A/N: I was hoping this wouldn't be 5k words but alas it almost is. I think I'll just have to accept the fact that shorter stories might be forever lost to me now. Anyway, interrupting my lamenting to get to the fic that was a random idea but one that caught my attention immediately and I had to write out asap. Enjoy! ;)
She made for a sinister sight, that she was sure of even if she couldn't see herself. Her hair was falling over her as if it could conceal her wrongness when the sheets were tossed aside and she was naked, every rational and reasonable thought stripped from her mind like she'd let her magic strip her of her nightwear when the fantasies of him had invaded her head. He was the only thing she could think of and he had her fingers rubbing at her body to relieve her of anything else but him–including her breath–even when she'd been faced with the truth of his monstrosity with the very news accompanying his escape.
She knew she shouldn't. That was the last thing she should be doing. She should be shaking from guilt and not little doses of pleasure shooting through her at the images of him doing what her own fingers were. But she couldn't help it.
He was free, able to move again now that he wasn't trapped in the ice of Omega–and just the knowledge had her mind flooded with memories of sensations, of how good it had felt when he'd been moving next to her, on top of her, inside her–there was a moan at that she couldn't have held back even if she'd tried and she definitely wasn't wasting on that efforts that could go elsewhere–and so were the thoughts in her head. They ran rampant and trampled over any knowledge that he would never want her again until it was all bruised and broken with blood dripping from it like the arousal was dripping from her at the image of his arms, his hands on her, and that wicked tongue that had felt like heaven on every part of her, especially when it'd been caressing her mind with his confessions of love and devotion. She could drown in it, wanted to while she still could. While it still hadn't registered that he hated her and it would be so until the stars died out.
All the stars she needed now were those exploding behind her eyelids as her fingers moved inside her to the image of it being him that did that. An image she remembered so well, as if it had been yesterday he'd been putting his energy into pleasing her and worshiping her body instead of towards trying to burn her alive or keeping himself from dying as she imagined he'd had to do in the frost of Omega.
She pushed all the coldness away and let herself be enveloped into the heat of her own ministrations even if it could never match the one coming from him. There was nothing that could compare to that sizzling intensity of his stare when he'd looked at her as if he was indeed a dragon and he wanted to devour her. And she'd been eager to be devoured. She still was. Far more eager than she should have been at the face of the demon that he was and at the knowledge all he held for her was hatred now, unyielding and cold. Slippery enough for her to break her bones on. But all there was currently were her fingers sliding with ease through her folds and inside her, over her clit and driving her towards the edge of an orgasm all a tribute to his name.
"Valtor," the word slid off her lips so easily. Far easier than it should have come after the seventeen years he'd been gone to his crimes. But it had never grown odd and unfamiliar to her when she'd allowed herself to utter it softly, in the darkness of the night to keep it a secret privy just to the two of them when he didn't need to hear her calling his name to know she'd be doing it and to keep her body from forgetting how to make the sound, as if it was coming straight from her heart and held all the life of her pulse inside the carefully assembled sounds of his letters that had her tongue curling exquisitely to shape them into existence.
"In need of assistance?"
The startle his words caused was like electricity running down her spine and she almost landed out of bed after her jump, her hands quickly drawing the sheets over her nakedness the same way her mind was trying to suffocate her in layers of shame that was making her cheeks burn in red so bright she was sure it was easily visible even in the middle of the night. She was trying to hide from him when it was useless. The only thing that could accomplish was push him away with her refusal to give herself to him when that was exactly what she wanted and she had to let the cotton fall away from her body so that it would free her throat, too. Any pretense was long gone after she'd let her voice out where he'd heard so why not present her exposed body to him, too? It wasn't like he couldn't see directly into her soul when their gazes sank into each other even through all the shadows between them. But it was exactly that that had her feeling too vulnerable already when she didn't know what he wanted.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded, or at least tried to, most of her voice gone to the pleasure from the thoughts of him. She definitely hadn't expected to get an answer to calling his name. Not in such fashion at least – in response to her wanton fantasy and not in an attempt to kill her. It wasn't like him.
