You're The Reason

How many weeks had passed since she last saw him? Three or four at least. Sighing heavily, Temari gently rakes her fingertips through her hair, combing thick golden locks into her final ponytail; stormy aquamarine orbs narrow as the blonde jerks it tight with a hair elastic. The frustration was undeniable, here she was in Shikamaru's village and he was nowhere to be seen. Initially, she mused to herself that he must've been slacking off somewhere; but the strategist preferred complaining head-on in recent years. Instead, she heard through the grapevine that the newly appointed Hokage had requested his assistance; according to her comrades, he was on an S Class mission as the strategic lead.

"I thought he would be back in time to attend the ambassador summit," Temari grumbles under her breath; weathered alabaster hands gripping the bathroom vanity as she gazed deeply into the mirror. Taking a deep breath, the kunoichi's eyes remained fixed on her visage; a small part of her couldn't help but feel something wasn't right, usually, she would at least see him wandering around the village after hours. But this time, not a trace; it was highly peculiar. I could just go past his home to see if he's back. That wouldn't be odd, would it? She wanders silently, pushing away from the vanity and walking out of the room.

There was no doubt that their relationship had become somewhat more complicated since the war had drawn to a close; initially, the pair were comrades as they always had been. He would say something clever or lazy and she poked fun at him, plain and simple; his reactions were always fatigued yet amused despite her comments nearly always being at his expense. As time went on, she slowly found herself trying to avoid spending longer with him than necessary; a feeble attempt to silence the strange flutter in her chest. But nothing she did seemed to deter him from seeking out her company, he even invited her on a date shortly after the conclusion of the war; a shockingly bold move that took her by surprise at the time. Unfortunately, despite the date going quite well, nothing had come of it since due to their hectic schedules; which was irritating to say the least.

Fingertips trace across the cold glass window as the kunoichi walked into the main section of her hotel room, peering outside onto the balcony; the calming sound of the rain washing over her as she gazed out into the distance. A kind smile teases at the corners of her lips as she watches locals race through the streets trying to stay out of the wet weather.

The gentle rattle of the door handle unlocking immediately seized her attention, causing the blonde to turn and come face to face with her dripping wet brother; Kankuro. Something wasn't right, his usually jolly expression was masked by nervous energy, the likes of which she hadn't seen in quite some time. His eyes momentarily lock with hers before looking elsewhere; "You know how there was that rumour that the fire nation had an S Class mission in operation?" he notes, peeling off his jacket and dropping it in a moist pool at his feet.

"Yes, of course I know about that," Temari states matter-of-factly; arms plaiting across her chest as she looked back at him unsurely. "Where are you going with this?" she urges, heart palpitating as her gaze remained fixed on his visage, Nothing is a secret for very long in this village.

"Well, apparently it was focused on hunting down a few of those white Zetsu's that were missed during the war somehow. I just saw medics rushing to the gate about fifteen minutes ago. There were casualties on that mission," he blurts out, anxiety building as he spoke. "You don't think there's an army of white Zetsu still, do you? I don't think we could handle another army like that just yet."

In that moment, it felt as if time itself stopped. Her breathing became haggard as she struggled to process the information that had just been disclosed and what it might mean. Without even thinking twice about it, Temari found herself rushing out of the hotel room, her shoulder brushing past her sibling's as she made her way outside. The icy rain showers down upon her, drenching her form as bare feet slammed against the ground; mud squelching between her toes and flicking up her legs as she tried her best to remain somewhat level headed.

There was no doubt that her priorities differed to that of both her brothers, that had always been the case. But hearing Kankuro state that news in such a casual and egoistical manner was perturbing; That's all Kankuro was worried about when lives were lost? After the immense number of deaths they had witnessed during the war, she couldn't help but feel disappointed; Did he really feel so unphased at the loss of life? Sure, there were moments where death barely phased her too, she was numb to it for the larger part of her life. But now, she actively wanted to prevent it; even if it was an unavoidable danger in her line of work.

Rain whipped across her form in waves as she rushed onwards, determined to get to the location in question with haste; she needed to know he was alright, waiting around twiddling her thumbs was not an option. After all the time that has elapsed, how has it come to this? Temari wonders to herself. There was so much left unsaid between them that it ached to think about, had she missed the opportunity to thank him for helping bring down her walls? Or to tell him that he was the first shinobi she truly respected outside of Suna? Heck, she'd even go as far as to admit that he was irreplaceable. The thought of losing him was enough to make her mind spiral and her heart physically ache; it was simply not an option. Countless opportunities had presented themselves over the years for her to admit how she felt, yet the roadblock remained the same; her pride. It all seemed so ridiculous now.

