It was really getting on Darcy's nerves. The cute little giggles, the low-pitched rumbles she couldn't quite hear, hands straying near improper boundaries but never quite crossing; frankly, if Jane and Thor didn't just get it on already, Darcy Lewis felt like she was going to scream.

It was bad enough the intern had had a long dry spell (hey, three months was a long time in the scope of the Darcy-tastic sex life!). The only guys that seemed interested in her were one-night standers, and barely even worthy of that if she were honest with herself, and let's just say, she wasn't a big fan of self-honesty. Hence, why she'd been stuck with one loser after another, the latest being Ian.

Thank FUCK that idiot was long gone. Jane knew – KNEW- what Darcy was going through. For long enough, Darcy had been the one to hear Jane whine during those in-between bouts of Science!Jane going crazy over her spacey phenomena thingamajig-hoosa-whatsabobs.

So, it really wasn't fair that Jane's lips were locked incessantly to the blond hunka hunka burnin' six-foot-five Norse God. Nope siree bob, not fair at all.

Finally, Darcy decided filing was no longer a priority. If Jane wasn't gonna work, neither was she. Darcy grabbed a box of pop tarts, obnoxiously plopped the toaster in the middle of the table, and stretched the cord so far from the kitchen counter the prongs barely made a connection with the plug-in on the wall, dangerously close to the dripping coffee pot.

Flipping through her songs on her iPod, Darcy sat back in a kitchen chair, munching Pop-tarts, slurping on flat Diet Coke and staring at Jane and Thor making out like a couple of horn-dog teenagers. She was impressed. It took Jane a full fifteen minutes to notice, and then her face instantly went beet red. Thor's hands hadn't once strayed to Jane's ass or tits, which was super dull and kind of sweet in an archaic, chivalrous sort of way. If she were filming, Darcy would have made precisely zero dollars on leaking it online to TMZ. Well, maybe a little bit, but then she'd be out her internship. And let's face it, consorting with Gods was just – rockin', even if it wasn't her face getting sucked off.

"Darcy! Is that really necessary? Don't you have some filing to do, or an errand to run, or something?" Jane admonished, pushing back from Thor and straightening her shirt, which was rucked up under his big hands.

Darcy looked her straight in the eye. "Nope!" Popping the "p" with extra aplomb. She licked the last bit of cherry Pop-tart crumbs from her fingertips and pushed the other half away she wasn't hungry for, enjoying Thor's little wink in her direction. Damn, the guy was strapping, cut as hell, with good looks that didn't quit. What she wouldn't give... But ah well, Darcy didn't screw over her friends by jumping on their love interests. Maybe Thor had a friend….

That gave her an idea.

Jumping up from the table, leaving her entire mess there, and the coffee still sitting on the burner, she skipped out of the room, waving her fingertips at them in a little, 'I'm blowing this pop stand for a bit, cee-ya,' kind of way. "We're out of Pop-tarts. You guys need anything?"

Jane just stared at her with both hands on her hips, casting her eyes from Darcy's mess to the girl in question at the door.

"No? Thor, what about you?"

"I am most particular to the greasy, crispy, extruded cornmeal rings you call 'Fun-Yuns.'"

It was hard to get used to Thor's Google-like descriptions of junk food, but she didn't bat an eye. "What kind?"

"All of them."

Darcy popped some gum into her mouth, trying not to snort saliva out her nose. She had to remember this guy was probably used to banquet tables groaning with food to sate his enormous, superhero-y appetite.

"Alrriggghttyyy-then. Got a spare twenty? That's going to cost more than I have on me."

Thor dug in a back pocket. "Ah-ha!" He proudly handed her a small wad of bills. "Will this do?"

"That's uh, more than enough," Darcy grinned, peeling off a twenty and handing the rest of the clip back to him. "Thanks, big guy."

"As always, it is my pleasure to serve, Lady Darcy," he bowed with a flourish and winked, causing her to giggle.

"If that's all, I'm outta here. And Thor, you sure about that? There are only four flavors."

