The almost Apocalyptic had its good sides finally thought Aziraphale. He and Crowley were finally able to put a name to their relationship. Otherwise, it might have taken them another 6,000 years to define. But now... they're together! It sounds a bit childish but there is something truly wonderful about having a relationship that has the comfort of an old friendship and yet is full of new aspects to explore.
He'd found a new restaurant he thought Crowley would like. The demon tended to drink rather than eat, so it was a little personal pride for Aziraphale every time he would find a place where Crowley would take a look at the menu with as much interest as the wine list.
As he finished getting ready, a voice was heard:
-I'm not sure about this cologne. It's a little vulgar...
-Gabriel?! said Aziraphale turning in surprise.
-Good evening Aziraphale. Getting dressed up for your night with... your friend?
-Uh... yes, I'm taking him to a Korean restaurant known for their bibimbap.
He likes eggs.
-Does he like them impregnated or not?
Aziraphale wondered whether he should laugh, explain or just smile politely.
-I mean, that's not why I'm here...
Smile politely it is.
-You've earned the right to continue... Whatever it is you're doing with this demon. But that doesn't mean I don't have the right to make sure you stay on the straight and narrow. If I were you, I'd miraculously get one more seat at the restaurant," said Gabriel with his most articifial smile.
-Boyfriend, girlfriend, fluid, boyfriend, girlfriend, fluid...repeated in a Crowley loop trying on different clothes.
He always didn't care about identifications; male, female, in between, it was his body, he was what he wanted to be. He may have favoured male for practical reasons, but that didn't stop him from being a woman on occasion and for the last few years he had been experimenting with genderfluid. When he had asked Aziraphale if he had a preference, his angel had of course answered that he was beautiful in all forms. What's worse is that Crowley was sure that it implied his demonic form too! Angel, you're sweet, but you're not helping!
- Does it really matter? After all, he was almost destroyed for your beautiful eyes, but beware of that whore-like appearance could change his mind about it.
Crowley turned aggressively, ready to turn himself into a monstrous snake. He found the Prince of Hell, Beelzebut himself sitting on his bed with an army of flies now invading his apartment.
Damn it.
-What can I do for you, dear Beelzebut?
-First, Crawling, if I wanted my ass kissed, I'd ask to a damned. Second, I know you think you've won, but I'm not Belphegor. I'll go with you tonight, make sure you and your... companion have finished makes a mess of other people's business. !
-Just tell me we're not paying for you.
Beelzebut smile.
-Crowley my dear boy, you look lovely tonight! Aziraphale exclaimed as he saw the demon arrive before seeing who accompanied him. -Oh, your boss is here too. What a nice surprise!
-Hello, angel. They're going to join us for the evening. I hope it's all right, said Crowley with obvious discomfort.
-Actually, that's good. Uh...Gabriel is waiting for us at the restaurant," explained the angel.
Ah, so this is their divine punishment for stopping the apocalypse, Crowley thought. He also thought that the holy water and hellefire were too fast.
-You know you have the right to take a break from work? Says Gabriel with disgust.
-What are you talking about? ask Belzebuth with a mouth full.
-You're torturing us here, aren't you? The Archangel continued.
Please kill each other, was thinking Crowley. Aziraphale for his part looks with horror at the prince of hell devouring amount of food, licking his plate, drinking the sauce and other table manners that would have repelled even the most hardened buffet worker.
Beelzebut was content to make more noise beford asking to Crowley:
-Are you going to finish that?
Crowley stretched out his bowl without the slightest resistance while Aziraphale rubbed his back in an affectionate manner.
-Oh, we're intimate in public! laughed the demon.
Aziraphale stopped his gesture and blushed.
-It's a good question actually, what is your level of intimacy?" asked Gabriel.
-I beg your pardon ? ask horrified Aziraphale.
-Your level of intimacy, do you kiss? Cuddling? Maybe even have coitus?
-None of your businesss," Crowley whistled, holding his anger in check.
-Why? join him Beelzebut. -Is it something that would make Asmodeus blush ?
-With all due respect, I don't see how that's necessary. But if you're curious about how humans show their affections, I have books with scientific advice and explanation. There are even passages about respecting your partner's limits and the bad touches that you should report to an adult," Aziraphale said.
Subtly insults their respective bosses by comparing them to children and sexual predators in a polite manner. Good Lucifer, Crowley loves his angel.
-I don't think that'll be necessary," said Gabriel coldly. -The majority of human media are so boring and when they manage to produce something of quality, they destroy it. I mean, that actor was going to hell anyway, they could have at least let him finish the season.
-If that's all that's bothering you, I have your solution. All you have to do is come to hell when he's dead, we'll make him do the rest, says Beelzebut.
-What you're mean? ask Gabriel.
-Make him play the sequel or even your own story. You know, it's nice the fire and the torture and the mountains of shit but not really personnel. One of the few ideas worthy of the name that Crowley has proposed and that under my direction has proven itself is to force artists to play the ideas of demons. And given the imagination of low-level demons, it's not uncommon for them to beg to return to the classic tortures, laughed the prince of the underworld. -I don't think it would bother anybody if you came. I see Michael's been here a few times before.
-This is terrible! Says Aziraphale.
-Thank you," Crowley says, a little embarrassed.
-It might be amusing ...I admit I appreciate the irony, recognized Gabriel.
-Sounds like you've been experimenting with this before, Beelzebut says intrigued. -I'm curious.
