Sirius, Remus, and Peter were sitting around on the Hogwarts grounds. James walked up and sat down next to them looking proud for no apparent reason.
"Notice anything awesome possibly, about me?"
"New haircut?", guessed Sirius
"No"
"New glasses?", asked Remus
"No"
"Quidditch Captain?", asked Peter
"Wormtail, I've been Captain for 4 years now, obviously"
He traced a circle over his chest where a badge was. "Here, maybe"
"H-E-A-D, Head, B-O-Y, Boy, Head Boy!", said Peter
"Yup"
"I thought you were going to get it Moony", said Sirius
"Yeah, I did too"
"Watch this", said James "Hey Malfoy", he said, yelling at Lucius across the pavillion.
"What do you want Potter?", he said in an annoyed voice
"20 points from Slytherin". When Malfoy jumped up in surprise he said, "Head Boy", showing him his badge.
"Nice one James", said Sirius as the Marauders laughed
Just then, Trelawney ran up and started hitting on James.
"Hey guys, don't we have somewhere to go", said Remus quickly
"Yeah, Yeah", said Sirius, and he left, closely followed by Peter, leaving James alone with Trelawney.
"James Potter, Quidditch Captain", she said seductively
"Umm. It's Head Boy now too", he said uncomfortably
"I knew you would get it James, you'll do great", she said, nearly falling over
"Yeah, I have to go", he said, blowing by her and going to find Lily.
He found her talking to Snape on a bench. He sat down between the two of them and started talking to Lily.
"How are you Evans?"
"Fine"
"Good summer?"
"Yeah"
"Excuse me, but I think you'll find that I was here first", said Snape
"I think that you'll find that I was here second, but I'm smarter than you and I think Evans should be talking to more intelligent people than you."
"I don't think you'll find a smarter person in the school than me."
"No, Evans is smarter than you, that's an insult Snape"
"I don't need you to defend me Potter", said Lily
"Of course not, you're a woman"
She sat up and left, but James didn't notice.
"I think that I'm better than you in every way, Snape, see, Head Boy, this proves that I'm better than you", he said, sticking the badge in his face.
"She's left Potter"
He waved his hand over the spot where Lily had been sitting. "So she has, I'm blaming this on you, this is clearly your fault", he said as he walked away.
Snape followed him and said, "You have got to realize that only one of us can have Lily"
"And that somebody is going to be me, obviously"
"Look, whoever gets Lily to go to the Spring Ball with them gets her, and the other has to leave the winner alone for the rest of their life"
"Well, my life is going to be a very long time... Fine"
"Shake on it", Snape said, sticking his hand out.
James took the sleeve of his jacket and shook. "Okay, that's enough of that", he said, pulling his arm back.
Snape walked away, leaving James to figure out how to get Lily to go to the ball with him. "Accio Sirius Black"
Sirius zoomed next to him. "James you have got to stop doing that, I was peeing this time"
"I told you to always be prepared".
"Anyways, what's up?"
"I must, by some fabulous method, have Evans going out to the ball with me, and my opponent is Snape. I don't think plans A or B are going to work, but I am considering Plan H"
"Is plan H killing Snape?"
"No"
"You could kill Snape"
"You're going to go to prison to murder one day, I can see it(*ominous foreshadowing*)."
"Yeah, I can too"
"To the Potter cave"
"Gryffindor common room is not the Potter cave!"
Later
James and Sirius were hiding behind a building watching Snape talk to Lily.
"Damn it, he got there fast", said James
"I got this mate", sais Sirius, "Ventriliquistus"
"Lily, I just wanted to say..."
"Beep", said Sirius
"Beep", said Snape
"What?", asked Lily
"Nothing, as I was saying,"
"Beep"
"Beep", said Snape, covering up his mouth
"Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep", said Sirius
Snape could barely muffle the sounds, and Lily walked off with a look of disgust on her face.
Even Later
James and Sirius were sitting around when Remus walked by.
"Remus, get over here"
He walked over and continued reading Hogwarts A History.
"So Moony, we need a plan to somehow disable, kill, or somehow maim..."
"Snape?"
"Yes"
"Well, I do have some of his hair in the dorm"
"Wait, what, you have Snivellus' hair in our dorm?"
"Yeah"
"Why the hell do you have Snape's hair in our room?"
"For situations like this"
"Well, this better be a bloody good plan, then, if it involves Snape's hair"
"It's simple, you make a Polyjuice Potion and put Snape's hair in it and be a prat to Lily."
"Who's going to make the potion though?"
"Me, I'll make you a Polyjuice Potion and put Snape's hair in it"
"Thank you Moony"
With Snape and Malfoy
Snape walked up to Malfoy looking dejected.
"Bad day?"
"Yeah, I'm in a competition with James Potter to win over the heart of Lily Evans"
"Well, you could just do that", said Malfoy to himself.
"Do what?", asked Snape
Lucius pulled a hair out of his pocket. "Well, you take this hair and put it in a Polyjuice Potion and be more of a prat to Lily than Potter normally is."
"Why do you have James Potter's hair?"
"He might be a obnoxious prat, but he smells good"
Snape gave him a questionable look, but took the hair to go make the potion.
