Winter of '82'

by Kathy Knudsen1

A bit different in style, this is largely a narrative of a three month period that Heyes and Kid had separated and lost track of each other. Kid, having been wounded, spends the winter in a Washoe encampment, while Heyes searches in vein for his partner. The narrative is largely split between Heyes and Kid

Introduction

Before Kid and me can tell you about the winter of 82, I suppose you have to know something about the history of the Washoe Indians. Not having lived among them like Kid did, I can only tell you what Kid has told me.

Wa She Shu is the correct pronunciation of the Washoe Nation and it means "The People," but Washoe is the white man's pronunciation, so that's the spelling I'll use. The Washoe for the most part are a peaceful peoples who live in an area that traverses the borders of western Nevada and eastern California. Until the U.S. Government claimed over ninety percent of the land, the heart of the Washoe Nation centered around "Da ow aga," which white folks called Lake Tahoe. In the Washoe language, it actually means "edge of the lake."

The belief system of the Washoe centers around the earth, the terrain, the waters, and they believe all these things are living and are considered sacred. They believe family is the core of life. A Washoe family generally consists of five to sometimes more than twelve people. There's usually a husband and wife, but there can be more than one husband, or more than one wife. It also includes the children of the couple, but can also include siblings, and even none relatives.

The Washoe build both summer and winter homes. The winter house is called a "galais dungal." Usually four to ten families build their houses in close proximity. Every aspect of their life is is influenced by the land and they believe that the land, the people, and the language are all intertwined.

The Washoe believe that they have been on that same land since the beginning of time, that they didn't travel there from some other place.

The Washoe have Healers who they believe are chosen by a Spirit. A Healer can be a man or a woman, who has special powers. These powers are usually used in good ways, but a Healer might use the powers in a bad way if he or she sees fit. Healers use special objects like eagle feathers and cocoon rattles to help them perform their healing.

The Washoe also believe in Legend Creatures. They believe "Water Babies," live in all forms of water, like lakes and streams, These water babies are very powerful and can cause illness or death, but they can be a good omen as well. They also believe a man-eating giant once lived in a cave, not far from Cave Rock (a very sacred place), and they believe in an "ong," which is a man-eating bird that lived in the middle of Lake Tahoe until a man the ong had grasped and taken to its nest, killed him by throwing arrows into his beak which the bird swallowed into its stomach causing him to die.

I mentioned Cave Rock. The Washoe call it "De ek Wadapush," and it is so sacred that only Healers are allowed to enter, and they only do so to consult with the Water Babies that live there.

Well, now that you have a bit of understanding of the Washoe Indian Nation, Kid and I can begin to tell you about the winter of '82,' the winter Kid spent a little over three months living among the Washoe people. I'm sure Kid will be able to enlighten you a bit more about the people and their culture as he tells you his story.

HEYES' STORY

Why Kid and me end up in the Sierras in the winter so much is beyond me and I think Kid and me should take a serious look at that before next winter arrives. Snows are deep in the Sierras in the winter, travel is hard, out running a posse is even harder. And, that's exactly what we were trying to do in the winter of 1882. That damn posse had been chasing us for more than three days and we were hardly ever able to stay more than an hour or two ahead of them. Our horses were frozen and near exhaustion, and we were too. We hadn't slept, we hadn't eaten, we had barely taken the time to piss. We were near the top of Mt Tallac when Kid turned around to check the location of the posse. He hollered to me that they were almost within firing range. Obviously at that point, we knew if either of us had a chance, we'd have to split up. Kid headed down toward Emerald Bay and I turned east with the intention of making it to Carson City, where we agreed to meet in a week.

That was the last time I saw Kid for more than three months, although I did hear shots fired, and prayed Kid was on the winning end of that battle.

Once I made it down to the shores of Lake Tahoe and made it past Cave Rock, I was able to distance myself from the group that had pursued me, and while I didn't make camp that night, I was able to stop a rest my sorrel for a few hours before moving on toward Carson City. I guess I'll never know why that posse gave up on chasing me. I hoped they'd do the same for Kid.

I thought that week of waiting for Kid to show up was the most worrisome week of my life...that is until Kid didn't show up at all.

The Sierras get heavy snow falls and that's exactly what happened during that waiting time. By the end of that week, the snow was just too deep to start out in search of Kid. I hoped it was the snow that was delaying him, so I figured I should just stay put a while longer as Kid would know I'd be waiting.

