this is what 3 am watching of tgp gets you, along with a lack of sleep for about 2 days or so.
Tahani exhaled carefully and stared at the file in her hand, rereading the name that she didn't think she'd see for awhile. The other human files that had been placed on her desk had no bearing to her at the moment-just this one.
Michael Realman.
By all means, she knew the day was to come eventually that she was going to see his name among the pile.
"Janet?" Tahani called and her Janet appeared, purple necklace with J+J still around her neck even after many Jeremy Bearimies, her eyes kind and knowing after many reboots but not enough to the point where she was some strange being like Derek. Tahani fiddled with her peacock bowtie, smiling shyly at Janet.
"Hi there, Tahani." Janet smiled, eying the file in Tahani's hands and then turning her attention to Tahani again, "What can I do for you?"
"You already know what I'm holding, don't you? I don't even have to explain it.
"Of course I do." Janet nodded knowingly, "The moment he died, I was the first one to know. A perk of being a literal database of the universe."
"Then you know what bind I'm in, darling." Tahani slouched into the chair, rereading the life Michael had lived on Earth. It wasn't a short one, but it also wasn't one that lead itself to boredom because he was playing it safe. He lived it the way he was supposed to-good and bad days sprinkled throughout-with the whole human experience. Even as his memories of the afterlife and everything he had gone through with the Soul Squad stripped, he still lead a good life to the best of his abilities even if life was forking unfair. "I'm sure the interns didn't notice the connections between Michael and I, so they just haphazardly threw it onto me."
"That's correct." Janet affirmed, "They forgot that he was a human and thought it was a very interesting doppelganger to show you. Unfortunately, they were also drunk and threw his file into your pile rather than asking you."
"So what do I do? Is it wrong to be the one to moderate his test?" Tahani asked, "Oh Janet, I don't want to ruin his chances!"
"Ruin chances for who?" Shawn walked in, eying the two in his usual menacing way. "I do love ruining someone's chances of anything. Almost as good as the smell of Axe Body Spray in a boys locker room."
"Shawn, in the event that Michael dies, have you thought of a procedure? Like what we should do about his test." Tahani glanced to Shawn, whose left eyebrow raised slightly. Tahani gave him a short nod, looking to Janet in confusion. When Shawn's frown only deepened as moments passed, Tahani snapped her fingers, waving her hand in an effort to get his attention. "Hello? Hell to Shawn? Shawn? Janet, did I break him?" Tahani made the motion to stand, but Shawn shook his head instead.
"Michael is dead?" Shawn inquired, as though the information had truly yet to stick. "How did he die? Was it embarrassing?"
"Indeed. As in, indeed he is dead. His death was not embarrassing, at least by human standards. He died of natural human causes after living a decent human life." Janet informed him, "And when he passes his test, he will be able to remember everything about the afterlife."
"Unfortunate. I mean, not...unfortunate. The death part, I mean." He gritted his teeth, "Still not used to that. Kindness. Eugh."
"Even after so many Jeremy Bearimies?" Tahani inquired and Shawn shrugged.
"Old habits die hard. What is the plan with his neighborhood? It better be good." Shawn stepped forward, grabbing ahold of the file in Tahani's hands and flipping through it, making noncommittal noises here and there. "Eugh, his human life is clean like soap."
"That's actually what I wanted to ask, Shawn. I've been assigned his case but I worry that I will be biased because he's my friend." Tahani bit her lip, "I cannot be the one to ruin Michael's chances of getting into the Good Place simply because I have sentiments. All humans should get a fair test, even Michael."
Shawn closed the file at the question, glaring between the two.
"No." Shawn finally said and both Janet and Tahani frowned.
"No?" Tahani laughed, but in that way where she was trying to get out a strange situation because that was clearly not what she expected out of Shawn's mouth. "What? What do you mean no?"
"You will be the architect." Shawn responded, "We cannot allow some architect wannabe hero-idiot from the Bad Place choose to ruin the test because of their grievances towards the new system, nor can I allow a Good Place architect to do it wrong because of their incompetence. This must be correct. As much as I like chaos, I cannot allow it to interfere with how his test shall be run. The faster Michael gets back from his pretend fantasy of playing with human emotions, the faster I can insult him. Like I can insult him on the fact that he named his dog Jason, out of all names."
Janet glared at Shawn, but Tahani put a hand on her arm.
"Sorry. Not the best thing to choose to criticize." Shawn responded, "Still not something I can get used to with ease. Apologizing, eugh." He stuck his tongue out in dismay at his apology.
"Wow." Tahani blinked, "Uhm...okay. Anything else you have specifically for Michael's test?"
"I will be an actor, I don't have a preference on what role you place me in. Janet, you will also be a part of this. I want the most reliable of characters that you are aware of present when I torture Michael. Not exactly torturing, but you know what I mean. Perhaps, to represent the Bad Place, put Vicky as the architect. I don't care. I just want it done right." Even as his tone remained flat with a slight inflection at the mention of torture, it was Tahani's turn to raise an eyebrow as he walked away, tossing the file back on her desk.
"Shawn, one more thing." Tahani called and he turned around, a groan escaping from his lips before he could muffle it.
"What?" He scowled, "I have important things to do."
"Forgive me if I'm being too invasive-not that you'd care much-but this is completely out of character for you. Even with your change towards sincerity." Tahani confessed, crossing her arms, "Surely, after being Michael's rival for that long, I couldn't imagine you caring at this degree to the point where...you are interested in being a part of one of the tests as an actor. You've always shunned the idea of being involved in the neighborhood voluntarily." Shawn merely shook his head, the answer already formulating on his tongue before he could process it with a clear mind. Instead, he gave the two a cold glare before turning on his heel and storming off.
"I know." He murmured.
its short and not very thought out-I am considering doing the test but I'm not sure how I'd do that. I don't think I'd do Michael right. :/