OPENING NOTES!
It's been awhile, my friends!
I know it's taken me awhile to get here, so if you need a refresher, I suggest going back to the previous story. If not, then here we are. :) DISCLAIMER!: None of the characters you recognize from the Twilight saga belong to me (duh). Only the ones you recognize as mine are mine (duh.. again). No lawsuits. I can't afford that.
I figured this was as good a time to release the first chapter as any. I'm still not completely done with the rest of the story, but we'll figure it out as we go. :)
Along those same lines, everything you read in this story is completely fictional. This isn't based on any kind of truth or real events, or whatever. Just covering my bases. It's been awhile.
I think that about covers it. As always, I appreciate any and all feedback I get for this as well as coming chapters, so if you've got the time, I would love to read your thoughts. :)
Here we go!
Chapter One
I was so late.
I was literally pulling on my shoes as I was leaving the house. Swinging into the garage like a badger was on my heels. My thick sweater under one arm and a wrapped gift probably getting smashed under my other as I sprinted for the other side of the garage.
"You're late." Alice teased as I threw myself into the front seat of her car.
"That's why you're driving." I replied, shutting my door. It was much faster than running, and I didn't trust my very limited driving abilities at her speed. Especially in this weather. She backed out of the garage, and I didn't even bother reaching for the seat belt. Instead, I pulled my sweater on.
I rolled a hair tie off of my wrist, pulling it off my hand with my teeth while gathering my damp hair. I gathered and smoothed until I was sure it was acceptable, wrestling it into a rough ponytail.
My hair was ridiculously long at this point. It nearly reached my lower back, and while I thought it was more trouble than it was worth, Alice loved it. The least I could do was keep it long. She was still hurt over the tattoo I'd gotten that one summer, but she had definitely come a long way since then. I had, too.
Today was December 14th. Heather's birthday. I doubted very much she felt like celebrating, which I understood perfectly, but it was something Mark had insisted on. The least I could do was be there to help her bear it.
I'd promised to be there, and I had to admit I was a little excited. It'd been too long since I'd last seen Zack. He'd been avoiding me pretty much all year. He was never around when I was, but I heard that wasn't weird for him anymore. He avoided everyone.
Since it was his mom's birthday, he couldn't exactly not be there. I promised myself I wouldn't push anything. I wouldn't even bug him if I got the impression he didn't want to talk to me. I just had to see him. I wanted to see for myself.
My mom would be there too, and I could easily bet that Andrew would be there if he knew I would be there, so it wasn't like I would be the only outsider there.
"We need to talk when you get home." Alice reminded me, and I sighed as I nodded my way out of my thoughts.
"I know." I was fully aware of that fact.
Considering I had thirteen days to let them know my final decision, they'd been so patient. I'd been pretty good about keeping the emotions under control, because I knew no matter what I did, I would come home. That part hadn't changed whatsoever.
The pressure, though, was almost unbearable now. My timer was down to days. That in itself brought up so many emotions. Thinking about all the people I would be leaving behind, but at the same time, those people were part of the reason why I needed to go.
"Pick me up around seven?" I requested as she arrived at Heather's house. It was just starting to snow, and supposed to snow all afternoon. I didn't really feel like walking in it.
"On the dot." She agreed, and I smiled.
"Thanks." Pushing open the door, I sighed and climbed out.
"Leandra?" Alice called me back and I looked in. "The present?" Oh, right. It was nothing special, but I had a feeling she'd appreciate it. I reached in and grabbed it, giving Alice another grateful smile before shutting the door.
I sprinted through the large flakes of snow to the front door, only shivering a little as I knocked on the door. Heather told me a long time ago that I didn't need to knock, but doing so just made me feel better.
Andrew was the one that pulled it open for me, and I glanced back at Alice waiting there before stepping inside. She'd been waiting, probably just in case.
"You really need to stop that." I commented as I stepped around him into the house. I couldn't believe how much he'd grown in a month. Just from the last time I'd seen him. It was like he'd gotten all his growth spurts at once. I knew that usually happened around his age, but it was ridiculous. I was getting jealous.
He chuckled and hugged me. I returned it, and he held on for a second longer than I was used to, but it was the way he obviously sniffed my head that made me laugh.
"What's up?" I asked, pulling back.
"New shampoo?" He asked, and I laughed again.
"No?" I answered, confused. "Why?"
"No reason." He laughed as well. "Just stronger today for some reason. Sorry."
"I did just get out of the shower like thirty seconds before I got here." I waved it off. I always felt so short around him. I'd always been small, and it seemed like the only part of me that grew was my hair, but I knew that wasn't true. I'd finally passed the five-foot mark, if only slightly. How small I was was only partly caused by my past. My mom was petite as well, so at least a little bit of it had to be genetic. It seemed the older I got, the softer I got.
Andrew, on the other hand, seemed more rugged. When he was younger, he was always just as scrawny as I was. Until about mid-point last year. Almost overnight, he grew out of that scrawny physique and though his arms were still toned and thin, he could easily pick me up, and he just kept going. He was a little different every time I saw him. I had to admit, though. He was pretty handsome.
We were both sixteen now, but we'd never been more different.
I could hear conversation further in the house, so I knew everyone was in the kitchen. I shook myself out of my thought, and started toward the voices. Andrew followed easily.
I was happy to see Heather was already sitting with my mom at the small kitchen table. The window over the sink let in a lot of cloudy daylight, so I was able to note that Heather still hadn't been sleeping well. As happy as I was to see her, like I always was, I felt sick with guilt every time I saw her.
She had really been struggling since Josh disappeared, with Zack's behavior only adding to her stress. She buried herself in her work, but I knew that was only to give her something to do. To keep her mind off of the fact that there had been no word.
I leaned down and hugged Heather first, since she was sitting closer. She always had a certain way of looking at me that made that guilt worse. I knew she didn't blame me, but she felt so sad seeing me since I used to spend almost every waking moment with her son.
"Hey, sweetheart." She greeted as happily as she could.
"Hey." I replied, standing upright and setting the small wrapped gift in front of her. "Happy birthday. How are you?"
"Thank you." She answered politely. I understood that. "I'm hanging in there. How about you, honey? How are you doing?"
"Been better." I admitted, the guilt coming back. In less than two weeks, I would be missing too. I tried coming up with some excuse, just so everyone else didn't have to worry, but that would seem too suspicious if I never came back.
"Oh, good." Richard spoke as he and Mark came walking in. "Someone decided to show up." He was joking, so I gave him a look. He'd forgiven me a long time ago for the little bit of trouble I'd caused back when Josh first went missing, and he never held it against me.
"Um.." I hesitated. "Where's Zack?"
Mark sighed. "I sent him to the store for chips. An hour ago."
The annoyance in his tone was pretty understandable too, but I also understood Heather's tension a little more now. I was pretty irritated myself at finding this out. Making his mom worry on her birthday? That sure didn't sound like him.
"I tell you, if there's a single scratch on my car.." Mark trailed off, shaking his head.
"Hold on!" I suddenly leaned down, and captured my mom's hand. The thin engagement ring now circling her left finger took my instant attention. My mom laughed, knowing exactly what I was looking at. "When did this happen?"
"Last night." My mom replied, and I blinked in surprise. Andrew chuckled behind me.
"I hope you don't mind?" Richard asked, and I took a second.
