Author's Note: s/12598784/1/Forfeit...
Fourfit
A twelve-year-old twerp laid in her bed reading some stupid magazine about hair care. She played with a strand of red hair hanging from her head because she had nothing better to do. She thought about some crap that happened earlier with her brother where she shoved a brush down his throat. "Boy, I'm tearing up thinking about it!" Sarah said, pleased with herself.
She hopped out of her bed and strutted over to the mirror to check herself out. She still looked like a bitch. Plus she had small tits. She decided to go find her brother Ed, who was sexy in a weird kinda way but had bad taste in women and talked like a retard. She peeked into her brother's room to find him sniffing glue while working on his latest scale model rocket like always. "Oh Ed? You remember my hair brush?" Sarah heaved.
"*Guffaws* yes baby sister its stuck in my bowels ahahaha had a tangle my colon to tackle ," Ed answered before inhaling more of the fumes.
"Yuck! Buy me a new one or I'll tangle your bowels! I'm a basic brat and I need that crap!" Sarah shouted through her frog lips.
"*Guffaws* as you command baby sister," Ed pouted because he was Sarah's slave when he wasn't May's. Sarah stormed off happily now that she knew she had forced Ed to do stupid shit for her again. She went back to her room and picked up where she left off in her magazine. She remembered stuffing the brush down Ed's throat because he was acting like a mopey bitch. She decided not to do a long winded reminiscing about the whole ordeal because that's a waste of her goddamn reading time, but she still felt regret in the back of her skull.
"Stupid! Idiot! Retard! Now I feel all bad and stuff," Sarah said to herself as she shredded her magazine with her wolverine claws. She decided to forget her stupid brother by finding her stupid friend Dutch and doing some girly crap with him.
Eddy, a short stud muffin who had four hairs instead of three because he's sixteen now, was in the lane playing with a nickel because he's a greedy bastard. He just finished scamming Kevin with some fake condoms that will break and cause teenage pregnancy. "What a f***ing pigeon! He makes it too d*** easy," Eddy bragged to himself while fondling coins.
"Greetings and good 'morrow, Eddy," Edd said as he entered the lane. Edd was Eddy's best friend and a hot twink who's good for abusing.
"Where the f*** were you? We have to rip off people because we never learned our f***ing lesson," Eddy answered while pocketing his loot.
"Admiring my telescope as per usual, Eddy," Edd stated.
"Stop that s***. Anyway, I have an amazing idea to fleece some more a**holes. We need Ed though, where's that lump at?"
"He's been depressed as of late, Eddy. I fear it's a lack of interaction with the opposite sex personally but I can't be sure. He refuses to tell me. Me of all people, the most trustworthy person by far in this neighborhood!"
"That sucks for him but he'll figure it out."
"Okay you've convinced me."
"Cool. Anyway, we'll build our scam here, gaptooth gabby."
"Wait, do you hear that?"
"What? Is the smoke alarm in my house going off again?"
"No, I hear three amazingly beautiful voices heading this way! We must become invisible like Jib!" Edd cried before scooping Eddy up like his child and diving into a dumpster.
"F*** you, Double D. Now my new threads are covered in garbage," Eddy whined.
"Quiet, Eddy, we're in mortal danger!" Edd pleaded. They heard three people talking outside of the dumpster.
"S*** I know those voices. It's the dogcatchers."
"No? It's obviously the Kankers, Eddy."
"Right. Same f***ing difference." It was indeed the Kankers, who had become twenty times sexier now that it was four years later and they started stuffing their bras.
"... those boys will probably be buildin' some type of scam soon so we gotta be on the lookout, girls!" Lee said in her hickish drawl.
"*Snort* im lookin out two four seven lee lol dont worry bout that," May replied showing off her samurai sword buckteeth.
"Yeah. Then we'll jump their bones and take their money. Double score," Marie chimed in helpfully because she was the only one of them worth a shit.
"I don't know why we stopped here to say this, but let's keep movin'!" Lee commanded before leading her sisters away.
"F***ing s***!" Eddy cried as he leaped out of the dumpster. "Those b****es are on the prowl again!"
"We must find Ed! He'll be a hapless victim without our aid!" Edd suggested loudly as he climbed carefully out of the garbage bin.
"H*** yeah! Then we'll go to Rolf's! That guy always helps us out even though we rip him off all the f***ing time!" Eddy added before grabbing Edd by his pencil neck and dragging him off. Little did the two of them know that a blue-haired hottie was listening in from behind the fence. She ran off to tell her sisters so they could get the jump on those rascals.