Hot tears stung at her eyes, threatening to race down her cheeks as she pressed onwards, trying her best to recall the fastest route to her destination. "Why did he have to go on this mission?" she whispers, her voice cracking as the words tumbled from her lips; "Why couldn't he be lazy like he always wants to be? Just this once."

The sand-nin's feet came to a halt as she came face to face with the front gate of the village. Several medics rushing from shinobi to shinobi, offering aid to the injured and promptly leading them away under umbrellas. But it was the eerie presence of the two large black body bags laying on the side of the road next to guards that was particularly disconcerting; who were they? How did such a thing even happen? So many questions required answers.

Slowly walking forward, the blonde's trembling stormy gaze flicked from face to face as she walked through the small gathering; the metallic stench of blood stinging at her nostrils. Rain droplets roll down Temari's cheeks as her chest grew tighter and tighter with every face she gazed upon that failed to be his; it had been years since she felt such a pang of anxiety course through her for a reason other than her or her family's safety. He was important, invaluable even; why had it taken so long for her to see that? Fists clenched at her sides, her nails dig into her weathered palms; the sting serving as a gentle reminder to focus on the task at hand.

Head throbbing, the blonde's eyes locked on the body bags in the distance; If he's not here, then does that mean that he's gone? Her heart aches as she slowly approaches the guards standing with the body bags; her eyes void of emotion as she parts her lips, unable to bring herself to find the words required to garner her answer from the shinobi guarding the dead. Taking a deep breath she straightens her posture, "Do you have the names of the dead?" she asks, her voice cracking as she stared down at the body bags. Death was part of their daily life, it was a painful reality; thick lashes flutter closed as she waited for their answer, the stench of death and stale cigarettes clinging to the air as she waited in silence.

Eyes flick open as the unmistakable scent wafts through the air, seizing the jounin's attention in a heartbeat. Shikamaru's solemn form crouched out of the rain, quietly smoking under a small rooftop off to the side of the entryway; completely negated of any and all emotions. Relief washes over the kunoichi as she slowly made her way over to the strategist's position low to the ground. I don't think I've ever been so relieved to smell that stench, Temari notes silently; her lips curving upwards ever so gently as she approached him and promptly crouched beside him.

Temari presses her head back against the wall of the building behind them; not once in her life had she ever been at such a loss for words as she was in that very moment. Part of her wanted to pummel him for accepting what was clearly a fool's mission, but she wouldn't; not right now. There was no doubt that he was in pain, blood-stained bandages were messily wrapped down one of his arms and up to his fingertips; his exposed chest littered with grazes and deep lacerations. What happened to you? You're not usually one to get into close combat, she wonders silently.

"You're a mess," Shikamaru whispers hoarsely, a slightly amused tone lingering as he drew his cigarette from his lips; exhaling heavily in the opposite direction. His dark orbs fixed on his poorly bandaged hand as he clenched and unclenched his fist; a groan slipping from between his lips as he averted his gaze in annoyance.

"Like you can talk," Temari quips, bright eyes flicking in his direction as she spoke. "You should go to the hospital and allow a medic to examine your hand if it's bothering you. Don't be stubborn, it doesn't make you a hero if you deny treatment," she states bluntly, leaning forward on her knees as she reached forward to try and seize his hand to inspect it; He bandaged that himself didn't he? It's been done so untidily.

He quickly retracts his arm, still averting her gaze. "We failed the mission," he mutters softly, lifting his cigarette to his lips once more as he rose to his feet and leant back against the wall; his unoccupied hand sliding into his pants pocket and fiddling with his lighter absent-mindedly. "Those two defied my orders and went against the plan we had set in place. God knows where those dozen White Zetsu are now too, it's a fucking disaster."