"No." I replied incredulously. "It's about damn time." They'd only been dating for years. He laughed as well, which told me he wasn't offended by my joke. Honestly, I couldn't have been happier for her.
For the most part, the mood stayed light. We all eventually moved to the living room to talk while Mark got dinner going in the kitchen.
The only tense moment was when Zack finally returned. He didn't even glance our way as he walked right by the living room to almost literally throw the grocery bag containing chips into the kitchen.
I was speechless, even when he went to walk right by again.
"Zack." My mom called, finally making him look at us. It was clear Heather wasn't going to.
"Yeah?" He asked expectantly. I noticed, even from where I sat, that he avoided looking at me. I looked down.
"How are you, honey?" My mom asked.
"Fine." He answered too quickly.
"Come sit." She offered. "Dinner-"
"No thanks." He didn't even wait. Turning for the stairs as casually as ever. I threw an incredulous look over at Andrew, who unfortunately wasn't surprised. Why hadn't anyone told me he'd gotten this bad? I thought all he needed was space.
I didn't wait either. I stood up, and despite my promise to myself, I moved to follow him.
"I wouldn't." Heather spoke up, making me pause.
"I would." I replied. "Don't worry, I won't take long."
She didn't protest again, so I continued on. I heard his bedroom door shut just as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I paid that no mind as I ascended the stairs, shaking my head. Avoiding people was one thing, but he was so blocked off now, I couldn't believe he was the same person.
I knocked on his door firmly. "Zack?"
No answer, so I knocked again.
"Go away, Leandra." He called back this time. It wasn't what he said that bothered me. It was how he said it that bothered me. He was angry?
I was about to knock again, but I thought better of it. Since when did I have to be afraid of Zack? I would listen to that little hesitation. Mainly because I didn't want to piss him off.
"Let me know if you wanna talk." I spoke at the door, but again, no reply. I didn't push it. I just walked away. Even through the door, I could sense the difference in him, and it floored me.
I honestly had no idea why he would be mad at me, and it puzzled me all the way back down the stairs.
He didn't make an appearance for the next few hours. We had dinner, and dessert as the evening settled in, and the snow picked up outside. Not a peep from Zack. I tried not to let it bother me. I really tried, because I didn't want to lose any part of what this evening meant to me.
It was my last chance to see everyone at once.
When my mom escaped out the back door, onto the porch, it was easy to decide to follow her. I didn't blame her. It was warm inside, and some fresh air sounded really nice. She stood there, lighting a cigarette, and I felt a small bit of jealousy for a moment, but I didn't give that much thought. I'd put that behind me.
The snow was falling in sheets just passed the porch, and the icy air bit at my cheeks as I came out to stand beside her. Everything was so quiet out here, I could almost hear the snow piling up all around us. It was such a contrast to the usual sound of rain.
I drew myself further into my heavy sweater, and sighed heavily.
"What's wrong?" I had to ask, looking over at her. I could tell she was on edge.
"What do you think, baby?" She asked honestly. "Is this a good idea?" I followed her gaze to her left hand ring finger.
"Definitely." I replied, and she looked at me. "This is a good thing, mom. He's good for you. How long have you guys been dating? Five years? Living with him for four?"
"I know." She smiled a little, but it was colored by her nervousness. "I know it's a good thing. I suppose I'm just a little hesitant."
"He's nothing like Jack was." I pointed out quietly. By the lack of reaction, I knew I'd touched on the reason behind her hesitation. "Or the asshole that came after. You found a good one this time."
"I think I've been waiting for his true colors to really show." She admitted and I shook my head.
"They already have." I reminded her, and she smiled. "He's not hiding anything. Trust me." She looked over at me again, and I smiled at her. I really wanted this for her. I wanted to know that she was in this good spot for good.
In her silence, I continued.
"I get it." I said. "I used to think like that too. I had a really hard time trusting anyone. I was so ready to just throw them all away, but the more I saw that people could actually get me, it got easier. Richard is one of the good ones, though. I've been watching you two together, and I really don't think there is anyone in the whole world better than him for you. You deserve to be happy too."
I smiled a little as she reached over and hugged me. I'd never really said these things to her before, only noting them to myself. Maybe because I'd been waiting for him to change, too. I didn't want to influence her decision any, in case he did turn out to be an asshole.
Thinking about it, though, it wouldn't make sense for Richard to take anything for granted. His first wife, Andrew's mom, had passed away when Andrew was really young. He'd been alone for too long, so I highly doubted he would ever treat my mom poorly.
"Remember the agreement we made?" I asked, and I felt her nod. I pulled back to look at her. "You'd have to be stupid not to marry him."
She laughed, thankfully not offended.
"And I don't think I ever did tell you." I went on before she could reply. "I forgive you. You don't have to hold it against yourself anymore. What happened.. I get it now. Believe me. It sucked, but.. It is what it is. I just want you to let yourself be happy again. That's all I want."
I could tell in her hug now that it meant a lot to her to hear that. I returned it, and for the briefest moments, my heart broke a bit. I sincerely hoped one day I would get to see her again.
This was why I agreed to go today. I knew I needed this. I'd been coming around to accept it for too long, and now I had to face it. I was about out of time. Now needed to be the time that I told her everything I had to say, because there was a very good chance I might not come home.
I had learned a lot about thinking ahead by then. Just a few years ago, I'd been so concerned about doing all the things I never would get to. I had done everything I could to find my own boundaries and priorities.
Losing Josh the way that I had taught me a harsh lesson about focusing on those that meant the most to me while I could, instead of doing all that stupid shit. I didn't need all that stupid shit.
I felt a little conflicted. While I was so sure that whatever happened, we'd all be okay, I also couldn't help being hesitant. There were so many variables here, so many complex directions with all these people that it overwhelmed the hell out of me. I knew we'd be okay, but what would it take to get there? That was the concerning part.
It seemed, especially as of lately, that my gift was choosing my path for me. I had to go. That part had been established, but what I waited for was the answer to how I would get back out. That was what made me forgive my mom tonight. No matter what happened in thirteen days, even if I never saw her again, I'll know that I was able to give her this.
I returned to the warmth inside to find Andrew. I found him in the living room, sitting on the couch. I smiled a little as he looked up at my arrival.
"So." I laughed a little. "What do you think about them getting married?" I had to ask, because it'd affect his life more than it'd affect mine.
He laughed a little as well, shaking his head. "You know, I don't know. I know for your sake, I should say it bugs me but it really doesn't. Nothing will change. She's been around for so long, I kinda got used to her."
I understood that. I wasn't even jealous anymore. I hadn't been for a long time.
I walked in and sat beside him, pulling a spare throw blanket to me. Taking the hint, he scooted over and pulled me into a hug. In my bundle, I couldn't exactly hug him back, but I didn't have to. He held onto me, and I suddenly felt the mood shift.
It so suddenly hit me how much I would miss him. From the moment this kid followed me around school, so many years ago, he'd been nothing but loyal. One of the truest and most accepting people I'd ever met, and he put up with a lot from me.
"I really can't explain it." His voice was so quiet, but I heard it so clearly against him like I was.
"What?" I asked just as quietly.
"I don't know." He replied. "This feeling I have. I've been so damn anxious lately, and it.. I don't know, it feels like something is going to go wrong."
I nearly lost it. There was absolutely no way he could know what was coming, but he sat here, and I heard the fear in his voice when he said that. He believed it.
"I'm sure everything will be fine." I muttered instead. I sat back, suddenly too warm. He'd certainly helped me warm up.