"Calling my name while drenched in carnality like that?" Valtor asked, his eyes still on hers and making the muscles in her lower belly clench. He didn't need proof of her arousal to know it was there, though he'd already gotten plenty for sure. Knowing him, he'd taken the time to enjoy the show before alerting her of his presence. Just because he hated her didn't mean he didn't love the sight. He'd come all the way to Cloud Tower for it, after all. "You should know better than that," he seemed like he was about to cluck his tongue at her but the scowl she gave at the mere notion seemed to satisfy him enough to skip that. "I am a demon, after all," he said instead, admitting it so freely as if he hadn't resented the knowledge before she'd accepted him as he'd been despite his monstrosity.
"In every sense of the word," Griffin said, trying to remind herself why she'd left. It certainly hadn't been because of the sight of his demon form. That had never scared her when she'd always seen the soul underneath. But it had burned so badly when she'd learned he was a demon in there, too, and her love didn't make any difference. It had touched her own soul in a way she could only hope she'd never be touched again, for it had been beyond pain. It had almost left her soulless and sometimes she wished it could have done that to her so that she could've stayed by his side.
"And yet, here you are. Touching yourself to my name, to the very idea of me," Valtor said, his arms still crossed over his chest as he was leaning against her wall with the calm and coolness of a statue. As if there wasn't fire burning inside him with the want for her–for her suffering, but still for her–when she was a slave to the heat spilling from her heart at the thought of him, not to mention at the sight of him so close, practically in her bed. "Such devotion..." he sounded almost nostalgic, almost fond of her before he swerved right back to who he was. "For a demon," his words cut through her when she knew he was doing it on purpose even if it hurt him, too. It hurt them both because they were still so deeply entangled that hurting her meant hurting himself, too. Yet, he was still ready to do it to pay her back for leaving. Leaving them both alone and cold, and miserable.
"I am a witch," she said, her words firm even if she'd never felt less confident in herself. It wasn't her nature of dark magic that had her so drawn to him but she needed to keep some semblance of dignity and self-respect. She couldn't admit that it was who she was to be in love with him. He wouldn't believe her. He'd accuse her of lying. And watching him taunt her was far more bearable than splitting him open to let all the agony in him, raw and bloody, pour out on both of them and drown them when he'd just come back to life.
"You are my witch," Valtor almost growled out as he pushed himself off the wall and was sitting down on the bed in front of her in the next second as if space had parted in the face of his burning rage to let him through. "You always will be." His hand was on her thigh, just above her knee, no glove and only his skin making her breath hitch immediately as he set the rhythm of her existence with just the barest of touches. She'd given him that much power over herself and it was all his now. She didn't have any control over it which left her about as doomed as she could be, for he'd never been one for responsible use of magic, his flames scorching everything they caught up to and it was that wild spirit that had captured her for him and not only held her caged, but made her enjoy it, too. And she still did, even after he'd left her trapped in there with no essentials and none of his love either. "Even when I don't want you," he said as if he could still read her thoughts. And maybe he could. She hadn't changed all that much from the woman who'd been ready and willing to die in his flames if she could get to enjoy them licking at her skin.
"Why are you here then?" she found her voice even when all of her oxygen was going into keeping up the heat running all through her body. His hand was still on her skin, not that far away from her need for him which he could no doubt feel and if it hadn't repulsed him yet after her betrayal... Maybe that was what he was seeking. Maybe he was ready to dive into her eagerness to give it even if it meant bringing memories that were now painful instead of pleasurable with how happy they'd been in them. She could only hope and that was the most dangerous thing to do with someone like him leaving his fingerprints on her body. But she'd always been a fool when it came to him or at least helplessly in love and the two felt quite the same.
