MAJOR trigger warning for intense torture scene, graphic descriptions of injuries and cruelty / brutality, language, general angst, references to panic attacks and general anxiety. This is definitely one of the most graphic, intense things I've ever written and it's honestly kinda fucked up. I definitely had to tap into the darker side of my imagination to write this. You've been warned.

Prologue

December 31st, 2019. 7:50 p.m.

Rogue wasn't sure how long he'd been trapped in the enemy dungeon for. All he knew was they wanted information. Information regarding him, Sting, Sabertooth, and the dragon that had raised him. And he wouldn't talk, so they resorted to torture. He was chained with his back against a wall standing upright, his wrists bound together over his head, leaving his body taut and vulnerable. The iron shackles around his wrists were cutting into his skin, as were the ones around his ankles. It hurt, but not as badly as what was to come.

At first they had simply beat him with their hands. Slapped him across the face when he remained silent. One of the larger, beefier men had punched him in the stomach with so much force that Rogue hadn't been able to breathe for several minutes and kept coughing up globules of blood.

When he still wouldn't tell them what they wanted to know, they got out sharp daggers. Whenever he refused to talk or insisted he didn't know the answer to their question, they would cut him. Not deep enough to kill him, but enough to hurt. Badly. They opened several deep cuts down both of his arms, only three down each thigh, and one narrow laceration across his forehead that bled into his eyes and made it nearly impossible for him to clearly see the three men standing before him, their daggers smeared with gore.

Rogue held firm. He refused to talk, refused to tell them what they wanted to know. He wouldn't betray his guild. He wouldn't betray Sting. He had to just hold on and endure this until Sting came to rescue him. He knew Sting would find him. Eventually.

Rogue's captors soon tired of using daggers and started burning his bruised, bloodied body with fire instead. That was perhaps the most painful thing he had ever experienced in his life. Although he'd managed to get through most of the cruel, brutal torture without making any sound, whenever the fire touched him and he felt his skin peeling and smelled his own burning flesh, he would scream shrilly. He couldn't help it, it just hurt too much.

Just think about Sting. Think about his pretty blue eyes, his soft blonde hair, his tan skin that's always so warm... Rogue tried to focus on a mental image of his boyfriend's gentle, smiling face.

But he wasn't able to maintain it, because suddenly there came another bright orange flash, and that horrible burning pain flared up in his side. The smell of burning flesh was thick in the air, and he could taste copper from all the blood in his mouth. He felt rather than heard another shriek of agony bubble out of his throat and escape his bloodied lips.

Before long, there was nothing left in his entire world except the pain. He couldn't think, couldn't speak. All he knew was agony. Absolute excruciating agony, creeping through his body, tearing him apart, leaving him unable to breathe. Every so often, he'd cough up more blood, sometimes he'd even choke on it because he lacked the energy to cough. He was weak, too weak, and fading fast.

But then...

One of his captors let out a hideous scream of pain and outrage and dropped to the floor, dead as stone.

Rogue struggled to keep his eyes open, watching with mute shock and horror as a group of four familiar figures burst into the room. He saw flashes of fire, ice, swords and a familiar white light he knew so well. But because both his mind and his body were so broken, he struggled to remember all their names.

Natsu Dragneel... Gray Fullbuster... Erza Scarlet... And Sting Eucliffe.

Sting was roaring with almost feral anger, tearing apart the men who'd been torturing Rogue mere moments ago. It was terrifying. Rogue was scared, he didn't want to be hurt again. He had never seen this side of Sting before, and it was genuinely frightening.

Suddenly Sting loomed in front of him. The blonde seemed to tower over Rogue, despite only being a couple inches taller. He was covered in blood. His face was splattered with gore. But it wasn't his. The men who tortured Rogue were now bloody, mangled heaps on the floor. Sting had killed them all. Rogue shrank back against the wall, staring at Sting with shock and disbelief.

