Warnings: borderline sexual harassment except it's not intentional (and not exactly unwelcome), slight acephobia on Angel's part.
Husk should have known this would fucking happen. Honestly, he couldn't believe he hadn't seen this coming, because this was a fucking inevitability.
What was "this", one might ask? "This" was Alastor hanging onto his person every fucking time they were in the same room for literally any amount of time.
This very moment was a prime example of the phenomenon.
Alastor and Charlie had entered the lobby together, discussing something or another about the hotel's development. They had walked over to the window that had a view of the hotel's front yard and stopped there to continue their discussion.
Husk, at the time, had been at the bar counter, as per usual. But within the first five minutes of the pair's appearance, he suddenly found himself no longer leaning against the counter and making cherry blossom strings out of the empty paper packages of plastic straws. Instead he was between Alastor and Charlie, with Alastor's arm around his shoulders and his pointy nose nuzzling his cheek while the guy continued the conversation like nothing was amiss.
He had to give Alastor some measure of credit: they had been at the hotel for three entire days now and this hadn't happened in front of company until right then. His summoning here not counting.
"Umm, what is going on?" Charlie asked, understandably bewildered by Husk's sudden appearance and Alastor's casual fucking handsiness.
"Whatever do you mean, dear?" Alastor asked, and stopped the nuzzling to give Charlie an inquiring look.
Husk knew for a fucking fact that Alastor's question was completely sincere and he honestly didn't realize there was anything odd about this picture.
Charlie, it seemed, was thrown for a loop and didn't know how she was supposed to react. Husk couldn't blame her.
"I mean", she floundered, and gestured at the two of them.
Alastor caught on and chuckled, all the while running his fingers through the fur on Husk's shoulders. "Oh, Husk? His fur is simply really soft."
And that was the extent of explanation offered, because it was literally all there was to it: Alastor had liked the feel of his fur from the moment they met, and had immediately began the process of taming him into an agreeable plush toy that he could idly pet whenever the fuck he wanted to, whether Husk wanted it or not. Husk had fought it for a few years during their occasional meet-ups, but eventually he just stopped when it became crystal clear that Alastor wasn't going to give up. It was easier to just fucking let him be handsy than to waste his energy shoving the bastard off when he was simply going to be back in his personal space the next fucking moment anyway. Usually Alastor got over the urge sometime during the interaction and let Husk go, so it was for the best to let it happen in the beginning and maybe get his space back somewhere down the line. If he was lucky.
"Just pretend I'm not here", Husk said with his best I-don't-give-a-single-fuck tone of voice. "Trust me, nothing any of us can say about this is gonna make this any less fucking weird. I promise I don't fucking care about your conversation and my single wish in this moment is to not be here, but let's be real: wishes never come true."
Alastor laughed in pure fucking glee and nuzzled Husk's cheek again. "Oh, you're such a delight, my friend! Now Charlie, where were we?"
Charlie took it all remarkably well, all things considered. But fuck everything and Husk's afterlife in particular, the next time this happened in front of Charlie, she gave them that knowing fucking look that spelled out that she labeled them as married in her mind.
Fuck damn it.
ooooo
Today was a good day. Or at least this current chunk of today was a good chunk – it wouldn't do to make blanket statements that wide when there were plenty of hours in the day left for something to go wrong. The point was, Husk was having a good time at the moment, regardless of the rest of the day.
He had been on his way to the bar when he had noticed that it was actually a really bright day outside. Not sunny, as there was no such thing as sun in Hell, but whatever hellfires they were that produced the simulacrum of sunshine were going strong and casting what was effectively a sunbeam through the window onto the floor.
His cat instincts had really liked that. He hadn't bothered to fight them.
So right now he was lying on his back on the floor like a furry pretzel, letting the beam of whatever warm his belly and chest while his tail twitched lazily. It was pure bliss.
Pure fucking bliss.
So content he was, for fucking once, that he wasn't even particularly bothered by the very familiar clip-clop of approaching shoes. As long as the jackass didn't block the beam, it was fine – and if he did that, he would die immediately. But until then, Husk wasn't going to open his eyes.
The sound stopped right beside him, then there was a rustle of cloth as the hem of Alastor's coat touched the floor, and then a hand started running up and down Husk's belly.
Fuck to the yes.
The planets were correctly aligned today and Husk stretched his paws out languidly, blessing Alastor with the sound of content, loud purring.
Alastor made an adorable little high pitched noise, plopped down to sit on the floor instead of crouching, and his previously free hand joined its partner to contribute in the belly rub. He clearly didn't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. Good; he wouldn't have been allowed to do that anyway.
Husk had no idea how long they were there with no-one to bother them, but eventually their pleasant time was interrupted by a rude clearing of throat.
