Everyone who was anyone knew that the best place for a first date started with the arcade. Not just any run-of-the-mill arcade straight from the 80s, but the arcade, the one where hope goes to die and dreams become reality. There really wasn't a more perfect place in the entire world to take your date to because it tested their mettle and proved their worth. At least, that's what Shinobu-nee said, and Inosuke believed strongly in her wisdom.

If there was anyone in the world who needed their mettle tested, it was Zenitsu.

Would he fall to his knees before the cold claw machine, defeated? Or would he rise to the challenge and retrieve a smiling cake for his troubles? How would he fare against the fighting games, both old and new, retro and modern? More importantly, how many tickets would he win as a testament to his glory? All of these questions would decide the fate of the entire universe!

Or their relationship, which was basically the same thing.

But before The World's Best First Date could happen, Inosuke had to take the first step. All his planning would go to waste if he didn't speak up. According to Shinobu-nee, a good confession was an honest confession, and he was no liar! "A confession can be simple," she said when he asked, "but it absolutely should be something sincere!"

And because Inosuke was the king of sincere, it only took him the very next day to walk up to Zenitsu and say "I like your face!"

"You what?" The blond recoiled. Hm, maybe his friend didn't enjoy that sort of compliment.

"And your heart." He added, pleased with himself. There, that should do it! Sincerity at its finest!

Zenitsu didn't react the way he expected him to. No blushes spread across his cheeks; only an exasperated expression remained. "Uh huh… What is this about? I'm not buying you lunch again today, you know! I'm done!"

"Go on a date to the arcade with me!" Inosuke replied, both confident in his ability to get a yes and confident in the fact that his crush would buy him lunch anyway. "It'll be awesome! We'll kill every game!"

"Do I even have a choice?"

"Uh, yeah." He still had (fading!) bruises from when Shinobu-nee literally beat the idea into him that forcing a yes for dating made you a bad person. No way was he one of those creeps!

"Then…" The blond dragged his response out dramatically, like it wasn't obvious what he was going to say. Zenitsu liked pulling that kind of shit whenever possible. "Okay. Sure! I don't have anything better to do this weekend, so yeah. I'll hang out with you."

Success! One quick fist pump showed off how excited he was. "I'll pick you up! Don't you dare be late!"

"But wait, you moron!" Zenitsu yelled at his back. "What time?!"

"Don't worry 'bout it!" Who cared about plans? Too many details sucked! It was hard enough keeping Shinobu-nee's advice in his brain! He'd come when he was ready, and The World's Best First Date would begin!

Waiting the right amount of days until Sunday was basically torture. In the meantime, Inosuke spent horrible hours getting facts drilled into his brain. "I won't let you get called stupid, especially when you're the best as you say." Shinobu-nee said during their sessions. "This isn't so hard, now is it?"

So he studied, and he ate, and he dreamed until the day finally came.

"You look cute, sweetheart!" His mama assured him, clapping her hands the second he emerged from his room. "Oh, this is so precious! I really might cry!"

Unable to stop himself from grimacing, he rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "Oi, s'not that big of a deal! Why do you gotta be gross?"

She smiled widely. "I'm just acting like I always do, honey! Before you run off, please wait! Be a dear and let me make your hair look even nicer!"

Even though she was a master of humiliation, Inosuke gave in, too weak to her joy. Her fingers rubbed at his scalp before she began her work; obviously, she wanted him to drop his guard! Well, he wouldn't! No matter how nice it felt and how comfortable he was, he'd never give in!

"All done!" Mama cheered out of the blue. "Now you'll be able to see the screens perfectly! Have a lovely time!"

Before he could escape, she planted a wet kiss square on his cheek. "Ew!" He hollered, making no move to wipe it off. "Stop trying to mark your territory!"

"Hm? I'm just being a mom!" Like always, she patted the very cheek she assaulted with her damn lips. "Stay safe, darling Inosuke!"

"I should be saying that to you! Always getting into trouble…" Moms! Only ever worrying about their kids and not themselves! They're all so weird!

Getting out of the apartment building took jumping down the stairs two at a time, but he made it without falling once. From there, it was a decent ride to the cheesestick's house, enough time to untangle the jumbled thoughts in his mind. Pac-Man, Galaga, claw machine. Pac-Man, Galaga, claw machine! "Fuck yeah! Woo!" He screamed into the wind, startling some dumb bastard off his skateboard as he passed by. Heh. Chump! Fall before my awesome bicycle!