"Hey." Sting offered the frightened boy a gentle smile. "It's gonna be alright. I'm here now."

Rogue's only response was a weak whimper. His entire body ached and burned, everything hurt and his throat was raw from screaming.

The tall redheaded girl known as Erza approached, eyeing Rogue with sympathy and worry. "He looks pretty bad. We have to get him to a healer. Right now."

"I know." Sting glanced at her before returning his attention to his beloved. "Rogue, honey, look at me. It's alright. I'm gonna get you out of here. Everything's gonna be fine." he reached out and started fiddling with the shackles around Rogue's wrists that were keeping his arms bound above his head.

A pitiful cry of distress was torn from Rogue's lips and he twisted violently, turning away from Sting's touch as much as he possibly could with his limbs restrained as they were. "Don't t-touch me. Please don't." He managed to say, giving the blonde a pleading stare. "I-I don't like it."

"I know, sweetheart. I know. I've just got to get you out of these shackles, okay? I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise." Sting reached out again, and this time, Rogue slammed himself back against the wall, completely oblivious to the explosion of pain that shot through his shoulders at the impact.

"No!" he screamed.

He watched, horrified, as Sting's gentle smile contorted into a hurt look.

"I think it's all the blood, Sting. You're covered in it." Natsu remarked, from where he stood behind Erza.

"He's... Scared of me." Sting nodded his head slowly, taking a few steps back. "But I'm pretty sure he doesn't want any of us touching him."

"How are we supposed to get him to safety if we can't touch him?" Gray asked. "Seems pretty damn impossible to me."

"If only we'd thought to bring Wendy along. She could've used her magic to put him to sleep so we could get him out without all the fuss." Erza grimaced and glanced behind her at Natsu and Gray. "I know it scares the shit out of him, but we have to get him out of here whether he wants to be touched or not. You guys have to hold him still... gently... so he doesn't hurt himself while Sting and I work on these shackles."

The two boys nodded and quickly moved into place on either side of Rogue. He flinched and cringed when they touched him, but he knew better than to scream again. Somewhere deep down, he could sense that these people were friends and they didn't want to hurt him.

Erza began working at the shackles around his wrists, being careful to avoid the numerous cuts down his arms. Sting set to work on the bindings around Rogue's ankles.

"He's gonna fall forward when I'm finished with these. Be ready to catch him, Sting." Erza said.

I'm gonna fall..? Rogue wondered at that statement for a moment, but he was too exhausted and weak to process any of it. He knew she was probably right, he didn't feel capable of supporting his own weight.

"I'm all done down here." Sting announced, as the remaining shackle around Rogue's ankle clattered to the floor.

Rogue flinched and cried out at the loud sound. "S-Stop it!" he exclaimed, suddenly terrified of all these people surrounding him. He felt trapped. Vulnerable. Scared. But he couldn't move, couldn't squirm away from their hands because Natsu and Gray were holding onto him, keeping him still. "L-Let go! Don't touch me!"

"Shhh." Erza said, and she began to hum a soothing tune as she worked on the bindings around his wrists. It was a soft, pleasant sound. Although he was still terrified out of his wits, he calmed down a little at the sound of her voice.

He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, whispering the words, "No more," over and over again, before a familiar sharp, metallic taste filled his mouth and he doubled over, coughing and vomiting up blood. It splattered on the floor, forming a dark red starburst.

"Jesus Christ." Sting muttered, staring at the new puddle of fresh blood at Rogue's feet. "What did they do to him?"

"Terrible things." Erza shook her head sadly.

A moment later, there was a soft click and the last shackle came undone. Now that Rogue was free, he realized she had been right. He only maintained his footing for a second on his own before pitching forward. Sting sprang to his feet and caught the raven-haired boy before he hit the ground, carefully shifting his weight onto his chest so he could support him.

"Easy, now. Easy. It's alright. I've got you." Sting murmured, sliding his hand under Rogue's legs so he could lift the smaller boy up, carrying him bridal-style.