"Then I should like a case of each."

Darcy hid her grin behind a hand and straightened, doing a little hop. "A case of one of every flavor. Got it. See you in ten."

Jane waited until her intern's steps had faded down the stairs of their apartment building before whirling around, waving her arms in an exasperated motion. "Can you believe her? Just staring at us like we're a goddamn soap opera?"

As usual, Thor only smiled slightly, amused by the petite woman's outburst. The Midgardians used many funny words that he knew did not mean as they sounded. He took her comment at face value, helping himself to the last half of Pop-tart on Darcy's empty plate.

"You must admit, there is very little to do. The girl has been working all day while you and I have been most – distracted," he purred at Jane, sliding back over to her and sweeping her smaller body up into his arms.

Jane squealed delightfully. "Well, you have to admit, we are having a lot of fun."

"Indeed. You can see in Lady Darcy's eyes she envies you."

Jane's mouth popped open like a dead carp. She slapped Thor's chest in mock anger. "You CANNOT be serious. Darcy Lewis, Miss 'casual sex is no big deal', and 'I get laid all the time', is envious of you and me? We were only kissing!"

Thor leaned in and stole another breath-stealing kiss from his girlfriend before setting her down, sparing her a sad look before plopping his ass on the faded leather couch. "Yes. I know."

How could this man go from hot to cold so quickly? Jane figured that even Gods had male PMS, the same as Earth guys.

"Okay. Spill it. What's bothering you?"

"" Tis nothing, dear Jane."

"Don't bullshit me, Thor Odinson!"

Thor just looked up at her with his big blue puppy dog eyes. "Darcy Lewis wishes she were you. In the arms of a strong, virile God, taking her firmly, passionately while she cries out her release into his mouth as he finishes inside of her, collapsing into a heap of tangled limbs and passing out in one another arm's 'til 'morn."

Jane was getting really good at imitating dead carp mouth at this point. "Where in the hell did you get that from? I've never heard her say that!"

"It's in her writing journal. She left it open on the table the other day, and I could not help but read it in passing. I could almost swear she wished for me to see it. Still, knowing how Midgardian women value privacy, I knew that was probably not true."

Jane marched into Darcy's room and rummaged around, then came back out with a blue, battered notebook. "Is this the one?"

"Yes. 'Tis. But I do not think you should be – what is the word Lady Darcy uses? – snooping – in her private effects. 'Tis a breach of trust."

"Oh, but it's okay for you to read what's in there?"

"It was open on the kitchen table a handspan's length from my arm. I could not help but see it."

"Fair enough. But if Darcy is lusting after MY boyfriend, boy, do I have words for her!"

Jane was panting, her face red and angry, flushed prettily as she flipped through the notebook. "I don't see anything in here!"

"Hmm. Perhaps she tore the page out and destroyed it."

Jane dropped the book to her side and narrowed her eyes. "Or maybe you're just making this up to see what my reaction would be to you saying something like that about my best friend."

Thor couldn't hide his mirth any longer, and burst out laughing, practically rolling on his side in humor.

"Thor! That's not funny! I don't appreciate you playing jokes on me like - like Loki probably would!"

"Oh, but my brother has taught me much over the centuries. Baiting females is one of them. An excellent pastime."

Jane marched back into Darcy's room and replaced the notebook, then stomped into the kitchen to clean up Darcy's pigsty, and help herself to a fresh cup of joe. Leaning a hip against the sink, she ignored Thor, pretending not to see him sneaking up behind her, and attempting to push his arms away when he stole them around her middle.

"I am sorry. Truly. Please, do not be cross with me. I only sought a bit of merriment."

"Matters of sex and love are not funny to joke about," Jane responded coldly, but then felt her heart stutter when Thor leaned down and sniffed her hair, blowing on her ear softly, sending a shudder of delight down her spine.

"You speak of sex and love, Lady Jane, yet you deny my advances. Have I done or said something to offend you?"

Jane set her coffee cup down and turned in his arms, reaching up to hook hers around his neck as he bent to kiss her. When they came up for air, he rested his forehead against Jane's.

