I tried to sit up but no matter what I like to think, Donny's got more than a few inches and pounds on me. After the first dozen attempts I was forced to accept that my attempts were fruitless. Whether I liked it or not I would be spooning with Donny for the foreseeable future. That of course mean I had to spend the next period of time I was awake thinking of all the ways I'd poke and prod him about this tomorrow. It was just like school. Donny's the biggest, he's the toughest, and if I wanted anyone to respect me when I got what I got between my legs it meant a lot of my free time was spent squaring up to the Bear Jew. Unfortunately when you look the way he does and you're a stubborn bitch like I am it can lead to some tense -and heady- situations. Which means I can't think about his arm around me and how nice it feels to be held by him. Or how warm his breath is on the back of my neck. Or somehow he smells amazing. That last one might be more of an immunity to body odor at this point but it still proved a problem. I did not come to another country, surround myself with a bunch of men, and do some very questionable – and every unladylike- things under the label of special ops, to end up being like every other girl back in my little po'dunk town. I will not melt just because a boy smiles at me. But what a smile...

"How long you gonna pretend to be asleep?" it's a grumble for a second I'm pretty sure I imagined it, but it comes with the flexing of fingers near my rib cage.

My breath stutters and I really hope he's too tired to notice, "I wasn't the one pretending," hoping he'll take my quiet voice as whispering and not the truth.

But Donny is unbearable perceptive when it comes women, no matter how much I try to tell him he isn't just so he won't read my like a book, "Oh shit," he's a stupid, dumb boy who turns me into a girly-girl and I've been eating up every moment of it, "Lieutenant was fucking right."

"You do not talk about this shit," I don't know why that mattered so much but one my last attempt to sit up I managed.

And there was that smile, his hand sliding down my side, his arm along my stomach, I shiver. In that second I lose all ability to be whoever I am out there. He's got this look in his eye and I just feel like one of those women in the dirty books my sister hid in the back of her closet.

"Not the Lieutenant. But everyone else has tossed in a thought or two," raising his brow, a smirk starting to twist those unreasonable pillowy lips, "There's 8 of us and one of you. And I know you're not stupid."

"That's almost nice," they're just words because his arms is still around me, to cocky to do more than prop his head up to look at me. I'm way too aware of my hands.

"You ever been alone with a guy before?" he seems so sure.

"Of course I-"

"One you weren't gonna kill?" He seems so sure because he is.

"Is this some bullshit you all came up with? Some bet or just some fucked up practical joke?"

Because Donny's gorgeous. His hair always manages to fall in just the right way and he's got these eyes, eyes that are so dark now they're almost black, "Only person talking bullshit here is you, doll."

"The fuck is this Donowitz?"

He pushes lightly against my torso, he's polite but it isn't a question. I take my place back on the dingy bed, this time on my back, and he's hovering over me. I'm trying not to think about how close he is, how I can feel his breath on my skin. Because it's gonna happen, this isn't a practice run, and this isn't a mission. This is real and it's about to happen and-

"If you're gonna do this, you're gonna do this," holding my breath as I managed to drag my eyes back up to his, "I'm no back alley Sally-"

"Back alley Sally?" he laughs, I push his shoulder hard, it's easy.

I don't have to think about it, "It's what my Poppy calls ladies of the night."

"I'm pretty sure hookers don't let ya kiss 'em on the mouth. But that's just word of mouth," I quirk my brow at him, "Now who's fucking around?"

"I'm just trying to figure out if you like me or if it's tension," I'm no where near as confident as I seem. My words are slipping out and the room is lit by the moon just enough.

"Oh it's definitely tension," I can feel his hand cage my entire rib cage, he's so warm and it sends shocks through my entire body in a very new way, "But you'd say those two things aren't mutually exclusive," it's a new tactic he's found, shooting my words right back at me.

It works though. I'm the only one it seemed that had decided this was an either or situation, "That's a dirty trick, Donowitz."

"Look, doll, you gonna let me kiss you or what?" it'd never occurred to me he was waiting which seemed t answer my own question of what the fuck was going on here, "I've been wanting to do it basically since I met you. This wasn't a coincidence ya-"

I never thought I'd be the one to kiss Donny. I'd never really seriously entertained the thought of kissing him at all, if only to deny him sort of satisfaction. Which is the logic of a crazy woman, I realize that. But every time my mind had wandered off to that place, it was always him kissing me. Donny was a man's man, who took what he wanted but I don't think he would've wanted this any other way. He seemed ready to catch my attacking body, throwing himself backwards as I pressed onward. His hand doesn't move but the other moves to grip the back of my neck, caging it much as he did my ribs. It spurned me on, tugging at his bottom lip. The arm keeping myself upright is starting to shake and soon I'll have to drop myself onto the very muscled plains of his torso. And I once I do, I don't know if I'd be able to stop myself.

"Fuck, I want to," but Donny can, "You have no fucking idea, doll," his lips tremble against mine and I know what he means, because it's all I want now, "Not like this though. You deserve better."

"So, you're gonna do this?" pressing forward softly and easing myself down beside him.

"Much as you're gonna hate me sayin' it, pretty sure that makes ya my girl now."

He was vastly too amused by annoyed groan.