Completely exhausted, Rogue lacked the energy and strength to fight back. So he leaned his head against the blonde's muscular chest and closed his eyes, choked sobs of pain escaping his throat. He didn't feel safe even though he wanted to. His magic energy was gone. Every muscle, every patch of skin, every inch of him was in pain. Everything hurt so badly he wanted to keep screaming until he lost his voice.

He stayed like that, clinging on to consciousness by a tiny thread, until a sudden jolting brought him back to the present. Sting was shifting, then sitting down, laying Rogue across his lap. It looked like they were on a train, which meant they were far from Magnolia.

Why had Rogue's captors taken him so far away? And why did they want information regarding him and Sting? He couldn't remember. He couldn't remember being kidnapped. He couldn't remember the time before he was kidnapped. It was like someone had taken an eraser to his brain and erased the past three months of his life. The very last thing he remembered before being tortured was Sting giving him a necklace with a silver chain and an onyx pendant in the shape of a heart. That was three months ago.

Suddenly alert, Rogue's eyes flew open and his hand snapped to his chest, feeling around his torn shirt and bruised neck. He groaned softly every time his slender fingers grazed over one of his wounds.

"Rogue? What on earth are you doing?" Sting asked, sounding both worried and mortified. "Baby, stop. You're hurting yourself." he gently grabbed Rogue's wrist, preventing him from moving.

Rogue let out a strangled cry of dismay. "I-It's... It's g-... It's gone!"

"What's gone, sweetheart?" Sting gently stroked Rogue's face, wiping away the mix of blood and tears.

"The... The necklace you..." Rogue frantically gestured to his throat, on the verge of panicking. "It's gone."

"Oh no, they must've taken it... I'm so sorry, Rogue. Shhh, don't cry. It's okay." Sting cradled the raven-haired's head in the crook of his elbow, pressing feather-light kisses to his forehead. "I know how much that meant to you. But it's gonna be okay, I promise. I love you."

Three Months later...

March 21st, 2020. 4:30 a.m.

Chapter 1: These old scars

I grimaced as I read the report Natsu had just handed to me. It was all bad news. Natsu was watching my facial expression carefully for any sort of reaction, shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously.

"Is... Is that all?" I asked, tossing down the sheet of paper with a sigh of exasperation.

"Yes. I'm sorry, Sting. I knew you wouldn't want to see that, but... I didn't know how to tell you myself." Natsu ran his hand through his spiky salmon-colored hair, frowning slightly.

"It's alright, I can't say I blame you." I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the wooden table, burying my face in my hands. "So, to sum it all up, they've been looking for the past three months but they still haven't been able to find any motives, leads, plots or organizations involved in what happened to my Rogue. They haven't even been able to identify the three men who did it. Correct?"

"Yep, sounds about right. It's really fucked up, I know." the fire dragon slayer nodded, giving me a sympathetic look.

"And... The necklace?" I asked, softly. I already knew the answer, even before Natsu shook his head.

"No sign of it. They searched the bodies of the three men, and they searched the entire warehouse Rogue was tortured in. It's just... Gone."

"It's a mess."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Suddenly my sharp ears picked up the sound of footsteps and rustling clothing.

"Sting..?" a soft, familiar voice called from the doorway off to my right.

I glanced up in the direction of the voice and saw Rogue standing there, a thick blanket wrapped around his shoulders, concealing his slender body from view. He kept glancing from Natsu to me, eyes darting back and forth between us nervously. Rogue never liked the presence of another person, even someone as friendly and harmless as Natsu.

"Hey, sweetheart." I smiled gently and stood up, hurrying over to Rogue's side. He was trembling and I could smell how frightened he was. "What're you doing up so early?"

"I... I couldn't sleep." Rogue dropped his gaze to the floor, wringing his pale hands nervously.

I wrapped my arm around his narrow shoulders and gently turned him around. "Come on, honey. You should be resting."

