For evilwriter37. Happy Birthday! Inspired by Kneel by evilwriter37.
This is a continuation of ewilwriter37's one shot Kneel. In it, Hiccup got captured and tortured by Viggo before his friends could rescue him, including being branded with Viggo's crest and thus being made a slave.
"Ah, here it is," Fishlegs said triumphantly, and held out a small pot for her. "I knew I had another one lying around somewhere."
"Thanks!" Astrid sighed in relief. She took the pot - filled with Gothi's special healing salve against burns - away between clean cloth and other pots in her basket. "But we better send a Terror to Berk. I fear we're going to need more still." She glanced up at Hiccup's hut and swallowed. "I just hope that'll be enough..."
Fishlegs followed her eyes and nodded. "I'll do that. Maybe we'll have more in a couple of days already."
With her lips pressed into a thin line, Astrid bid Fishlegs goodbye before climbing on Stormfly's back. She was glad that Fishlegs still had more of the salve, grateful even. But, fuck, she wished they wouldn't need it!
Once she reached Hiccup's hut, she knocked. "Hiccup? It's me. I came to tend to your wounds," she called but got no answer. "Hiccup?" she tried again, but with the same result. "Hiccup, I'm coming in now." There was no protest when she pulled the gate open, so there at least was that.
Inside, it was dark. All windows were shut, even Toothless' skylight, and at first, she thought Hiccup had left without anyone noticing. In a way, she wouldn't even be surprised - Hiccup's mood had become unpredictable since they'd freed him from Viggo's cage.
Before she could start worrying though, she heard noises coming from the shadows above, Toothless' concerned warbling and Hiccup's labored breathing.
Astrid rushed up the stairs to his sleeping alcove and crouched down next to his bed where he lay, wrapped tightly into a blanket and trembling.
"Hiccup? Hiccup, what's wrong?" She reached for his shoulder after putting the box with healing supplies to the ground.
The moment she touched him though, he cried out. "No! No, don't touch me!" he yelled, twisting away from her touch and batting her hand aside.
Astrid froze, her hand still half-raised, watched him cautiously. "It's just me, Astrid," she whispered in a soothing voice. This wasn't the first time he had nightmares since they rescued him a few days ago.
Panting, Hiccup looked at her for a couple of heartbeats before he slowly calmed down. "I… I'm sorry," he muttered, slumping in on himself. "I-I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay," she interrupted him with a soothing smile. "But it was just a dream. Viggo can't get to you anymore."
Hiccup nodded but didn't reply and only pressed his lips into a thin line.
Not wanting to linger on that topic, Astrid lit the candle on Hiccup's nightstand. He looked pale in the flickering light, his cheeks hollow and dark shadows around his eyes. She swallowed against the lump in her throat and reached for her basket with the healing supplies.
"Can you undress for me?" she asked, fighting against the sorrow about how the meaning of these words had changed. Only a week ago, she'd whispered similar words into his ear, right here on his bed. But now…
Hiccup complied, mutely and unable to meet her eyes. She worked in silence, stony-faced, removed the bandages and inspected and cleaned the various wounds beneath. The burned marks on his forearms looked alright, relatively speaking. Raised and darkened skin, but no infection. They would leave scars but that was all. Hopefully…
With practiced swiftness, she applied the healing salve and redressed his forearms before turning to his back next. It was covered in countless marks, crisscrossing his entire back and down his thighs. Some were just severe bruises left by Viggo's torture devices, but more often than not, his flog had cut skin and torn flesh. The scabbed wounds painted an awful picture, only made worse by the cleaner cuts of a knife in-between the more ragged ones.
Astrid had to bite down on her lip, hard, to hold back any noises or tears. She couldn't even imagine in how much pain Hiccup must have been - and still was. When she cleaned and cared for these wounds, Hiccup trembled beneath her touch even as she was as careful as she could be. Her heart broke for him, for what he had endured and how much he still suffered, physically and mentally alike.
And these weren't even his most severe wounds.
Astrid found herself dallying on purpose, paying more attention to obviously clean and half-healed cuts than was necessary. Everything to avoid what awaited her on his chest.
It wasn't even the burned mark that troubled her. Deep down, she knew that this wound was the worst. But for now, she pushed it - and its meaning - aside, couldn't focus on how this might affect the future.
