It was the desire to wipe that thought from ever crossing Eddie's mind again that finally dislodged the words from Richie's mouth. "I'm pissed because that guy isn't me!"
The silence that fell over the room was nothing like Richie had ever heard before. It was strange, the fact that this silence felt so loud that Richie could hear it just as well as he could hear the sound of his blood rushing in his ears and his own ragged breathing. He could hear Eddie's calm measured breaths as well, the breaths that he took when he was counting his inhales and exhales in an effort to stave off an anxiety attack. Richie's heart clenched at the thought that he might be the cause of one of those attacks. He opened his mouth to say something else, literally anything, but for once in his stupid life he found himself at a loss for words.
In the end Eddie found his voice first. He spoke so quietly that Richie had to strain his ears to hear him and then once he made out the words, he wished that he hadn't bothered. He'd have preferred to have gone the rest of his life without ever hearing what Eddie said next.
"You have had years to tell me how you feel Richie. Years." Eddie shook his head slowly as he stared at Richie with an expression Richie had never seen before and couldn't quite place. He couldn't tell if Eddie was pissed or upset or confused. He couldn't tell anything which was fine because Eddie wasn't finished yet. "Why are you even saying anything now? Because someone else might actually like me? Want me? Because I won't always be there for you if this works out?"
Richie felt his stomach fall to the bottom of his feet as he shook his head. How was Eddie getting this so wrong? No that wasn't the question, how had Richie gotten this all so wrong?
"Of course not." Richie rushed to promise, shaking his head so frantically his glasses slipped to the edge of his nose. "Eddie, I think I'm in love with you."
His confession landed between them with the force of a bomb. Richie cursed at himself for censoring his confession. He didn't have to think about shit. He'd been in love with Eddie Kaspbrak for years and he knew it. Richie opened his mouth to correct himself but before he could say anything else Eddie was already shaking his head and turning to go and Richie couldn't get his mind to accept the fact that he had just confessed his deepest darkest secret to the object of his affection and he was turning away from him.
"If you loved me Richie you wouldn't have to think about it." Eddie shook his head once before looking back at Richie sadly. "You would just know."
The door shut softly behind Eddie and Richie collapsed onto his bed and stared up at his ceiling for a long moment as he tried to accept the fact that he had just fucked up the best thing in his life.
XxX
Richie swallowed hard and told himself it was time to be brave for once in his miserable fucking life. No more hiding, no more wallowing. He was going to tell the truth and deal with the consequences that came with it. Because at least then the truth would be out, maybe it would set him free like people claimed. Regardless, Eddie deserved the truth and that was all the reason Richie needed to finally get the words to come out.
"No Eddie I didn't mean it."
Eddie moved his hand off his so quickly Richie would have thought he'd burned it. Luckily, he'd expected that and he caught Eddie's hand with his as he tried to pull away. "I didn't mean it because I don't think that I'm in love with you. I know."
There, it was done. No turning back now. Richie drew in a shuddering breath as Eddie slowly looked back up at him, his eyes wide.
"What?" he asked softly as if he has somehow tuned out Richie's giant confession.
Richie squeezed his hand softly before repeating, his voice dropping to Eddie's level as he whispered, "I love you. I'm in love with you."
Eddie stared at him unblinkingly for so long that Richie began to worry that he had somehow broken him. He shifted uncomfortably and let out a little cough.
"Erm, earth to Eddie?" Richie asked cautiously before leaning over to poke Eddie's shoulder.
The movement finally caused Eddie to wake up from his stupor and to Richie's surprise Eddie let out a laugh before stepping closer to the center of the merry-go-round. His abrupt movement caused the wheel to spin in a lazy half circle as Eddie was forced to stop by the bars at the middle of the wheel.
Richie swallowed at the sudden closeness before he took small tentative steps forward until he too was stopped by the bars. His heart was beating so hard it was a wonder it wasn't popping out of his chest like a cartoon. He licked his lips and looked down at Eddie, waiting for him to say something and acknowledge his confession. Although he supposed that Eddie's sudden closeness had to be a good sign Richie would still prefer for Eddie to at least address what he'd just said.