"Is that what this was all about? You want to get into my pants?"

"It's not only a want, but it is also a NEED. I respect your choices to share your body, or not, as it pleases you. As an Asgardian male, I am used to certain – pleasures – satiating my sexual appetites regularly. I understand it would be frowned upon to take those pleasures in another while waiting for you to share your body with me, which you only do in my dreams, at the present time."

"It would certainly be frowned upon! I would probably break up with you!"

"Yes. This is why I have stayed faithful to you, my dear Jane. I only wish to know, why are you holding back?"

"Please, Thor, don't pressure me. I – I'm just not ready for that with you - or - I mean, at this stage of a relationship, with anyone. People like Darcy have no problem jumping in the sack with a guy for one night. That's just not me."

Jane pulled away, turning, rubbing her hands over her upper arms as she crossed them.

Thor didn't like the way Jane had lumped her best friend in with 'people like' as if it denoted the fair Lady Lewis were a slut. He sincerely hoped Jane didn't mean it that way, as having sex only for pleasure and not to pursue a relationship was perfectly acceptable.

"I have not been instructed on the amount of time is proper before engaging in sexual congress with Midgardian females, specifically – you. I love you, Jane. I simply wish to express my love physically as well as every other way we already do."

"I know. I love you too. Thor, there IS no timeline. It'll happen when it's supposed to."

"Then, I wish for it to happen right now," Thor growled, swooping in and wrapping her up from behind again, lifting her, her petite frame kicking at him ineffectually.

"Thor! Put me down! I didn't say right now!"

Thor did as bid, looking hurt and confused. "I do not understand your complicated courtship rituals. In Asgard, if two such adults seek pleasure, they have but to find a private place to couple. Of course, many with bonded mates wish to remain monogamous to one another. However, it is not unusual to seek out others with the consent of your spouse."

"You mean people openly cheat on each other where you're from?" Jane asked, appalled by the idea.

"Yes. Although, it is not 'cheating,' as you say if both parties consent. One is not done behind the back of another. That would be considered a very grave betrayal. Hence, why I stay loyal to you, my love. I only wish to share those pleasures with you. If you gave me permission, I would seek those pleasures elsewhere; not everything we share, only physical release until you are ready to be with me in that way."

"I don't believe you! You want to fuck other women?"

"Only to release the tension in my loins. A man would suffice as well. Hel, even a mouth would take the edge off of my pressing need. My hand is tired, Jane. There is no better feeling than being buried in the wet sleeve of a woman's sacred place. It is one of the most exquisite sensations in the Nine. You may continue to request me to wait, but I must be honest – I do not know how long I can wait for you."

"You ARE pressuring me!" Jane yelled, slapping his arm away when he reached for her.

"No. I am being honest with you, which is what you requested when we agreed to this relationship."

"Being honest and wanting to fuck other women are two horses of a totally different color! And you want to fuck men? That's uh, different. I didn't know that about you." She had tried to go for outraged, then realized she sounded like a hypocrite for criticizing him for being bi.

"I do not understand the phrase, 'two horses of a different color.' However, I do not WANT to fuck other women or men. I want YOU. My very physiology demands release. Such as a being needs air to breathe, water to flourish, love to cherish, my physical needs must also be met. I would be remiss to neglect my needs in favor of this – this – unnecessary prolonging of our union."

"I wish I could say I understand, Thor, but I don't. It's just not done here on Earth. I mean, people DO do that, but it's considered cheating."

"What about relationships of a polyamorous nature?" he inquired, seating himself gently on the faded couch again, arms spread out along the back.

How could he so matter-of-fact about all of this? Then Jane remembered he was over a thousand years old. It did make sense, weirdly, that his race was a lot less uptight about sex than she was. Still. It just – rubbed her the wrong way – and on principle alone, she couldn't give in because he wasn't getting his itch scratched.

"What about them?" she countered, fiddling with the dirty dishes in the sink, filling it with water and soap and scrubbing unnecessarily hard and long on each item.