KID'S STORY

I remember splitting up with Heyes. We did that out of necessity, not choice. I tried making my way down toward Emerald Bay, figuring I could lose the posse in the thick woods, wait a few hours, and then make my way along the shore toward Cave Rock and head east to Carson City.

It didn't work out as I had planned.

I knew the posse was closing in. That's why me and Heyes split up. The next thing I knew, I heard shots being fired behind me, even heard a bullet whiz past my ear just as I entered the woods. That's pretty much all I actually remember. I don't remember being shot. I do know I must have made it pretty far into the woods, because the next thing I knew, it weren't a jail cell I was lying in, and there weren't another white man to be seen.

What I do remember next is waking up and feeling warm for the first time in days. I was inside some sort of Indian dwelling. It weren't a tepee. It was more like a hogan. I was lying near a smokeless fire, on some soft, warm furs. There were more firs over me. I remember my shoulder ached, but it weren't what I would call actual pain. I remember an older woman with brown skin and salt and pepper hair bending over me, tending to my wound with some kind of poultice. When I opened my eyes, she looked at me real startled and moved back away from me. A younger woman, I figured maybe her daughter came up beside her and they spoke in their native tongue. The younger one then leaned her head forward and peered at me, then she said something to the older woman and they both nodded. It wasn't till a few weeks later that I learned what it was they were so startled by, and I'll tell you about that in a minute. But first, there were two other things I remember about that first encounter with those two Washoe women. The first was that I realized I was naked under them fur blankets, the other was that my ankles and wrists were tethered to stakes that had been hammered into the ground. I wasn't tightly tethered. I could move my arms and legs a few inches, but all the same, it worried me why I was roped down and naked. None of us could speak the other's language, so there was no way of finding out just what kind of trouble I had landed in.

"Oh, the thing I learned that they was so startled by was the color of my eyes. They'd never seen blue eyes, and being that my blue eyes are the color of lake water, I learned that they thought I might be the earthly form of the Spirit of the Water Babies. Being that the older lady was a Healer, the color of my eyes was very disturbing to her, she was afraid I had come because of some indiscretion on her part at Rock Cave or something.

I guess I was drifting in and out of consciousness a lot for the first couple of days. I remember those two women taking care of me, holding a gourd scoop up to my mouth to give me what I thought was just water, but turned out to be a mixture of water an peyote that kept me from hurting, but also kept me a bit sedated and not able to focus too well. I remember them removing the fur coverings and washing me, which was a bit uncomfortable to me, being naked in front of strangers. I remember the older woman tending to my shoulder wound every day.

I don't remember them removing the tethers. They must have done that when I was sleeping. I guess since I still didn't have no clothes, and was still a bit on the groggy side, they figured there weren't no threat of me trying to run off, or trying to hurt them.

And I remember the day Little Red Fox and me tried our hand at communicating. She had just finished feeding me some Indian bread and water and I had thanked her. She didn't understand the words, but she seemed to grasp the meaning and she nodded her head at me. I raised my hand toward my chest and tapped my chest with one finger. "Thaddeus," I said to her and saw her brow start to crease. So I poked my chest again and repeated my name.

"Thad-us," she said and I grinned and nodded my head. "Yea, Thad-us," I said and she smiled back at me. Then I pointed to her and at first she looked quizzical, but then she figured out what I was asking.

"Dal-coconi Mogop-kic," she said, pointing at herself.

Even though I had no idea what it meant, I tried repeating it and had about as much success as she did with Thaddeus. But over the course of the next week, with the help of some pantomiming, I figured out her name was Red Fox in the English language. She kept on calling me Thad-us. I learned the older woman's name was Flying Owl and that Red Fox was her daughter.

After that first week, I think after they realized I weren't no threat, or maybe because Flying Owl thought it best to appease the Spirit of the Water Babies, they gave me back my clothes. Red Fox and I managed to communicate a bit with improvised sign language and I figured out I was not permitted to leave the house. I started learning a few Indian words and Red Fox started learning a few English words, so it was getting easier to communicate with each other.

Since I didn't know where my horse was, and the snow was several feet deep, I came to realize I was not going anywhere during the "Galais" (that's the word for winter). Yep, I wasn't going to be leaving until the "Am Suk," meaning spring season arrived.

I worried about Heyes, worried what he'd be thinking. But I had no way of getting in touch with him. At this point, I didn't even know where he was.

