The bar was dimly lit and smelt of cheap liquor a stark contrast to the rest of the building
Where the name of the game seemed to be see how long the distilled pop songs that were
Blaring from the speakers and seizure inducing colors could stave off the eventual breakdown
Of the desperately lonely / those who just want to forget that there alive. Brian didn't really
Know why he was here the most obvious answer that his wife had just died and that in theory
Should've tore him up inside. A woman that he loved or at least used to like spending time with
Enough that he had pledged the rest of his life to had suddenly just up and died like her life had
No more meaning or purpose than a fruit fly. And yet. He didn't grieve for her whenever he thought
Of her rather he grieved for what she could have been and if had she lived she could have lived
Up to her potential. Before she had died she had cancer and while her cancer wasn't the reason
For her untimely demise and had eventually gone into readmission after she got the news her
Bucket list was just cheap sex thrills. Nothing ambitious nothing she wanted to add to the world
Just hedonism and selfishness and while he didn't exactly know what he would do if he didn't
Have long to live would it really be just a mile long list of things to pleasure yourself with. That
Was what had attracted him to her initially her wild free spirit and willingness to do anything she
Wanted with no care for the consequences. But gradually after they had been together a while what
Had once been a charming reckless abandonment for responsibly and rules just turned into a selfish
Disregard for anyone else's comfort or safety. What he called hedonism and rashness she called her
Freedom. And it came to a head that fateful night where at a local Mexican restaurant where she had
Insisted they had to go to never mind that his work as a freelance engineer barely kept a roof over their
Heads and they were drowning in bills right now and jess's freedom apparently kept her from getting a
Decent job for more than a week. She was enjoying her supreme mighty beef nachos when she started
To choke. He wished he could say that he immediately jumped up and tried to rescue his beloved like
Some kind of superhero but that would be a lie. No at first he didn't even know what was happening
He was so out of it by that point a flying circus couldn't hold his attention for more than a second after
He realized what was happening he quickly screamed out for someone to help her but by then it was too
Late. She was buried on march 15th beside her father. Her tombstone read jess leppel was a exciting and
Vibrant women who has created a void in this world now that she has passed our lives will never be the
Same without her. Brian had written that himself personally he thought it was a bland oversimplification
Of who jess was as a person but her mother said it was beautiful probably just being nice no doubt. But
It did get him thinking over just why he married her in the first place. He was miserable all throughout
His marriage from beginning to end he loved her he truly did but he wasn't in love with her he
Supposed he married her because he wanted to make her better. Turn her into a crown jewel
To brighten up his own life to prove he could do something have a purpose even if it was just
To make one person's life better and was that selfish oh definitely in fact he probably would
Drink himself into a new liver over the guilt later tonight but for now he was content to let
His eyes look over the crowd wondering which poor girl his plastered brain would choose for
Him to imagine jess would have become if he could have been a better husband and friend to
Her ending in a sad morning when he woke up and realized he was still alone and jess was still
Dead and never coming back with a killer hangover to boot. But he knew he would never give this
Up as long as he still remembered jess and carried the guilt over her passing he would never stop
This cruel and torturous process he had committed to the day of her funeral. Ah well that was just
Life from one day to another till the inevitable end.
AUTHOR NOTE I don't know what this is I just needed to get some ideas down so I edited one of my old stories and wrote this cchanged jess's last name because I couldn't remember it if you like this please review