"You gonna say anything or?" Before Richie could think up another thing to add to that sentence Eddie was curling his free hand around the collar of his jacket and Richie found that he no longer remembered how to speak. Eddie pushed up on his toes and began to pull Richie down to his level and Richie forgot what words were. His brain was shooting off rapid fire signals but none of them were true words, they were just the thought equivalent of a keysmash and then Eddie was kissing him and even the keysmash became too complicated for his brain to handle and everything was just sparks and light and Eddie's mouth on his.
Richie moved his hand off the bar to put it around Eddie's back and pull his closer to him, cursing the safety bar in the center of the merry-go-round that was keeping them apart. Eddie pulled away long enough to whisper against Richie's lips, "I'm in love with you too."
Richie pulled Eddie tighter against his chest and kissed him again as if he could take those words from Eddie's lips and swallow them and keep them forever. They kissed for so long that the metal bar between them no longer felt cold it had absorbed so much of their body heat. Richie never wanted this moment to end and when they finally pulled apart for air Richie found himself annoyed that human evolution hadn't figured out a way around that yet.
As they both struggled to catch their breath Richie leaned down to rest his chin on the top of Eddie's head as a sudden thought occurred to him. "Wait what did you mean when you said it was a setup?"
"That's what you're thinking about right now?" Eddie asked with laugh, burrowing himself closer against Richie's chest.
"It's not the only thing." Richie assured him, pressing a kiss against his hairline. His brain was still screaming incoherently that Eddie had kissed him. "But I am curious."
"I didn't really want to go on the date." Eddie admitted against Richie's chest so Richie knew that he could feel the way his heart sped up at that statement. "I didn't really want to go on any dates but Mike kept saying it would be good for me so I finally agreed."
Richie ground his teeth together at the reminder of Mike's betrayal, once again choosing to overlook the fact that he didn't know Richie's true feelings for Eddie and therefore was not actually betraying anyone.
"Then after what you said I felt like I had to go. Like I had to prove a point to you, or to myself. So, I get to the restaurant and the waiter gives us menus and I look across at this guy and all I can think about is how he's not you. And I didn't want to be there with someone who wasn't you." Eddie pulled back to look up into Richie's face, the tips of his ears a bright pink. Richie grinned at him and leaned down to kiss him again because he realized with a thrill that now when Eddie said something that made him want to kiss him, he could kiss him.
"Poor Hank." Richie said shaking his head as they pulled apart.
Eddie let out a real laugh at that, grinning up at Richie. "No that's what I've been saying about the setup."
Richie shook his head in confusion, did Eddie not know what the word setup meant?
"I told Hank I couldn't do this because I have feelings for someone else and it wasn't fair to him, honestly it was kind of a long speech I'm surprised he didn't cut me off. Anyway, I finally finished and Hank just grins at me and says that Mike had been wrong about one thing, he'd thought I'd at least make it until we ordered." Eddie was staring up at him grinning but Richie was still trying to follow his words.
Mike had known Eddie had feelings for Richie? Did that mean Mike had known that Richie had feelings for Eddie? If this had all been a setup to make Eddie admit his feelings to himself had this also been about getting Richie to admit his feelings to Eddie?
"Do you need to sit down?" Eddie asked slowly, helping Richie sink down to the metal floor of the merry-go-round when he nodded.
The cold of the metal seeping through his jeans made it a bit easier for him to concentrate. Richie shook his head as he pulled Eddie against his side and remembered how much time he had spent the last few days cursing Mike's name and coming up with ways to hurt him. All along he had been doing them a favor.
"I think I owe Mike an apology." Richie admitted into Eddie's hair as he curled his fingers into it.
"You probably do." Eddie agreed before turning his face so that he could place a kiss against Richie's jaw. "But it can wait."
Richie murmured in agreement before turning his head to catch Eddie's lips against his. As far as he was concerned, anything that wasn't Eddie could wait. They had nearly a decade worth of pent up feelings to let out after all.