"Excuse me, but what the hell are you two doing?" Vaggie's voice asked. Husk's ears pinned back and his purring died down. "There is work to be done and you're just… doing whatever that is instead."
There was low white noise in the air.
"Excuse you, darling, but there is a warm kitty on the floor and I must pet him", Alastor answered, and Husk's pride wanted to protest the way he was being referred to, but he didn't think he could actually come up with a solid counter-argument, all things considered. He felt too warm and lazy anyway, so what the fuck ever. He could tell Alastor to go fuck himself later.
"Have you lost your mind? Alastor, you do realize Husk is an adult man, and not really a cat? What you're doing is actually really damn questionable if you think about it."
...That was why Husk went out of his way to not think about it when shit like this happened. Besides, he had more than enough cat instincts to beg to differ. Maybe moths had it easier or the animal instinct got stronger over the decades, but Vaggie was certainly wrong – Husk was currently more a giant cat than a man, as much as he would hate himself for it later.
"I lost my mind decades ago, dear, according to some. On that note, I don't accept criticism when it comes to Husk. Begone", Alastor said, and… Vaggie's presence was no longer there.
Husk didn't want to know, but he hoped Alastor had just magicked her to another room at the hotel.
Alastor's hands resumed the petting, and Husk forgot all about any potential problems.
ooooo
Alastor had chosen the bar counter as the place to have a pleasant little conversation with Charlie and Niffty very fucking purposefully, and Husk knew it.
The purpose of that? To have access to his living plush toy.
Husk didn't have any customers aside from them – if they even counted as customers, since they were part of the staff and got to have their drinks for free – so he was stuck sitting across from Alastor and having his arm on the counter, just so Alastor could hold it in one hand and squish, poke, and pet the heart shaped paw pad with his other hand while he talked. Husk wasn't sure if it was awfully uncomfortable or if it was very damn nice. Maybe it was both at once.
Charlie and Niffty, at least, seemed to find it very fucking hilarious, judging from the way they kept biting their lips whenever they looked at the strange fucking thing going on. And Niffty was very fucking well acquaintanced with Alastor's need to do shit like this, so she had no fucking right to be so amused, damn it!
Just fuck everyone.
Husk turned his head away and did his best to ignore everything around him, instead taking another exaggeratedly sullen drink from his bottle of booze.
Alastor's thumb stroked the middle of the paw pad gently, and Husk closed his eyes as he relaxed just a little.
Damn it.
ooooo
Husk scowled at the couch.
On one hand, he had a crossword puzzle magazine and free time, and the optimum way to go about it would be to lay down on the couch with a pile of pillows behind his upper back.
On the other hand, he knew for a fucking fact that it would take a maximum of twenty minutes for Alastor to appear and cuddle up to him if he assumed such an inviting position. He had a sixth sense for it, Husk swore to fucking god.
So the question here was, did he feel like cuddling with the Radio Demon in the middle of a public living room that actually had other occupants right this very moment?
He tore his eyes away from the couch and did a quick headcount. Three others. One of them was Angel Dust, the other two were people he didn't yet know that well. One had been at the bar counter once after checking in, and Husk thought her name was… Fiona? Flora? Something that started with an f and ended with an a. The other one hadn't stopped for a drink even once yet, so Husk had no recollection whatsoever about his name.
All three of them were minding their own business. Angel was reading, Fidelma was stacking dominoes, and the third one was trying to learn to knit, from the looks of it.
...Husk's penchant to not give a fuck was stronger than any dignity he had, so he gathered some throw pillows, arranged them to his liking, and laid down, stretching his body to take up the entire couch like he fucking owned it. It was rather comfortable, to be honest. He didn't see himself getting up for a long while.
He got to have roughly fifteen minutes of being able to peacefully fill in some words to the little blank squares on the paper before there was a clip-clop of hooved shoes on the entryway. He didn't even bother looking up.
He lifted the pen off the paper and the magazine higher up just in time for Alastor to appear on top of him. He gave an 'oof' at the sudden weight on him, even though it wasn't like Alastor had taken a running start and jumped on him or anything this time. No, Alastor just materialized there in a perfect cuddling position, with his cheek on Husk's fluffy chest, his arms cradling his torso without quite wrapping around it and risk getting them squeezed, and the rest of his body lined up with Husk's for maximum physical contact.
Husk knew exactly what this fucking looked like, but there wasn't anything he could do about it.
"Fifteen minutes", he said, and smoothed Alastor's ears back so that he could lean the magazine against his antlers instead of holding it up in the air and straining his arms. "I was beginning to think I'd get to lie here all alone for once."
"How foolish of you", Alastor replied, and squeezed him a bit.
If Husk found this maybe a little nice, it wasn't anyone else's business.
Speaking of other people not minding their own fucking business, Angel Dust strolled up to them with a wide smirk on his face. He stopped next to the couch and placed all four of his arms on his hips like a smug asshole. Husk already wanted to smack him. "Huh, I didn't know you were a thing."
