Tittle : NaruHina, How to Build Happy Lesbian Family.
Summary : Naruko thought her life couldn't get any weirder when her girlfriend tells her about the little accident at the hospital. Seems the doctor mixed up the rooms and now Hinata is pregnant. The reality of Hinata's radiant glow—and growing waistline—finally convinces Naruko to accept that she's about to become a parent.
Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto or any anime characters that I use for this story. Please support the official releases.
Categories: AU, AR, Crossover, Gender Bender, Romance, Yuri, Family, Comedy, Slice of Life.
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AN: This story is set in normal world where Naruko and Hinata is in their mid twenties having normal life. Like my previous Naruto story, I also include other series anime character in the story. Hope you enjoy.
Warning! This story contains yuri (girl x girl) pairings and small amount of lemon scenes. If you don't like the story please don't read. Simple.
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Characters
Naruko: The protagonist of the story. She was based of the female version of Naruto Uzumaki.
Hinata: Naruko's lesbian lover. She was based of the canon Hinata Hyuuga.
Himawari: Naruko's and Hinata's daughter. She was based of the canon Himawari Uzumaki.
Sakura: Naruko's best friend. She was based of the canon Sakura Haruno.
Kushina: Naruko's rich mother. She was based of the canon Kushina Uzumaki.
Roxanne: An elderly maid from England that work for Kushina.
Hanabi: Hinata's delinquent younger sister. She was based of the canon Hanabi Hyuuga.
Hikari: Hinata's and Hanabi's religious mother.
Anko: Naruko's sadistic editor. She was based of the canon Anko Mitarashi.
Dr. Orochimaru: Naruko's theraphist. He was based of the canon Orochimaru.
Ino: One of Hinata's worker in her orchid nursery. She was based of the canon Ino Yamanaka.
Pyrrha: Hinata's friend and ex-girlfriend. She was based of Pyrrha Nikos from RWBY.
Ravel: One of Naruko's writers group friend. She was based of Ravel Phenex from High School DXD.
Yuuto: One of Naruko's writers group friend. He was based of Yuuto Kiba from High School DXD.
Iroha: One of Naruko's writers group friend. She was based of Iroha Isshiki from Oregairu.
Hisano: One of Naruko's writers group friend. She was based of Hisano Kuroda from Persona 4.
Mordred: A genius kid Naruko met in children care friend. She was based of Mordred from the Fate series.
Altria: Mordred's mother. She was based of Saber from the Fate series.
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"I hear rumor you're holed up here pouting," Sakura said to her best friend as she stood in the doorway.
"I am not! I'm working! I have a lot of editing to do and it's not going well," Naruko replied as she sat at her desk.
Naruko's two shiba inu dogs, sat next to her with mournful looks on their doggy faces as if mimicking the mood of their mistress. They had been taken into her custody while she nursed her hurt pride and her smashed aorta. They seemed to ache for new company as Naruko had been so quiet and self-absorbed. Fortunately for them, Sakura had appeared like their fairy dog mother.
Sakura scooted Kuro, the black dog, away from her crotch.
"I swear Naruko, your dog reaches my cervix when she does that."
Naruko looked up.
"The dog wants to work for the TSA as an official underwear sniffer in search of contraband."
Sakura laughed.
"What are you doing up here, anyway?"
Naruko's attention returned to the task at hand, primarily getting rid of Sakura so she could get back to work. She was now horribly behind because the household crisis had distracted her.
"Hinata-chan called me. She's worried about you. This is the longest you've held out and she really wants to talk."
Sakura moved a stack of papers and sat on the gray leather couch.
"Geez, this place is a mess. At least clean your place."
Naruko studied her best friend. Average height and thin body with shoulder-length pink hair, Sakura had a small-almost none existent-breast but not unattractive face. Sakura hated this fact but worked hard to conceal it. Naruko had told her she had what anime otaku community referred to as a flat moe. This did not hearten her, having never watch anime.
"I know where everything is."