He glanced up at me, eyes wide with concern. "What were you guys talking about?"

"Don't worry about it." I shook my head and nudged him along until he was back in our shared bedroom. Once I was certain he was safely tucked up in bed, I returned to the dining room and sat down at the table once again. "Sorry about that." my expression had become grave once again.

"It's all good. He looks like he's doing a lot better than before. Usually he's too scared to leave his room when we visit unless you coax him out. The fact he came out on his own is a really good sign." Natsu said, encouragingly. "How has he been lately?"

"He's been better, like you said. But the poor thing still can't remember the last three months before the kidnapping, nor can he remember being taken. All he remembers is being given the necklace that vanished, and then being tortured by those three men." I made eye contact with Natsu and sighed. "I just... Wish we could've done something."

"You and me both, pal." the pinkette agreed, with a slight shake of his head. "But it could be a lot worse. Rogue could've had full-blown amnesia and not remember you or any of us or who he is."

I shivered at the very thought of what life would be like if Rogue couldn't remember who I was. "That's true. Could be a lot worse. But if I could go back in time and change just one thing and one thing only, it would be my decision to stay home rather than go out on a walk with him the day he was taken."

"What was he doing on a walk in the middle of December?" Natsu raised one eyebrow.

"It was the end of December." I corrected him, teasingly. "He loves the winter time, always has. It was snowing lightly, so he wanted to go outside and admire it. I'm not sure how far he got from the house before he was taken, or if he even went far at all. All I know is he went out and never came back."

"I can't imagine how scary that must've been for you." the fire dragon slayer grimaced and looked down at the floor. "I can't believe it's already been three months. Feels like just yesterday we burst into that warehouse and found Rogue there. It was easily the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my life."

I was briefly assailed by the black memory of how Rogue had looked when we found him. His arms were chained high above his head, his black hair was an absolute mess strewn across his face, his naturally pale skin was almost an ashy grey. There were long, narrow cuts slashed viciously across his arms and the upper half of his legs. His face was bruised and there was a long gash across his forehead. Through his tattered shirt I could see the gnarled, blackened blisters running up his chest and stomach that could've only been caused by one thing: fire. Those three men had been burning my Rogue. The smell of blood, death and pain was thick in the air. I could also smell tears. They had made my Rogue cry.

Unforgivable.

"Sting?" Natsu called out, and I realized he'd been waiting for a response all this time.

"Oh, uh, sorry. Just zoned out, I guess." I said, quickly. "I agree with you. It was the most awful thing I have ever seen too. That was the day I had seen the definition of evil. Of cruelty. Of monstrosity. You'd have to be the most disgusting, wicked person in the world to do something like that to someone else." I felt my upper lip curling back in a snarl. I hated remembering that day.

But Natsu was the only person I would talk to about it. Rogue could barely handle talking about it without breaking down or having a violent panic attack, and although I knew and trusted Gray and Erza, there was something about Natsu that made me comfortable enough to talk to him about what went on. Not only had he been there in that God-forsaken room when we found Rogue, but he was also a dragon slayer like me.

"I'm really sorry to just leave at a time like this, but I've gotta get back. Erza will be wondering where I went. So will Gray." Natsu said, apologetically.

"No, it's totally okay. Seems you and Gray have hit it off pretty well, eh?" I winked at him teasingly, and laughed when he turned fifty shades of red.

"Shut the fuck up!" Natsu snapped. "Just when I thought I'd miss you!"

"I love you too." I rolled my eyes and got up, giving him a playful shove toward the door. I couldn't resist adding one more tacky comment: "Just go. Your boyfriend's waiting for you."

He growled and hit me on the chest before storming out the door. "Bye, Sting!" he shouted from outside.

"Bye, Natsu!" I replied, mimicking his tone.

As soon as I heard the door slam shut, I turned and walked into the bedroom Rogue and I shared. Rogue definitely hadn't fallen back asleep. I wondered how much he had heard. Although Natsu and I were talking as quietly as possible because it was four in the damn morning, Rogue was a dragon slayer like us. So he had incredibly sharp hearing.