Of fucking course with this shit again. Couldn't two guys cuddle without everyone assuming shit immediately? No, he didn't want an actual answer, damn it.
"We're not-"
"It's rude to call Husk a thing, Angel", Alastor interrupted him with. "Now go away. You're blocking his light."
...Husk looked at his magazine and found that Alastor was actually correct. Well, he'll be twice damned. He hadn't even noticed, as a detail like that hadn't crossed his mind when there were more pressing issues at hand.
Angel laughed and shrugged. "Fine, fine! But if you want a third party to spice things up, you know where to find me."
He gave Husk an obnoxious wink, and sauntered away.
Husk sighed in annoyance and went back to his crosswords... for all of five seconds anyway, before Alastor spoke again.
"We're not inviting him to cuddle with us", Alastor declared, and scratched the side of Husk's chest with one hand. "He looks soft, but his mouth says disgusting things on a constant basis and he's too handsy."
...There were so many things wrong with that statement. First of all, Alastor had no business calling anyone else handsy with a straight face. Secondly, Husk wasn't sure what to do with the information that Alastor kind of considered Angel for a cuddling buddy on a theoretical level, because he looked soft – he wasn't going to admit to a fleeting feeling of jealousy even if he was tortured. Thirdly… No, he wasn't going to burst Alastor's bubble and tell him that Angel wasn't talking about cuddling.
"Don't worry, I'm not interested in his offer either", Husk said, and tapped the magazine with his pen pointedly. "Now shut up so I can concentrate."
Alastor hummed, snuggled closer, and switched a music channel on.
ooooo
Husk, Alastor, Charlie and Vaggie were having a meeting in Charlie's office. Or really, Alastor, Charlie and Vaggie were having a meeting. The only fucking reason Husk was in this room was Alastor and his need to touch him.
Husk had been doing his job at the bar and having an actually pleasant conversation with Vaggie, who had been there for no particular reason other than to socialize. She was an intelligent young woman with refreshing, modern opinions, so Husk had been happy to have an idle chat with her. It was certainly better worth his while than the drunken whining from the desperate patrons of the hotel.
Then Alastor had arrived to fetch Vaggie for this abrupt meeting that couldn't wait. He had, of course, seen Husk there as well, and immediately felt the visible urgent need to put his hands on him like the touchy-feely limpet he was. Unfortunately, he needed to be at the meeting.
Solution? Bring Husk to the meeting.
So, Husk was sitting next to Alastor on the visitor side of Charlie's desk, and Alastor was running his hands over Husk's arms and shoulders while either talking or listening. Just a constant stream of petting with both hands while his actual attention was on the conversation that Husk did his best to ignore.
He supposed this was at least preferable to having Vaggie snatched away and being left sitting at the bar alone. And to their credit, Charlie and Vaggie did their very best to ignore all of this and pretend Husk wasn't in the room. Small mercies.
ooooo
Husk was at the bar, organizing the bottles on the shelf and taking inventory.
Alastor was at the bar, on the same side as Husk – which was supposed to be Husk's own territory where other people didn't come – sitting on Husk's chair and fiddling with the feathered tip of Husk's tail.
The goat boys, Razzle and Dazzle, were sitting on the bar counter, staring silently. One of them was holding a notebook and a pen, and fuck if Husk knew which one that was. They had been introduced as a unit, so while he could tell them apart by colour, he didn't know which name belonged to which goat. So, he'd just never address them singularly and that was that.
Only one out of the three people besides Husk was supposed to be there, and Husk was going to murder the extras any moment now, if not all three.
The thing was, one of the goat boys was supposed to help Husk with the inventory. Husk would check the liquor stash, the soft drinks, the glasses and plastic cups, the plastic straws, the napkins, and so forth, and the goat would write the shit down. Simple, easy, convenient.
And then Alastor had entered the room. He has said he came to check how the inventory was going, which may have been an actual thing he was supposed to do, or it may have been an excuse. Fuck if Husk knew. But instead of checking on them and leaving, Alastor had plopped down on the chair, grabbed Husk's tail to fiddle with, and started playing music.
The goat boy had stared. Husk couldn't fucking read his expression at all, but he had assumed either judgment or amusement.
And then the other goat had showed up from out of nowhere. Husk assumed the first one had summoned him with some kind of a freaky twin telepathy power that Husk was half convinced was an actual thing topside, and absolutely certain was a real thing down under.
They had communicated by staring at one another for a moment, and then they had sat down on the counter to level their judging and/or amused stares at him and Alastor as a fucking duo.
Husk didn't deserve this crap from them. Any of the three.
