Of Fat Felines and Feathery Fowls
It was a surprisingly warm afternoon as the Riders landed on Berk, back from their stay at the Edge. They would be staying a couple of days to gather some supplies and catch up with the other Vikings while Heather and Dagur stayed at the Edge to let them know if anything happened.
"Ah, it's good to be back!" Snotlout said as he stretched after dismounting. "We need to add more padding to those saddles. My behind feels flat." Hookfang who sat behind Snotlout merely rolled his eyes. The Monstrous Nightmare had gotten used to his short rider though setting him on fire always seemed to bring some amusement.
"That's because you have a flat behind," Astrid too rolled her eyes as she grabbed her axe from the back of her saddle.
Snotlout looked askance for a moment and then smirked, "So you were looking at my rear huh?" Astrid, however, shot him the foulest glare she could manage as he wagged his brows at her suggestively. Admittingly it wasn't the best idea because seconds later the twins were taking bets on how long Snotlout would survive as Astrid chased after him, newly sharpened axe held high.
Hiccup ignored it for the most part as he gave Toothless a scratch behind his ears, sending the dragon's tongue to flick out and lick him.
"AH, Bud you know that doesn't wash out!" Hiccup laughed as Toothless kept licking him. Once the Nightfury was thoroughly satisfied that his rider was covered in sticky slobber he trotted away towards the house on the hill. "Crazy dragon," Hiccup muttered as he watched Toothless head to their house while he tried to get the slobber off. He decided to stop by the forge before going home to greet Gobber.
"Hi Gobber," Hiccup greeted once he got close to the forge. The clanging of metal could be heard and he could even feel the heat from here. It looked like Gobber was very busy.
"Ah...ah… Hiccup, what brings you here?!" Gobber asked as he hobbled to his Godson and lifted him in a bearhug.
"We're staying the weekend and gathering supplies," Hiccup said once he was able to breathe again. "I'm just going to say hi to dad and then see how everyone else is doing."
"Hiccup, Hiccup! Maybe you should skip seeing Stoick right now!" Gobber quickly said as he hobbled to the other side and blocked Hiccup's way towards the house.
"Gobber what's going on?" Hiccup asked as worry started lacing his voice. "Dad's alright… right?"
"He's…. Uhm… just taking care of a problem," Gobber said evasively.
"What type of problem?" Hiccup then asked with a frown. "It's not the Outcasts again right? I thought he and Alvin made up."
"Nah, lad. It ain't the Outcasts. He's dealing with a problem on the… uhm….. furry kind."
"What?!" Hiccup asked as he stared at a fidgeting Gobber with a raised brow. But before Hiccup could ask Gobber to elaborate an earsplitting yowl came from the Chief's house followed by a purple explosion that caused the door to blow outwards.
"TOOTHLESS!" Hiccup shouted at the same time Gobber shouted "STOICK!" Both proceeded to sprint up the hill as several Berkians stopped to stare. When they finally got to the broken front door they saw the first floor of the house in complete shambles. Furniture was overturned or broken, several pots lay on the floor and the rug was on fire. Then Hiccup saw Toothless. The Nightfury was squaring off against a very fat dark orange Tabby cat that had its fur and tail poofed up. The feline seemed to be snarling back at the dragon, not backing down one bit.
"Hiccup get yer dragon away before he gobbles up yer father!" Gobber exclaimed causing Hiccup to stumble in shock for a moment.
"What Gobber?!" Hiccup asked just as the Tabby lunged for Toothless. The Nightfury, being a big dragon compared to a cat, smacked its paw on the fat cat and held it down, licking his chops at the meal he just caught. The Tabby struggled but the paw didn't move.
"Toothless stop!" Hiccup shouted causing the dragon to look at his rider in confusion. "That is not food!" Hiccup quickly added. The Nightfury warbled something but Hiccup stood firm. "Toothless…. Let the fat cat go!"
As the Nightfury stepped back the Tabby managed to get up but the cat shot Hiccup a glare at being called fat.
"Ah Stoick, the lad doesn't know!" Gobber hobbled inside, picking up the cat who now looked indignant.
"Meow" (What do you mean he doesn't know!) Stoick said but, of course, no one could understand him.
"I haven't actually explained to the lad what is going on," Gobber responded as if he could understand the cat.
"MEeeooow!" (Well explain it then!) Was then said but it all sounded the same to Hiccup.
Hiccup seemed to catch on and then asked: "Gobber are you telling me that dad is a….. Cat?!"
"Aye laddie. I did say he was dealing with a furry problem." Gobber nodded but didn't let go of Stoick just yet.
"What happened?" Hiccup asked as he looked at Toothless. The Nightfury also looked confused and Hiccup suspected that Toothless thought the cat was an intruder in the house.
"Well lad, ya see it's kinda awkward….." Gobber scratched the back of his head.