HEYES' STORY

After a couple of weeks and still no Kid, I decided I had no choice but to go looking for him. Before I did that, I sent a telegram to Lom Trevers, asking if he'd heard of the Kid being arrested or hurt, or killed. Lom wired back that he hadn't heard any news about either one of us in months, so I figured Kid must be alive and either holed up hurt somewhere, or just not able to travel through the deep snow. I suspected the former as I figured Kid would have found a telegraph office somewhere if he could, to let me know he was alright.

So, I set out from Carson City and started making my way back to the Sierras. As best I could I made my way from town to town, preferring to sleep in a nice warm hotel instead of out in the frigid cold weather. There's a lot of work to sleeping outside in the winter. You have to build a good size fire and let it burn hot for a long time so you can dig a four or five inch deep pit that's as long as you are. Then you have to lay hot ash in it and cover the ash with leaves and the leaves with dirt so you have a reasonably warm bed for the night. Plus, you have to get up often and keep the fire stoked. A hotel is much easier and much more comfortable.

Anyway, I spent the next three weeks stopping at every little town and borough and no one had seen a man fitting Kid's description. I even risked stopping for an hour at Tahoe City, the town where the posse had originated, and inquiring at the Tahoe Tavern, all to no avail.

I was beginning to think maybe Kid was dead, maybe lying at the bottom of some cliff, or buried under several feet of snow somewhere, or killed by a bear. A whole array of very unpleasant thoughts kept racing though my head. I began to resign myself to the fact that Kid was gone.

KID'S STORY

After being there for a month or so, Red Fox had taught me many Washoe words, and I had taught her enough English ones that, between us, we did pretty well communicating. I asked her why I couldn't leave the house and she looked surprised and told me I was free to move about the settlement. She said many of the other families were curious about the white haired Spirit of the Water Babies. I tried to tell her I weren't no Spirit but she said Water Babies are sometimes cruel and try to fool them, but that her mother, a Healer, understood who I was. I decided I wasn't going to be able to change her mind, so I let it drop.

I asked her about my gun as I hadn't seen it since I got there. She told me not to worry, that it would be returned when it was time for me to go. That's when I realized how I was starting to feel about Red Fox, how I didn't want to leave her, how I was, maybe falling in love with her. That had just somehow sneaked up on me, I didn't see it coming. I didn't know if we'd even be able to find the words we needed to talk about such a thing. But I knew I couldn't leave until we found a way to talk about it.

That afternoon Red Fox and I ventured out of the house and moved about the winter settlement, and she introduced me as Thad-us to those curious enough to approach us. Most everyone we talked to paid particular attention to the color of my eyes. Red Fox explained to me that Flying Owl had told most everyone of my Spirit connection with the Water Babies, and being that no sickness had befallen the settlement while I was there, they had come to the conclusion that I was there keeping the Water Babies in line and on their best behavior. It was mostly the children that were the most openly curious about the white man with white hair and blue eyes that walked among them. Every time a group of children would surround us, I stooped down to their level and let them touch my hair, feel my skin, gaze with wonder at a color they had never seen in a person's eyes before. I noticed Red Fox smiled a lot at me as I did this and I made a point of smiling back each time.

As we walked back to her house, I slipped my hand around hers and I noticed she gave my hand a gentle little squeeze. I suppose some things might just be universal. Before we got to her house I stopped and Red Fox turned and looked at me. I didn't know the words for what I wanted to say so I touched the left side of my chest with my open palm and then slowly moved my hand to touch her chest, being careful to touch her just above her breast. She looked up at me and had the warmest smile I have ever seen, or ever hope to see again.

"Dihanja," she said and gently placed two fingers on my lips. I knew dihanja was the word for mouth, but I wasn't sure if she was trying to quiet me or entice me. I decided to take the risk and I leaned my head down and kissed her real gently, softly. When we pulled apart, I saw she had closed her eyes, so I knew I had made the right decision. She opened her eyes and I leaned in and kissed her again, gently pulling her up close against me. She felt...right, like we fit together. When we pulled back, she took my hand and we went inside the house.

That night I couldn't sleep for thinking about her. I laid there between the furs, staring at the ceiling, when I noticed she was stirring. I watched her as she climbed out from between her own firs and came to stand next to where I was laying. She bent down and lifted my covering and laid down beside me. She scooted up close and reached for my arm and draped it across her stomach, her fingers intertwined with mine. We didn't do anything more than lay together, but it was the most pleasant and peaceful night I have ever had. I fell asleep breathing the sweet smell of chamomile in her hair.