Exhaling heavily, the blonde rises to her feet and snatches the cigarette from his fingers; promptly hurling it into the rain. "You don't need to focus on any of that right now, just focus on looking after yourself. Can't you see how worried you made me? I ran here in this downpour, fearing you might be seriously hurt or worse you idiot!" Temari snaps, her free hand seizing his chin as she met his gaze directly; her lips quivering ever so slightly as she looked up at him. "Look, I get it. You lost two comrades. It's painful, but that's the nature of our profession, especially on high-level missions. You of all people understand that better than anyone," she states bluntly, turning away. I don't care if this is harsh right now. He's a responsible person; he needs to snap out of this.

Temari's words were harsh, the bodies of his comrades hadn't even been buried yet but he couldn't deny she had a point. How many times was he going to fall into the same repetitive cycle of grievance, over the actions of others, when that wasn't within his control? What an exhausting way to live. A sigh absentmindedly slips from his lips, tired dark eyes drifting back to the blonde; No one ever said that the life of a shinobi was without sacrifice or risk. They all knew this from day one. "I didn't ask you to worry about me. I didn't ask you to do anything," Shikamaru retorts, shaking free of her grasp; his gaze dropping down to her mud-coated feet. Did she really run here barefoot out of concern? The concept was baffling to say the least.

Azure eyes narrow, brows furrowing as his words echo through her mind; Is he trying to be cruel? Does he still not get it at all or does he just not care? "Worrying about the person I love isn't a choice Shikamaru! Why would anyone want to feel like this?" the sand-nin fires back defensively, her face reddening as pent up frustration bubbled to the surface; Crap! I shouldn't have said that! Trying to act unphased, she crosses her arms under her chest; heart racing as anxiety enveloped her senses. Controlling her temper was never a strong suit of hers; she had never disclosed something so private during an outburst before, it was mortifying.

The strategist stares at the blonde in disbelief, their eyes locked with one another. Since when? How did I miss this? He wonders, dark orbs softening as he averted his gaze; warmness radiating his chest. He was happy, there was no way he couldn't deny it; after years of silently admiring the domineering woman here she was owning up to her own feelings. As always she was the gutsier one of the two, if it was up to him who knows when or if he would've even admitted to feeling anything.

The silence between the pair was excruciating, in the novels she had read the answer from the other party in these situations came swiftly; but this was reality, and he sure as hell wasn't the romantic type. "Nothing to say? Of course you don't," Temari fumes; promptly turning on her heel and her arms up in the air, storming off into the rain, "Whatever! I shouldn't have even bothered!" A chill races down the sand-nin's spine as rain trickles down her cheeks; she picks up her pace, desperate to leave his sight as soon as possible and bring an end to their interaction. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly what she expected from him, all she knew was it hurt; perhaps this was heartbreak. I have made a complete fool of myself. Now who's the idiot?

Shikamaru's chest tightens as he watches the blonde storm off. He knew she wasn't indestructible, but witnessing her like this was difficult. Beneath her fierce outer shell Temari had a kind heart; he knew that. It was never something he even questioned the presence of, despite the fact that the kunoichi would never willingly show that side of her without cause. Without even thinking, he took a few steps forward, dark orbs fixed intently on her figure as she disappeared around the corner.

What am I doing? He wonders, absentmindedly stepping out into the rain and pausing for a moment; mind abuzz as earlier declaration echoes through his mind. A wet calloused hand slips across his forehead, proceeding to slip through his slicked hair; "Damn it!" Mud splashes up and over his shoes as he trudges forward, slowly picking up his pace to a sprint as he pursued her.

Given his keen eye for detail, it was perplexing that something as large as her feelings towards him had gone unnoticed. How did he drop the ball? Was he too busy looking at everyone else's lives, that he hardly spent a moment thinking introspectively; or truly taking note of those around him acted in his presence? God she's troublesome, Shikamaru notes exasperatedly as he finally caught sight of her blonde pigtails; mud drenched shoes drawing to a halt, "You didn't have to storm off like that!"

Temari stops dead in her tracks, her heart pounding wildly as she gazed stubbornly down at her soiled bare feet; this was not the outcome that she had expected. "What could you possibly have to say right now?" she replies bluntly, eyes narrowing as she crossed her arms under her chest. If he followed me just to say more insensitive things I will lose it, the kunoichi notes silently.

"Were you joking around or did you really mean it?" Shikamaru demands, his voice stern as he closes the space between them; "and don't give me a sarcastic answer." A cold hand reaches out and gently grips Temari's shoulder, dark oculars softening as he felt his heart thump violently in silent anticipation.