"Those are of a – uh, sharing nature."

"I'm aware of that, but that's not how things work with me. Either you want me exclusively or you don't. I'm not going to be with somebody who thinks it's okay to fuck around just because they can't get in my pants when they want to."

Thor huffed in frustration. "You think it is an excuse to – pressure you into bed with me. Is that all you see? Can you not understand the demanding physiology I sport?"

"I don't get it. I have to admit that. If a human guy were to tell me that, I'd laugh in his face and tell him not to let the door slam him in the ass on the way out. It's considered a pick-up line here. A way to get a woman into bed."

"Ah. I think I understand. It is viewed on your Earth as a negative, while on Asgard, it is an accepted practice, not merely an empty excuse as it seems to be used by the male population where you reside."

"Yeah, something like that. To be fair, some women do it too, but I think it's primarily guys that use it."

Jane finally ran out of dishes, counters, tables, and appliances to clean, and she felt wrung out like the rag in her hand. She couldn't meet Thor's eyes, although they burned a hole right through her from across the room.

"I can't do it," she whispered, lips tight and tears stinging her eyes. "If we're just – too different – so be it. I can't compromise my morals by giving in to you when I'm not ready, and you're telling me you're going to cheat on me if I don't."

Thor walked towards her, and she tried to back away, but there was nowhere to go in the small, enclosed area. He crowded into her space, dipping his head to kiss her nose. "Is this farewell?"

Tears slipped onto her cheeks and rolled off her chin, Jane wiping them away angrily. "I don't know. I guess – if you do decide you NEED to fuck around, then yeah. I'm going to have to let you go."

"I will not stray, my lovely. I beg of you, please, for the sake of our relationship and my sanity, do not wait too long, or I will be forced to take myself elsewhere to relieve my growing need."

"I don't believe you're still pressuring me. Even after I told you what it means to me!"

Thor drew back, frowning now. "I am having a difficult time processing your obsessive need to cling to old-fashioned ideas. Perhaps – perhaps we need to re-think our union."

"Yeah, I guess. If that's what you want."

"It is not."

"Well, Thor, I don't know then! Fucking make up your mind!"

Now it was the Thunder God's turn to tighten his lips in anger. Her words stung, flinging his honesty back in his face. Sometimes he swore Lady Jane was purposely dense and stubborn just to make a point. Studying her intently for a moment, he reached a decision and turned from her, simply gathered his zip-up hoodie, hammer, and a bottle of water, bowing to Jane and striding towards the door.

He expected her to run after him, at the very least tell him she needed him, wanted him. If she did, he would stay, give in to her unreasonable demands, even if it did cost him his sanity. Yet she did nothing, staring listlessly into space. He stood there a full minute, sadly looking at the back of her head.

A soft, "Farewell, Jane Foster," slipped from his mouth, and the door clicked shut behind him.

Thor Odinson had just broken up with Jane Foster; and – she had let him.

It didn't help that Darcy came dancing through the door five minutes later, flinging bags of groceries and junk food onto the clean table. "Hiya! I got some extra treats; we can have a movie night – Hey! Thanks for cleaning up my mess! I know it's usually me cleaning up after you, so that's pretty cool." Darcy slowed her one-woman string of excited chatter, looking around carefully before turning to Jane. "Where's Thor?"

Darcy then noticed Jane was as still as a statue, her shoulders shaking in silent sobs.

"Fuck! What happened! Did he have to go? Is there like some nasty thing invading the planet or rampaging around the universe that he had to go kill?"

She took Jane by the shoulders and turned her around. "Talk to me, girlfriend! What's the 911?"

Jane finally took a deep, shuddering sigh, ceasing her sobs long enough to wail, "Thor broke up with me!" and launched herself into Darcy's shocked arms.

"Well, fuck a duck," was all Darcy could say. This wasn't looking good for her getting laid by a friend of the handsome Asgardian's if he wasn't going to be around anymore. There went that imaginary lay.

"Come on. I got ice cream."