When I pushed the bedroom door open and peeked inside, my eyes immediately met a pair of blood red ones.

"Sting?"

"Yes, my love?" I stepped all the way into the room and closed the door behind me.

Rogue was curled up on the bed, still all wrapped up in his blanket. I could see the faint outline of tear tracks running down his face. He'd been crying. Yup, he definitely overheard our conversation.

"A-Are you upset w-with me?" Rogue's voice wavered.

"What? Of course not. You know I can never be upset with you." I crawled into bed beside him and snaked an arm around his waist, tipping my chin forward so my nose was buried in his soft black hair. "What makes you ask that?"

"Well... I-I just know it's frustrating that... That I... C-Can't remember anything..." Rogue made a tiny whimpering noise and winced, as if in pain.

I knew what he was talking about right away and breathed in deeply, taking in his familiar scent. He smelled like moonlight and chocolate. "It is frustrating. But... That's not your fault. I'd never blame you for it. Nor should you blame yourself. It's not your fault. Never has been, never will be."

He hummed in response and snuggled closer to me, tucking his head under my chin and leaning his forehead against my collarbone. I could feel his warm breath on my shirt. I sighed and relaxed, closing my eyes. I loved being so close to the one I loved. My free hand began tracing slow patterns down his arm, expertly dodging the thin white scars from all the cuts he'd received while he was being tortured. He hated it when people- even me- touched his scars. I had made it my personal mission to memorize the exact location of each one so that I could still touch him without scaring him, so I could be close to him without accidentally running my hand over a sensitive spot.

"Rogue?" I called out, tentatively.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I-I love you too, Sting."

I smiled. That was all I needed to hear to know everything was going to be okay. As long as Rogue loved me, the world was still colorful and beautiful and bright.

Several long moments passed. I kept running my hand up and down Rogue's arm, occasionally sliding my hand up and across his shoulder to caress the side of his neck. Every time I did, he would smile and press closer, reacting positively to my gentle touches. I was the only person who could touch him. He wouldn't let anyone else, it frightened him to be touched after everything he'd gone through at the hands of someone else.

Even so, I'd never forgive myself for killing three people right before his eyes. He was scared of me that day because I was covered in blood that wasn't my own. I clearly remembered the vivid, wild fear in his eyes when I ran to him and he saw the three bodies I had left in my wake. I'd let Rogue see the worst side of me, the side that craves the blood of those who hurt my beloved.

"Rogue?" I smoothed my thumb across the side of his neck. His skin was soft and smooth.

"Yes, my love?" he nuzzled my collarbone affectionately.

"I know it's hard, but... Can you try and remember what happened? How they kidnapped you?" I winced when he flinched and started edging away from me. "You... You don't have to. You know I won't force you."

Rogue sniffled pitifully and I could smell his tears. But he still nodded hesitantly. "I-I'll try... But you have to promise you won't touch me."

That was another thing. Whenever Rogue made attempts to recover his memory, he didn't want to be touched because it terrified him and caused him to lose focus, which would often send him spiraling into a flashback of the torture he'd endured.

"I promise. Do you remember what to tell me when it's okay to touch?" I asked, just to make sure.

"Yeah. Apricots."

"Good. Remember, I'm right here with you. It'll be okay." I tipped his head forward so I could press a kiss to his forehead, just above the long white scar.

He nodded and slowly sat up, scooting away from me and pressing his face into his hands, criss-crossing his legs. Already, the scent of fear was radiating off of him in thick waves. It was suffocating, knowing how much he hated this. But there was no way we'd solve this and bring the right people to justice unless he tried to remember what happened to him and why.

I grimaced, keeping a safe distance away but watching his face closely for any signs of pain or panic. There had been times in the past where he'd panicked so badly he'd started tearing at the scars on his arms, desperate to escape pain that wasn't there and inadvertently hurting himself in the process. When that started happening, I had permission from him to restrain him, to keep him from ripping open his scars.