But she conceded that the writing studio was a scary place. It had been a guesthouse of questionable nature. She would never have allowed anyone to stay in it except her mother, whom she loathed. She and Hinata had completely gutted the inside and started over. It was utilitarian pine—wood floors, a coat of sunflower yellow paint, a cast-off couch, a wooden coffee table full of nicks and stains, and three burgundy wingback chairs Naruko had dug out of her mother's attic which was filled with unwanted furniture.
"What is all this anyway?"
Sakura pointed to the wall and then the ceiling. Cork panels ran the length of one wall at eye level where Naruko attached her storyboards. She'd run a cord from the front of the studio to the back where she hung index cards that held her character notes.
"It's how I keep track of things."
"I thought you had it all in your head."
"That's a common misconception."
"Oh, you authors are so misunderstood. Now, when are you going to talk to your girlfriend? It's really stupid that I have to drive from the city when you two are only separated by a few steps."
"The studio is half an acre from the house," Naruko informed her.
"Yeah, yeah. Why the heck you live in the middle of nowhere, I'll never understand."
"I like the mountain views and my flower garden and it's not technically the middle of nowhere. It is thirty-eight miles north of downtown. A mere forty minutes from the conveniences of Konoha's largest city."
"You sound just like the realtor that sold you the house five years ago. You live up here because you hate people. Just admit it."
"You know me so well we could be kindred spirits."
Naruko glanced down at her notebook and thought of Anne of Green Gables and wished she had been as fortunate as that vivacious orphan in the kindred spirits department.
"Don't be so hard on Hinata-chan. I'm sure there's a good explanation hiding in there somewhere."
"Like immaculate conception. You can tell her they used to stone adulteresses in the virgin birth days. I'd like to know how you'd feel if your significant other had been puking every morning for a month, finally goes to the doctor and comes home to tell you she's pregnant."
"You're overreacting."
Sakura scratched Shiro's head as the white dog climbed up beside her on the couch. Kuro was napping at her feet.
"Go away, Sakura. I'm not in the mood."
Naruko turned back to her desk and tapped her pencil.
"I can see where I'm not wanted. I'm going to talk to Hinata-chan."
Shiro licked Sakura face.
"At least you like me, Shiro-chan~"
"She's not home."
"For someone who doesn't care you're sure keeping tabs on her."
"Don't you have a dance class or something?"
Naruko opened another of her notebooks and began scribbling.
"This is my rest day. Why don't you call me when you're done brooding."
"I'm not brooding! I told you I'm working!"
Sakura gave the dogs another pat on the head and left.
Naruko's notebook blurred as her eyes filled with tears. She quickly wiped them away. She never cried unless something incredibly painful occurred like the time she fell off the pump house roof and dislocated her shoulder. She had cried and then puked.
She could cry, she told herself. First, she'd been angry and now she was depressed. How had this happened to them? Hinata wasn't one to stray. She had been pursued a time or two but that was to be expected owing to Hinata's very pleasing countenance, but she laughed them off as idle infatuations. No one could ever replace Naruko in her heart. Or so she had said.
(◕ω◕✿)
The dogs woke up and barked at the French doors that opened up onto the small deck. Naruko saw Hinata's car pull up in the driveway. That used to be a happy sound. It meant an end to her solitary day. The orchid nursery that Hinata ran was just outside the small town ten miles away. They decided when Hinata started the business that having it on the property wasn't a good idea—too close to home. The nursery employed people and Naruko disliked most of the human race. She was certain that she was a modern descendant of the anchorites that lived in caves—communing only with God so the story went. She figured it was just their excuse to steer clear of people.
She looked over at the dogs.
"You're staying put. Don't be traitors to the cause."
Kuro sat down obediently. Shiro took one look at the door and sailed out the loose end of the screen that had served as a doggie door ever since they broke through it to chase a rabbit. Naruko too lazy to bothered to fix it. Kuro followed suit.
"Come back here you stupid dogs!" Naruko yelled.
They were on the stairs and across the front yard by the time Hinata was in the gate with a bag of groceries.
"Hi, girls," she said, before they floored her and she dropped the groceries.
