***As always, I don't own SVU or any of the characters I just borrow them to play with. This is just a one shot but there is a multi chapter series in the works that delves into the implications of Olvia's traumatic childhood***
This story takes place directly after, Must Be Held Accountable from season 21. I greatly appreciate any favorites and reviews, thank you!
After making a late dinner for Amanda, and helping tuck the girls into bed Carisi left for the night so that Amanda could rest. Amanda was beyond exhausted after a long and traumatic day. However, this was hours ago and she is still wide awake, lying flat on her back staring at the ceiling. Insomnia was rearing its ugly head, and all she wanted to do was sleep and forget about the horrible day she'd had. She thrashed around for a few more moments, getting tangled in her blankets and groaning, unable to get comfortable. Finally, she gave in and got out of bed, padding silently to the bedroom in which her daughters were sleeping. She stood in the doorway, silently watching her daughters sleep. Lost in thought, she wasn't sure how long she'd been there; had it been a few minutes? Hours? When she was suddenly jolted from her thoughts by a soft but incessant knocking on her door. She jumped in surprise, who would be coming over in the middle of the night? Did Carisi come back?, she wondered to herself. She quickly wiped her eyes, realizing with surprise that she had been silently crying, before heading towards the door and looking through the peephole to see who could possibly be bothering her so late.
Amanda's eyes widened in surprise upon seeing her boss, standing in the hallway, shifting back and forth on her feet. Amanda slowly opened the door, hoping that her face didn't disclose to Olivia that she'd been crying just moments ago. However, one glance at Olivia indicated that she noticed. Amanda finally stopped staring and gestured to Olivia to come in before finally breaking the somewhat awkward silence between them. "Um, hi Liv? What are you doing here?" Olivia smiled nervously, "I'm sorry Amanda, I was just so worried about you I couldn't sleep. Noah is with Lucy tonight since I wasn't sure when I'd be home. I should've called but...but I didn't want to wake you or bother you. So much for that idea I guess. I'm so sorry, I'll go." Olivia was rambling now, and Amanda was staring in wonderment. There were few times she's seen her boss anything less than put together and professional. "Liv, you don't have to go. I haven't been able to sleep anyways. Would you like some tea or something?" Amanda asked nervously. Olivia blushed before quickly ensuring that she didn't need anything. Amanda suggested they go to the couch, and the women headed to the comfy seat and sat down side by side.
Both women sat in a contented silence for a few moments before Olivia spoke, "I was so worried about you today. I just- I just don't know what I would've done if you weren't okay." Olivia's voice was thick with emotion and Amanda reached out to squeeze her hand. "It's okay, I'm okay Liv...or at least I will be." Olivia squeezed her hand back, "I'm not going to force you to talk Amanda, but I am here for you. Whatever you need. You're not alone in this. I will never judge you, and anything you tell me will stay between us." To Amanda's great embarrassment she felt her eyes fill with tears, she quickly brought her hand to eyes and wiped vigorously. However, it was no use, the tears she wiped away being replaced with new ones. Olivia gently took Amanda's hand away from her tear stained face and rubbed small circles on her hand with her thumb. "Hey, hey, it's okay honey. You don't need to be embarrassed in front of me. Is it okay if I hug you?" Amanda gave a shaky nod before being enveloped into Olivia's tight embrace. Amanda was tense at first but her need for support and comfort quickly won over and she relaxed into Olivia, resting her face in the crook of Olivia's neck. Olivia rubbed her back soothingly while she felt the body in her arms shake, and felt hot tears continue to burn her skin.
Eventually the shaking stopped and she no longer felt tears on her skin, just hearing an occasional sniffle from the blonde in her arms. "Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?" Amanda had been half asleep and jumped upon hearing Olivia. "Hey, hey, I didn't mean to scare you." Olivia felt Amanda nod against her skin, "I'm okay Liv," Amanda said softly. "Do you want to talk about it honey?" Amanda shook her head, "later, yes. Not right now, too tired." She muttered. "Okay honey, let's get you into bed." Amanda gave a slight moan of protest but allowed Olivia to half lead, half carry her to bed. Olivia helped her get tucked in and gave her forehead a light kiss before turning to head to the door. She was surprised to feel Amanda, whom she thought had been sleeping, grasp her hand tightly. "Stay," she said in a voice heavy with sleep. Olivia turned back towards Amanda and crouched down next to her, "you want me to stay in bed with you?" Amanda nodded. "Okay sweetheart," Olivia walked around to the other side of the bed and got in next to Amanda, she began rubbing her back soothingly until she was certain the blonde was sound asleep. Olivia figured she'd be up later with nightmares, and Amanda would need to talk at some point as well. But for now, Olivia was happy to lay beside her and provide comfort in any way she could.