Inosuke liked the route he took almost as much as he liked Zenitsu (but don't tell the blond that, or he'll get you). It went from the apartments he knew to actual, huge homes, the sort his mama liked to look at but never buy. Did that mean his date had money? Was he bougie? Also, and this was his most pressing question, did that mean he could bully Zenitsu's brother into giving him cash for food?

Before he could waste time thinking - not that he ever did that, but still - what had to be Zenitsu's house came into view. He knew this because of the screaming.

"I said I'm going! My friendships aren't your business! Why are you being so weird?!" The front door slammed open, only for the blond to sprint out of it like a bat out of hell. "Save me, Inosuke! Go, go, go!"

He didn't wait around for the taller boy to finish emerging from the house too. "Hop on then, Ponitsu!" Pedaling past like this was a gamble, but the feeling of noodle arms clinging tight to his middle let him know that it paid off.

"Come back here, you little shit! Your boy toy hasn't been approved by Jii-chan yet!"

"Leave me alone!" Zenitsu howled back before pressing his face into his back. Inosuke gripped the bike's steery things harder just to keep from swerving. "Kaigaku's literally insane. I have no idea what he's talking about! Since when do I need to get approval from our grandfather to have friends?!"

"Dunno what he's on either." He huffed. "But don't think about him! We're gonna have shitloads of fun!"

A finger roughly prodded his spine. "Don't hype things up too much! My ass is grass as soon as I get home, so I want this to be worth it! At least give me a chance to build up realistic expectations!"

"Oi! Do you want me to crash?! 'Cause I will!"

"You wouldn't!"

Just for that, he nearly jerked them into the nearest ditch. They yelled back and forth at each other, and laughed too the rest of the way.

Somehow, they eventually made it to the arcade without falling off, getting hit by cars, or scaring too many stray animals. Zenitsu only cried one time! One! There weren't a lot of tears either! Inosuke could almost look past his disappointment over losing the blond's grip on him, what with how pleased he was with himself. "Ain't I the best bicycle person?!" Inosuke blurted out, flailing his hands at the building in order to show off that 'We're here, we made it, and I made sure of it!'

"Bicyclist. And no." The same tired look was resting on an otherwise cute platform. "Why are you always trying to kill us?"

"Am not!" He grabbed onto Zenitsu's arm. The better to tug him along with! "Now let's go!" Pac-Man, Galaga, claw machine!

In the process of making sure he had enough money to make this whole date thing work, Shinobu-nee gave him some good advice. "Start out with a two-player game! See how you work together to achieve a goal! They have a few of those where you're going!" While he didn't get why she thought working together mattered, he did like Pac-Man. So Pac-Man it was.

"Oh, this game? Which one do you want to play?"

"Ms. Pac-Man!" Inosuke cheered. She had pretty lipstick like his mama, and she ate people! That made her the perfect character! Why would he want to use anyone else?

Zenitsu nodded, suddenly serious. "Let's set a new record."

At first, it went okay. They split up the map, ate up the pellets, and gobbled down the ghosts too. But maybe the game was possessed or something because the ghosts got smarter. They moved faster, clustered together, even boxed them in, like predators cornering prey. Eventually, even Inosuke had to admit defeat.

The local arcade, the place where hope goes to die. He got it now.

"Alright, that was a total bust!" His date whined. "Can we do Street Fighter?"

That wasn't part of his plan, but Inosuke nodded. Any game with 'fighter' in the name had to be cool! Galaga can wait!

Why Zenitsu wanted to play it became clear right away. Before he knew it, he had lost. Horribly. "What the hell?" His mouth wouldn't close. "How did you do that, Monitsu?"

"Murata likes to play them- Hey, can't you use my name?! We're hanging out and everything!"

Inosuke stared blankly at him. "I do…?" Not that this made sense to anyone else, but saying Zenitsu aloud made things a little too real in his eyes. Weren't nicknames just fine?

"Ugh." Stubby fingers pulled at his cheek. "Zenitsu! It's Zenitsu!"

"Chuuitsu!"

"No!"

Being too close to the blond didn't help his nerves. It was only natural to wrench himself away. "Come on, Zonitsu! Galaga time!"

"... Close enough. Fine, I'll go." Zenitsu groaned.

Having dodged a bullet, Inosuke found it easy to shove his smaller companion in front of him. "You go!" He tried to smile like how he was taught, but Zenitsu jumped instead before turning back to the machine with a tremble. Guess I fucked up! Woah!

At least he still remembered Shinobu-nee's idea. "Next, pick a fun single-player game and see how he handles it! Whatever it is, it should be something he knows how to play! Try a classic!"