"Maybe it was seeing Heather." He sighed, and I looked down. "They still haven't found him. No word in over two years."
"I know." I mumbled sadly at my hands.
"All I can say, is that whatever happened to him.." He trailed off briefly, pausing. "Well, I'm just glad you weren't with him."
I understood perfectly what he meant, but it hurt. It bothered me deeply. I wasn't with him. Not when I should have been.
"Just.. Do me a favor." He requested, and I looked up. "Whatever he was doing, whatever he was in to, I have a feeling it had something to do with where he went. Promise me that you'll stay away from that stuff."
It was the very least I could do, and more than likely, it would be true.
"I promise." I replied sincerely. "I don't need it anymore." He hugged me again, and this time, I could return it. "Thank you."
"For what?" He asked, laughing a little.
"Just everything." I answered. "I'm so lucky you're so stubborn." His quiet chuckle made me smile, which was enough. I had to sit back again. "Are you feeling okay?"
He seemed like he wanted to say yes, but he thought better of it. He didn't even ask me how I could tell. He just stood up.
"I don't really know." He admitted, and I followed him. He looked out the front window at the falling snow. "I don't really feel sick, but.. Something's off. It's part of that feeling I was telling you about."
"You're burning up." I pointed out, but that wasn't news to him. He just looked over at me. The flush in his cheeks seemed blatant against his darker skin.
"I'll let my dad know after we get home." He assured me. "Like I said, I don't feel sick. I don't want to worry anyone right now." I pursed my lips, but I didn't argue.
The time came, too quickly, for Alice to pick me up. I was back in the kitchen, just finishing some hot chocolate and watching everyone play some card game, when the quiet knock came to the door.
Andrew left my side to get it, because I was too cozy to get up. I knew when he called my name that it was time for me to go. I stood up with a sigh, took my cup to the sink and rinsed it.
Andrew returned with Alice in tow. She seemed stiff, her eyes on him all the way into the kitchen until she reached my side. That was weird enough, but Andrew seemed just as stiff. He rounded the table to stand across the kitchen from us. He watched us closely, his arms crossed. He didn't seem upset, just very, very confused.
"Ready?" She asked me lightly. Her tone didn't match her tension just a second before.
"I guess." I sighed, and I got started on my goodbyes. I made them brief, like any other day. I almost let Richard know about Andrew's fever, but I decided to keep quiet about it. I trusted Andrew's judgement.
I left the house, and I was trying to walk swiftly because the snow was really coming down, but Alice's hand on my arm gently pulled me to a stop right as we reached the sidewalk.
I looked over at her, but she nodded to the side. I looked in that direction, only slightly surprised by who I saw standing there. I actually hadn't expected to see Zack before I had to leave. Especially after what happened earlier.
Even in the dark, with just the street light across the street to illuminate him, he looked like he'd done a lot of growing up since the last time I'd seen him. I nearly didn't recognize him, but it was unmistakable. The way he stood there with his hands in his coat pockets reminded me a lot of Josh, but he looked a lot rougher than I'd ever seen.
"Can I talk to you?" He asked. I glanced over at Alice.
"I'll be in the car." She told me, and I nodded.
I slowly, carefully made my way through the snow to his side. Slowly, he started walking, so I followed.
"Why didn't you come in?" I asked when he stayed silent. He and Andrew had always been pretty close. I was still surprised he was avoiding him too.
"I don't think I would be very welcome." He replied quietly. I looked back toward the car, noting how far we were from it, and he noticed. "Don't worry. I won't keep you long." He stopped walking, and I frowned a little. I finally started catching on to his tone. Something was wrong.
"Tell me what's wrong." I pressed, and for once, I was actually nervous. Especially as he pursed his lips a little and looked away.
I waited for his answer, but out of nowhere, I got it. I wasn't prepared for the rough slap across my face, and though I'd definitely had harder, it hurt a lot more than physically. I couldn't control the tears that sprang to my eyes as I looked at him again. I was only vaguely aware of the fact that Alice had suddenly arrived at my side. Zack didn't pay any attention to her either, though. His eyes were on me.
"I talked to my grandpa." He explained tightly. "A lot, actually. He told me about Jack, and he told me about you. Meeting with you that night."
Shit. He read my expression as I was so forcefully reminded of everything he was saying. I actually had never expected something like this to come up. Somehow, I expected Zack to always stay away from Ken.
"Yeah." He snapped.
"Zack, I had nothing to do with-"
"He told me the whole story." He cut me off harshly. "He told me everything you confessed to."
"And what did I confess to?" I let my hand fall. He was accusing me of something, and whatever it was, he wasn't happy about it.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Way I see it, you had more than just that slap coming. Be grateful."
"Watch it." Alice warned him, finally taking his attention off of me for a second. He took a breath, and looked at me again.
"I also find it pretty damn hard to believe you had nothing to do with Josh's disappearance." He went on. "Seeing as how we're all dropping like flies around you, should I ask who's next, or will it be a surprise?"
"Fuck you." I couldn't help responding to his bitterness with anger. "You have no clue what your psycho family has put me through. Now you?"
"Put you through?" He scoffed. "Jack had a good life, and you went a ruined that for him. All because of some stupid lie?"
I couldn't believe he'd just said that. Little by little, I was grasping how bad the situation was. He'd been talking to Ken, and naturally, Ken had gotten under his skin just like he tried to get under mine. Because of the relation, Zack felt the need to believe him.
"It wasn't a lie." My voice had hardened so much, I barely heard it.
"Oh, please." He rolled his eyes. "The facts don't lie, Leandra. The fact is he was let out because they finally figured out that you were lying."
"I wasn't lying." I snapped this time. "Do you want to see my scars again, or have you been fucking blind this whole time? I dare you to tell all this to your mom."
"She might believe you, because you're like the daughter she never had, but I don't anymore." He countered. "Jack did everything he could for you."
"No." I corrected. "Jack did everything he could to me. There's a huge difference."
"Just stop already." He was getting more pissed. "I'm glad he didn't stay in prison, but maybe he was safer there."
"Don't do this." I nearly begged him. "Don't make me punch you."
"Do it." He immediately replied. His tone sharp and hurtful. "It is a pattern of yours, isn't it? Attack anyone who tells you the truth? Jack, Josh, grandpa.. Am I next? It makes me sick that my mom spent so much time worrying about your worthless ass, when she was better off just leaving you to rot with that piece of shit family of yours-"
I cut him off with a slap to his face in return. He moved a step back, but I was shaking so hard at that point, I was grateful for Alice's support.
"Stay away from Ken." I told him when he looked at me again. "He's poisoning you, and you can't even see it." He rolled his eyes, and it only pissed me off.
"All I see is what's right in front of me." He countered, looking me up and down. "You had so many people fooled, and Josh paid the price." That one hurt. I still felt plenty of guilt over that. I wanted to deny it, or defend myself, but I really couldn't.
"She's not responsible for the choices other people make." Alice defended me in my silence.
"I wasn't talking to you." Zack snapped at her, and that pissed me off.
"Do you even hear yourself?" I asked. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"No, what the fuck is wrong with you?" He countered.
"Whatever." I grumbled. "I'm not going to stand here and put up with your shit. You're delusional. Get some help." I went to turn, but I remembered one thing. "And if you ever hit me again, you'll really wish you hadn't." He got a pass because of who he was, but it wouldn't fly again. I would knock him on his ass.