"MEEEAAAOOOOW!" (GOBBER!) Stoick meowed for him to get it over with. The Tabby managed to jump out of Gobber's arms finally and proceeded to sit hauntingly in front of the fireplace.
"So this happened two nights ago," Gobber scratched the back of his head nervously. "We were all in the Great Hall for dinner. Beorn caught two mighty fine wild boars and Stoick was practically salivating."
"Dad does do that when boar meat is involved," Hiccup nodded as he still didn't get where this was going.
'Aye, so Gothi was sitting by the firepit as the boars roasted to keep warm and Stoick….. Uhm… well….. He started voicing his thoughts on the succulent meat we were all about to feast on." Here Hiccup raised a brow and urged Gobber to continue. "He made some very suggestive comments that Gothi thought was directed at her."
Here Hiccup facepalmed and muttered "He pissed off Gothi,"
"That he did lad. Especially after she found out the thigh comment wasn't about her." Gobber nodded. "Or the neck comment…. Or the breast comment….. Uh… you get the picture."
"And a grumpy Gothi deals out curses," Hiccup sighs. He should have known. This wasn't the first time Gothi had transformed someone into something else, mostly it was Snotlout. He looked at his father, who admittingly looked rather cute sitting on that pillow. "Do you know how long this lasts?" he then asked but Gobber shook his head. Meanwhile Toothless had been inching closer to the cat again, curiosity in his eyes this time. The Tabby yowled and sprang up nearly a meter in the air as the Night Fury had suddenly stuck his nose in the orange tufts of fur. Stoick promptly swiped a huge (for a cat) paw and scratched the Night Fury across his nose. Toothless yelped and jumped back guiltily as Hiccup rolled his eyes.
"Dad! That isn't going to stop him trying to eat you-and I cannot believe I'm saying this," Hiccup muttered.
"I know the feeling," Gobber added sagely.
"Okay, maybe we need to think of a way to get Dad human again…." Hiccup said.
"Ya think it would be easy huh lad?" Gobber muttered. "Gothi is as stubborn as a pack of Terrors after a salmon. I've been trying to get her to reverse it already."
"Why ask Gothi when you have us!" Came from the window causing the occupants in the house to startle.
"How long have you guys been there?! Hiccup shouted at the twins who were peeking in.
"Since the beginning," Ruffnut answered.
"Well since the explosion," Tuffnut said. "Can't keep us away from a good explosion,"
"Or implosion, evisceration, etc." Ruffnut amended. "What I meant was…. We could probably turn the Chief back,"
"Probably….." Tuffnut said. "I mean….it would be our first time doing it on a human….."
"You guys did this before?" Hiccup raised a brow as he looked at the twins very skeptically. The Tabby meanwhile was slowly backing away and would have made a sprint towards the back door if Gobber hadn't caught him by the scruff.
"Now now Stoick, ya might as well let the twins try. Thor knows when Gothi is going to turn you back after hearing it wasn't her sweet tighs you wanted to nibble on."
"GOBBER TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Hiccup shouted as the cat looked both indignant that he was being held by the scruff and embarrassed at what Gobber said.
"We'll go grab the stuff!" Tuffnut said as he dragged his sister away. Somehow Hiccup got the feeling that the twins were more than happy to have a life experiment.
"You sure this is a good idea?" Hiccup asked as he watched Gobber hold a very puffed up cat.
"You wanna face Gothi now when she's grumpy?" Gobber shot back.
"No…." Hiccup mumbled and then sighed. It looked like it was gonna be left up to the twins to fix this. A grumpy Gothi was even worse than a mad Astrid. If half the stories Gothi had scribbled out in the sand were true then she had left a string of broken hearts in her past and heaps of revenge on those that toyed with her. Hiccup gulped at the thought and then was glad he was dealing with the twins instead.
When the twins returned they weren't alone. Astrid, Snotlout and even Fishlegs had tagged along, each carrying a huge amount of ingredients.
"Guys, what are we going to do with all this?" Fishlegs asked as the group eyed the destruction of Hiccup's house.
"Turn the Chief human of course!" Ruffnut proclaimed.
"We just… uhm.. Don't know the right recipe…. Yet." She added sheepishly afterwards.
The gang watched as the twins took the ingredients, placing them on the counter. They were staring wide-eyed at Hiccup hoping that the twins were playing some joke but then Hiccup gestured to the horror-stricken cat Gobber was holding and said "That's dad right now,"
"Meow meow meowwww!" (What do you mean they don't know the right recipe yet!) Stoick yowled. The gang didn't understand him but with the twins mixing some infernal concoction they could get the gist of it.
When the twins were done with their first batch Snotlout took a sniff of the liquid in the little pot and then exclaimed: "Ugh this smells worse than Astrid's cooking!"
"EXCUSE ME!" Astrid shouted. "You said you liked my cooking!"
"Well…. Uhm…..," Snotlout gulped and took a step back from the irate blonde.