-Well, between you and me, if there's one thing I wish she'd do a sin, it's stupidity .So it's possible that someone might be waiting for them, making them think they're coming to heaven before he step aside and say, "Sorry, you won a one-way ticket downstairs a long time ago". And then they look at you with their stupid blank stare and open mouth ! But legitimately surprised! You mean having reproductive intercourse with children or hitting babies with roots because they can't stay perfectly silent when their orders are going to send me to hell? But how stupid do you have to be? Laugh Gabriel.
-It's so true! Half the people downstairs are legitimately surprised! They're screaming that it's a mistake and they want justice! Do you know what I tell them then? Beelzebut asked.
-No, but please tell me, asked with a sincere smile Gabriel.
-Go look for a lawyer in the furnace! Laughed Beelzebut.
-Tell me they actually do it!
-Something! Are you gonna finish that?
-No. I don't like food. The very concept of digestion seems... so crude. Indulge yourself," said the Archangel as he pushed his plate to the demon.
Gabriel didn't need any encouragement before Beelzebut threw himself on his plate.
Crowley turned slowly towards Aziraphale, lowering his smoked glasses and moving his lips without making a sound: do you see the same thing as me? The angel responded with an almost undetectable movement of his head. They started talking to each other mentally. Not that it was 100% safe, but it was the most subtle thing they had.
-What do we do now? ask Aziraphale.
-I don't know! I feel a little less unique but it could be good for us, right? ask Crowley.
-Her paths are impenetrable. I wouldn't have predicted this, not in 6,000 years! Maybe we should take some take-out, go to your place and let them... bond?
-I was hoping you'd say that! If we move fast, they won't even notice we're gone...
-No! We're not going to run away like thieves, we're going to tell them politely that we...
-I don't want to be polite to these bastards! They're power-hungry assssholes who tried to dessstroy uss and ruin our date!
-Please Crowley...
-No!I don't take the chance of having to put up with them for another hour when I can be comfortable with you on the couch!
-My dear boy, this may be our only chance for them to understand what unites us. If that means tolerating Gabriel being inconsiderate and the food habits of Beelzebut for the rest of the night to know that we can be together safely, then let's do it! You're worth it.
Crowley seemed a little moved by the statement but recovered fast:
-Why, I feel like the hardest part for you is my boss's eating habits?
-That's terrifying. I might fast for a while because of this. I'm also going to perform a miracle for our waiter. The poor soul deserves it.
-Oh so much. I still don't understand why Gabriel is your spokesperson with his social skills!
When the conversation is over, they both get ready for action!
-Uh... forgive me for interrupting, but...
Gabriel and Beelzebut turn as one entity towards the angel as if they had just remembered his existence.
-Yes?
-Crowley's out picking up the tab.
-What?
-Our date over unless you have a reason to object? ask Aziraphale.
The Archangel and the Prince of Hell look at each other seemingly hoping the other will have an excuse.
-Are you not going to have a drink afterwards? Gabriel tempted weakly.
-No, not tonight. We're feel a little tired.
-Unless you guys got some business to take care of? Says Crowley who just got back. -I mean, I know Hell have a lot of paperwork who can be a torture, no pun intended. Heaven can't be all that different on this one...
-Yes!" scream Beelzebut. -I have a lot of paper to fill in and I need to make sure that it matches with the papers in Heaven for the hierarchy! We mean have to spend the rest of the evening taking care of it!
-Or even until the next morning, if that's what it takes," continued Gabriel. -Unless it's too fast...I mean much...
-No, not a problem. I'm the demon of gluttony, not laziness. As long as I'm fed, I can go on and on. That's not too much.
-Are we allowed to see this paperwork? Sasked Crowley with his good little devilish smile.
-No. You two are walking disasters! Me and Beelzebut may have to see each other repeatedly to make sure you don't cause any more trouble because of what...Gabriel says looking for his words.
-Leave the blasphemy to the professional, take over Beelzebut. - You two are receiving favouritism from her for some strange reason. So enjoy it and go netflix and chill or I don't know what nonsense you enjoy and let us work in peace!
-We will do our best, says Aziraphale with his purest expression.
The angel and the demon leave their bosses quickly, fearing that they would change their minds. Once the two had left the restaurant and headed for the bookstore, unable to do so, they burst out laughing.
-Please tell me we weren't so transparent, lia Aziraphale.
- Those two? Impossible! Even at our worst!
-It's kind of sweet, though, isn't it?
-Yes, like giraffes showing affection by peeing on each other. I'm super happy for the giraffes, but I'm gonna leave them to their own devices.
-I'd rather have giraffe's piss than another night with them.
-Aziraphale! Is that the mouth you're kissing me with? said falsely offends Crowley.
-You like it.
-So much, recognized the demon coming to kiss the angel.
When they finally parted ways, Aziraphale launched his proposal:
-My dear boy, what do you say we listen to your boss? We can go buy some chilli and watch Netflix together. You've been trying to get me to listen to your show for so long!
-The Good Place? Oh you're gonna love it angel, that's so great! But why do you want chilli?
-The chill of Netflix and chill is not for chilli? ask confused Aziraphale.
-Well, not really. But we can stop for food on the way if you want and I'll explain at home, smile Crowley.
-Perfect for me...Hu...Crowley?
-Yes, angel?
-Do you think it's right or wrong? Gabriel and Beelzebut?
-A little of both, i guess.