I didn't even wait for a reply. I rounded on the spot and walked away. I made my way toward the car, fighting the tears with everything I was. I knew I was fine physically, but having Zack turn on me so completely made me sick with heartbreak.
Everything made so much sense now, though.
"Just stay away from my family, Leandra." Zack called after me. "Whatever's left of us, anyway."
"Go home, Zack." I called back, and I felt pretty proud that my voice was as steady as it was. I pulled open the door and climbed in. Thankfully, Alice wasn't far behind. I took a deep breath, holding it in an attempt to calm down. It helped.
"He's wrong, Leandra." She told me as we got moving.
"I know." I muttered, nodding. "Don't worry, I'm okay. It's just.. So damn sad that he believes Ken of all people. I hate that he's changed so much."
Especially considering I was likely going to be seeing his brother soon.
"The only explanation for that I have is that he must have been more vulnerable than we thought." She sighed.
"After Josh." I nodded sadly. I had to agree with her, but it still hurt. He'd always been the sweetest kid. I'd never known him to have an ounce of hate in him, but clearly, Ken was way better at getting into someone's head than I expected.
I decided to send a quick text message to Heather. It was clear that she had no idea what was going on with Zack, so I thought it was best to tell her. The last thing she needed was for that son of a bitch to permanently turn Zack into someone we both hated.
We got home, and it was snowing just as hard here, but the garage was warm. The only thing I felt guilty about was not spending more time with Zack, if only to save him from Ken's influence. It was hard to do that, though, when Zack hadn't wanted to see anyone. Grief affected people differently. Me, it taught me that being so closed off was the wrong way to go. Him, it closed him off.
He wanted to blame someone for how he felt. Apparently, that would be me, but it wouldn't matter that much in two weeks. I shook my head as I walked inside, shivering a little as I started warming up. It was just one of those things, and it would be a thing I would regret.
"I hate the snow." I sighed on my way into the living room.
It was only a reminder of what was coming, and the agreement I made almost exactly five years before. I was such a different person then. I couldn't imagine back then how much could change in five years. The agreement I made as an eleven-year-old was finally coming to a close, and as badly as it killed me, I needed to go. I needed to get Josh out of there.
I removed my damp sweater, straightening my thin t-shirt under it and I immediately perched myself by the fireplace.
Finally making the decision to go wasn't the hardest part. Actually going would be the hardest part, but telling them I'd made the decision to go would be a close second. They had a feeling, I knew they did, so it wouldn't be a surprise. I just couldn't keep putting it off anymore.
"How did it go, sweetie?" Esme asked, suddenly in the room with me. She knew why I went today, and what I was looking for despite me not having said a thing about it.
"It was hard." I replied quietly. I forced a sad smile as I looked over at her. "My mom's getting married."
"That's wonderful." She smiled, and I nodded a little. I had to agree.
"She was nervous about it at first, but I talked her into it." I added with a sigh. "I mean, really. It's about time. She found a good one this time." I paused for a moment. "I'm glad I went. It was just hard."
Alice walked in, and I hoped she wouldn't say anything about Zack.
"I think Andrew's getting sick." I noted before she could.
"Why?" Esme asked, concerned now.
"When he hugged me, he was like a million degrees." I replied. "He just seemed.. Really off all day, and he was talking weird. He said he's been anxious lately, worried about something." That concerned them, given their glances to each other. "I've never seen him sick, so that's really weird."
"Good evening, princess." I felt my mood lift immediately as Mikah walked in from outside. I saw him regularly, but it always cheered me up to see him. His golden eyes always made me smile.
He'd been doing so well in his intent to change his feeding habits, and though there were days he couldn't really be around me, he seemed to be okay today, given how much brighter gold his eyes were. He'd just hunted.
It cheered me up even more to see Cole walk in right behind him.
Cole had become a regular around here as well, though not as often as Mikah was. Cole wasn't giving up his humans, but that was okay with me. It was a hard thing to change, and his wasn't a requirement.
I was told nothing of their plans, but I expected that. I still needed to tell them my decision. That would have a lot of influence over what they chose to do.
If I'd decided to stay, it would have been easy, but the fact that I absolutely needed to go get Josh made it harder. I couldn't leave him there.
"Hey." I greeted Mikah, but I couldn't move from the fireplace. I was still too cold.
I knew it was just a matter of time before the room became crowded. I expected it because Alice let me know we'd be having a talk when I got home. For right then, I was okay with silence and just remembering.
I'd come a long way in this house, and soon, I'd be leaving it. I knew one way or another, I would always come back home, but it still hurt to leave it. It could be a few months before I came back, or a few years. I could still be human, or I could be turned, it wouldn't make a difference. I swore that to myself repeatedly.
"I know what you want to say." I spoke minutes of reflection later. I wasn't surprised when I glanced over to see how occupied the room had become. "I know what you want me to say, but.."
"We understand your reasons, Leandra." Esme replied gently, but she was probably the saddest of everyone. I hated making her sad.
I was comforted, though, by the way I didn't even have to tell them my decision. They already knew.
"I'll come back." I assured them. "No matter what it takes, I'll come back."
"Yes you will." Cole replied, and his confidence made me smile a little.
"If this is what you want to do, I want to be sure that you're aware of the risks." Carlisle spoke calmly, thankfully not trying to talk me out of it.
"I know." I nodded. "I know it's risky."
"Yours isn't the only gift he's been after in his life, Leandra." Alice pointed out. "He has a lot of them on his side, and a whole lot of tricks up his sleeve."
"I know." I repeated. "I know about Jane, and Alec. I know pretty much all of them already. I've really thought this through. He won't want me around them too much while I'm human, anyway. As long as I don't do anything to piss anyone off, I'll be okay. I just really have to be careful. What worries me a little, though, is that he isn't sure about turning me right away anymore. He changed his mind about that."
"Well, that's a good thing, right?" Emmett asked, and I looked over at him.
"Yeah." I agreed. "But why? What reason would he have to keep me human? And why would he suddenly decide to change his mind?"
"That is a little concerning." Esme had to agree.
"And what happens if he turns you anyway?" Mikah asked, and I shrugged. He was unhappy. He'd been hoping I wouldn't go this route. He even admitted a few times that he just wanted to keep me for himself.
"Then I get turned." I replied. "It would make my job easier, I think. Maybe he's just worried that I'd be stronger than him. He knows I won't want to be there."
"That's a good point." Jasper nodded. "If he'll be working that closely with you, he doesn't want the risk associated with it until you're either content or subdued."
"That'll never happen." I sighed. "I'm only going there for one thing. To get Josh out of there. Whatever I have to do to get that done, I won't care." They didn't quite like that, but neither did I. Honestly, I was scared. Getting in would be easy. Getting out, not so easy, but it was the only way.
"He won't let me come with you." Mikah murmured. I knew that, too. "You'll be on your own there."
"I know." I mumbled again. I hated that. "You need to stay here, anyway. I'm gonna need as much back up as I can get when I get out, and you have to fill in for me while I'm gone."
I knew why he was not okay with that. I'd been his focus for so long. Without me here, he would feel restless. Aro had chosen him well, but Mikah was part of the family now. Taking him from here would have been the worst thing I could do.
I sat in silence for several seconds, before I took a deep breath and looked over at Mikah.
"Go to him." I said. "Tell him there won't be a fight."
