I own none of this and this story does contain spoliers for both the musical and film! Enjoy!
The Deetz and Maitlands sat in the living room, Charles and Delia curled up on the love seat, Adam and Barbara on the couch. Lydia laid on her stomach on the floor, kicking her legs up and down as she waited for her friend.
"BJ!" She yelled, turning to look at the kitchen area of the house. The demon just turned from what he was doing, such his tongue out, then turned back around. "Hurry up!" Beetlejuice turned around fully this time, a bowl in his hands.
"Calm down, scarecrow, I'm coming," He moved quickly, ducking to not be in the way of the t.v.
"Lawrence," She whined, looking into the bowl as he laid down beside her. Inside was what looked like it was once popcorn, but now was only charred remains. Lydia shook her head, knowing it was a lost battle, "Dad, start the movie!"
Charles laughed at his daughter's excitement and pressed play on the remote. Lord, he already knew that this movie was going to be a roller coaster.
"Why, in all seven hells, did they put a space in my name?" Beetlejuice questioned as the movie began.
"Shut up!" Came as his only answer.
"I'm going to build a model of our city like that one," Adam declared, nodding to the screen.
"Just like that?" Delia asked, turning away from the movie for a few moments, trying to pull the image of the spider from her mind.
"I will! Yeah, I just need to make time," The ghost added bashfully.
"Adam, sexy, you're dead, all you got is time," The demon on the floor stated, not taking his eyes from the T.V. "Now shut up,"
"Babs, you're a freaking burnett! Look at that!" Beetlejuice jumped up, pointing wildly at the large screen on the wall.
"And she still looks good," Adam added, nuzzling his nose into his wife's neck. Barbara smiled at him, trying to cool her bright cheeks.
"Uh, thanks, I guess," The ghost quietly said, playing with a random strand of hair, "I had brown hair in high school, though, it looked a lot like that," She added.
Lydia turned to her ghost mother, her eyes wide, "What?"
"I don't know who that woman is," Adam stated plainly as a woman on the screen stepped out of her car.
"Jane, duh," Beetlejuice pointed out. The ghost on the couch opened his mouth to challenge the demon, only to realize it was pointless.
"Oh! Now she's talking about us!" Delia squealed, watching as Jane told movie Barbara about a new offer on her house.
"I own a store!" Adam almost jumped with excitement as his counterpart entered the 'Maitland Hardware', he turned to his wife, "We own a store!"
"A dog," Lydia's mouth was wide as Charles paused the movie.
"It was a dog," Charles looked over to the ghost on the couch beside her.
"You guys were killed by a bitch!" Beetlejuice laughed loudly, rolling onto his side. Someone would have scolded him for the crude language but they were still in shock over what they just saw.
"Technically, they drowned," Delia pointed out.
"Shut up, Deborah,"
"This is so inaccurate!" The demon on the ground complained, throwing pieces of burned popcorn at the screen. "I didn't even greet them when they died! Plus, where's the sad puppet show,"
"This couple didn't have to deal with the horny energy you had when we met," Barbara's face was serious, "I envy them."
"Who on Earth leaves a vacuum in the garage?"
"The poor or stupid, Lydia,"
"Why would you throw a couch at the banister? The wood is, was, so perfect!" Adam turned away from the movie, wincing visibly.
"Hey, DD, it's you!" Beetlejuice shouted loudly. Delia's eyes grew wide as she watched her counterpart walking into the screen.
"Is that all bad art?" Lydia turned to her stepmother, "At least the real you actually tries to make art,"
"Thanks, I guess," Delia already hated her other self, "My only question is, why do I look like the mom from 'Home Alone'?"
"Charles, you look like a pedo,"
"Why is Veronica playing me?" Lydia questioned, "And can I get that camera?" She quickly added, not looking up from the movie.
"Didn't you just get a new camera?" Delia's eyes were glued to the screen, trying to process this whole different family.
"Not important,"
"This house was not worth what I spent!" Charles yelled at the screen, noticing how much work the other family was going to put into it.
"Rude!" The Maitlands both responded at the same time.
"$390,000 just to not be stressed…"
"Otho!" Both Delia's said at the same time, watching as the fat man climbed in through the window. "That fraud," She growled.
"Calm down, D-dog,"
"Don't let him in," Lydia added, smirking at her stepmother's rage.
"No!" All the adults in the room shouted as the film Delia started to spray paint the walls with the bright orange.
"Why? Why must you do that, woman?" Adam questioned, gesturing at the movie.
"Don't listen to Otho! It's a trap!" Delia added.
"Was that a Star Wars reference?"
"There's a dead woman in there, worry about the closet later!"
"I'd never do that to my husband," Barbara confidently stated.
"I'd never let my husband rot in that office,"
"It's Sandy!"
"Lydia, stop being such a mopey teenager," Delia complained on the screen.