HEYES' STORY

Kid had been gone without a trace for nearly two months, but I couldn't bring myself to stop looking. I had made my way slowly up the western shore of Lake Tahoe, then across the northern shore. The shoreline of Lake Tahoe covers seventy-two miles and at that point I had covered more that half of it. So I decided I'd cover the rest and then head north, deeper into the Washoe Nation. I figured if none of the towns had seen Kid, then maybe he'd headed further north. If I hadn't found him by spring, I figured I'd check in with Lom again and, if he hadn't heard anything, I figured I'd head to Porterville as that seemed like the most likely place to rendezvous if we didn't have a set place to rendezvous.

I arrive at Incline Village on a Saturday afternoon. I got a hotel room and figured I head to the saloon to build upon my quickly depleting supply of money. I ordered a beer from the bar and inquired about Kid. For the first time in over two months I got some encouraging news. The bartender pointed out a fur trader sitting alone at a table. He said earlier that man was talking about a white man living among the Washoe. I made a hasty retreat from the bar and a quick approach of the fur trader.

I introduced myself and told him I'd been told he might have some information about a white man with white hair and blue eyes living among the Washoe. He asked me why I wanted to know and I told him as much as I could without mentioning why Kid and I had split up.

He explained to me that there are actually three separate groups of Washoe. He was well spoken in the Washoe languages and said the northern group is called the "Wel Mel ti," while the Carson Valley group in the east is called the "Pau Wa lu," and the southern group is called the "Hung a lel ti." He said he wasn't certain if my partner was the white man he had heard spoke of, but he believed the white man was residing with the northern group. I asked him where in the north this group was located and he gave me good directions, saying he usually stops to trade with them every spring. I felt almost giddy with the notion of finally finding Kid.

I spent the evening playing poker and did better than I expected being that my mind was divided between the poker game and thoughts of my partner being alive and, likely well. Sleep did not come easy that night and I was up and on my way at daybreak, expecting it to take me a couple of days to reach the Washoe camp. I didn't relish sleeping out in the cold and snow for two nights in a row, but if it would bring me to the Kid, I was more than willing to face the hardship without complaint.

KID'S STORY

Red Fox and I talked a lot the next day and we were both a little surprised at just how much we had both picked up of the other's language. Whenever either one of us had a lot to say to the other, we both found ourselves slipping into and out of both languages. We had both developed a private sign language for words we could not express to each other in oral language.

Red Fox explained to me that marriages were generally pre-arranged and included a year long engagement. She explained the marriage ceremony and said the man and the woman dance together and someone, usually a parent or important elder drapes a rabbit skin blanket over the couple's shoulders, whereby they become one in marriage. I explained to her the white man's way of marrying and told her there are some variations depending a lot on religion and culture, but that the couple obtains a certificate of marriage so they have written proof that the marriage is legal and binding.

We decided that before the day was through, we'd have a talk with Flying Owl to see if she would approve of her daughter marrying a white man, and to see if I would be able to live among the Washoe people permanently. We both agreed that my living among her people would be easier for me than her living among while folks, since white folks aren't typically too abiding to such a diversified marriage.

I knew we were moving things along pretty fast, but I also knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I told her that come spring I would have to make a trip off the reservation to find my partner and explain to him what I planned to do. I asked her if she would be willing to travel with me, to meet my partner and she agreed.

So that night, Red Fox and I sat around the fire with Flying Owl and told her how we felt about each other, what our hopes and intentions would be, and asking her for permission to move forward toward the day Red Fox and I could be married. Flying Owl was actually very pleased. She said having the Spirit of the Water Babies living among her people had brought good health to the children by keeping the winter diseases away from the tribe.

Red Fox joined me under the furs again that night. She explained the the engagement year commonly involved the couple living together and included the sharing of their bodies. I hesitated, reminding her that her mother lived in the same house, but she said, because their family's often comprised extended family members, the sounds of a couple sharing themselves was always respectfully ignored by others. I still felt a might uncomfortable with that notion and told her I would need some time to think on that for a while. Red Fox was very understanding of "a culture I do not understand," as she put it, but agreed to give me time saying I likely felt the same way about her culture. We did continue to share my furs, though.

HEYES' STORY

I didn't have any trouble finding the Washoe camp, but I maintained a safe distance the day I arrived, watching the comings and goings, hoping to spot Kid, or at least determine which of the buildings he was housed in. I had left my horse tied to a tree and had climbed a hill where, laying on my belly, I had a good view of the little community of houses. The fur trader had made it sound like Kid was able to move about freely in the camp. But I watched all day, and never saw a white man.