Instead, her eyes lingered on the long cut that ran over his chest, his rips, and all the way down to his stomach - and on the heated and angry flesh around it. Hiccup had told her about this one and the slow precision with which Viggo must have applied it made her sick. How could a man, a human being, be so evil, so twisted? How could he enjoy applying this much pain to a living breathing creature? Her hands hovered over his chest, trembling and non-responding, her eyes filling with tears.
Why hadn't she paid better attention? Why had she let Viggo capture Hiccup? Why hadn't she found him sooner? If only she'd been better, stronger, faster! Then she could have spared Hiccup all this pain, could have saved him.
"You don't have to do this."
Astrid looked up, surprised by Hiccup's words. He was watching her through hollow eyes, bare of any emotions.
Wiping away her stupid tears, she shook her head. "Of course, I have to," she insisted. "You can't treat most of these wounds yourself and this one," she indicated toward the angry cut across his chest, "needs special attention. I don't like how it looks. I think we should let Gothi have a look at it as soon as possible and-"
She broke off when Hiccup reached for her hands and pushed them back to her sides. "That's not what I mean," he muttered hoarsely. "I mean that you don't have to do this. Snot knows how to apply the salve for burns well enough and Legs can do the rest. It doesn't have to be you. I don't want it to be you."
Astrid rocked back. "What?"
Sighing, Hiccup averted his face. "It's okay. You… you don't have to pretend, you know? You don't owe me anything."
Bewildered, Astrid let her hand sink, frowning. "What are you talking about?"
"Astrid, this changes everything!" he said, grimacing as he gestured to his chest, the mark burned into his skin. "I… I'm not who I was before - I can't be. I'm a thrall now, a slave. Me running away from Vi- from him doesn't change that. You know what this mark means. He… he owns me now! I'm not my own person anymore. I'm not even my father's son anymore, can't become chief one day…" He broke off. His hand was raised as if to reach for her but he dropped it before their skin met. "I'm not who I was before, and… and you…"
"What about me?" she asked, not comprehending. She hated to think about what this mark meant, but what did that have to do with her?
"Astrid, I… I won't be Chief. Ever. I can't be! Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can stay on Berk, hidden and disguised in case my father is willing to take that risk. But… but it would be the life of an Outcast and I know that's not what you want. It's not what I want for you either. You deserve better than that."
Slowly, understanding dawned on Astrid, even as she refused to believe that he was serious. "Are you out of your mind?"
Hiccup however just turned away from her, his shoulders slumped. "You should go," he murmured, reaching for his tunic to put it back on.
"No!" Astrid growled, anger rising inside her. "No, I won't leave now. Do you hear me, Hiccup? I won't leave you! Do you really think so little of me? That I only loved you because of your title or status, of the prestige it would give me to become the next Chief's wife? Are you kidding me?" The accusation hurt. Was that really what he thought of her?
Grimacing, Hiccup shook his head. "No, I don't… don't want to believe that," he said bitterly. "But it's obvious, isn't it?"
"Obvious? What in Odin's name are you talking about? I'm here, Hiccup. I'm here! For you! What gives you this harebrained idea that what Viggo did would change any-"
"You can't even touch me anymore!" he threw back, interrupting her, pain now clear in his eyes. "You know... I remember well how you touched me the last time I spent a night in your hut. And I see how much it costs you to tend to these wounds now, how reluctant you become when your hands get close to my skin. Everything's different now and you can't deny it. I'm not who I've been before; this brand changes me whether I want it or not. It changes who I am, what I'm worth. I'm worth nothing anymore. Not to myself, not to my father, not to my people… and not to you."
Astrid gaped at him. He thought she was so hesitant because she didn't want to be near him? Odin, how could he be so stupid?
Without thinking twice about it, she was on her feet and rushed forward. Hiccup grunted as she pressed against him, but she didn't pay his pain any mind, couldn't do so right now. With a strong sense of desperation, she pressed her lips to his, her body against his chest. Her hands were trembling, even as one clenched in his hair, the fingers of the other digging into his shoulder.
Hiccup groaned, hissing against her lips when she pressed against his wounds. But he didn't push her back, in fact, only pulled her closer with his hands firmly on her hips. Even after the kiss had ended, he didn't let go of her. His face was buried against her neck, his arms tightly wrapped around her.
Astrid had wanted to pull away to not irritate his wounds any further. But when she noticed how much he was shaking, she changed her mind. Instead, she held him in a soft embrace, one hand slowly combing through his hair, comforting.
"I love you, Hiccup," she murmured in a thick voice. "Do you hear me? You! I don't care about your status or what position you might have in the future. I love you for who you are deep inside, for your bravery and your compassion and your wit. That's not something Viggo can take from you."