"To give you what you want, of course," Valtor said, his hand inching up her leg and wiping away any wariness of his words when she knew they couldn't be real. He had to be playing a game, playing her like she was nothing but a toy for him to abuse with his whims until it broke down and no longer caught his eye with its pitifulness. But she'd be a pathetic, sobbing mess if he pulled away now so she didn't have any choice but to let herself be destroyed and enjoy the process. "I was so good at that," he said, his fingers tracing patterns over her now as if to dig up the memories from her mind when they were always on the surface, lingering and making it hard for her to see anything beautiful in the present through the lenses of their nostalgia. She didn't need his help with hurting herself that way. She was doing well enough on her own. And yet, she'd take it if it was all she could get from him. "Better than anyone else." His nails were digging in now as if to draw her blood as payment for her old debt. "Until you ran away."
Until you tried to destroy the universe, she had to correct but she bit her tongue. She couldn't chase him away. He'd given her an offer. An offer she couldn't resist even if she tried to. And giving up was all she could do currently. Giving up and giving into him to soothe the burning ache between her legs when the one in her heart would never quiet down to allow her cries in the middle of the night on a random day when the pain jumped out on her and tackled her to the ground to cut her heart open and force its way inside her to do the same.
"At what price?" she asked instead as if she had any hopes of declining. She'd give whatever he asked of her. Knowing what it was beforehand wouldn't change that, could only make it worse, in fact, as it would have the time to sink in and she'd know it wasn't carelessness that would let him hurt her but her love for him. She had to at least try to pull herself together even when her hands were just barely holding the sheets to her body anymore, all of the white waves falling away to allow his fires to get to her.
"You won't get to witness my pleasure," Valtor said to make her brain short-circuit. She hadn't quite had the capacity to think of anything else besides her own orgasm but she'd taken that his was granted in the situation. He'd always been a selfless lover only at the reassurance his own pleasure was a given. She'd never imagined he could keep it from her when he couldn't keep it from himself. "I will stay until you come and then I am gone," Valtor said, his fingers trailing yet higher up her thigh and sliding to the inside of it that led right where she wanted them, yet she wasn't sure she would get what she wanted at all when it wasn't just his pleasure she wouldn't get to enjoy.
Just one orgasm? She'd known he'd come to torture her. There was no way that would be enough and he knew that as well as she did. It hadn't been when she'd had him all to herself constantly and their skin had been pressed together for hours on end every night as they'd slept naked and tangled into each other. He certainly couldn't expect just one orgasm–brought on with the skill and speed of his fingers and mouth–to satisfy her now that she'd been deprived of his touch for years.
Valtor laughed–the sound drawing her closer to his lips despite the ugliness it startled inside her–as he raised the one hand that wasn't currently grazing over her wanting flesh to stroke her hair. "Oh, Griffin," he said in that patronizing tone and she could kill him for using it on her when he knew just how much she hated it but she needed to come, needed him to make her feel good, make her feel like he still loved her. "You will never satisfy that hunger for me," he said, the words an uncanny echo of her thoughts again. He knew her too well, read her too well for her to come out unscathed from that encounter if she let him get his mouth on her. "But I promise you that you will enjoy yourself thoroughly," he said as if she needed to be put even more under his spell. "You know I am a man of my word."
She did. It was just that she was dealing with the demon currently. And even that knowledge couldn't help her push him away, his hold on her that strong. Especially as he was already moving, his magic yanking the sheets from her grip the way he pulled her thighs apart to settle between them as if she'd given her answer. But they both knew she wouldn't. She couldn't quite find it in herself to speak as she watched him lying down between her legs, his eyes locked on hers and sending thrills running down her spine instead of shudders when his touch was just as heated as she remembered it even after all that time he'd spent in the ice. It felt heavenly on her skin that had been only greeted by cold sheets every night she'd went to bed.
"You might want to put a soundproofing spell on your room if you don't want your students to hear your screams," Valtor said, a smug smile falling over his face just like her magic was falling over the walls already even when they both knew she would do her best to argue against the reminder that he knew her so well and knew how to make her body obey his will. And he'd wanted her to be as loud as possible when she'd expressed her love for him.