He watched carefully. Like he thought he'd be, the blond did great. Zenitsu shot fast and aimed faster. Those damn aliens barely stood a chance! It took them a long while to finally bring him down, but even then, no new record was set. "Third… Pretty good! I can't wait to tell Nezuko-chan that I got third!" He beamed. "Now you go! Unless you're too scared you'll lose to me."

"Hah?!" Inosuke marched over and grabbed the joystick. "Like hell I'll lose to you!"

He didn't even get close. The only thing that kept him from kicking the damn thing for extra tickets was Zenitsu's wheezy laugh. Dating sure had weird benefits.

"What? What are you looking at?" The cheesestick - his cheesestick now? maybe? - squinted at him once his giggling fit died out. "Is there something on my face?"

"No, your face is nice. I like it! The best part's the nose!" Sometimes, he wanted to whack it for being so cute. Those impulses hit him a lot. Right now, for example, he also wanted to crush the other boy in his arms. The blush was to blame of course. Blotchy cheeks only made everything nicer.

"D-Don't say things you don't mean! God, you're insufferable!" Zenitsu wailed, much to his confusion. Had he lied somewhere? That didn't make any sense at all. He did like looking at Zenitsu and his face! But arguing the point too hard would probably make him cry a second time, and Shinobu-nee had made it very clear that she didn't want that happening. Again, pinching worked well as a teaching tool.

Inosuke nudged the other boy. "Your face is nice, but aight. Claw machine?"

"Claw machine?!" The blond repeated, gawking like a fish.

"Claw machine!"

Arcades and claw machines got along like capybaras and everything else (except for anacondas, those assholes). They brought in money like crazy, mostly because they were too hard for normal people. But Inosuke wasn't a normal person. He could totally do this!

"The ultimate test of my strength is this monster!" Inosuke announced, loud enough to make some random mom mad at him. "And I want to get the boar plushie!"

"You're literally about to do child-friendly gambling!"

"Well, duh! That's the fun part!" He got ready to grab the joystick. "I've got this in the bag!"

Getting pushed aside wasn't at all how he expected that to go. "No, let me do it. I can do it." He almost argued, but Zenitsu's serious look stole his voice away. Was he seeing things right? Could it be? Did… Did Zenitsu have a plan to best the beast?!

"Show it who's boss then!" Inosuke cheered, patting his head in a show of support. The straw-like hairs were softer than he thought they'd be. Zenitsu would probably yell about it if he wasn't concentrating so hard on the game, so he took his chance to touch and encourage in the same moment. "Murder it! Squeeze the boar's brains out and drop it off where it belongs!"

"Stop being so… so scary! I'm gonna miss- YES!" Now they both were chanting little 'come on!'s as the stuffed animal rose into the air. The moment of truth! Who would win, claw or boy? Their screams of triumph said it all.

"There you go!" Zenitsu deposited the toy in his hands once his victory dance was completed. "One boar plushie!"

"Eh?" Inosuke looked at it, a funny feeling settling in his gut. "Nah. You take it! I was gonna win it for you!"

Like before, the other boy jerked backwards. "You what?" Then, unlike the last time, he paused. "Wait a second…"

Letting Zenitsu think too hard never went well, so he made sure to scoff loudly to snap him out of it. "Wait a second for what?"

All that got him was a flicked forehead. "Shush, you! Is this a date? A real date?!"

Uh. What the fuck? "Yeah? I said it was when I asked you! Dummy Monitsu!"

His reply didn't seem to satisfy the other boy. "B-But!" He turned redder by the second. "I don't… I'm the romantic one, not you! So why did you ask me out first?!"

"Because I wanted to!" Inosuke shot back, a little frustrated. "I like your heart more than you like mine!"

"Not true! I like your heart just as much!" Zenitsu yelled back. "And your face too! It's a vibrant face, and you're a vibrant person!"

"Then what's the problem?! We like each other, so why does it matter if I asked you out first?! Just ask me out next time! Or are you a chicken?"

Shinobu-nee absolutely would not be happy if he told her he said that, but she didn't know Zenitsu like he did. Arms wrapped around him again, too tight to be a real hug. "I'm not! I'll show you next time! Just wait!"

Since Inosuke refused to lose, he squeezed back with the amount of strength he wanted to use from the very beginning. "Great! Then I'll beat you with the third one!" For now though, he'd count the World's Best First Date as a win! Good work, me!

(Oh, but he wouldn't mention the second bit of crying going on. The less said about that, the better.)