But apparently the Washoe people saw me, or at least a few scouts or hunters did. When I could see that the sun was just beginning it's descent, I stiffly pulled myself up to return to my sorrel and find a safe place to camp. I didn't get any further than standing up and turning when I was met with half a dozen Indian men standing not more than twenty feet behind me. They had been watching me watching the camp. I smiled nervously as two of the men approached me and took my gun and frisked me right down to my boots, finding my Bowie knife and lock picks as well. One of them nudged me to turn around and they all walked me down to the encampment. I didn't know what became of my sorrel.

I looked the encampment over carefully as I was led to a house, but I saw no sign of Kid. I don't know the Washoe language, but I figured they might be able to tell by the tone of my voice that I meant no harm. So, as I was having my wrists and feet tied, I started explaining why I was there, that I was looking for my partner, that a fur trader had told me might be in the settlement. I started describing Kid and being blonde with blue eyes, six feet tall, and such. I hadn't realized I had called him Thaddeus until I noticed all of a sudden all the activity stopped and six pairs of eyes all started exchanging glances. I saw one give a nod to another one, who quickly left the house.

A few minutes later an Indian woman walked into the house, followed closely by my partner. I couldn't help but exclaim, calling him Kid and telling him how glad I was to see him. Kid looked at me and gave me a motion with his hand telling me to quiet down and I did. I was surprised to hear him say something to the woman in the Washoe language. The only word I understood was "Heyes." She was listening to him very carefully and then she spoke at length to the other men. All the time she was talking, they was all stealing quick glances at me. I noticed Kid was doing the same, but his eyes had a reassuring look to them. After a few minutes, the woman turned and nodded to Kid and he came over and untied me. I asked him if it was safe to stand and he said it was. So I stood up, turned and Kid and me looked at each other for a minute before we broke in to smiles and gave each other a hug. Then the six men walked out of the house. But, Kid and the woman stayed behind.

Being that we were now all together, Kid and I can relate most of the rest of the story just how it happened.

THEIR STORY

"God, Kid, I've been so worried about you. I thought you were dead. What happened to you? How did you end up here?"

"We've got plenty of time to talk about all that later, Heyes. You need to know there's a guard outside this door. Don't try to walk out on your own. This is Red Fox," he said and then said something in Washoe. The only word I recognized was "Heyes."

"You must have spent the whole winter here?" I asked.

Kid nodded. "You hungry?"

"Yea," Heyes replied and Kid turned and said something that sounded like 'Wa' la," and 'timme," to Red Fox. She nodded to Kid and went outside.

"Kid, what's going on?" Heyes asked. "And when did you learn to speak Washoe?"

"It's a long story, Heyes. I've been here almost three months now. I've been picking it up. I was planning to make a trip south in the spring to find you."

"Making a trip don't sound real permanent, Kid." Heyes said cautiously

"We've got a lot to talk about, Heyes. But it's going to have to wait till tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Because Red Fox and I have to explain you to a lot of people tonight. We've got to make them understand that you are welcome here. If we can do that, we might be able to move you into our place tomorrow."

"By 'our place,' you mean yours and Red Fox?"

Kid nodded. "And her mother."

Heyes couldn't help but smile. "Sounds like a right cozy arrangement you got there, Kid."

Kid didn't see the humor. "We'll talk about everything tomorrow."

Red Fox returned with some water, some bread and a bowl of stew. She walked over to Heyes but did not offer the items.

"Sit," Kid instructed.

When Heyes was seated cross-legged on the ground, Red Fox handed him the food.

"How do I say thank you, Kid?"

"Uwa anjawi," Kid replied.

Heyes smiled at Red Fox and repeated Kid's words as best he could. Red Fox nodded, the moved to stand by Kid.

"Well, make yourself comfortable, Heyes.We'll be back in the morning."

"Kid," Heyes called to his partner. Kid stopped at the door and turned.

"Is Red Fox your...?

Kid looked at Red Fox and smiled. "Ta'mo'mo'" he replied and Red Fox smiled up at him. "Means woman, Heyes."

"Ah."

The next morning, Kid arrived alone at the building where Heyes was being housed. In his hands he held two bowls of food and a bladder of water. He handed a bowl to Heyes and sat down across from him.

"I've some coffee in my saddle bags. I just don't know where my sorrel is right now," Heyes explained.

"I haven't had coffee in three months, Heyes. Even yours will likely taste good to me," Kid said with a chuckle.

"So in a nutshell, Kid, What happened?"

"Got shot by that posse. Made into some woods. Next thing I remember, I woke up here."

"I got to Carson City and waited for you. When you didn't show up, I started looking for you as soon as the snows would allow."