"What if I'd gotten better at keeping my voice down since you last had me?" she asked, a question since she couldn't make herself lie to him and there was no point when he'd figure it out soon enough. Just like there was no point to the fight she was putting up and they both knew her wording was all wrong. She was talking as if he hadn't had her all that time, as if she had ever gotten away from him. He'd been right there in her heart the entire time even when he'd been swallowed in the deeply frozen belly of Omega. Her love for him had never stopped flowing and neither had her lust, pulling on the muscles in her lower belly when she had his mouth hovering so close above her and ready to rain all that pleasure she'd craved on her.
"You will scream, Griffin," he said, his gaze still locked with hers and holding it in place with the beauty of his confidence even if it was her tragedy, "and you will love it. Even when your throat goes sore from it, from the pleasure that you can't keep in." And then, once he was gone, her throat would be sore from all the pain that kept coming out even when her voice couldn't anymore because it wasn't endless like the agony. They both knew it. And somehow, they both reveled in it. Because the pain was coming from her love for him and she couldn't make herself want to end it.
Griffin licked her lips tasting her surrender when there were no words she could make come out of there and chase him before he could wreck her being–first with pleasure and then with misery–and left herself in Valtor's hands. And mouth. That was still much better than her own fingers even when he refused to take her fully like she could feel he wanted to as well.
He still knew just how to curl his fingers inside her and swirl his tongue, when to tease and when to press so hard as if he was trying to break her, and she didn't imagine he'd spent his seventeen years of imprisonment keeping that knowledge alive and well in his head when he wanted her dead. It was so hard to accept it was all coming naturally to him. She couldn't understand how he could work her body better than she could. It just wasn't fair. None of that should have happened. None of it. She should have never been alone and he shouldn't have been in Omega. She shouldn't have run away and they should have been together, touching each other into ecstasy, into happiness. Not this one-sided love-hate.
"Oh, Griffin, you're such a liar," Valtor said at the loud whine she gave when his lips weren't closed around her clit anymore. And she wanted to argue that it was just a momentary cause of frustration but she could hardly hear her own thoughts over her whimpers when his fingers kept pumping into her and keeping her right where she'd landed when his mouth had let go of her. He was holding her at that level of lower intensity and she needed to gather herself enough to say something so that he'd get back to driving her mad with pleasure.
"I didn't say... that I could keep quiet," she said, hating herself for being unable to get even a single sentence out without panting in the midst of it but his fingers were stroking her to mindlessness and breathlessness and there was nothing she could do about it. There was nothing she wanted to do about it except get him to use his mouth on her again if he was insisting on torturing her with it. "It was just a... what-if," she tried again as he didn't seem pleased enough to show her even a bit of mercy yet. He wanted her to debase herself more, kill all of her dignity as a sacrifice to him and she couldn't even make herself regret it knowing the ecstasy he could give her in exchange for it. Just a little bit of heaven. Just a little bit of him.
"Or was it that you thought you had quieted down when your lovers couldn't get you to make the sounds I'm pulling out of you?" Valtor asked, poked at her, as if he needed her to spill tears, too, along with her arousal for him to give her what she wanted.
She had never thought she'd gotten better at hiding her moans. She'd always known they'd keep flowing. In the right hands. And since he hadn't been there, that had meant she'd been the only one able to hear them, the only one able to draw them out of herself. With the memories of him, of his touch and his kisses. That had never failed to see her drenched and she'd ended up enjoying herself far more than anyone else could have gotten to enjoy her when her head was full of him. It had to be if she wanted pleasure to hit. And she was so greedy, always wanting it to crash into her until it carried away all traces of wrongness and pain left over her heart and cheeks that were cold without his caresses.
"Did you try to move on, Griffin?" he asked and she couldn't understand why he was wasting the efforts on his mouth into something there was no need for when she was there for him, all desperate and wanting, ready for the taking. "Tell me you did," he said and his hands were still on her, yet it felt like he'd sucked all the heat out of her instead of feeding it.
He couldn't mean that. He'd always been so possessive. He couldn't actually want to hear that she'd tried to replace him. She could have never wanted that just like he could never wish to want to replace her. And she would open her eyes to look at him and make sure he was joking but she couldn't when his touch felt so good. She was scared what she saw could make it impossible for her to enjoy it so better take what she could now. She could always suffer later.