This wasn't news to him, but something about hearing me say that must have bothered him. His expression and posture fell, like he hated that thought so much.
"Let us protect you." He actually begged. "That boy isn't worth it anymore."
"I'm out of time to change my mind, Mikah." I pointed out calmly. "And he is worth it. He still matters to me. This is my one chance. I won't get another one."
"This is stupid." He argued, and I stood up. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. I mean this is a stupid decision. I'm not helping you give up."
"I'm not giving up." I countered.
"I told you I would do whatever I could for you, within reason." He reminded me. "This is unreasonable."
"That sucks for you, doesn't it?" I snapped. "I'm not changing my mind again. I made my choice. Live with it or don't, but I need to know what to do when he comes for me." I was getting defensive. He sure chose the worst time to tell me these things. With my arms crossed, I turned my back to him, pacing a few steps away.
He didn't even reply. I heard him leave the house, flinching only a little as the door slammed behind him and I looked down. He was angry at me, but that was how it would have to be.
"I'll go talk to him." Cole sighed when nobody moved. He left a lot quieter than Mikah had, which I was grateful for. It had been a very emotional night, though, and getting snapped at by Mikah was the final straw.
The sound of the door slamming only made it harder not to cry, so I just stopped trying. I sat back down, this time in the closest chair. I leaned forward, holding my head in my hands. My hair created a curtain around my face as I finally started to cry.
The hardest part was that I couldn't even be mad, because I understood. I knew why he felt the way he felt, because I felt the same way, but that didn't make Josh mean any less to me. I knew this was risky, but I also knew I would always regret it if I didn't at least try. I couldn't just let it go and forget him. I couldn't. I'd been trying.
I wasn't at all surprised when I felt Esme sit with me, pulling me into a hug. She had always been the one to comfort me when things were too much. From the moment I met her, at the hospital that day. This was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but I would do it. To buy them time and to get Josh out of there.
I was getting ripped apart for the benefit of everyone else.
"I wish so much I could." I said, sitting upright again. I didn't hide my tears anymore. "There's no worse feeling than being pulled in two different directions, but I'll never forgive myself if I leave him there. It's my fault he's there. I have to try. I don't know yet what I'll do to get back out, but I'll never stop trying. I'll figure it out."
"I'm sorry." I looked up right as Mikah returned, and he was suddenly hugging me.
I returned it instantly, my arms around his neck, resting on his shoulders. I was hoping to take just a little bit of his strength, and it would have been so stupid to stay mad at him. Not when I had so little time left here, and definitely not for telling me the truth.
My relationship with Mikah was a complicated one. The way I felt about him never faded. I never got used to it, but I was comfortable in it. We were both consistent friends. Over the last few years, he kept me home more often, kept me safe, but the longer I spent with him, the less I minded.
I went to him for everything, but especially when I wanted to feel lighter. It didn't take him long to get the truth of my past out of me. Despite my worries about that, he never treated me any different. He didn't see me as anything fragile, and that just made it easier to feel closer to him.
I didn't exactly know how to describe it. I absolutely did love him. There was no question, but it was different from anything I'd ever felt. It wasn't quite the same love I had for my family, but also different from the love I felt for my friends. The same, but different.
He was always there for me in every way, but he was always physically distant. Not that I minded. He hugged me when I needed it, but that was it. I grew older, closer to his age physically and really growing up a lot in the last few years, creating a hell of a lot of confusing and complex emotions I honestly didn't know what to do with.
Over time, the more he was able to resist his nature like they did, my family relaxed a little bit when it came to hugs, but we both knew the longer a hug lasted, the more dangerous it was. That didn't take anything away from it, though. I always respected him when he ended a hug, and let him go, but I always wished they could last longer. I craved his closeness. I never told him that part.
Eventually, he sighed and I knew he'd let go soon. I held on this time, lowering my head and hiding my eyes against his shoulder. Even through his t-shirt, the cold temperature of his skin was a relief. His arms tightened just a little bit around me, nearly squeezing another sob from me. I would miss this a lot.
"I'm not handling this well." He admitted quietly. I knew that. I could feel that too.
"I'll come back." I told him. "One way or another. I promise."
He didn't believe me. I could tell by the way he lowered his own head, resting his lips against the top of my head.
There were things he wanted to say. So many things. Just as many things I wished I was brave enough to tell him, but I knew we'd part ways without saying them, because saying them would only hurt more.
"I miss you." I mumbled instead, and I knew he knew what I meant. I'd told him a few months back that I always hated it when he had to leave, and I always missed him before he even left.
Nobody else said anything during this moment, and I wasn't sure why that was. Our hug was lasting way too long for their taste, I could tell, but they never protested. They were so silent, the room could have been empty, but it wasn't. I could finally let him go, so I carefully pulled back, but as I did so, I felt the unmistakable feeling of his kiss touching the top of my head. That softest pressure only hurt my heart more.
It told me that no matter what, he would be there. I had to be a mess, but he just looked at me, smoothed my hair from my damp cheek with his hand and attempted a smile.
"I miss you too." He replied. It was always hard to see the pain coloring his expression, and now was no exception. I felt guilty for making him hurt, but he never once complained.
"We'll be here, Leandra." Cole finally spoke again, and looked over at him. "As long as it takes. If this is what you choose, your only job is to get back home."
That comforted me. Only enough to stop crying.
I took a deeper breath, and with Mikah so close, I noted for the thousandth time how good he smelled. I would really miss that smell.
Nobody liked my decision, but they weren't trying to talk me out of it, which I appreciated. They knew as well as I did that I'd already considered every angle of this decision.
As I laid in bed that night, attempting to sleep, I wondered for the first time how my feelings for Mikah would change what I felt about seeing Josh again. There were many times over the last year that I questioned whether or not it was still worth it, but every time I questioned it, my head answered for me.
All the time I spent with Josh and how much I owed him who I was couldn't be erased by how dangerous this was. I owed him so much, and all the ways he mattered to me answered that question. The very least I could do was give it one good try.
From that day on, time only sped up. Night came faster, morning followed just as quickly. I stayed home. I got in as much family time as I could, and eventually, Mikah did let me know how it would go.
For a peaceful exchange, he would take me from here, to a meeting spot. Ness would be there, and Edward was allowed to come with her. Probably so Aro could see her for himself, and make sure that that whole situation had resolved itself.
Other than that, my family couldn't come with me, and I knew immediately that meant that they'd be watched. If anything were to happen between here and when Aro had me, they would be the ones to pay the price. I wouldn't change my mind.
I was allowed one bag. No clothes, because those would be provided. Apparently, they had a strict dress code, but I could take some personal items of mine. Whatever could fit in one bag. Figuring out what would go in that bag was one of the hardest decisions. What would I take?
The morning of the day I had to leave, I fought to numb myself. I felt sick with grief.
I managed to fit one of my pillows in the bottom of the bag, followed by several pictures. I took them out of their frames, so I would have more room, but I wanted to keep these pictures. The photos were of everyone. Moments I could always look back on, and remember where I needed to get back to. Tenth birthday, eleventh birthday, moments throughout. The day I was adopted. Twelfth birthday, with Josh and Zack. Andrew. Family, friends, photos of my time here. My mom, my dad and his family.
A small jewelry box given to me by Esme on my fifteenth birthday. A few books I'd gathered during my time here, one of which keeping the photos safe. Other little things, but to keep everything safe, I added my second pillow last. Squashing it all in there, I barely got the zipper closed.
