A/N: Well, the world is going crazy and I'm stuck quarantine, but, hey, I get more time to write. Silver-linings. Hope this is a nice little distraction for someone out there! No beta and no editor, so if you see something off or like something, do shoot a review or a note!

Crushes & Cripples

An alternative take on the beginning of the series exploring the mind of a female Izuku.

It was hard having feelings for someone that hated her.

They were next to each other, faces near enough she felt his breath against her skin and the warmth of his body seeping into hers, three degrees too hot. This close, she could see each, individual eyelash, a shady color darker than his hair that threw into relief the intense, garnet of his eyes. She loved those eyes. They reminded her of maple leaves in autumn. Right now, those eyes blazed, boring through her with such intensity she feared combustion.

Close enough to kiss, her traitorous mind supplied.

But the heat in those amber eyes was all anger, the warmth of him, barely restrained fury even as his hands slammed against the wall behind her with enough force to shake it. Her heart leapt in her throat, fear mixing with unwanted desire. He wanted to hit her; she knew. She could see it in the tremble in those arms and the sneer on his lips. Kaa-chan had inherited his mother's volatile temper, something that when coupled with his explosive quirk made each pinch and slap dangerous. But Kaa-chan was older now and more controlled. His words would cut, but Izuku had no more need to fear getting her hair set on fire.

"Drop. Out." The words ground out between his teeth.

"No." Izuku shook her head. A fist slammed into the brick. Sparks danced in the shadow of the auditorium that only barely shielded them from onlookers. Half-past the last bell, the school grounds were mostly empty, most students and staff had long made their way home, eager for the weekend and the Monday off that followed. "Let me go," she plead, hating the weakness in her voice. "Someone will see."

Why was it he could affect her so much where in front bigger bullies she found her spine was steel? It was an empty question. She knew. It was the same reason why even as he blocked her, intimidating her with the breadth and height of his body, her lips still burned to kiss him. She was in love with him. Explosive temper, insufferable arrogance, and all.

Whoever was in charge up there really had a sick sense of humor. She knew her odds. Knew how her looked at her and how he didn't look at her. These feelings, unwanted and unvoiced, would best be buried and forgotten. Then they could go back to ignoring each other and she could pretend nothing had changed.

…If only Kaa-chan didn't keep doing things like this to her.

"Let them." He mocked with a smile that was all teeth. "You and I have a bone to pick, Deku. You applied. Even after I told you not to. Even if you could beat me, don't you realize they won't spare a spot for you?" He was close enough now she could smell the sweetness on his skin. Glycerin and salt. "You shouldn't have even bothered. Withdraw before you embarrass yourself, Deku."

Her fists clenched. She hated that nickname and the weakness it embodied. Hated even more how a pet name that had once been so sweet, could have been distorted with so much hate. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.

"I'm not withdrawing." It took her two tries, but she managed it without a tremble. "I worked hard for this. I'm going."

"Idiot!" He looked like he wanted to kill her, that treacherously handsome face twisting with barely held frustration. "Do you think a quirkless cripple like you could make it? Do you really someone like you could stand a chance against someone like me? Against a villain? Do you want to die?" His hands seized her, the tips of his fingers digging into her shoulders. "If you want to die so much, you should just go kill yourself now!"

Frustration and hurt overwhelmed her. "Shut up! I've got as much a right to enter as you do, and you know it Katsuki! Anyone can apply, quirk or not!" Her fingers clutched at his forearms but trying to move them was like moving stone. Stupid Kaa-chan why couldn't he see this was the last thing she wanted to hear from him?

"Do you have a brain under all that hair? How many times do I have to say it before you get it? Hero Academy wasn't meant for cripples!"

"You don't know that! Just because none of the students have been quirkless doesn't mean they can't be!" She retorted, sick of this argument. They fought over this time and time again, different incarnations of the same topic, all centered around how much lesser she was and how disgracefully she behaved. She was tired of it. Tired of his gall to cut her out of his life and yet keep interfering in hers. She deserved better.

"Damn it!" He released her in favor of pressing his palms to his eyes and taking in the slow even breaths she recognized as a meditation technique. It was one of the first exercises their teachers had taught him to control his anger. She stood very still as Kaa-chan calmed enough to smother the flames that had threatened to burst.

"Even if you got in, do you really think they'd let you into the hero program? It would be insulting! There are other jobs out there! Job made for people like you! You're being stupid!" He hissed seeming in far better control of himself. It was easy to discount what he said when enraged, but when he was calm... The words stabbed deep.

"People like me? Like me! As though your so much better! Did you forget how you bombed midterms? How you begged me to help you so they wouldn't kick you off the martial arts team?"

"I know that!" He boomed, prompting a burst of sudden flame. "God damn! Fuck!" The wall was singed and his fists scuffed from the impact. Her skin prickled from the heat. "Look, " he began, seeming to struggle to find words. "That came out wrong, but you know what I mean. You're... Shit! You're quirkless, okay? You can't do what heros do. The sooner you get that through your thick head, the better."

Perhaps it was the growing softness in his voice. Perhaps it was that every word he had said, she had told herself before. Or perhaps it was simply that she was already over-wrought and still shaken from his explosion. In either case the dam broke. Tears spilled down her cheeks in shuddering sobs that left her knees weak and she hid her face in her hand as her back slid down the wall. A touch on her arms. For a moment, she deluded herself that there was concern in those dark eyes.

More likely he was remembering Mitsuki's latest tongue-lashing.

"No!" She struggled to her feet. "You don't get to do this to me!" Her heart was breaking, affection and anger and longing warring with each other. "You don't just get to act sorry after saying all that!"

His gaze shuttered, coldness taking place of the heat that consumed him just moments before. "Fine, bitch! Go kill yourself. See if I care."

"Fine!" She brushed him off, refusing to let him help as she slipped her messenger bag, back against her hip. "Don't cry when I do, jackass!"

For a moment it looked like he wanted to say something, then the he snarled, collected his bag from the floor, and left. "Whatever. Have fun, Deku."