"Girls, girls, get down!" Naruko yelled as she ran across the yard. The dogs had crushed a carton of eggs and were licking the yolks with great fervor. She stuck her fingers in her mouth and let out a piercing whistle. Both dogs stopped licking the sidewalk and sat at attention—Alpha had spoken.
"You're grounded! Report to your room immediately!"
They slunk, tails between their legs, to the sunroom.
"They'll both get sick now," Hinata said, her beautiful lavender eyes not meeting Naruko's blue. She pulled back her long dark blue hair, arranged it into a pony tail like she so often did—the gesture broke Naruko's heart. She tried to pick up the egg shells while Naruko salvaged the rest of the groceries. Hinata started to cry.
"Naru-chan, I can't live like this."
They were still kneeling. Naruko saw her wretchedness.
"H-Hey, don't cry."
She reached out and held her.
"I miss you. I miss the dogs."
"I miss you too."
Naruko brushed away her tears.
"Come on, let's get the rest of this inside then I'll hose what's left of the eggs off the sidewalk."
Naruko didn't know if going back to the house was her anger caving in or the simple resignation of her depression. She couldn't live without Hinata, anymore than Hinata could live without her, whatever this was they'd get through it.
They carried what was left of the groceries into the sunroom where Kuro and Shiro were sitting like perfect angels who had no prior memory of their transgression.
"Right. You two are still in trouble. Five minutes of grounding."
She held up five fingers. Not only did the dogs understand voice commands when they deemed fit, they also responded to hand signals, because those most often supplied treats. Both dogs went to their beds. Naruko put the milk and butter in the fridge.
The phone rang and Hinata picked it up.
"This is she. Hello, Dr. Amane."
Naruko reached over and clicked on the speakerphone.
"We regret to inform you that it appears that your chart was mixed up with another woman with the same last name. You were both scheduled for the same time slot last month on the second. This produced some complications as you were scheduled for a pap smear and she was scheduled for artificial insemination. This is most regrettable. If you decide to keep the baby we will, of course, pay all medical costs."
"How about a fucking college education for the kid, you dumbass! And how come it took you so long to figure out how it happened!? Were your files like the lost dead sea scrolls!?" Naruko shouted at the phone.
Dr. Amane cleared her throat. She appeared to realize her ass was in a sling. Naruko savored the moment. She'd spent four days in relationship purgatory. Now, it was her turn to sweat.
Hinata pointed to the living room.
"Go sit. Right now."
Naruko stomped off toward the living room, but not before she turned around and scowled at the phone.
"I'm sorry. My girlfriend is a little upset by all this."
"A little!?" Naruko shouted from the living room.
Hinata finished the call without the speakerphone. She came and sat on the couch next to Naruko.
"She says I can terminate it."
"I'm sorry I doubted you."
Naruko felt the weight of ultimate contrition.
Hinata took her hand.
"I didn't mean for this to happen."
"I know. It's not your fault. It's just so… unsettling."
It was the only word she could think of to describe this. She liked things ordered and settled. She chewed the cuticle of her forefinger. There had been incidences where mix-ups occurred. Mark Twain used it in Pudd 'nhead Wilson. It was the entire premise of the book, but then one had to adhere to Coleridge's willing suspension of disbelief. She couldn't see how it would work in this instance. If she had used this premise in one of her novels her editor would have tossed the idea as preposterous, yet what didn't ride in fiction was here in fact.
"I just don't understand it. Didn't you think something was odd? I mean a pap smear and artificial insemination are extremely different procedures."
"Not really. I mean, you sit on the exam table, spread your legs, scoot down like they tell you and relax like they tell you, which is virtually impossible, and the doctor sticks something cold up there. The nurse did wish me good luck, but I just thought she hoped that I didn't have cervical cancer."
Hinata frowned.
Naruko took a deep breath.
"It's a horrid mistake. Someone should have checked."
"I know. They were busy that day and they made a mistake."
"A major fuck-up is more like it."
She looked over at Hinata who appeared more miserable than Naruko felt.
"It's all right. We'll get through it. We always do."
She took Hinata's face in her hands and kissed her softly.