"What?" The real version questioned, turning to look at her.
"A farm boy in a town like this would be a goldmine,"
"They spelled my name wrong!" Beetlejuice whined.
"BJ, you can't even spell your name right,"
"Oh yeah…"
"For someone who's trying to be away from stress, this man needs to look somewhere else," Charles watched as bad art broke through his office window.
"Do they not know how to use a crane?" Delia chimed in.
"Didn't that kill me?"
"Wow, Adam, you locked it," Lydia sarcastically added, "It's not like keys open locks or anything,"
"Guys, I need help!" Beetlejuice watched as his other part came, "I need to make that commercial,"
"You are completely glossing over the fact that he looks like a pedophile, pervert, and a rapist in one," Lydia laughed.
"You know, I never got to read that book," Barbara said, watching the other Maitlands read the 'Handbook for the Recently Deceased'.
"Don't, it's worse than the hippy shit Delia tries to when high," The demon on the floor stated, earning a giggle from the redhead on the loveseat.
"That's not relaxing!" Charles yelled at himself.
"Look! It's Delia's twin sister, Miss Argentina!" Beetlejuice clapped as the secretary appeared on the screen.
"My what?" Delia asked, confused.
"I can't wait for you to die so that you two can meet," Lydia added.
"What?"
"Is this what death is going to be like?" Delia questioned, her eyes glued on the flat man leading the other Maitlands.
"Oh, you are in for it, D,"
"Juno! That-" Lydia started.
"The house!" Adam cried out. "What did you do, Delia?!"
"Charles!" Delia squealed as the other Charles called her names to his daughter.
"I've never said that, nor will I," The man placed a soft kiss on his wife's forehead as they watched.
"This verison of you is effing stupid," Lydia added, watching the ghost move to Delia's room.
"HA!" Beetlejuice laughed loudly, as an image of sleeping Delia filled the screen, making the redhead blush from her place on the couch.
"Why is this so embarrassing for us," Barbara whispered to Adam as the scene continued.
"At least other me has taste," Beetlejuice commented.
"Still a pervert,"
"Is that what we sounded like at the dinner," Delia asked as she watched the business people dance around on the screen.
"No, you were slightly better," Beetlejuice muttered from the floor.
"Thanks-"
"Be quiet!"
"What the fuck is that?!" Lydia screamed as the handrail turned into a snake.
"Language!" Delia shouted back, just as absorbed in the film as her stepdaughter was.
"Wait, BJ," The girl turned to the demon beside her, "Can you do that?" Charles hated the smirk that grew on the demon's face.
"So, now my evil mom is pitting against me once more," Beetlejuice complained as he saw his counterpart enter a whore house, "At least I get something out of it,"
"At least our Lydia never got pushed to the point of suicide," Charles sighed, leaning further into the couch.
"About that…" The girl on the floor quietly said. Lydia winced, knowing that this was not going to go well.
"What!?" The four adults shouted, pausing the movie.
Dear lord…
"Glad we got that sorted out, let's just get back to the film," Lydia nervously chuckled from the floor. With a reluctant look, Charles started the movie once more.
'I want to be with Lydia' The woman on the screen shouted before jumping back to the real world.
On the couch, the Maitlands held onto each other. Barbara's face was stained with tears as she watched her other self love Lydia as much as she did. Adam beside her just held her, wiping the tears away as they watched the movie. Maybe, just maybe, this got a few things correct.
"For real, can Otho slash Kevin change a tire, Delia," Lydia asked, curious.
"I've never seen him change a tire," She supplied, trying to think back to her time with Otho, "But we did live in the city, so…"
"I'm putting him under my 'Too Gay to Function' tab,"
"It's 'Infinity Wars' all over again!" Delia shouted from her spot as Barbara began to fade away on the screen. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Maitland!"
"That's nasty, you pervert!" Beetlejuice yelled at his movie self, to the amusement of Lydia, "She just wants to save her friend! Wait a second, was I this bad?" He turned to his BFFFF.
"No, yours was a green card thing, this is just a creep that wants someone in his bed," The teen reassured him as they watched.
"Otho, you prick!"
"Bad art comes once again, except this time, it got the Deetz," Beetlejuice laughed loudly.
"Shut up!" Lydia hit him on the arm, "I don't want to be married to this sicko!" She cried out, hating how this seemed to be going.
"Just say his fucking name!"
"A sandworm," The demon was in shock, "I got eaten by a sandworm… why?"
"Big Sandy comes back for revenge," Lydia smirked at him.
"Now, the problem is, is the movie based off our lives, just like, in the 80's, or is our lives based off of it?"
"Lydia, dear child, it is way too late for these deep questions," Delia yawned loudly as she talked.
"Let's all just be grateful we got a nice demon and our lives were as fucked up as those in the film," Charles rose, his back popping as he moved.
"Agreed,"