"Well, it took some time, but here we are," Kid replied.

"Just where are we, Kid? You and me?"

Kid hesitated before speaking.

"I see," Heyes said.

"Red Fox and I are going to be married, Heyes."

"And you're going to live here?"

"We both think it would be better. You know how a lot of white folks are toward Indians."

Heyes nodded.

"When are you getting married?"

Kid chuckled. "It's almost a year away. I want you to come to the wedding, Heyes."

Heyes smiled. "You know I wouldn't miss it, Kid."

"Her mother thinks I'm some kind of big medicine, that I can somehow protect the children from illnesses... Not looking forward to the next time a bunch of them get sick."

"Must be the blonde hair."

Kid smiled. "Nope, it's the blue eyes. She called me the Spirit leader of the Water Babies?"

"What are water babies?"

Kid shook his head. "I haven't figured that all out yet."

"Kid... are we going to be able to see each other from time to time?"

"Yep. You'll always be welcome here, Heyes. I'll make trips to a town to see you."

"Are you going to be happy living here, Kid."

Kid smiled. "I'm already happy, Heyes. Red Fox sees to that."

"What about your amnesty, Kid?"

"Got no need for amnesty here, Heyes. I guess amnesty is your goal now."

So what do we do now?"

Kid smiled. "You come stay at our house. Everyone gets to know each other, you become part of our family. When you're ready to go... you go. But you stay as long as you want, Heyes."

HEYES' STORY

I stayed for almost two weeks. I couldn't get over how easily Kid acclimated to much of the culture, although he told me about the part of the engagement that he struggled with, but I knew once he felt fully engaged in the culture, he'd find a way to overcome that obstacle. Kid was never one to avoid the attentions of a woman for any great length of time.

Kid told me the wedding was planned for the fall. He described the ceremony to me and I told him I was looking forward to the robing ceremony. Kid winked at me and told me he was too. Kid rode beside me to the edge of the reservation, where he stopped and we said our final goodbyes. It was hard letting go of Kid, but I knew he'd found the life and the woman he was destined for, and knowing that, eased the sadness a bit.

I had told Kid my plan to go to Porterville, so he would know where to find me if he ever needed to. I didn't expect him to ever need to.

KID'S STORY

The Indians don't measure time the same way white folks do. They measure sundown to sundown and full moon to full moon, and season to season. But they have no need to know it's the fourth of July or the tenth of September. After a time, I started of thinking of time the way they did.

I do know it was late 'ci gah bet' which means summer when the sickness came to the children as well as to a lot of adults. I suspect it was smallpox, delivered in the blankets the soldiers had provided. I had smallpox once and survived, so I guess I was immune. But no one in the tribe was immune.

The Washoe have specific customs, rituals when a family member dies in a home. The family leaves the home, often has it burnt to the ground before building a new home. But it was too close to the time we would be moving to the winter homesteads, so new houses weren't built.

When a family member dies, the women in the house cut their hair short as a way of showing their grief. That's what Flying Owl did. She cut her hair almost as short as mine. I carefully wrapped Red Fox in a blanket. Not an army blanket as I felt that would be disrespectful to Red Fox, to her culture, to her family. Instead, and with approval from Flying Owl, I wrapped Red Fox in the woven rabbit blanket that we had been planning to use for our wedding.

I laid Red Fox carefully, lovingly on the furs we had shared each night. Flying Owl stood in the center of the house, watching me surrender Red Fox to the Great Spirit.

Flying Owl and me stood outside the burning house, paying our last respects until that last smoldering ember extinguished itself. Then I walked Flying Owl to the home of her son, where she would become a household member of his family.

Late that day my chestnut was brought to me. My gun and holster hung from the horn of the saddle. Every fiber in my body pained me, but I mounted my horse, gave a tug on the reins, and slowly rode out of the encampment, out of the life that was mine. I didn't look back. I couldn't. Looking back would have made it permanent. I didn't want to think of it like that. I headed to the only place I could think of, to the only person who could give me solace.

HEYES STORY

As soon as I opened my door and saw Kid standing there, I knew he was hurting. I didn't know how or why Red Fox was gone, but I knew she was. Kid would share that with me many days later. But not this night. This night was for grieving. This night was for silence, for unspoken condolence, for tending a broken heart.

We sat all night on the sofa in front of the fireplace. Kid's head rested on my shoulder and he stared into the flickering flames. Not one word was spoken between us that night.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow we would start the slow process of healing.

But tonight, we sat in silence.