Naruko got up to go. She needed to go to the writing studio and think. She did her best thinking there, like Winnie the Pooh, who sat on a log and thought, usually about honey.
Hinata pleaded, "Please, don't go."
She gave her that look which would make Naruko chew off her own arm if Hinata asked her to. She sat down and tried to look cheerful. Hinata wrapped her arms around Naruko's neck and then kissed it. Naruko's brain did a loop-de-loop and thoughts of Hinata's warm body reminded her of the four days of deprivation. She kissed her, their tongues getting reacquainted.
Hinata kissed her harder. She pushed Naruko down on the couch and reached for her. She pulled off Naruko's T-shirt and ran her hand up her stomach, sending shivers across her body. Hinata reached under her sports bra and caressed her nipple, taking it in her mouth and running her tongue around it. She undid her shorts, slipping her hand under Naruko's underwear.
"I missed this," she said, pushing her fingers inside Naruko who wrapped her legs around her and moaned.
"Me too."
She struggled with Hinata's jeans. Hinata helped her with her free hand until Naruko found what she was looking for. They moved against one another with the precision of years of practice. Naruko came first and Hinata followed up momentarily. Naruko liked that. It made her feel like they were in sync.
They lay there for a moment in a tangle of clothes.
"Want to take a nap?" Naruko asked.
"I'd love to. I haven't been sleeping well lately."
"Me either. If you're not there to steal all the covers I don't feel right." She got up and took Hinata's hand helping her up.
"I don't steal the covers. You throw them off when you're hot and then roll on top of them."
"And then you steal them," Naruko said, as they climbed the stairs.
"I'm going to get a video camera installed in our room."
"Ooh, I didn't know you were that kinky. Pervert Hina-chan, " Naruko teased.
"Not for that! I only wanted one so I can prove my point."
Naruko pulled back the covers. She watched as Hinata took off her T-shirt. She'd never tire of her body, her round firm breasts, her curvy hips and her flat smooth stomach.
"What?"
"I love you," Naruko said.
Hinata pushed her back on the bed and then climbed on top of her.
"More?"
(◕ω◕✿)
When Naruko awoke, pink and yellow covered the mountains outside the bedroom window. Twilight had set in and she knew they'd had a good long nap. She rolled over. Hinata was on her side and she was crying.
"What's wrong?"
Hinata turned to face her.
"I don't want to kill the baby."
Naruko wiped away her tears.
"Oh, that."
She hadn't given it much thought. She was still basking in their reuniting—the other problem had taken a back seat.
"Well, we don't have to go that route, exactly," she said, although she couldn't think of another route. She didn't like the idea of Hinata being some sort of baby-maker that turned her baby over to someone else after it was born. It didn't seem the correct choice for them.
Hinata started to cry again. Between sobs, and she said, "I know this isn't what you wanted, but he or she is here now, with us."
Naruko rolled on her back and studied the ceiling. The bedroom windows were pumped full of setting sun. She would suck at parenting. What if it was a boy—how was she going to teach him to pee? Did boys inherently know how to hold it? This was big—far bigger than she'd ever be ready for. Of course, everything they'd done so far was a risky adventure that always panned out in the end. Why not this?
Hinata sniffled.
"Naru-chan?"
"I'll have to take parenting classes because I'm not going to be good at it."
"No, you won't. You can do anything you set your mind to." Hinata wiped away her tears and suddenly looked resolute.
This made Naruko apprehensive. Hinata had sallied forth and it was her duty to follow. She gathered up her limited things-I'm-good-at-resources and said, "Can I pick out the clothes and read to him or her?"
Aside from writing, those were the only two things that came to mind. She loved to shop and loved to read. This kid would have everything, including a well-stocked library, but not be spoiled. She didn't know how she'd work that one out, but she was certain there must be a way.
"Anything you want, love." Hinata kissed her.
Naruko rummaged around for her own clothes.
"My mother will be ecstatic."
She found Hinata's underwear and one sock.
"I hadn't thought of that."
Naruko heard trepidation in her tone, but then anything to do with Kushina gave trepidation.
"Do you think the dogs have figured out they're no longer grounded?"
