Quidditch Supplies: (setting) The Burrow
QL, Reserve League (Season 2, Semi Finals, Seeker, Chain Sentences): So very deep in his heart
AU (which will be obvious)
WC. 1042
The Things I Never Said
So very deep in his heart was the memory of her. Strong, unmoving, engraved into him so that if they were to remove it, a part of him would be missing.
He loved her. He loved her so much that it hurt, but he'd always been too scared to tell her. He'd come close a few times, but he was never able to take that final step.
I will one day, he kept telling himself. Day after day, year after year. Every time he thought about it, he'd come up with an excuse not to.
It's not the right time.
She doesn't feel the same.
Viktor.
Lavender.
Cormac.
We are stuck in a tent together with Harry always around.
I fucked up big time. Even if she did feel something, it would be gone now.
Every little excuse.
Then he tried to tell her, but it came out in a mumbo jumbo story about a tiny ball of light touching his heart. She hadn't been impressed by that - not in the way he had intended - and so he had given up.
Trying, that was. He'd never given up on her. But he supposed his screaming her name over and over while he stood helpless down in the Malfoy cellar had been enough to tell her how he felt. It had been enough for everyone else to work out, and she was the smartest of them all. So, if she hadn't worked it out earlier, she had then.
He just wished he'd told her for real.
I love you. See. Easy.
"Are you okay?"
He looked up. Harry. Red-faced, teary-eyed, exhausted Harry stood in the archway between the kitchen and the living room of the Burrow. This wasn't the first attempt he'd tried to initiate conversation. He'd tried each day, multiple times, only to be ignored, told to go away, or yelled at.
But today was different. It had been two weeks. He needed to talk about it eventually.
"I'm not, Harry."
Harry, who had all but turned around, expecting the standard answer, froze. He turned back slowly again. He didn't say anything. He simply nodded, walked over and sat on the couch beside his grieving friend.
"I'm glad you want to talk, Ron."
Ron nodded, wiping away fresh tears. He'd given up trying to hide that a few days ago. What was the point? She wouldn't have, had their situations been reversed. "Do you miss her?" he finally asked, and it felt good to ask that.
"Of course I do. She was my best friend."
"Is there… is there anything you regret not saying to her?"
Harry thought about this. Despite all his assurances over the years, there was still some doubt in Ron's mind. How did Harry feel about her? Was it really just friendship? His heart stopped while he waited for an answer.
"I guess I wish I'd told her I loved her. Not… not in that way, though." He patted Ron on the back, smiling slightly.
"I know what you mean," Ron said, burying his face in his hands. "I also wish I'd said that to her, but… but in that way."
He knew Harry knew, but he'd never openly spoken those feelings out loud before. Not to Harry, not even to himself. They had always been in his head. But to finally admit it was a relief.
"She knew," was all Harry said.
Ron looked up. "Did she care?"
This took Harry by surprise, if his expression was anything to go by. He removed his hand from Ron's back. "More than I think you realise, mate."
Ron swallowed, his hands clenched together. "I just don't know what to do next. My life for the past week has been going between this couch and my bed."
"We've all been a bit like that," Harry assured him.
"I have so many regrets, Harry. I keep thinking if I'd done one thing differently, she'd still be here." Ron waved a hand around the room. "I know other people died. I do. But she's the one I miss the most. All the people I care about, the ones I love… they're all safe. All except her. I miss her and I regret so many things. So many chances I had, and I wasted them all."
Harry gave him a sympathetic look, patting his back once more. He said nothing.
They sat in silence for a while. Ron had nothing more to say, and Harry seemed to have no more words to offer him comfort. It took some time for Ron to speak again.
"Harry, please tell me how you're coping." He'd not asked that yet. Perhaps dealing with someone else's grief would take his mind off his own pain.
But Harry shook his head. "I don't need to talk. I've talked. And talked and talked and talked. To the media, to others. It's your turn now. I'm here for you."
"I've got nothing else to say."
"For the record," Harry said, "I spent the last few years thinking the two of you were hopeless. I tried to stay out of it, which I did, but Merlin the two of you just needed to sort yourselves out."
In another time, Ron might have smiled; laughed, even. But he didn't. He couldn't. He didn't need reminding.
This time, Harry placed his arm fully around Ron, hugging him. "We'll both miss her. That will never change. Just know that whilst we didn't feel the exact same way for her, we loved her in our own ways. She was special, and if it weren't for her, both of us probably would have died in our first year at Hogwarts. It's not fair that she is no longer with us in person, but she'll always be with us in our memories."
There was more silence. Longer this time, but more peaceful. Once again, it was Ron who broke the silence.
"Just one thing. Do you think…" He swallowed. "Do you think if she were here, and in a few months after things had settled down, we could have… been together? Like as a couple?"
More silence. Then Harry smiled. "Mate, I think if you'd asked her a minute after the war ended, you'd be together right now."
Weirdly, the prompts that inspired this story never ended up fitting in properly, so I excluded them haha. Anyway, I hope you liked this, and a review would be much appreciated :)