"Listen, you motherfuckers", he said and turned around, which in turn yanked his tail out of Alastor's hands. Alastor's eyes and grin narrowed. Like he had the right to be fucking indignant in this situation. "I'm trying to actually work here and you're not fucking helping with the stares from you two, and the general bullshit from you, Al. I'm going to kick everyone's fucking ass if your numbers don't drop down to just one by the count of fucking ten. One."
The goat boys looked at each other, and the notebook one of them was holding.
"Two."
Alastor's grin widened as he stared at the goats.
"Three."
The goats looked at Alastor as one.
"Four."
Red sigils appeared in the air.
"Five."
The goat with the notebook tossed said item in Alastor's direction, and the two of them ran off.
Husk stopped counting and turned to look at Alastor. Alastor calmly picked up the notebook and summoned himself a pen, and then gave Husk a wide smile.
"Looks like we're partnered up now!" he said cheerfully, and then looked at Husk's tail. "Now I believe I was in the middle of something before the rude interruption."
For fuck's sake.
Husk turned back to the shelves, but made sure to move his tail to Alastor's lap as he did so, just to be spared from further grief.
ooooo
Husk was in the kitchen waiting for the coffee maker to finish brewing his liquid energy when he heard the sound of swing music approaching. He sighed deeply, and hoped against all hope that it was either somehow not Alastor or that he would walk past the door and go elsewhere. It was too fucking early for his bullshit and Husk had missed both the staff breakfast and lunch, and thus hadn't had his morning coffee yet, so he might murder the asshole for the smallest thing.
But nope, of course he couldn't have nice things: the music got closer and closer, and then the door was opened and Alastor walked in.
"Ah, Husker! What a pleasure to see you this fine midday!"
Fuck everything and its mother.
"Stay the fuck away from me until I've had a cup of coffee, unless you have a fucking death wish", Husk growled, which actually made Alastor pause in his steps and give him an appraising look.
"Fair enough", Alastor said, thank fucking god, and walked over to the fridge. "Pour me a cup as well once it's done. Would you like some fried eggs? I found myself craving those and I might as well make you some while I'm at it."
Okay, so maybe Alastor's presence wasn't a bad thing after all.
"Sure."
The next ten-ish minutes were actually rather peaceful and nice. Husk waited for the coffee to brew and then poured two cups when it was done, and just sipped from his cup while watching Alastor fry eggs. All the while there was low volume swing music playing in the background, effectively keeping Alastor from having the need to babble away to fill the silence.
If all their interactions were like this he might even feel inclined to seek the guy's company out himself every now and then.
Once Alastor was done with the eggs, they seated themselves at the dining table in the next room and ate. Alastor stopped emitting music and started chattering about whatever entered his mind, and Husk grunted at the appropriate spots to show he sort of listened. He had another cup of coffee during the meal and finally felt less like a tired time bomb of potential rage and more like the steady supply of uncaring apathy he was.
"Thanks for the grub", he said and took his dishes to the sink to be Niffty's problem. Alastor followed him, but instead of bringing his dishes, he just wrapped his arms around Husk's waist from behind, lodging himself between Husk's wings.
Okay. Fair enough, and not unexpected, really. Husk had said to wait until he had had coffee, and Alastor had actually listened for once. That was more courteous than usual.
Alastor's hands started running up and down his chest and stomach and okay, this was one of those times. Thank fuck they were alone because this was just fucking awkward and embarrassing if it happened in public. Nobody ever believed that it was actually perfectly innocent and Alastor was simply a moron who didn't understand boundaries or how this would feel to Husk – all he cared about was how the softest white fur felt against his palms and how pleasantly vast the petted area was. Husk assumed that Alastor had never been on the receiving end of a touch like this, so he honestly didn't know better. He also knew that Alastor had selective fucking hearing and the times he had attempted to tell him how inappropriate this was had been completely ignored, so there was no point in protesting.
However, there was one line he still drew and Alastor went right ahead and accidentally crossed it. Again. Though to be fair, it had been a long time since he last did it, so it had been only a matter of time before it slipped his stupid mind.
Alastor's hand dipped way lower than was in any way appropriate. Husk twitched at the touch and sucked in a sharp breath, and then grabbed Alastor's wrist.
"Hey, no touchy, bitch", he said with a level tone, ignoring the red sigils that signaled Alastor's displeasure at being grabbed in his peripheral vision. He did, however, release Alastor's hand and watched it fist up and hover uselessly in the air as Alastor wallowed in indignation and considered his next move.
"And why, my friend, am I suddenly being denied access to all the softness now?" Alastor asked with a deceptively cheerful voice. Yes, the dumb fucker had simply forgotten again.
The guy took his lack of interest in all things intimate to extreme levels, and this was a solid proof of it.
"Because said softness will turn into hardness if your hands linger there too much, idiot", Husk said with a smirk and…
Yep, there came the mortified full-body flinch and the faulty microphone sound from an alarmed Alastor. At least that never failed to be the most hilarious fucking thing ever.
