Breathing space...
PSA One: Power Toolz
Begin Tape
"This community service project is going to be the greatest, Jimmy!" Sarah proclaimed as she stood next to a workshop table on the front lawn of her house. It was a bright, sunny day and she and Jimmy busied themselves creating a public use porta-potty out of recycled wood they stole from bashing down fence posts in the lane.
"It really is! Our work goes so much faster too now that your dad agreed to let us use his power tools!" Jimmy replied as he held up an electric screwdriver. He pressed his finger against the trigger and it whirred in his hand, shaking his entire body like he just got pumped with one thousand volts of bone-singing lightning.
"And we can finally take care of all those annoying blue jays that keep chirping at us with this nail gun!" Sarah said in relief before taking pot shots at a row of birds sitting up on the gutter, sending them scattering into the air. "Maybe I can use it to put it on those new fake nails I bought too, but I haven't tried it yet!" she added before wriggling her fingers and running the business end of her nail gun across them.
"After we finish this porta-potty, the skies the limit, sister!" Jimmy cheered before turning his power tool down toward a rack laying against a large piece of fence posts hastily nailed together by Sarah. "But right now we need to focus, we still have a lot of work ahead of us!" he said before grabbing a four inch long screw and placing it against a hole on the rack bracket.
"Don't be a dummy! With these amazing power tools, we can wrap up this job in ten minutes!" Sarah declared before spraying nails all across the fence posts laying on the workshop table. Four of the nails whizzed through the space between Jimmy's fingers as he steadied himself to screw in the rack to the makeshift porta-potty wall. "We really need to finish this thing quick before mom catches Ed trying to use the bathroom out in the street again!" she added before glancing behind her at a smelly trashcan full of Ed's dirty work.
"With extremely dangerous tools of construction like these, it might even be five minutes!" Jimmy replied before activating his electric screwdriver. Instead of twisting the screw in, he began to spin around in midair and Sarah dropped the nail gun from her hands in panic.
"Gee willikers, Jimmy, that thing is taking you for a tumble dry!" Sarah cried as she watched her friend do ten three-sixty spins in the air like a pro skateboarder. The nail gun hit the lawn and fired off a searing volley of metal death that hit the edges of Sarah's clothes and sent her flying toward her house. The nails pinned her to the front door and she struggled against them to no avail.
"Someone help me before my daydreams fly out of my ears!" Jimmy pleaded before getting launched into the air, the electric screwdriver still spinning in place against the table. The frail boy flew with an arc and landed on the roof where he was attacked by a family of blue jays that had come for vengeance.
"Double D reporting in to salvage this woodworking mistake before it becomes an accident on the front page news!" Edd announced as he entered the scene on an electric scooter. He stopped beside the porch and walked up the steps before using a hammer to pry the nails from Sarah's clothes, allowing her to drop to her feet.
"Thanks so much, Double D, you're a real arts and crafts hero!" Sarah complimented before giving him a heartfelt hug.
"Not a problem in the least, ferocious sister of my slow-minded friend!" Edd said before turning to face you, the reader. "Whenever your father allows you to play with his power tools, tell him that is 'Not Good'! Suggest that he should get his slothful behind off the couch and lend his own hand to avoid the eventual hospital trip that would result from allowing small children to take a crack at it themselves!"
"I'll definitely ask my dad for help firing nails at birds next time!" Sarah promised before releasing Edd from her arms and turning with a smile to face you, the reader.
"And what do you tell him if he says to do it yourself?" Edd asked with his eyes still locked onto your face.
"I will tell him that is 'Not Good'!" Sarah answered as she and the good-natured boy stare at you with cheesy smiles.
As the PSA ended and began to fade to black, Jimmy pleaded for mercy from the family of bloodthirsty birds on the roof but it failed to put a damper on Edd and Sarah's smiles.
End of PSA Tape One