As soon as I sat down on my bed, my heart broke again. I did everything I could to make the pain stop, but the more I looked around my room, the harder that was. Fully dressed, shoes and all, I laid to the side and curled up on my bed one last time. I knew I couldn't take too long, because I was crumbling quickly.
I left my room as soon as I could swallow enough emotion, turning off the light for the last time and closing my door for the last time. I felt a million pounds heavier as I carried my bag with me, up the hall for the last time.
I kept telling myself that it wasn't the last time, that I would see everything again, but it still felt final somehow. I wouldn't be the same when I came back. That was the scariest feeling. Who would I be?
The room was absolutely packed. More than usual. I was actually surprised to see that Jacob had come by. Seth beside him. Over time, how much I didn't like Jacob had become a running joke. He had warmed up quite a bit after Ness was born, but he'd been there in that field. The day I first made this agreement. That mattered to me.
I still liked Seth just fine, but given his expression, he didn't like this arrangement any more than anyone else did. He'd seen me grow up just as much as everyone else.
They all watched me, and I honestly didn't know where to start. I let my bag fall, landing gently on the floor. Ness and Edward also stood back by the door, so I knew they'd gotten the message. Her presence here certainly explained Jacob's presence here.
Ness' gaze was on the floor. Physically, she looked closer to my age now. She raced through the last few years, as if she'd reached a point where she just had to finish up. She still had a hint of her baby looks, but other than that, she was old enough to blend right in.
After a solid minute of silence, I knew I couldn't put this off any longer. Before I even knew it, the time had come. I wasn't any more prepared for it than I had been five long years ago.
I ached so bad.
I couldn't stop the trembling of my voice as I spoke to the room. "Can you just promise me something?"
"Anything, shorty." Emmett muttered, and I forced a tearful smile. I would miss that little nickname. It meant a lot to me, but it would probably be a long time before I heard it again.
"Don't forget me?" A handful of sobs followed that request. I couldn't keep them back, and he was the first one to step forward. Wrapping me in a tight hug, which I returned.
I knew this hug had to last, so I gave all of my effort with this one. I needed him to know how much I really didn't want to leave. It was important that he knew that no matter what, he'd always been the best brother I ever could have asked for. I didn't want to let go, but somehow, I managed to.
"You kidding?" He asked as I looked up at him, stepping back just half a step. "Never." I didn't even have time to clear my tears off of my cheeks before Rosalie pulled me into a hug next. I returned it, of course. In my own way, I would miss her too, but this hug was brief. She squeezed me tight, before pulling back just a little bit to grip my chin, turn my face up and look me in the eye.
"Stay strong, Leandra." She told me firmly. "Stay smart. Use your head. Remember everything we've ever told you, and you'll be alright." I nodded, sniffling roughly. She believed in me. She believed I would be okay.
"Thank you." I whimpered, almost having a hold on myself. "For always knocking me back into place." She smiled a little at that.
"We might not have gotten along very well, Leandra, but I'm tough on everyone." She sighed, moving my hair from my shoulder. "It's nothing personal. I just know you're smarter than you acted sometimes."
"I know." I replied, forcing a tearful smile. "You just show that you care a little differently than anyone else I know."
She hugged me again, tighter this time, and I returned it.
Surprisingly, Bella reached for a hug right after. We'd never really been that close, but we both always had something in common. The family. She married into it, I was adopted. Both of us outsiders, but accepted nonetheless. She went through the same abandonment I did when they left. She just handled hers a little better.
I watched her, as everyone else did, as she slowly lost her life to bring Ness into existence. She was stronger than me, but the way she hugged me now, I would have never believed it. It was like she knew what the was costing me.
"You've come so far." She told me quietly. "I still see you as that little girl in our Biology class." I smiled tearfully at that. "That'll never change. Remember who you are, and where you came from, and you can accomplish anything."
"It's so hard to leave." I admitted quietly, shaking my head a little. "I really don't want to go."
"I know." She said. "I know how much this is hurting you, Leandra, and there's nothing I can say that'll make this any easier on you, but.. Thank you."
"Thank me?" I asked, slightly surprised.
"For showing us what it means to be strong." She clarified, smiling slightly. I returned it sadly, sighing. She had no idea. "That day so long ago was the most pivotal in your entire life. Never forget it, and all of the strength you showed that day. That's yours for the rest of your life."
I hugged her again, and that was it for her.
Jasper and Alice were harder to say goodbye to. They'd helped raise me just as much as Carlisle and Esme had.
Jasper first, hugging me tightly, and I cried as I returned it. Tears trailing softly down my cheeks as I did so. He kept hold for longer than I expected him to. Offering me just a shred of comfort with the physical contact.
It was always tense between him and I, but it also created a bond. It taught me to be more careful. There had never been another slip up, and I fully believed that what happened the day I cut my finger had helped him. I never once held it against him.
"Keep your head up, Leandra." He told me. "You're tougher than anyone has ever expected you to be. Take some pride in that."
"Just not so bright sometimes." I smiled a little, hugging him tighter.
"Of course you are." He said. "All of us have made some mistakes, deciding to do some things that we know aren't the right choices, but that doesn't mean you're not intelligent. It shapes us, and it makes us who we are."
"I'm going to miss you." I admitted. "I can't tell you how much you've taught me."
"I know," He sighed. "And I'll miss teaching you." I smiled sadly. That was as close to an, 'I'll miss you' as I was going to get from him. I'd take that. Even as it was, I didn't mind it.
I finally stepped back, instantly missing the comfort he provided. He gave me a smile instead, stepping back just enough for Alice to take his place, and I swear she gave a quiet sob of her own as we hugged this time.
Alice was the very first one to see me that day. The first family member I'd ever met, but definitely not the last. Because of her, I didn't spend the entire hour in pain, and it was because of her that I began to learn that not everybody was out to hurt me.
She'd been my friend, my sister, and protected me through everything she could. She'd supported me through many stupid ideas, knowing full well I was wrong, but she chose to let me find that out on my own.
She talked to me about boys, and what to do about them. She comforted me, and taught me the basics of my gift. She pushed me, but not too hard, to learn everything I could about it. Even when that gift turned out to be the very reason I had to say goodbye to her.
"You find a way to call us if you ever need anything." She told me firmly. "Or I swear, I'll skin you."
The rest of these goodbyes were going to kill me. Tear me to pieces.
"We need to leave soon, princess." Mikah told me softly by the door. I knew he wasn't trying to rush me, but we couldn't afford to be late. I glanced back at him, giving a small nod.
Alice released me, and moved aside with Jasper. Leaving two. I cried harder as they stepped forward. Knowing this was it.
"Oh, honey." Esme whispered, wrapping me into a tight hug. "I know you'll be okay." I sobbed into her shoulder, clinging to her. Trembling with the effort to keep the sobs back. This was one of the hardest goodbyes I'd ever had to give. "Just remember. You'll always have a place here. No matter what, that'll never change. We love you so much, Leandra."
Esme had been so much more of a mom than I ever knew to ask for. She was always there when I needed a mom. Where my mom had failed, she picked me up and showed me what it meant to be loved. She loved me through my failures and faults, and she loved me through my strengths and successes. My extreme lows, she was always there. My highest highs, she was there.
She taught me when I had to be home-schooled, and I learned so much more with her than I ever had at school. She supported me when I didn't quite understand something, explaining in a way I would understand. She kept at it, never giving up and never letting me give up.