Husk laughed, and Alastor made a displeased and disappointed little sound that was just music to his ears.
"You're disgusting", Alastor said, and Husk could just picture the grinny sneer on his face without even having to look.
"Says the guy fucking fondling me", he replied mirthfully. "I've told you before, you'll be allowed access there the day you're willing to finish what you start, which is obviously not now. Until then, try to keep your hands higher if you're gonna insist on doing this."
He could almost physically feel Alastor's revulsion and seething. Yeah, how dare Husk have physical reactions he couldn't help that hampered Alastor's need to touch as much of him as possible. So fucking unreasonable of him.
To Husk's mild surprise, Alastor didn't make himself scarce out of sheer disgust, and went back to stroking his chest and stomach after a moment of weighing his options. But he did stay well clear of anything he didn't want to deal with.
Fine then. The bar could wait a few minutes longer – Alastor deserved it after swallowing his repulsion like that. Husk closed his eyes and leaned back with a small smile.
ooooo
"Soo…" Angel Dust said, after receiving his colourful drink and taking a sip. He had an insufferable smile on his lips. "Is Alastor good in the sack? He looks like he would have a lot of experience, or at least a long line of people offering to help him gather it."
Husk wished for the sweet mercy of the exterminators coming for him.
"Why the hell would I know?" Husk asked, despite knowing it'd probably be better to not engage at all. "Besides, he doesn't do that shit."
The look on Angel's face clearly spelled 'does not comprehend'.
"Ignoring the unrealistic part where he allegedly doesn't do sex", Angel said after a moment of digesting Husk's words. Husk felt mildly offended on Alastor's behalf. "What do you mean about not knowing? You're his boyfriend or husband or something; you of all people should know."
Husk sighed very, very deeply, and poured himself a glass of vodka before answering. "I'm not his boyfriend or husband or something. We're just friends."
Angel's face did the thing again, very unsurprisingly. Husk took a fucking drink, and as he lowered the glass, his eyes caught Alastor walking into the room. He locked eyes with Husk for a moment, and then went on to mingle with the other people in the room. For now.
Please take more than five minutes so he could clear this mix-up with Angel. Fucking please, just this once.
"But- But he's all over you every time you're in the same room", Angel said, predictably, and Husk brought his attention back to him instead of tracking Alastor's movements. "Last I checked that's not a 'just friends' thing."
Oh, he had never heard that one before. And by 'never before', he meant 'all the fucking time'.
"Clearly you're not friends with Alastor", Husk said, and rolled his eyes. "He's just that fucking tactile."
Angel hummed in mild disbelief, and took a sip from his drink. "I suppose… Except he's only that touche-y with you. The rest of us are pulled into occasional hugs or thrown around or something a lot, sure, but you're the only one he can't keep his hands off of. I know you guys are friends with Niffty as well, and Alastor doesn't drape himself over her either. Heh, or I suppose in her case it'd be him carrying her around, since she's too small for him to be hanging onto her."
Of course Angel was right. But Husk knew it wasn't like that anyway.
"No, you see-" Husk started, but Alastor chose that moment to make his appearance… by hugging Husk tightly from behind and fucking nibbling on his ear. Despite nibbling of any kind being on the very short list of things he wasn't supposed to do. Husk swore the almighty Radio Demon had a fucking leaky sieve for a brain.
"Hello, Husker!"
Angel blinked a few times in pure surprise, but then a knowing smirk replaced the shock, and he had the fucking gall to give Husk four fucking finger guns. No, make that six; he summoned an extra pair of arms just so he could fucking do that. "I'll give credit where credit is due, 'Husker'. I almost fell for it."
He then picked up his drink, blew a kiss in their direction, and walked away to be someone else's problem.
Fuck damn it!
ooooo
Husk hated staff meetings. He had always hated staff meetings. They were stupid and pointless and nothing concrete was ever accomplished with them. Alas, he was required to attend this one and his absence would be noticed, seeing how the hotel didn't exactly have a large staff – just him, Alastor, Niffty, Charlie, Vaggie, Razzle and Dazzle.
So a staff meeting it fucking was. Hooray. Paint him fucking ecstatic.
He entered the room and saw that he was the last one to arrive. Charlie was sitting on the head of the table, with Vaggie on her right side, and the goats next to Vaggie. Alastor was sitting on Charlie's left side, and the chair next to him had been pulled back invitingly. Niffty was sitting on the chair next to that one.
It was very obvious where he was expected to seat himself.
...Maybe it was one of his cat instincts activating that made him feel like being contrary, or maybe just the fact that the free chair on the other end of the table was closer to the door and him. Or maybe he was sick of getting the fucking knowing looks from the others when Alastor inevitably glued his hands to Husk's person. Whatever the reason was, he deliberately walked over to the end of the table instead of the seat saved for him, and sat down.