"I'm certain Kuro can count."
Hinata handed Naruko her bra which was under her pillow for some reason.
"I can just see her, one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand."
Hinata hugged her.
"I love you."
"You're not so bad yourself."
"Naru-chan!"
"I love you, too."
Naruko knew that this might turn out to be the best decision of her life or at least she hoped so. She wasn't necessarily a believer in happy endings. Perhaps it was all those Brothers Grimm fairy tales her mother had read her as a child. Kushina had odd child-rearing methods.
(◕ω◕✿)
"How the heck did that happen!?" Sakura screamed into her cell phone.
"Clerical error," Naruko replied, as she flipped through the Lands' End catalog for kids.
"I thought it was a biological thing."
"They got her mixed up with another woman."
Naruko earmarked the page with the cute flannel baby outfit. Yellow would be good—a nice gender-neutral color.
"Like when the surgeon cuts off the wrong leg?"
"Er, something like that."
That cutting off the leg thing certainly stuck in everyone's head, Naruko mused.
"Can I decorate the baby's room?" Sakura asked. There was a gasp. "Next week she'll be two months along. We better get going."
"I think seven months will give us enough time."
Interior design was one thing Sakura was good at. She'd done wonders with the furniture purchases and placement in the unusual floor plan of Naruko and Hinata's house. Classified as passive solar, the house was a long rectangle with large windows along the entire front of the house which made furniture placement a difficulty, but the house was energy efficient and that made Naruko feel very cool and green. Naruko closed the catalog and spun around in her chair to look at her early blooming flowers in the jewel garden. The daffodils and crocus were beginning to flower, dotting the garden with bursts of yellow and white.
"When you coming to town?" Sakura inquired.
"Tomorrow. I have to go to the psychiatrist."
This didn't appear to faze Sakura which Naruko thought was good. Not everyone handled having a crazy person for their best friend. Naruko could have been going to the dentist not the behavioral science building.
"Call me when you're done and we'll go shopping. I'll work out a color scheme. Have you told Kushina yet?" Sakura asked, effortlessly switching gears.
"No, but I will."
She was going to try for that night, but wanted to see if Hinata was up for it and didn't want to commit if she bailed. Potentially unpleasant activities could, in all good conscience, be put off. She did it with Anko, her editor, all the time so what was the difference.
"I wish I could be there."
Naruko heard pining in her voice.
"I'd invite you, but this is a private family moment and I don't know how my mom is going to take it."
"I know."
There was a heavy sigh.
Naruko felt bad.
"I'll give you all the details."
"Swear?"
"Girl Scout's honor."
Naruko held up two fingers.
"Haha, you got thrown out for being a belligerent anarchist."
"I know, but I was a kid then. As an adult, I make oaths with complete sincerity."
"Right. Well, I'm off to dance class."
"Have you seen Ravel at class lately?" Naruko inquired as Ravel had missed their last meeting.
Ravel Hyuodou was in Naruko's writing group. She compulsively exercised and wrote thrillers, but her protagonists always ended up in the gym and the story got stuck there.
"No, her husband is keeping close tabs on her. Her psychiatrist advised cutting down on her exercise classes because she's excessive. She says she's concentrating more on her writing."
"We'll find out next group meeting."
Which, come to think of it was her turn to host. This meant she'd have to shovel out the writing studio and soon.
Naruko clicked off and got back to work. To keep on schedule, she had to write fifteen pages a day. She turned to her notebook and began scribbling, letting her imaginary world take-over. It was more comforting than the real world. In her world, she controlled everything.
Hinata was home from work. The dogs dashed out the broken screen doggy door and were across the front yard before Naruko had shut her notebook, got up and stretched. If anyone thought the writing life was glamorous they were sadly misinformed. Sitting was difficult for the hyperactive. Her back hurt, her fingers cramped up and her mind was tired from creating an entire universe in her cerebral cortex.
From the front yard, she heard Hinata cooing and fawning over the dogs. Naruko imagined Hinata as a mother. She'd make a great mother, a perfect mix of love and discipline. She herself was the one who needed serious reconstruction. One of her writing manuals purported that any subject could be mastered by spending sixty days in a decent library. Was the same possible with parenting?