"Tell me you tried again and again only to be reminded of what we both know – that you were at the right place before you ran away. At my side." The words had her heart rest at ease even when he'd sullied her pleasure just to stroke his own ego when he'd promised her she would enjoy herself. He was still so selfish.
She had to tell him to go back to the hell he'd just come out of, had to. But she couldn't. She didn't want to. She just wanted him close, where he'd never disappear again. Inside her.
He gave her something. Not quite what she wanted but much more than she'd expected. He took his time to lick and suck at her and thrust his fingers inside her, torment her, until she was coming to the edge only to pull her back and do it again. And again. And again. Like they had all the time in the world. Like it wasn't just the cover of the night that allowed them to be in the same room without tearing each other apart and they still had the love in their eyes that mirrored each other. But she couldn't even look at him when he made her shut hers tightly and let her fingers dig in the mattress when all she wanted was to fist them in his hair and hold him down to her until her pleasure was flowing in him uninterrupted for the rest of eternity.
She couldn't let herself touch him. It would hurt too much when she had to let go. She could only spill all her noises for him and let him get the stars behind her eyelids like he'd done once when the universe had still been merciful towards them as he hadn't threatened its wellbeing. She couldn't have let him destroy all of it but she could never say no to him between her legs and working on making her fall apart. No matter how hard his fingerprints would stain her heart after that and get in the way of putting it together when the pieces touched by him no longer felt like they fit together when he wasn't there to hold them to one another. It would still be better with a shattered heart than an empty one.
He finally had her come. Only when she could feel the first rays of the dawn caressing her skin to make him pull away from it and chase him away. She'd never hated mornings before but this would make her despise the rising sun at least a little, even if it was a star, too. But there was time for the emotions to get to her heart and shake it until its crumbled to dust. She could focus on the ripples of pleasure making her tremble right now. Tremble and buck towards his mouth for more as she prayed he wouldn't stop. He couldn't until he'd drained every last bit from her. He couldn't be that cruel to her and refuse to take everything she'd give.
He wasn't. He held her through her orgasm, fed it and had her moaning his name again and again now that she knew he was there to hear it. He kept pushing her further off the edge until she started clawing to come back over it and was bucking away from him, the realization creeping slowly inside her hazy mind only to settle heavy on her heart and keep her from rising, even from opening her eyelids, as she heard him moving off the bed.
"Valtor," she said, his name not at all like it had sounded just a few moments ago when it had been coated with pleasure. It had that edge to it that would make her bleed with how loud the terror was when it crashed into it to sharpen it. He couldn't do that to her. Couldn't leave without a word like he'd never been there at all. He couldn't leave her. "Kiss me," she said when he turned back to look at her so there had to be something there he still wanted. Even when she knew that wasn't her love. She didn't care what it was as long as it kept him within her grasp. Maybe she could even get to close her fingers in his clothes or hair some day if he kept coming back.
"I don't want your pleasure, Griffin," Valtor said as if that was news to her. She knew that just as well as she could feel his magic rising inside him to whisk him away from her. Not before he'd carried out his strike against her, though. "I want your desperation." And what a thing to say. He sounded almost like them. It made sense. It was them who'd made him the demon that he was.
"Then kiss me," she said, knowing she was treading dangerous realms that could kill her if she let herself fall into them. There was no telling how much suffering he could bring her with her agreement. But she couldn't make herself let go of him. She'd pried a part of his soul away when she'd left him in her inability to do so. She'd made him the demon that he was now and she deserved to be the one to suffer all his cruelty. She needed to be the one to do it. "Don't let me breathe again." She didn't want to anyway if he wasn't there for her to breathe him in.
"Well, that's a tempting offer," Valtor said, his eyes burning into her with their icy color when he could see the honesty of her desire.
She hoped he'd take it. If he didn't, he would admit that he would have to give her his own breath in exchange which he wouldn't survive if he was the human that she knew. She needed him to be the demon right now lest she followed him out the door.
And he came for her.