Sal the April Fool

It was April Fools' Day 1967. Sal was the class clown of Third Street School, and both Charles Finster and Andrew Pickles knew it. If it wasn't prank cards for Drew on Valentine's Day, it was goofy pranks on April Fools' Day.

"Well, this is it," said Chas.

"What's it?" asked Melinda.

"The end of my life as we know it," muttered Drew.

"What do you mean?" asked Melinda.

Chas replied, "You may not know this, but Drew hates April Fools' Day."

"Why?"

"Because our class clown Sal always loves to pull good-natured pranks on us during April Fools' Day."

"And that makes me angry!" cried Drew in exasperation. "Back in kindergarten, she covered my naptime mat with fake vomit! In first grade, she put a can full of bouncy snakes in my cubby and told me they were peanuts! In second grade, she put a whoopie cushion in my chair! And just last year, she tricked me into getting hit with her joy buzzer!"

"She did that with the rest of us," said Chas with a smile. "What's the difference?"

"The difference is, I'm sick and tired of Sal's insipid laughter! If she pulls one more prank on us, I'm gonna blow!"

And all through the April Fools' Day, Sal pulled her pranks on all her classmates. First, Chas sat on a whoopie cushion.

"April Fools!" cried Sal, and Chas started laughing with her.

Next, during recess, Sal said to Melinda, "Hey, what's that on the jungle gym?"

"What?" asked Melinda as she turned to look at the jungle gym, whereupon Sal put a mask on her face. When Melinda turned back, she asked, "Say, have you seen Sal?"

It was then when Sal guffawed, "April Fools!"

Melinda was laughing too as she said, "That's a good one!"

Then, during lunch, Chas, holding a glass of juice, asked Sal, "Say, Sal, could you get me a couple ice cubes?"

"Why, of course, my good man," said Sal. And she took the glass of juice, put one ice cube into the juice, and gave it back to Chas.

"Here you go," said Sal.

"Thanks," said Chas as he began to drink.

Finally, Sal blurted it out, "April Fools!"

This got Chas spitting out his drink. "I don't get it, Sal."

Sal replied, "I… I… You asked for a couple of ice cubes, as in two, but I only put in one!"

And as Sal laughed out loud, Chas smiled and said, "Well, that's almost as funny as the whoopie cushion."

Even the teacher wasn't immune from Sal's light-hearted pranks; he was given an exploding cigar. And in the teachers' lounge, as he sat down to eat, the exploding cigar blew up in his face, and he laughingly explained to the other teachers, "This was Sal's doing, an April Fools' joke if you will."

Back in the cafeteria, Drew was so annoyed by Sal's laughter that he cried out, "I can't stand it anymore! I've never had a moment's peace on April Fools' Day! Sal and her stupid pranks!"

Then, Drew got an idea, and he said to Sal, "Hey, Sal! After school, I'm gonna show you and all our classmates what a real prank is all about!"

"You are?" asked Sal. "Then, I don't need to prank you for you to get into the April Fools' spirit!"

But both Chas and Melinda noticed that Drew was smirking as he clasped Sal's hand… right before he got shocked by her joy buzzer.

And after school, Drew was setting up a trap for Sal, placing a tasty slice of cherry pie in the middle of an open snare.

Presently, all the fourth graders gathered around as Drew led Sal to the pie.

"Oh, boy! Cherry! My favorite!" she shouted with delight as she sat down to eat her snack.

But Sal didn't notice that Drew gave off a nasty grin as he cut the rope, which was weighted by a set of barbells from his father's home gym. And as she ate the pie, she had her ankles snagged by the rope, was hit with a bag of flour, was flung onto some sheets of flypaper, fell face first into Drew's own dirty laundry, and, because the hamper was rigged with a springy mattress, was sent flying into a vat full of honey. And when Sal finally got out of the honey, she ended up falling into a bag full of eider down, which Drew had provided himself.

And to his horrified classmates, Drew exclaimed while cackling, "April Fools!"

Poor Sal was so upset and humiliated that when she saw her parents driving by, she immediately ran to them, sobbing, "Mom! Dad!"

Of all the fourth graders, no one could help but feel sorry for Sal as she cried in her father's arms. And they all glared at Drew as he steadily stopped laughing and started cringing to see his own classmates displeased with him.

"You've got some issues to work out, Drew," said Melinda with a scowl.

And Chas added, "April Fools… jerk!"

Drew then asked, "But how come whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong?"

Then, he heard a deep, booming voice: "Andrew Pickles! What on earth have you done?!"

Drew looked up and saw that it was his father and mother, who, along with Sal and her father, ware absolutely furious at him!

"Uh-oh."

And Lou said to Drew, "You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Reducing a girl to tears, and on April Fools' Day, no less!"

"Oh, oh, Pop," Drew chuckled sheepishly. "I was… I was only joking!"

"Well, that joke was terrible," said Sal's father as he led her back to her mother.

Lou snarled, "You shall have to apologize to Sal for your cruel and twisted prank."

And, reluctantly, Drew looked at Sal as he said, "Sorry, Sal."

Trixie added, "And as punishment, you're grounded for the entirety of April, with no TV!"

"No TV?!" cried Drew. Then he asked, "Am I still allowed to go to school?"

"You have to go to school!"

"WHAT?!"

And Lou and Trixie dragged Drew to their car to drive him and Stu back home.

Then, Chas and Melinda came to Sal. Chas said, "It's okay, Sal. Drew's gone."

"You no longer have to worry about him," said Melinda. "We'll get you all cleaned up, and you'll feel all better."

And once Sal was cleaned up, she did feel better. In fact, she said to Chas and Melinda, "Thanks a lot, you two. Now I feel very much like pranking again!"

And she put Chinese finger cuffs on Chas and had Melinda press her joy buzzer as all three kids laughed together and shouted, "April Fools!"