Naruko made her way down to the sunroom and kissed Hinata.
"How was your day?" Hinata asked, as she scratched first Kuro's ears and then Shiro's.
"Well spent and yours?"
"Profitable."
That was Hinata's keyword for she sold a lot of orchids or she got a wicked deal on a shipment of orchids. She looked radiant. Had her pregnancy already given her that glow people always talk about?
"Are you still willing to have that chat with Kushina?"
Hinata smiled.
"No time like the present."
She said it without cringing. Naruko was impressed.
"We'll feed the dogs and then come over during her cocktail hour."
"Is she more amiable then?"
Naruko nodded.
"More like less argumentative. Her combat skills are slightly impaired."
She bounced a tennis ball for Shiro who caught it in midair.
"At least that's in our favor," Hinata said, as she opened the kitchen door.
Naruko followed her in. The dogs came in behind them. Hinata set her bag on the counter and retrieved two biscuits from the treat jar. She indicated down with her hand and both dogs sat. She gave them their biscuits and patted their heads.
"Let's get it over with," Naruko said, filling the dog bowls with kibble and trying to look cheerful.
(◕ω◕✿)
Kushina Uzumaki lived in an enormous house in Konoha City. The silos of the missiles that were part of Konoha Air Force Base were ostensibly in her backyard. She liked it that her property was protected in the finest manner. It went well with the rest of her well-deserved privileged life. Every time Naruko pulled up in the circular driveway with its automatic black wrought iron gates—the letter "U" prominently displayed—she wondered about all this privilege and how much of it was truly deserved. Not that Naruko had not benefited from the money—but she saw it as fortuitous, not a right. Animes of the horrors of the poor often popped into her head: Binbou Shimai Monogatari, Tokyo Godfathers and Flanders no Inu. She was simply a member of the Lucky Sperm Club and guilt welled up.
"Her gardens always look so beautiful," Hinata said, as they passed through the sakura trees that lined the drive. Behind them lay manicured lawns and flower beds. There was a pond and a stone wall section lined with topiaries.
"Yeah, and it takes two full-time gardeners and a lot of water."
She parked in front of the house—a brick colonial something like certain resident rich of Turkey Hill. They'd driven Naruko's car, a steel yellow Volkswagen Beetle. The car irritated her mother because it wasn't flashy. It was 'the People's car,' Naruko had informed her.
"People without means, kind of car," was her mother's retort.
She didn't want her mother to think that just because she was going to be a grandmother that their mother-daughter feud had come to an end. Driving the peasant car would have signified that.
Roxanne answered the door.
"What a surprise!"
She hugged both Naruko and Hinata, her elderly face beaming with delight.
"She said nothing about you coming."
"We wanted it that way," Naruko said.
"Kushina-sama's in the living room having her medicine." She ushered them through.
Naruko gazed at the old maid with affection. She was from England. She saw Kushina as her glorious benefactor. Kushina could do no wrong. Her mother, quite out of character, was amazingly kind and generous to Roxanne, who in turn excused any of Kushina's bad behavior. Subsequently, the evening cocktails were referred to as "medicine" versus a problem with the bottle.
They walked down the statue-lined marble hallway to the living room. Roxanne offered to bring iced tea.
"Is that good, Ojou-sama?"
"Perfect," Naruko said, as they entered the completely white living room decorated in what Naruko referred to as overdone heaven.
"To what do I owe this honor?" Kushina said, waving a hand. Lithe with aristocratic facial features and long red hair, Kushina was still beautiful at fifty.
"We have some news," Naruko said, taking a seat next to Hinata on the blue leather couch.
"Oh, yes. I wondered when you were going to tell me. You know, Hinata-chan, we will have to sue."
Legs crossed, Kushina sipped her martini and studied them from where she sat on the barstool before the white vinyl wet bar.
"Sakura told you. I'm going to kill her," Naruko said. "She couldn't be here, so she beat me to the punch. That little bitch."
