Note: I haven't written in years, but since I started falling for upstead I've started to have an interest in it again. This is something I started one night and have all intentions of continuing if people are interested that is lol. I know I ended in a weird spot, but I just wanted to test the waters and see if this story line is something people would wanna explore with me and enjoy reading! I have a very good idea of how I see this going and I would love to hear your inputs! Please be kind. :)

Heavy breathing and the sound of panic filled the dark bedroom. There was a sense of fear, unknowingness and pain radiating through his mind. He could feel his body trying to come to, almost as if he were drowning and begging the rushing waves for air.

"Wake up," a voice spoke.

"You're safe," the voice repeated a few times over.

Jay sprung from his pillow and instantly let out a sigh of relief. He'd been through enough of these PTSD episodes to know that once you wake up, the worst part is over. For now anyway, until something triggers your trauma filled brain and you're left talking yourself down again. He reached for a bottle of water on the stand beside him and pressed it against his cheeks. The coolness of the room temperature water brought his panic attack induced fever down a few notches. He'd learned early on that anything colder would only make matters worse.

Jay told himself that this time would be different, but it's been three weeks since he'd been released from the hospital and nights like this have pretty much become routine. The idea of this never going away doesn't scare him though, just keeps him on his toes and exhausted at all times. Being in the marines, his body and mind became accustomed to the havoc his conscious reeked.

The silence in the room leveled out the mess in Jays head. He took a sip of the water in his hand and placed it back in its permanent spot on the stand. He turned his head to check the time and slowly leaned back onto his pillows in realization that his partner would be there in a few hours to pick him up. That is what did the trick completely. He closed his eyes and soon fell into a peaceful sleep.

•••••••••••••••

The sound of Jays alarm pierced the room for well over ten minutes before he reluctantly rolled over and shut it off. The tension in his body was evident and his shoulder ached to be moved. He let out a long anticipated breath and stretched the parts of him that weren't bound together with slings and bandages. Bed ridden Jay was definitely not the happier of his personalities. Everything was different in a way that made him feel inferior and unimportant. Even putting on his own clothes was a chore, though he tried his hardest to do it on his own and relieve some of the humiliation.

Jay slowly stood from his bed and made his way into the bathroom, noting a list of household chores that needed to be done. He took pride in the fact that he was finally able to brush his teeth and change his bandages alone, though he could feel the absence of his partner standing over him. After struggling with his jeans for much longer than he'd like to admit, Jay slipped on a t-shirt and a pair of boots that he knew he wouldn't have to untie. He'd pretty much mastered every trick there is to getting dressed with only one arm after the first week or so.

Jays nostrils flared in excitement as he poured fresh coffee into a mug. He was never a big coffee drinker, at least not in the morning. But his partner insisted that it would help recharge and ready him for his day. He knew it was just a silly excuse for her to have a cup herself, but he didn't mind. And if he's being honest, carrying on the tradition is only important to him because it makes her smile. So along with his, comes an unoccupied cup that she will fill.

A light knock at the door pulled Jay away from his thoughts and into new ones. He knows that knock, he'd know it from miles away.

"Morning," Hailey Upton spoke sofly, letting herself into the apartment as she had for the last few weeks. Jay smiled and stood to greet her.

Hailey looked Jay up and down, admiring his outfit choice and secretly loving the scruff he was collecting around his face. "I'm impressed."

"You should be," Jay laughed, handing her the empty mug that had pretty much become hers.

Hailey poured herself some coffee, being sure to add just enough cream and leaned against the counter. "You get that appointment set up?"

Jays eyes widened at her words and he felt his throat start to close in on him.

Therapy. The word rang in his head like a siren.

There was no doubt in his mind that he needed it, but saying it out loud made it almost too real. The idea of being vulnerable enough to put his mental thoughts into words scared Jay more than he'd like to admit. After coming back from deployment, Jay underwent years of therapy. But only after he'd fallen off the rails and it was too much to handle. He'd only ever spoken about that time of his life once or twice and each time was with Hailey. If he were being honest, he never even realized Hailey was listening that closely back then, let alone caring so much.

"'Jay?"

"I haven't, but it's on my list."

"No it isn't," Hailey snarked, pointing at the sheet of paper on the table.

Jay cleared his throat, "That's old."

"Look, I know you don't wanna talk about it with me and that's fine, but you need to talk to someone. You took a bullet, Jay. From someone you were trying to protect. And I know with your history that you're not just going to come back from that. So I'm going to need you to actaully give this man a call today or I will."

"Okay," Jay shook his head. "I will. I promise."

A deafening silence filled the room. Hailey's eyes were red, almost with tears. They were stern and pleading. Over the course of their partnership, Jay had become her best friend, her other half.. her anchor. It puts an ache in her heart knowing that the things Jay is struggling with is something she can't control.

Jay could feel Hailey's eyes on him and he wanted nothing more than to let her know that she's right, but she's also wrong. She is the person he wants to talk to, always has been.

But if she knew the real him... the one he felt like he was becoming again, she'd leave. And he couldn't bare to lose her.

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