Alastor looked thoroughly displeased, all squinty eyes and snarling lips. Husk stared right back at him, stretched languidly, and made himself comfortable on his seat.
Charlie and Vaggie looked understandably wary now. Niffty held back giggles with both hands. The goats looked curious and interested in what was going on.
The silence was very fucking awkward.
"So..." Charlie said, and that was apparently the cue.
Alastor disappeared from his chair. Husk had a split-second to regret his life choices, and then Alastor appeared sideways on his lap.
Motherfucker!
"If I had known you'd prefer this seating arrangement today, I would have waited for your arrival before taking a seat myself", Alastor said cheerfully, wrapped an arm around Husk's neck, and then stretched the other one in Niffty's direction. "My dearie, could you pass me my papers?"
Husk sighed deeply as Alastor wiggled around a little until finally settling down, and grudgingly accepted his fate as Alastor's seat cushion.
Why did he even bother struggling?
He heard a muffled giggle from Niffty's direction and his ears turned back.
...He and Alastor needed to talk.
ooooo
The hotel had a garden now. It had taken a lot of arranging to get actual flowers to grow there, but Vaggie and Niffty had finally succeeded, so now they had a silly little Garden Opening shindig going.
Alastor, naturally, was hanging onto Husk's arm the entire time, just dragging him around in every which direction when he wanted to see something or talk to someone.
Charlie and Vaggie had their arms linked the exact same way.
Literally everyone they talked to looked at their linked arms, smiled knowingly or looked envious, and only then engaged Alastor in a conversation. And it very obviously went right over Alastor's head, even if someone asked him how long they had been together. By the way, the fucking answer to that question, after he overrode Husk's attempts to claim they weren't, was "About four decades now". The idiot thought they were referring to how long they had known each other. And the answer really made it seem like they were fucking married.
Husk's plan to talk to Alastor before this very fucking thing happened was officially busted now. Fuck.
He had been in two minds about how to solve the situation, but since literally fucking everyone thought them married now, there was really only one solution now. He just needed to talk Alastor into it.
Husk waited until they were not in the direct earshot of anyone before tugging at Alastor's arm to get his attention. "Hey Al."
"Yes, dear?" Alastor asked, giving him a curious smile.
"After this thing is over, we need to have a talk in private", Husk said, and ignored his abruptly wildly beating heart. "It's important, and frankly long overdue."
Alastor's brows furrowed and his eyes searched Husk's. It was clear he didn't know what to expect, and couldn't find the answer in Husk's eyes, either.
"We can most certainly do that", Alastor said after a while, and ran the fingers of his free hand over Husk's cheek fluff.
It was nice.
Yeah, there really was only one solution to this mess.
ooooo
It was pretty late by the time the garden party ended on his part. What had started as a boring flower viewing had turned into a picnic. Next Charlie had brought out some outdoor games. Then Alastor had wanted to barbecue and Husk himself had fetched a crate of booze to go with the sausages and hamburgers and whatnot. By that point it had been enjoyable enough that most people hadn't been in any hurry to go back inside. Alastor, being a very social person, was "most people".
Husk found himself a quiet spot away from the others and sat there with a bottle of ale and a plate of food until the party started winding down and Alastor came to get him.
"I see you're still in your isolated little spot, my friend", Alastor said as he appeared next to Husk and pulled him into a side-hug. Husk wasn't even surprised.
"I did say I wouldn't fucking budge when you left earlier", Husk answered, and tipped the rest of his drink down his throat. "Are we finally leaving now?"
Alastor nuzzled the side of his ear. "Yes. I've had my fill of the pathetic patrons of this hotel, and would much rather have that conversation you promised me earlier."
Looking forward to it, was he? That was a good thing, as Alastor was much better at listening when he was actually interested in what you were saying.
Husk nudged Alastor off of him and stretched to get the blood flow back into his muscles before standing up. "Let's blow this joint, then."
The two of them dropped by Charlie's location to let her know they were leaving, and then headed to Alastor's room for privacy. To pass the time as they walked, Alastor told Husk all the gossip he had managed to miss in his self-arranged isolation, which rendered half of his reason for staying away from people moot. At least Alastor summarized everything, so it was still better than having to hear it firsthand at length.
You know how time goes really fucking fast when you're nervous about it and wish you had more? Yeah, it took them no time at all to reach their destination. Alastor's chatter dropped the very instant the door to his room closed behind them, and he turned towards Husk with an expectant expression.
Oh boy.
Husk let him stew for a moment longer by walking over to the sitting area Alastor's bigass fucking luxury suite had and taking a seat on one of the armchairs. Alastor sat on the armrest of the same chair so that he could lean his arm on Husk's shoulder and generally be within touching distance. Of course.