"Hold him steady Gobber," Ruffnut said as Tuffnut poured the 'sludge' down the cat's throat. Nothing happened at first but then Gobber dropped Stoick as he began to change.
"It's working!" Hiccup said excitingly but then his face dropped as he saw what his dad had turned into.
"BAAAA!" Came out of Stoick's mouth and Hiccup turned to the twins and said: "You turned my dad into a sheep!"
"A mighty handsome sheep I will add. Best not to let Mildew see him," Gobber chuckled as Stoick shot his friend a glare.
"Best not to let any other Berkian see him," Hiccup groaned. "They'll have him over a firepit in no time."
"Guys, what went wrong?" Astrid asked with a frown.
"It might be the berries," Tuffnut pondered aloud.
"Or the nuts," Ruffnut said. "We should try a different combination." The twins were murmuring to each other as they went back to work. Stoick, for his part as a sheep, wasn't about to stay and be experimented on. The bundle of wool made another attempt at getting to an exit only to have the gang jump him this time.
"BAAAA!" (Get yer hands off of me!) Stoick shouted but his cries fell on deaf ears as Fishlegs sat on him.
"Sorry Chief," The boy mumbled.
The twins finished their second batch nearly ten minutes later and poured it down the Chief's throat once again. Fishlegs stood up and the group watched as Stoick changed again. There was a collective groan however when he didn't turn back into a human.
"Bak-Bawk!" Came out of Stoick as he had now been turned into a red-feathered rooster. "BAK-BAWK-BAAAAWK-BAK-BAK!" The Chief exclaimed while puffing up his feathers and flapping his wings angrily.
"Guys I don't think he's happy," Snotlout muttered.
"Ya think?!" Hiccup shot back just as his father took to the air and towards the door.
"DAD!" Hiccup shouted as the rooster made his escape.
"I got him!" Astrid shouted as she made a grab for the bird. "I don't got him!" She said as the rooster managed to barely evade her. She showed Hiccup the three tailfeathers she did manage to grab and said "I hope those weren't anything important… human-wise."
Hiccup groaned and then turned to the twins saying "Fix this while we get dad back,"
Both Ruffnut and Tuffnut saluted saying they were close to the antidote as Hiccup led the gang and Gobber out of the house to search for an angry rooster Chief. They looked towards the village from upon the hill where the house sat but couldn't spot the rooster anywhere.
"We'll need to split up." Hiccup said and the others nodded. They separated with Gobber checking around the forge, Astrid near the harbor, Fishlegs went to the dragon stables while Snotlout checked the market. Hiccup went towards the farmland and searched there. 'A rooster shouldn't have gone very far right?' He pondered.
Hiccup was still searching through the fields as he heard the distinct "Bak-Bawk," of a rooster only this sound seemed more panicked. He looked towards the sandy path and raised a brow as a red rooster ran past followed by an entire flock of what could only be Sven's hens. It was a literal chicken stampede and Hiccup followed after the thirty-something hens as he realized they were heading straight to the town. Hiccup sped up, landing in the thick of the hens. Several chickens bawked at him indignantly as he passed them before scooping up the clearly bedraggled and traumatized rooster.
"Dad?" Hiccup asked.
"BAWK!" The rooster replied clearly looking relieved to see Hiccup.
"I'll take that as a yes." Hiccup said and then realized he needed to lose the charging hens.
When Hiccup returned to the village he was cold, wet and covered in twigs. The rooster was under his arm wasn't any better. Gobber spotted them and hurried over. "Are ya alright lad?" He asked.
"Gobber you won't believe what happened," Hiccup sighed.
"Stoick got Sven's hens all horny and ya had to evade them?" Gobber guessed. And at Hiccup's enquiring look he added "The hens tore through the village. Sven was beside himself."
"Bak-bawk!" Came from the rooster and Gobber chuckled.
"Well, Stoick ya can't say ya weren't a chick magnet," The blacksmith laughed at the squawk the rooster let out.
They headed back to the house where the twins were holding up a very murky brown liquid. The rooster, wet as he was, was puffing up his feathers again. It was Hiccup this time that got his dad to drink the elixir and four sets of eyes watched as the change happened.
"Dad?" Hiccup asked as he saw Stoick take the shape of a human again.
"Aye son," Stoick answered before scooping Hiccup up in a hug. "I'm me again!" As Stoick was twirling Hiccup around Gobber's eyes widened.
"I'll go tell the others they can stop searching," Hiccup said once he was put down and could breathe again. The twins followed after him and then Stoick turned to Gobber.
"It's good to be me again!" The Chief exclaimed.
"Well most of ye," Gobber said.
"What do you mean?" Stoick asked as a bushy red brow was raised. Gobber merely pointed at something orange wagging behind Stoick. The blacksmith proceeded to grab it and showed it to his friend who groaned. It was a red fluffy cat tail that was still attached to Stoick's backside. They may need to ask Gothi's help in the end because Gobber was sure the Chief didn't want the twins to experiment on him again.
The End