A/N: Natalia Centric drabble that focuses on the feelings that she can't get over for a certain someone.. not exactly what'cha think.. (Recently edited out mistakes :)

SONG INSP - 'All Or Nothing' by O-Town.

Story Notes: Set around Season 7.

'Cause I want it all

Or nothing at all.

There's nowhere left to fall.

When you reach the bottom it's now or never.

Is it all

Or are we just friends?

Is this how it ends?

With a simple telephone call

You leave me here with nothing at all.

Even though it was over, she couldn't stop thinking about him. Picturing all the better times in her head with lack of belief that it would ever be that good again. Natalia spent hours staring into space with the Cuban on her mind like if she kept wishing something along the lines of a miracle could happen. I wish. She really thought that with time she'd forget it. Erase all the intimate details of their relationship that would make it harder to forget.

It wasn't the way she'd hoped her feelings would go. Natalia had been sure that it was purely just a relationship of lust and confidential atmosphere, not something that could actually turn into a real admiration for something. Someone. The brunette supposed it was the way he made her feel.. being her first.. since her divorce. Boa Vista had this gut feeling that suddenly gave way whenever he crossed her mind. It was.. a shame that taking things slow turned into another 'over without saying it's over' type thing.

She had never given up on them. Natalia desperately had wanted to fight for what they had but she hadn't really gotten that from Eric. How she was losing to the empty space next to him was beyond her. Nobody there.

When they'd been together - it was a total secret. They barely even went out together. She didn't want to be his secret, or his friend. All she wanted was the best of him. Was it too much to want it to be a proper relationship? As much as it sounded a little selfish, it was true. Screw going slow. She'd already wasted two years.

Natalia didn't want to hold back anymore. With all these mixed signals, she was getting sick of not knowing. It was all in.. or nothing at all. She'd already hit rock bottom with these feelings that were absolutely killing her. All he had to do was say the word and she'd be there. Boa Vista didn't know where they stood. If they were friends, acquired partners.. or more.. or less. But.. a call from him last week had made her wonder. He didn't even stay on long enough to talk.

Maybe she'd been wrong though. Maybe it was over and he'd just never told her it was. He had all these Kelly's and Tina's practically waiting on his doorstep for a chance to make him forget. The brunette hadn't wanted to share him.. but he wasn't hers. So she didn't have a say anyway. Watching all the lab techs flirt with him shamelessly. It made her emotionally repulsed. Sick of those beautiful eyes and that annoyingly handsome face of his. Getting butterflies every time he entered the room. Looking at him like he was the only man in the world for her. And then when he'd glance at her before walking off. Like he had wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words to say. All he needed to do was say something.

Neither of them had been good at keeping promises. It had never been just sex for her, or him. More so her. They agreed it was a non-commitment thing. Something they didn't need to stress about. But then things happened. Feelings happened. The pregnancy scare happened. And things went awry very soon. They had an argument about the party Natalia hosted.. without inviting him, and then about him 'pimping her out' to his friends by saying she was 'clear'. And yet still she wanted to give it a chance. Arguments weren't uncommon and both of them had the argued right to be mad when they were.

She stared into the bright white light, a sharp pain hitting her in the chest. Around her were unfocused blurs and blocked out noise. The CSI breathed slow as she calmed her hyperventilating with thoughts about him. Like when she'd check him out from the hallway or just generally he fascinated by him. Even when he was hard at work. Having a crush on him was like he's smiling and she's melting with even the smallest look.

Losing it all just because of a misconception was the worst feeling. But a relationship took two for a reason. Falling for somebody you said you wouldn't ever feel that way about was one of the most conflicting things. It was like she never would know if they could've been.

Her eyelids fluttered and she slowly awoke from the effect of heavy medicine. She could just about see nurses in green and blue scrubs walking in and out of the room. Natalia peered around her hospital room and her eye was caught by the figure sleeping in the chair beside her bed. It felt like she'd been asleep forever.

"Miss Boa Vista, I'm Dr Rosa. Blink if you can hear me." Natalia drowsily blinked.

The doctor gave a relived smile and then did a few basic check ups.

"You were in a car accident and suffered a rather life threatening gunshot wound. We managed to retrieve the projectile and successfully stop the bleed."

She merely nodded. "How- how long have I been in hospital?" Her voice was low and a little raspy given her condition.

"About 3 weeks. You were in a coma."

The DNA expert tilted her head to get a look at the man on the chair. "Eric." The doctor used that as his cue to leave, giving the two CSIs the quality time they needed to be alone and just talk. Eric had been there everyday after his shift to check up on her. Sometimes he fell asleep right beside her. The doctor's didn't mind.

Delko rubbed his eyes, sitting up properly and looking at his former lover who was tiredly smiling at him. "Natalia?!" He exclaimed.

"It's me. I've.. been thinking about you."

"I'm listening.."

"I love you, Delko." She muttered.

Eric's blank expression soon grew into a grin. That's what he was hoping she'd say. He'd not been able to stop thinking about her.. especially when she was on the verge of dying. He realized all the things he'd wanted to say to her. How much he wanted her in his life, and how it wasn't the same without her there.

When they'd been searching her house for clues as to who might want to kill her, he found a small black book detailed with her feelings for him. Dating from the day they met to the day she got into that car accident. "I love you, 'Talia.. I should've told you before."

He intertwined his hand with hers and gently grazed his thumb over the back of her hand. "I'm all in." "Me too."

'Cause I want it all

Or nothing at all

There's nowhere left to fall

It's now or never