In her arms, he started sobbing quietly, his fingers painfully digging into her back in his desperation to hold her close. It made her heart break for him, realizing how broken he really was inside.
"He will pay for what he did," she vowed, not particularly to Hiccup but certainly for his sake. "We can ask as many people as possible for help. We'll hunt him down, together. I'll kill him with my own hands if I have to."
Hiccup's breath caught in his throat and he pulled back to look at her. He looked pale, scared. "No," he gasped. "No, you can't! Please, Astrid, promise me you won't go after him!"
"Uh, what? Why?" Why wouldn't Hiccup want Viggo to pay for what he'd done?
Hiccup shook his head, fear in his eyes. "I don't want you that close to this monster, not ever! Please, Astrid. That's… I can deal with this, somehow." he gestured at his wounds. "But I can't stand the thought of anyone else suffering because of me, least of all you. Besides… Even if he was dead, I would still be a thrall. This mark… it's for life! Even if I was free from Viggo, I couldn't become Chief, couldn't marry, couldn't live a normal life, not ever. You know the laws!"
Astrid slumped in on herself. He was right. Killing Viggo might free him of that master, but it wouldn't restore Hiccup's position among the Vikings. A slave brand was ultimate…
"Then… then we leave," she whispered. She looked up into his questioning eyes, something of a plan forming in her mind. "We leave the archipelago. You didn't ask for this, didn't do anything to deserve this brand. But if you're right and people won't accept you as equal anymore, then you own them nothing. We owe them nothing! We take Toothless and Stormfly and leave, fly away to wherever we can live without anyone harassing you for something you didn't want."
Hiccup's eyes had become wide, stunned. His lips were parted, moving, but it took him a while before he could say anything. "But… What about your family? Your dreams? You wanted to become Berk's best warrior so you can defend those you care about. Could you really give all that up?"
Biting her lip, Astrid averted her face. Images of her parents rose to her mind's eye, so proud of her on the day she'd joined the Guard. She remembered her dreams of one day leading this Guard, of protecting Berk and the people she cared about. But those dreams would never become true now. And without Hiccup, they weren't even worth half as much anyway.
Shrugging, she whispered, "I'm… not saying it would be easy. But this is an option. If we can't take Viggo out or if living on Berk isn't an option anymore then this is. I'll stay with you, no matter what."
His face crumpled, a single tear leaking from his eye and his head dropped. "Thank you," he whispered.
Astrid swallowed. She was a warrior, a fighter, tough. She was able to endure a lot of pain. But Hiccup's pain was too much for her, the physical but even worse was the mental and emotional pain. She wanted to fight what hurt him, but that wasn't possible. Not anymore. All she could do was try to make it easier.
She placed a soft reassuring kiss to his temple and then pulled back again. "Can I take care of your wounds now?"
Hiccup nodded ruefully, hissing when she returned her attention to his chest and probed at the hot flesh around the cut. "See? This is why I've been reluctant to touch you, you muttonhead," she muttered. She didn't look up, but from the corner of her eye, she saw that he was smiling.
"Duly noted. And… I'm sorry for overreacting. I probably should have known better."
Astrid sighed. "Yes, you should have. But I get why you reacted that way, I think. And I'm actually glad we talked about it," she added with a small smile, but quickly became serious again. "I was serious, though. I don't like how this cut looks. We really should-"
Hiccup's hand landed on hers. "I'm sure it's nothing," he said. His tone was light but had an odd ring to it. Insecurity? Fear? She wasn't sure. "Just give it a couple more days, it surely will be better by then."
She sat back, watching him carefully. He was fidgeting nervously, not meeting her gaze and wringing his hands. "You don't want to talk to your father." It wasn't a question. One didn't have to be a genius to understand, after all. Going to Berk to let Gothi take a look at his wound would make it impossible to avoid Stoick.
Slowly, Hiccup nodded. Whispered, "No, I don't. I know I have to tell him eventually but… But maybe we can put it off for a few weeks, spare him the disappointment and… and…" He trailed off when she reached for his hand, squeezing it. He sighed. "But there's no point in waiting, is there? It won't change anything."
"No, it won't," Astrid said, swallowing. "The brand won't go away."
Hiccup's hand tightened around her own, almost painfully. Then he exhaled shakily and nodded. "Alright. Let's look for the others and pack our things. We're going back to Berk…"
Surprisingly tame compared to my usual writing, I know. Still, if you enjoyed it I'd love some comments ;)