"You'll do no such tiling. She couldn't help herself. When she first found out she was afraid you'd be mean and keep it to yourself as some sort of punishment."
Kushina narrowed her eyes, as if to test her theory.
"Now, why would I do that? We're here aren't we? I told her we'd come tonight," Naruko said.
Roxanne brought in a tray with the pitcher of iced tea and two glasses. She gave Naruko that warning look she always did when beverages other than vodka were being served in the white room. Naruko nodded.
"We'll be careful."
Roxanne withdrew from the room. Naruko poured them both a glass and squeezed in lemon from the little silver bowl on the tray. Roxanne thought of everything.
"We didn't intend to leave you out," Hinata said. She sipped her tea and was silent. They'd decided that this was Naruko's gig and that she should handle it.
"We had some things to sort out. It wasn't exactly like Hina-chan chose motherhood," Naruko said, getting irritated. She got up and grabbed three of her mother's favorite Faberge eggs from the sofa table. She juggled them. Kushina pretended not to notice. Over the years full of arguments, Naruko had become adept at juggling.
"Motherhood is never chosen," Kushina replied.
"Gag me," Naruko said.
"We're still going to sue," Kushina said, calmly sipping her drink.
"They offered to pay all medical expenses," Hinata said.
"Poppycock. Raising a child is an expensive endeavor. Don't I know."
She pointedly stared at Naruko who scowled back.
"I don't remember you working at McDonald trying to make ends meet," Naruko said.
Kushina waved her off.
"We're going to sue for damages and enough money for a well-financed trust fund. That child will be going to prestigious schools when I'm done."
"Umm, I don't think that's necessary," Hinata said, sweatdropping.
Kushina ignored her.
"I'll take care of everything. I called Mizuki."
Mizuki was their nasty, slimy, family lawyer. Naruko loathed him.
"And your fucked-up years are over," Kushina said, pointing at Naruko.
"Excuse me? Please, not in front of the child," Naruko reprobated.
"Child?"
"The shrimp in Hinata's uterus. She'll have eyes and ears any day. She could have them now for all we know."
Naruko threw the Faberge eggs higher. Long-distance juggling required more skill. If she ever quit writing she could join the circus.
"How do you know the baby is a she? And as a matter of biology, he or she doesn't have ears yet," Kushina said.
"But he or she will, so we all have to watch our language," Hinata said, looking at Naruko who had the filthiest mouth of them all.
Kushina got off the barstool and slid the ottoman over, propping up Hinata's feet and fluffing a pillow to put behind her back. Naruko, who had never seen her mother give a flying fuck about anyone, was astonished. Although Hinata did look a bit like a rag doll her mother was playing with, Hinata smiled, did not speak and sipped her iced tea. She has the class of the ages, Naruko thought. She studied her mother carefully.
"As I was saying," Kushina said. She put one hand on her hip, jutted one foot forward and clutched her martini. "Your fucked up years are over. You're going to be a mother. It's time you behave and live up to your responsibilities."
Naruko stopped juggling in shock at this revelation. She managed to catch two of the Faberge eggs. They all watched the third one go sailing off. Hinata stuck out her hand, and like the lucky spectator at a baseball game, caught the egg. Naruko placed the other two eggs in their stands. The gravity of being a parent hit her full force. Her mother was right.
"C-Can I have a martini?"
"Hah! I knew you'd come around." Kushina set her martini down and went to sit by Hinata. "Together, we can reform her. More tea?"
Hinata nodded.
Naruko refilled her glass and mixed herself a martini. The drink was vile, but it did straighten up her nerves.
"Supposing my fucked-up years are over what are these next years going to be?"
She went back to the white vinyl bar and swung around on the stool.
"These will be the butter years. I've always likened the growing periods of a person's life to bread. First, there is the yeast rising, kneading and rolling—the form your choices make as to the course of your life. Then there's die baking, your life actions brought to fruition. As your life choices bring success there's buttering the bread."
"And then you're toast," Naruko said, unimpressed by the lengthy metaphor.
"Where do the… *ahem* fuck-up years come in?" Hinata said.