Plain and simple, she was my mother.
"I love you, mom." I shook in her arms. "I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me." The others were silent as I stepped back, and she took my cheeks in her hands. Wiping the tears from my face, she kissed my forehead. That only resulted in more tears falling from my eyes.
She held my gaze for a moment, before taking one step to the side, her arm around my shoulders. We both looked to Carlisle now. I didn't know this pain was possible. I had no idea before just how much this would hurt. How was I still breathing? I had to remind myself, though. This wasn't nearly as painful as it had been to lose him completely.
I knew I had to make this quick, though, or I'd change my mind.
I stepped forward quickly, already sobbing as I hugged onto him tightly. He wasted no time in returning the hug, wrapping me tighter than anyone had yet. I sobbed openly now, clinging tightly to his shirt.
Remembering clearly how much he'd meant to me since the moment I'd met him, it seemed impossible that I already had to tell him goodbye.
Carlisle was the first one I'd ever decided to trust. Being hurt, so very many times before, he took that challenge and he turned it around. He showed me that it was okay to be afraid, and to be cautious. He always chose to take the harder road, and correct me with words, instead of actions. Teaching me what it was like to have a dad, something I never, ever thought I'd have before.
He taught me hope, and he taught me love. Comfort, support, and guidance. All of the things I'd never had before, he gave to me freely. He showed me that no matter what, I deserved those things. He turned my life around, and he gave me a family when I had nothing to give in return.
Every single thing I had in my life now, including still being alive at all, I owed to him. He was the reason I was still alive, and he was the reason I knew I could be strong.
"I know." He murmured to me. "I know." The emotion in his voice was quiet, but I heard it clear as day. I couldn't stand it. I never imagined such pain was possible. Torn between having to go, and not wanting to leave. If I didn't go now, I wouldn't at all.
"I'll always love you." I cried. I closed my eyes, trying to hide it. "That's the only reason I'm doing this at all. I don't want to go, but I have to. I have to."
"Always." He told me in return. "No matter what." I knew what he was telling me. I'd always be wanted. No matter how I came back. I sobbed, nodded and hugged him one last time. Letting him go was probably harder than anything else I'd done. I knew how much this was hurting them all, but him most.
From the moment he held that hand out to me in the nurse's office that day, until now, I'd always had him in my corner. He had my back, no matter what, but from this moment on, I would have to be strong on my own.
"Time to go, Leandra." Mikah spoke up again. His voice heavy. That reminded me. I bit a sob back as I let go, stepping back.
I looked around now, taking one last tearful look at my family. Alice stood in Jasper's arms, looking miserable as I'd ever seen her. She looked to me, meeting my eyes with the same emotions I met hers with. Emmett's arm was around Rose as she stared at the floor. She looked more angry than sad, but I knew it wasn't at me. Emmett was the heartbroken one in that pair. Edward and Bella were both equally sad, Edward's arm around Bella's waist.
I blinked tears from my eyes as I forced myself to step back half a step more, away from Carlisle. Esme stepped to his side, and I couldn't help hugging them both now. I couldn't stand it. Esme smoothed my hair down my back, trying to comfort me.
"Thank you." I cried. "So much. For everything."
"Take care of yourself, Leandra." Esme murmured to me. "From now on, it's up to you to be safe. Most of all, come home."
I took a deep breath and nodded.
After that, I turned. I had to leave quick. It took every ounce of willpower I had in me to make myself walk away, to cross the room and head toward a future that was drastically different than what I'd imagined before. Mikah's golden eyes met mine as I made it to him, pulling on my coat quickly. He already had my bag.
"You ready?" He asked me quietly, and I didn't even dare to breathe. Forcing a nod. He instantly turned, pulling open the door for me. I looked down at the snow covered porch, hoping I didn't slip, but hoping I did as well. Maybe if I hurt myself, I could stay.
Mikah stepped outside with me, and the cold bit at every inch of exposed skin. Almost immediately, I was nearly covered in the large flakes falling from the sky. I'd underestimated how cold it'd been.
I looked over as Edward followed me, Ness beside him. He looked at me, and I saw easily that he knew full well what I was going through. That was all the time I had before Mikah carefully scooped me up off my feet. He seemed to hug me for a second, trying to comfort me.
I closed my tear-filled eyes, and the second I felt the wind passing me, I lost it. Squeezing my eyes shut, and just shattered right there in Mikah's arms. Sobbing breathlessly. This was the hardest thing I'd ever done. There was no question I had to do this, but it was very, very difficult.
It didn't take us long to get to the clearing. The wide, very large clearing surrounded by trees on all sides. It was the same clearing in which I'd first made the agreement. This was the meeting spot. How symbolic, I thought bitterly.
Covered in snow, it hurt my eyes to look up. I was let down on my feet in the snow, keeping my still weeping eyes on the white beneath me. The silence was deafening. At least it was to me. I was sure everyone else could hear a lot more going on.
"I don't want you to worry." Ness finally spoke up, and I saw she was having a hard time. It was clear she was trying her best not to cry. She was using any excuse she could to keep me from crying. That was her thing. In an effort to make herself feel better, she fought so hard to make others feel better.
It bothered me, because she meant a lot to me too. I might have treated her like an annoying little sister, but to be honest, her constant positivity was refreshing. I'd known her from the time she was minutes old. She had never known true pain. She had grown up with the best family in the world.
"I'm not worried." I assured her, despite how everyone there knew how hard my heart beat in fear, and the struggle it gave under the weight of it breaking right in half.
"Not that." She shook her head, her breath creating a puff in the air in front of her. "About Andrew."
"What about Andrew?" I was immediately terrified. Beside her, Edward sighed.
"We never told you." Edward assured me before Ness could have a chance to reply. "We've known for a number of years now what Andrew was."
"Was now a good time?" Mikah groaned, glancing over. "There is absolutely no time to explain."
"What.." I was stuck, only able to look at them. "What are you talking about?"
"He's fine, Leandra." Edward probably saw the panic in my blank mind. "He's a werewolf. Like Jacob."
I stared.
I finally breathed, but it was only to stay conscious.
Did he just say what I thought he said? Andrew? Of all people? He was supposed to be the normal one! I was completely stunned, so while I processed that, Edward thought it was a good time to continue.
"We knew it wouldn't be a problem until he was older." He explained. "We saw signs when you were both younger, and we knew we needed to be careful. As long as he didn't spend much time around us, there was a good chance the gene wouldn't kick in early. That's why we never allowed him to come over after a certain point, but there was nothing we could do about it kicking in on its own when it chose. He must have sensed what was coming, because he phased yesterday."
Back up, I thought loudly. I still couldn't speak. Hold on. Were we talking about the same person?
"From what we were able to gather, it came from his mother's side." Edward went on, despite my thoughts. "She's the one that can be traced back to the reservation, but from what we've found, it goes much further back. He is perfectly fine. Better than fine, actually. He's still the same person. Please take a breath."
And I did, but I was having a really hard time thinking about him like that. As a.. A what?
"Was now the best time?" I breathed, looking over at Ness incredulously. She looked sheepish.
"I only wanted to tell you not to worry about him." She admitted. "Because you don't need to. He's in good hands now. I'll make sure of it."
That actually helped. That, and taking another breath. I started to think again. If he was a werewolf, what did that mean for my mom and his dad?