"Well, Husker?" He prompted, clearly more than done with waiting now. Husk couldn't even stab a guess at what Alastor expected them to talk about, but he seemed impatient. Maybe the curiosity was killing him.
Husk took a deep breath. He had been thinking about what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it while he had been waiting for Alastor to be ready to leave the party. Now all he had to do was disregard any and all of the plans and wing it, because plans never survived the first encounter with the enemy anyway. Might as well not even bother, really.
"I think we should officially start dating", he said, as fucking casually as he could manage. Like it was no big deal. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Alastor flinched so violently that he lost his balance and fell off the armrest. It may not have been anywhere in Husk's plans or lack-there-of, but it was hilarious and he counted that as a huge success anyway. He would remember that fucking moment for the rest of his afterlife, and make sure Alastor wouldn't forget it either.
"Excuse me, my dearest friend", Alastor said with a strained tone of voice, stressing the word 'friend', as he got back up. Husk did his very best to not laugh at him. "My ears must have been tuned to the wrong channel, because surely you didn't suggest we start… dating."
Okay, now he was a little offended. Was the idea of dating him that awful? Although he was aware of the fact that Alastor was simply uninterested in everyone as far as he knew, so maybe he shouldn't take it personally.
"I did", he said, still going for casual. He noted that Alastor hadn't sat back down and was instead hovering a little bit away, with both hands behind his back. While it wasn't an unusual pose for Alastor to pull with other people, it was with Husk, and that actually stung. He carried on regardless. "I know you're too dim to notice, but everyone around us already thinks we're either dating or even married. I'm sick of-"
"Who thinks that?" Alastor asked, his radio static cracking at the end in indignation. Husk glared at him for the interruption.
"Literally fucking everyone", he said. "Now shut up. As I was saying, I'm sick of trying to correct people on that assumption, because it never fucking works. So in my opinion we may as well make it official. You get to keep on being you, and I get to just nod and smile when people ask. Really fucking simple."
Alastor was giving him a blank look. The one he pulled when he either didn't understand something, or didn't care about whatever was being said and was a second away from changing the subject or disengaging from the situation entirely. Husk waited to see which one it was. His tail was curling and uncurling around his ankles.
"Why do they think we're dating?" Alastor finally asked, and Husk internally sighed in relief while his tail relaxed once more. Had Alastor fucking changed the subject, Husk would have been very… displeased. Loudly so.
"Because you're so clingy with me", Husk said bluntly, and crossed his arms. "You're all over me at all times, and people don't see it like you do. They see it as a proof that you're so madly in love with me that you can't keep your hands off."
On that note, Husk wasn't unaware of the hands that were just an inch away from his shoulder again. Uncomfortable with the subject or not, Alastor was unable to keep his hands off.
...He thought that too soon. Alastor looked scandalized and froze to the spot before the contact could be made. After a second or two, he pulled the grabby hands away after all and hid them behind his back again.
That twinge of hurt was harder to ignore than the previous one. Husk swallowed, and turned his eyes towards the floor and his ears back. Damn it. He regretted this conversation now, but he couldn't take it back. Might as well keep going and hope the rest of it went better.
He cleared his throat.
"I know why you do it, make no mistake", he said. Hopefully Alastor would be reassured by that and stop with… whatever the fuck it was he was thinking. "And I'm okay with it. But now that we're constantly together as well as around other people, I'm just… very conscious of your touch. And it's tiring, you know? Holding an opinion, a fact, that nobody else agrees with. I'm fighting a losing battle, even though it's them who are wrong. It would be much easier to just make it so that they're right. That way I could officially stop giving a shit."
Not to mention that the next viable option in the line was to tell Alastor to stop touching him, and that wouldn't go over well. And truthfully, he didn't want that either. He might struggle and grumble and evade at times, but he'd be a dirty fucking liar if he tried to tell himself that he wouldn't miss all the damn hugging and petting and cuddling if it stopped now.
No. That was simply unacceptable.
Speaking of unacceptable things, Alastor was too damn quiet.
Husk forced himself to turn to look at his friend, and found Alastor standing closer than before, with a hand hovering where Husk's ear had been a second ago. Now Alastor's fingertips brushed against Husk's eyebrow instead when he turned his head, and both parties startled and flinched back. Husk's wings flared out and his tail may or may not have puffed up embarrassingly.
Alastor's microphone stand clattered to the floor and there was a loud microphone screech that had both of them covering their ears for a second.
This entire damn interaction was an unnatural fucking mess and this was the culmination of it.
Husk's ears were still ringing after Alastor made his microphone vanish, and the two of them glared at the now empty spot before simultaneously turning to look at one another again.
...Such a fucking mess.
Husk huffed with a lopsided, amused grin and crooked a claw in invitation.
Alastor's smile widened, and he stepped close. His fingers buried themselves in the fur on the back of Husk's head and neck. This was more fucking like it.