After just a few moments, the smell of fear became even stronger, and Rogue began to tremble. His lower lip quivered as he tried to recall what had happened before the torture started. But in order to do that, he had to go back to those horrible moments where he was being hurt and try to push beyond them. Tears slipped from the corners of his eyes and ran freely down his face. I wanted so badly to gather him into my arms and hold him close, but I knew it wasn't okay to touch. Not yet.

"Breathe, sweetheart." I whispered. It was okay to talk so long as I didn't get too close. "I'm still here. You're not alone. They can never hurt you again, they're gone now."

Rogue's entire body jolted as if he'd been hit by one of Laxus's lightning attacks. A shrill scream was torn from his lips as his hands flew from his face to either side of his head where he clutched it for dear life, as if afraid it would split wide open.

I jumped a little, startled by the sudden noise. It wasn't at all uncommon for him to scream like that when intentionally trying to remember these things, but it scared me every time.

"S-Sting, I... I saw something." Rogue whispered, turning to stare at me with wide, frightened eyes that were filled with tears. He was still clutching his head, and his skin was a lot paler than usual. He was still trembling violently, his entire body tensed and quivering.

"You did?" I tilted my head to one side, feeling a small surge of hope. "What did you see, honey?"

"I-I... I don't know. It wasn't very... Very clear. But it was... Different, and familiar, too... I know I've seen it before. I think I remembered something." he stammered out.

I nodded patiently. "What did it look like?"

His stare became alarmingly blank, as if his soul had just been torn from his body. "It was... A place, I think. And not just a place, a feeling, too. I felt like... Like my hands were tied with... Not the chains and shackled they used when they..." he paused and shivered all over before continuing. "...but with thick, heavy ropes. It was... Was dark all around me, but I could make out... Walls. It was a rectangular room, with sort of bumpy sides sprayed with graffiti. It was cold."

It sounded like he was describing a boxcar being dragged along by a cargo train. And his hands were bound. Was this a small detail from the actual kidnapping itself?

"That's all. I can't see anything past that. Just the place, and the feeling." Rogue shivered one last time before letting go of his head. "A-Apricots."

Tentatively so I didn't frighten him, I slipped my arm around his waist and pulled him close, pressing a tender kiss to the side of his head.

"Thank you, baby. I'm so proud of you. You're so brave. So, so brave." I crooned, tucking a loose strand of pitch black hair behind his ear. He blushed, the color finally returning to his face, and leaned into my touch.

"I-I think it was that word you said when you started talking to me. I think that's what brought it back." Rogue twisted to look at me, nuzzling my shoulder affectionately.

"What word, sweetheart?" I pecked the tip of his nose.

"Gone."

I wasn't really expecting that. Suddenly an ominous feeling of dread overcame me and I frowned, the smile fading off my face. He noticed right away because he could probably smell it.

"Sting? Are you alright, love?" his worried voice immediately brought me back to the present.

"Yeah, I'm okay. That's just... A very interesting word. One I don't like very much. But that's okay." I quickly rearranged my emotions so I wasn't radiating negative energy anymore. I didn't want to stress him out. "You did well."

"It was nothing." Rogue blushed and looked down at the bed, beginning to fidget nervously,

He was simply too cute, I decided.

It was still dark out, but the sun would be rising soon. I turned and laid my hand across his chest, gently pushing him down so he was lying on his back.

"Here. You need to try and rest." I said, lying down beside him and smoothing my thumb across his pale cheek. "I'll be right here when you wake up, I promise. Get some sleep."

"O-Okay." he nodded and obediently closed his eyes.

I tucked his blanket around his shoulders before relaxing and closing my eyes. Sleep didn't sound like such a bad idea.

That night, I dreamed of Rogue and what might've happened if I had found him just one day too late.

To be continued...