1 month later
"Hey, look at me Sirius, I'm Snape"
"That's not something to be proud of Prongs"
"Yeah, I'm going to go find Evans"
With Snape
"How do I look?", asked Snape
"Like an ugly, disgusting, wretched Gryffindork"
"Okay, what's the plan again?"
"Act like more of a prat than James Potter normally is"
"That's a challenging one"
"Yeah, look, there's Lily, go now"
With Lily, Snape(James), and James(Snape)
When James, who was pretending to be Snape, found Lily, she was talking to fake him
"What are you doing here, Potter?"
"Talking to my fellow head girl, Evans"
"Well, I, Severus Snape, am here to announce that I am gay"
"And I am also here to tell you I'm homosexual."
"This is some type of joke", said Lily
"Nope, I'm as good at Potions as I am gay", said fake Snape
"And I'm as gay as him"
"I highly doubt that, I'm the gayest person in the world"
"Enough, if y'all are so gay, you always have each other", Lily said, and walked off.
"This is your fault", said real James
"How is this my fault?", said Snape, but James had already walked off
With James Later
Trelawney walked up to James and asked, "Did you get my letter?"
"Where, oh, yes, I'm sorry I um... got hit in the head by a Quaffle at Quidditch practice. What letter? I get a lot of fan mail, being James Potter and all."
"My letter about us James. Us... together, not Lily, me. In your future with Lily, I see early death (0_0), but with me, I see a long prosperous life"
"Umm... yeah, how about we go to the ball together"
"OMG", she said, collapsing
"I'm going to take that as a yes", he said walking away, before pausing to look back, "She's alive, it's fine"
With Sirius
Sirius walked up to Gilderoy Lockhart and his girl.
"Sirius Black, welcome to my humble abode."
"It's a bench, anyways, it's not you I'm here for, it's your woman"
"Galleons"
"I ain't got Galleons, but I do have a pack of Bernie Botts' Every Flavored Beans that I'll give you if your woman goes out with Snape to the ball"
"I'll do anything for you Gilderoy", said his girl sweetly
"It's a deal"
"Nice doing business with you"
With the Slytherins
Lockhart's girl walked up to Snape when he was talking to Lucius Malfoy about getting Lily to go to the ball with him.
"Umm... Severus, would you go to the Spring Ball with me?. It would be very nice, I really do like you.", she said shyly
"No thanks, I've got better things to do", Snape said as he and Malfoy burst out laughing.
"LISTEN TO ME, YOU'RE GOING WITH ME TO THE BALL WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT", she said, getting in his face
"Okay, I think I just wet myself"
She walked off smirking at him.
"So, you're not going to the ball with Lily, then", said Malfoy
"Sometimes I really hate my life, and this is one of the times that I really do.", said James as Trelawney was clinging to his arm
"Am I pretty?", asked the girl Snape was going to the ball with. When Snape didn't answer, she yelled "TELL ME I'M PRETTY"
"You're pretty"
The two couples collided
"I blame you for everything wrong that has happened to me today", said James
"You know what, over there right now"
"Well, is this going to be an old fashioned fight, or should I bring my dueling wand?"
"Potter, either you're going to walk over there, or I will drag you over there"
"I think you'll have to drag me"
A house elf ran over to where a bunch of students were hanging out and started making sounds and hand motions. The students followed him.
"Is that James Potter and Severus Snape?", asked Molly Weasley
"Oh, no", Remus put his head in his hands
The next second, everyone, including Remus was cheering for their favorite fighter.
After a while, James called time-out. They caught their breath.
"Time back in", he said and attacked Snape
After a few more minutes, they stopped
"We can't keep doing this, we're too physically matched", pated James
"That's it, no blood?", asked Sarah, a Hufflepuff that Sirius was going out with.
"You know Snape, if you like Lily so much, why don't you just ask her out. With you as an option, she'd definitely choose me.", said James as he bolted
"Nice one James", said Sirius
"Well, well, well, fighting in my school, alright, who's behind this?", asked Dumbledore
James and Snape stepped forward.
"Who won?"
"James", said everyone but the Slytherins, who backed Snape.
"James Potter won? Well, normally I wouldn't do this because fighting is funny and people get hurt, but parents get annoyed. Well, I'm not that worried about you", he said to Snape, "I mean, look at you. Well, 20 points from Gryffindor, 20 points from Slytherin for losing. You two will not go to the ball, instead you will be serving a detention cleaning some thing I built for Remus. James Potter come here."
James walked up to Dumbledore, "Yes sir"
"50 extra points to Gryffindor for winning"
Lucius went up to Snape, "I'll remember this"
"Remember, blood next time James", said Sarah
"If you had fought me, you'd both be dead", said Kingsley
"Make love, not war", said Xeno Lovegood
"Come on Snape", said Lily
"Snape?", asked James
"What's wrong with her?", he asked Sirius
"Don't worry, soon enough, you'll be married with kids and have a long prosperous life"
James thought about it and rubbed his fingers together.
MISCHIEF MANAGED
Author's Note: This is the fanfiction Marauders 1 by Parle Productions on YouTube, so check that out, because this sucks compared to the actual one. Please review the story - JilyHinny forever