The tension in the room vanished like it had never even been there.
"Am I understanding this right?" Alastor asked after a beat. "You don't really wish to date me? You simply wish to use the term to describe our relationship when asked, or at the very least not have to correct anyone if they assume we are?"
Thank fucking god that Alastor was actually smart when he wanted to be. Despite being a dumb fuck the rest of the time.
"That's more or less right, yeah", Husk said, and leaned into the touch. "It's not that I'm against dating you, but I don't really need anything to change between us if that's what you're worried about."
A quick peek at Alastor's considerably more relaxed smile was proof enough that that had been exactly what the problem had been.
"We simply have to be on the same page about this and have a mutually agreed upon answer ready when asked", Husk continued. "Of course if you want to do some… boyfriend stuff like going on dates or something, I'd be happy to. But it's not a requirement."
Alastor hummed, fingers scratching Husk's scalp. He seemed to be giving the matter the serious consideration it was due now. Good.
"Hmm… I'm not interested in intimacy, be it physical or emotional, but I suppose I don't mind having romantic relationship terminology applied to the two of us", Alastor finally said, after a thorough round of thinking. "You may refer to me as your boyfriend. You may call our outings dates if you wish. It's all the same to me. Is there anything else?"
Husk wasn't sure if he should feel offended by the dismissing attitude or flattered by Alastor actually agreeing to what he clearly found to be a distasteful addition to their relationship, just to make Husk's life easier. Maybe he could go with a bit of both.
And he could have a petty little revenge to make up for the offense. He smirked. "May I call you pet names? Honey? Sweetheart? Hmm… my little cough drop?"
Alastor's eyes narrowed. Husk loved it. "...That will take some getting used to, but fine. You may."
Huh. He hadn't thought that would really get a pass. He supposed he'd need to start doing it, then, because he actually liked committing to his bullshit when he bothered to start it in the first place. Perhaps brainstorming the most ridiculous terms of endearment would keep him from being bored at work tomorrow. Besides, Alastor called him dear and darling and kitty-cat and fucking whatnot, so it was just fair that he dished some of that back.
Speaking of things Alastor did and he didn't get to do… "Am I allowed to touch you from now on, or will you keep on dodging if I try and growling at me if I succeed?"
Not that he planned on groping Alastor or anything, but it would be a fucking shame if he had a boyfriend, no matter how perfunctory, but had to keep his hands completely to himself. It had already been a struggle all these decades to cuddle with Alastor practically fucking hands-free, so he'd be beyond happy if that could be over now.
Alastor's hands in his fur halted for a moment, but then went back to making a tangled mess. Alastor was quiet for a long time, until he finally reached a decision. "I'll endeavor to allow it, as long as you mind where you touch. Try to be obvious about your intentions so I know when to expect it."
Perfect. It seemed this moronic fucking thing was turning out pretty sweet in the end after all. Now, was he forgetting anything? He was pretty sure he had had an ace up his sleeve in case Alastor showed reluctance, but what was it again? ...Ah, right.
"Okay. I think that's about it", he said, and slowly reached up to touch Alastor's wrist. As promised, Alastor allowed it – he only glanced at it before shifting his eyes back to Husk's, even. Husk smiled fondly at him. "As for any boundaries I can offer to lift for your benefit... you may now kiss me if you want to. Anywhere."
That had been the last thing on the short list of boundaries that Husk had insisted on before. Alastor had actually tried to do the whole thing with kissing his forehead and the top of his head like people did with their cats and dogs and other pets, but Husk had forbidden it. Hugs and petting were incriminating enough; any kind of kisses would have made the whole "are you two married?" thing even worse. Now though? It wouldn't matter.
Alastor's eyes lit up with so much pure, unfiltered glee that he glowed like a Christmas tree. Fucking literally. And then he grabbed Husk's face and peppered his forehead with little kisses accompanied by happy squeeing and cutesy kissing noises – the kind of nonsense people pulled with kittens and babies. It was like he had been waiting for a permission for years and had to unleash all the bottled up kisses at once now that he finally had it. ...That just may have been exactly the case, actually.
Well. It seemed Alastor was getting something he really wanted to out of this deal, too, so it would probably work out just fine. There would surely be a few hiccups here and there, but after decades of close friendship any new relationship drama should be a piece of cake.
Alastor sat sideways on Husk's lap and kept on dropping kisses all around his face while his hands reached up to scratch him behind both of his ears. He was obviously more than done with the conversation now that he was finally allowed to touch Husk with all the gusto he damn well pleased.
That was fine with Husk. They didn't really have anything left to discuss anyway, so whatever. They were now official dating to please the bunch of fucking morons around them, and that was that.
...And this was all very nice in a damned embarrassing way, and Husk was looking forward to this happening often from now on. Please and thank you.