"Improper kneading," Kushina said, pointing at Naruko.
"I think it's a bad batch of yeast. That stuff does expire, you know." She grimaced as she sipped her martini, it was awful stuff.
"The center falls in and the loaf is misshapen."
"More like incorrect oven temperature—the cook's fault," Naruko retorted.
"Subsequently, a work gone awry." Kushina pursed her lips.
"In Wonka Land." Naruko said, referring to the imaginary world her mother had created. She felt sure this would put an end to the banal metaphors about stupid bread.
Kushina smiled. Naruko, having thought she'd gotten the best of the debate, was perplexed.
"You remember Wonka Land?" Kushina inquired of Naruko.
"I plan on continuing the tradition." She snagged a cocktail olive and went to sit by Hinata.
"Umm… what's Wonka Land?" Hinata said.
Kushina got up and poured herself another martini. She looked at Naruko. If Kushina was quiet it meant the floor was relinquished to the next speaker.
"My odious cousin, Menma, used to visit in the summer. He thought Peter Pan was a faggot, so Mom came up with Wonka Land to keep him quiet. It was a magical place where good and evil battle—like an amalgamation of Alice in Wonderland and The Chronicles of Narnia with a little of Kipling's The Jungle Book thrown in. It was really quite amazing."
"Maybe you should've been a writer," Hinata said. She was notorious for trying to find a career for Kushina. She was always telling Naruko that a woman of her mother's intelligence needed an outlet.
Kushina waved her hand.
"Hmph, they were just silly stories meant to kill a summer's afternoon, but I think I did instill a sense of storytelling into the children. It's a pity someone's talent is not put towards more serious literature."
Naruko pursed her lips. Kushina was back to being Kushina. Once again, she had thrown away the opportunity to remove the barbed wire that surrounded herself and Naruko, squandering it like pocket change with complete disregard for its worth.
"Maybe you should write the Wonka Land chronicles. Look at that Harry Potter lady. She's insanely rich. Certainly you could do that instead of wasting your time with these happy go lily of yours." Kushina threw her arms up in the air like she was at her wit's end with an errant teenager.
"Someone, someone famous," Naruko added, "once said that there are two great tragedies in life—not getting what you want or getting what you want."
"Phish. I just think your talents are being wasted."
She finished her martini.
"Are you staying for dinner?"
"No. We're meeting Sakura to look at baby furniture," Naruko said.
"But I thought…" Hinata started to say, but Naruko squeezed her arm. "That's right, she's helping us design the nursery."
"We'll grab a bite out," Naruko said.
"Off you go then," Kushina said. She hooked another martini and walked out with as much dignity as she could muster down the hall toward the kitchen.
Once in the car, Hinata asked, "Why did you do that to her, Naruko? She's lonely and wanted you to stay for dinner."
Naruko started the car.
"I'm punishing her."
"Why?"
"I'll never be good enough. It doesn't matter that I've published eleven books when there's a million writers who aren't even published. She doesn't like what I write so all my efforts are nothing but a cipher in her opinion."
"You could tell her you branched into mystery novels and it's coming along nicely," Hinata suggested.
Naruko shifted the car into reverse. Hinata put on her seat belt and firmly placed her head on the head rest. Naruko slammed her foot down on the gas pedal and screamed down the driveway.
"It shouldn't matter and besides it would ruin all the fun."
"How long is this feud over your career going to go on?" Hinata glanced at her side view mirror.
"Ever heard of the Tom & Jerry wars?"
Naruko steered a hard right and barely cleared the stone pillars of the entrance gate. She checked her skid marks. They were impressive enough. She nodded her satisfaction.
Then her cell phone rang. The ring tone was Naruko's favorite indie band song, "The Devils Went Down to High School."
Hinata frowned.
"You told me you were going to change that."
"I did, it used to be "Devils with the Pervert." She clicked on her cell phone.
"Three words, baby-on-board," her mother said.
"Right."
"Bye, bye, Mama." Kushina hung up.
"Damn it," Naruko said, as she drove carefully down the street.
"Let me guess, no more racing down the driveway backward."
"You got it."
.
.