"They'll be taken care of too." Edward replied. "Guaranteed. Not only on the pack's side, but ours. They'll be filled in on the basics, and they'll know what it entails."
That helped too. I took another few seconds, before I finally sighed hard and nodded. I had absolutely no choice but to put that information aside. I would look at that another time now that I had most of the details. I had more important things to worry about right then.
Like what silently arrived seconds later.
Mikah came to my side, and Edward stepped around Ness to stand in front of her, and their tension made me face forward. There Aro stood, and he wasn't alone. There was a handful of his guard members with him, probably for his own protection. I knew full well there were more somewhere.
It was silent between us for several seconds, and as uncomfortable as I was when Aro looked at me, I was twice as uncomfortable when he looked at Ness. I was close enough to see him look her over rather closely, but whatever was going through his mind, whatever he was taking note of, made Edward tense even more.
"Aro." I spoke before that tension could go anywhere. I didn't want Edward to have to get protective, so I needed Aro's attention diverted. It worked. His eyes landed on me.
"Leandra." His cheerful tone just darkened my mood. "You are magnificent. How pleased I am that you changed your mind."
"I had no choice." I replied through my teeth, and my eyes closed in an attempt not to cry. I was so angry that I'd been forced to bend. He had someone precious to me. Someone I couldn't let go, and he knew it.
I listened to him stepping closer, only glancing up as he stopped in front of me. How could he be so cheerful when he knew this was hurting me so much? Not only was it hurting me, but it was causing my family pain as well. He knew that. There was no way he couldn't. Anyone with any sort of heart would have let me go, but that was just him. He didn't give a single care in the world what it took, as long as he got what he wanted.
He watched me closely as I struggled to maintain my steel expression, despite the tears that spilled from my glaring eyes.
"Don't cry, my dear." He murmured to me, resting his hands on my shoulders. "I couldn't bear it if you hated me." I literally bit back what I wanted to say. I glanced over at Edward, and I saw full well that both he and Ness were thinking the exact same thing I was.
"This isn't fair." I pointed out in an angry, pained whisper as I looked back up at him. His expression softened, and for a second, I saw that he agreed.
"I know." He replied, but he didn't offer anything else. Instead he sighed a little, leaned back and studied me now. Looking at me like someone would study a car they were thinking about buying. One they were very pleased with.
He studied me like he was seeing all the similarities, comparing this me with the one he'd seen in the vision. I read it in his eyes, especially when they returned to my face.
"You're perfect." He finally smiled.
I didn't know what he wanted me to say to that. I was just me. Releasing my shoulders, his hands moved to grasp my left hand, pulling it to himself much easier than he'd been able to in the past.
I was already braced, but he wasn't looking for a vision. He just wanted my thoughts. I did grow nervous, though. Cole had said he didn't care if Aro saw anything, but I looked over at Mikah beside me. He was tense, definitely not happy, but he wasn't afraid.
"I see." Aro finally sighed. He was disappointed.
"I told you I'd never stop fighting." I muttered, and he released my hand.
"If it comforts you, I suppose you can continue to keep that mentality." He replied. "You're here now. We'll go from here."
Returning to the task of studying me, he didn't even look at Mikah, but he spoke to him.
"Mikah, thank you for delivering her. You may go now."
Just like we both expected, he wouldn't let Mikah come with me.
"Can't he come with me?" I asked anyway. "It would help me."
"It would help you far too much, I'm afraid." Aro answered, shaking his head. "You are a flight risk. It would be foolish of me to allow someone with the same agenda to accompany you."
Aro looked at him now.
"Because of the wonderful job you've done keeping track of her, I'm allowing you to live your life." Aro continued at him, his tone a lot quieter, and frankly, a lot more dangerous. "I highly suggest you take it. Due to your decision to betray me, I will not extend the courtesy of a third offer."
Nervously, I looked over at Edward. He looked just as concerned.
Mikah stood still, and I knew by the look on his face that he wasn't going to willingly leave me here, so I had to do something. I was the first to turn. I took the front of Mikah's shirt in my hand, and pulled him around, walking a few steps away. Surprisingly, he followed. I parked him with myself between him and Aro. I did that on purpose, but he was still able to look at Aro from there.
"I know." I told him, and he looked down at me. "This really sucks, but remember what I said. Back up. Go back home. Tell them I made it, okay? And I'll see them again as soon as I can."
He really didn't want to let me go, but I had to make the decision for him. Just like before. I looked up at him, and the misery in his eyes made me sad. Carefully, I took his hand in mine.
"Thank you." I told him quietly, sincerely. "For stopping that day, and every day after. I'll make it up to you."
He didn't respond, looking over me at Aro, but I pulled his hand to gain his attention again.
"Go back home." I told him again. "I'll be okay, as long as you are."
He sighed heavily, and hugged me tightly. I returned it easily. I held on as long as I dared, and I couldn't help breathing in one last time, just for that last shred of comfort. Again carefully, I leaned up and lightly kissed his cheek on my way back. That seemed acceptable, as he let me step back.
Before I could crumble, I slowly took my bag from him and he let it fall from his shoulder. It hit the snow briefly before I pulled it onto my own shoulder.
That was harder than I expected, but I made myself turn, and walk away.
I managed to take the seven long steps it took to stand in front of Aro without crying my eyes out, but I trembled. He had to know this was hard for me, and that I was scared. Looking back, I saw that Mikah now stood with Edward, but that was as far as he'd moved.
"You will be safe there, my dear." Aro told me. "You have my word on that." I sniffled and nodded, unable to speak. His assurances did nothing to calm my fear, though I knew he was being honest with me, but I figured I'd just have to see for myself.
"Let's go." I mumbled. "Before I change my mind."
"That wouldn't be a wise idea, Leandra." He chuckled, but waved the handful of guard members over. "You already know that."
He seemed smug, and I knew he had reason to be. He got to take me, and there was nothing anyone could successfully do to stop him. I wanted to say something, but was scooped up off my feet before I could. I looked over at the guard member holding me, my bag on his shoulder now. His expression was firm, so I didn't even consider fighting him.
I held on the best I could as we were suddenly on our way. The realization hit me, and I struggled hard to hold in my emotions again. It still hurt, though. Leaving absolutely everything I knew behind. The place we were going was somewhere I'd only ever seen in visions, and most of those didn't end well for me.
The entire way there, I wondered about my family. How they were dealing with this, and what they said when Mikah came back.
I wondered if any of them had doubted I would make it to this point, or had doubted my willpower. I wondered what they thought about the fact that I had made it to this point, and I wondered how they'd cope. They still had each other, though. They would be fine. We hadn't even gotten there yet, but I was desperately homesick. I'd have given anything to go back.
If I could have just given Aro my gift, I would. In a heartbeat. He could have it. He could take it, and if that meant I could just go home, I would have done it. I knew that wasn't possible, but I couldn't help thinking about it.
What would it be like to not have to deal with this anymore? I understood that gifts like mine didn't come along very often, but I didn't care. A gift like mine took a whole hell of a lot of patience and time to figure out, but Aro seemed like the type of person who could figure it out fairly quickly. I'd give anything to be normal again, with my own problems. Not everybody else's.
A/N: That was depressing! :D
Chapter two won't be, I promise. I'll be working on that when I get a chance to, and hopefully, I can get that out sometime within the next few days. I have an almost 4 year old here that demands a lot of my time during the day, but I'll figure it out.
Until 2, my beautiful readers!