All these years, I've been searching for who I'm supposed to be.
But all this time, I've been wasting – I was right in front of me.
It's a crooked old tradition, by a masterful magician;
but in all this trouble I've had, I haven't got one single regret, no.
Here's to my future, here's to my yesterday.
-"Yesterday," Imagine Dragons
There is little room for privacy on board the Asgardian refugees' stolen ship, but this spot – this window seat that overlooks the stars in their glorious, terrifying beauty – has become Loki's place alone over the past few days. It's quiet, in a more deserted area of the ship, allowing him to sit and read, write, or think without interruption.
Peace, he thinks, settling into the comfortable seat cushion. This must be what peace feels like.
It's a foreign thought – a foreign feeling, in truth – but not an unwelcome one.
Losing himself in his most recent book, he does not hear his visitor approaching.
"You were a good king."
The voice is soft, deep, and familiar. He stops himself before he jumps at the way it breaks the silence. All these years later, and still, there are but a few that can sneak up on him. The Midgardian Widow, with her clever words and her secret smiles, was one; Heimdall has always been another.
Maybe that's why it had felt so good to learn to conceal himself from the gatekeeper's gaze.
He schools his expression into one of nonchalance as he turns to meet Heimdall's bright, golden eyes. "I had you hunted down for treason. You would call that good leadership?"
The older man laughs, and Loki bristles at the sound. "That was not your best decision. But apart from that, my prince, you were just as good as you had believed you could be. If Thor rules as justly as you, his reign will be long and true."
The admission completely catches him off guard. Before he can think to hide his surprise, his eyes widen, a disbelieving laugh escaping his lips. How many times had he looked for a confirmation like that in his youth? How many times had he sought out proof that he could be just as good, if not even better, than his brother in some aspect of life? The fact that such an affirmation should come now – and from Heimdall, of all people – is so unexpected that he is left speechless.
Well, nearly speechless. He is not called Silvertongue for nothing.
As always, he immediately hides his true emotions behind the mask that everyone believes is his true face.
"I never knew you to be capable of a good joke, Heimdall," he says, still chuckling without any real humor, "but this is a rather clever trick. I daresay that I am proud, even."
Those golden eyes meet his, and his laughter dies in his throat.
"Have you ever known me to be cruel, my prince?"
Loki remains silent for several moments, his mind spinning through thousands of years of memories in a useless attempt to prove the all-seeing gatekeeper wrong. He can find nothing. "No," he whispers, looking away.
Heimdall walks to his side, seating himself on the edge of Loki's perch. "You were a good king," he repeats quietly. "Asgard thrived under your rule. With Thor on his journey through the nine, you had no reason to keep us involved in the affairs of other realms – especially since their situations were not dire. By focusing on our people – your people, though you have denied that for too long, now – you created an Asgard that was strong, loving, and capable." He covers Loki's hand with his own, and Loki almost flinches at the unexpected kindness of the gesture. "Loki…without your leadership these past few years, Asgard would not be the people it is today. You made it strong enough to defeat Hela. You did that."
He is protesting before he can even truly process Heimdall's words. "No," he denies, shaking his head. "Thor did that, not me. Hogun did that, by rallying the people in our absence. All I did…." He pauses. He has not cried in front of another living being for many years now; he is not about to start today. He forces himself to continue speaking. "All I did was get Volstagg and Fandral killed for my cowardice – and before that, it was my rage and petty childishness that killed my mother. Even my father paid the price for my actions."
Thankfully, Heimdall recognizes the fact that he should not comment on Loki's slip of the tongue. He did not even mean to call that man his father. Instead, the gatekeeper only offers him more kindness that he does not deserve. "It was a price he was glad to pay, if it meant that you would return to us someday." Heimdall smiles. "And you did. You returned to us, because you returned for us. We are all grateful for that, Loki. Do not be ashamed of who you have been in the past." The gatekeeper stands, patting Loki's hand in a strangely comforting manner. "There can be no tomorrow without a yesterday."
With one last smile, Heimdall turns away, making his way back into the hallway.
I should tell him, Loki thinks, watching Heimdall's retreating form. He can feel the Tesseract in the pocket he made for it, brushing angrily against the cloaking spell he placed over it. Every day, it comes closer to breaking free of its concealment, acting like a beacon to all who would seek it out.
There is only one who seeks it – one who must not find it.
In that moment, Loki makes a decision. It is a decision that will change the course of everything.
"Heimdall," he calls.
Heimdall pauses, turning back.
Loki takes a deep breath. "There's something that I must tell you – you, Thor, and Bruce."
A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope you stay healthy in this crazy time!