"You're an absolute idiot!" she fires back, stormy eyes welling with tears of complete and utter frustration as she turns to face him; Does he really think so little of me? Their faces hover inches apart, his hot breath caressing her cheeks as she stared back at him; irked beyond belief despite her accelerating heart rate. He can be so insensitive! Did he follow me just to annoy me further?

"You didn't answer my question," the strategist notes, eyes narrowing as he retracted his hand. The blonde had countless telltale signs when she was nervous, the most common being avoiding repeating whatever the source was and firing insults; openly displaying a sign of weakness was incredibly uncommon given her stubborn nature. Exactly as expected, he muses to himself, his lips curving upwards a fraction in amusement.

"Don't!" she orders, poking his chest warningly as soon as she spotted a smile forming; "Stop assuming you know everything. You clearly don't!" It hurt, seeing him look at her like that, most likely knowing exactly what was on her mind; where was this power of observation of his when she was waiting for him to ask her out again for months? Did he honestly not realise how she felt about him until she vocalised it out loud earlier? Either way, he didn't want to drop the subject. Twisting her lips, Temari took a deep breath and pressed onwards; "I'm not like Ino, Sakura or any of those other girls you grew up with. I don't let people in. It's not something I ever wanted to do after my mother died. I didn't want to suffer like that again."

Remaining silent for a few short moments, the blonde slowly retracts her hand only for him to grip it gently; his fingertips brushing across her skin. She stares down at their hands, a nervous flutter swirling in her stomach as heat rose in her cheeks; icy rain droplets rolling down her face as she struggled to maintain what remained of her composure. "Without even trying, you cracked that wall I put up. I let you get close to me, and you're the reason that I've slowly let others in too," she explains, eyes softening as she looked away; "You're important. You're not allowed to die; I can't lose you."

The gentle patter of rain fills the air as silence befalls the pair; exhaling heavily Shikamaru reaches forward, brushing a thumb across both her cheeks as he lifted her head to meet his gaze directly once more. A simple verification of her feelings was all he was truly seeking, but she offered him more than that; instead, she opened herself up, exposing herself in a manner of which he had never seen. Although she hadn't said it in so many words, he knew what she was trying to say. Seeing her unravel emotionally before him was an unforeseen occurrence, and yet he couldn't help but lose himself in his thoughts as he looked deep into her eyes; Damn, she really is beautiful.

Trembling stormy orbs search his big brown eyes, his thumbs gently brushing across her cheeks as he looks down at her; a content expression printed across his handsome face. Without thinking she swiftly leans forward, capturing his lips with her own; her tongue greedily meeting his and asserting her dominance, her arms lacing around his neck as she pressed up against his chest. She had played out this exact moment countless times in her mind over the years, but nothing she imagined came close to capturing just how exhilarating it would be.

Brows furrow as his pent up frustration overflows, Shikamaru peels her saturated kimono exposing her upper back and shoulders, the next target on his list. Calloused fingertips trail down her neck and sides, settling firmly on her hips; gripping them roughly. "You're the most troublesome woman I've ever met," he declares, breaking their kiss and lifting her up to his hips; the blonde's legs coiling around him without hesitation as she looked down at him, dishevelled and breathless; most likely silently searching for a witty remark to fight back with, "But I love you too."

Temari gazes down at him, a kind smile teasing at the corners of her full lips as she leant closer once more; her lips hovering above his teasingly. Thick lashes flutter downwards, her tongue tracing across her teeth as the taste of cigarettes lingered in her mouth. She slowly traces one hand forward, stroking the side of his neck tentatively; "We should probably stop, or we're going to be spotted and someone might misunderstand," she whispers unconvincingly. It had all happened so quickly, was difficult to even process what had occurred part of her felt foolish for accepting that it was reality so easily; but after years of suppressing how she felt, it couldn't be helped.

The shadow user raises a brow, a mischievous expression slipping across his visage. "It's raining, nobody is going to look for us for the first time in months. I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm not even close to being done here," he murmurs, promptly seizing her lips and pressing her back up against the rough bricks of a nearby building.

A sated whimper escapes her as a triumphant smirk settles across the sand-nin's lips, her lover playfully nipping at her collarbone as she withered against him. For once in her life she was simply going to submit to happiness, no questions asked.

AUTHOR:
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Please be sure to check out my ShikaTema multi-chapter story "Chasing The Wind" on or Archive Of Our Own.