One day I was walkign home frome my friend Cheryl's house (shes a complite bitch btw, I only hang out with her because her parants keep the lickuor cabinet unlocked) wjen sudenly I decided to take a shortcut thorgh an allie way. I was thinking about how much I hate Athena Cykes(I call her Crapthena Dykes) when suddenly out of the coroner of my eye I saw an Ace Attorney game box sitting in an open dumptser.

"Wwhwjhgat's this?" I cryed, hands shaking, ginerly liftin the game out of the dumpster. At a glansce I could tell that this was a long-lost ace attorney game feturing lost never-before scene cases. My heart was beeting relly relly fast. I couldnt wait to get home and play tyhat shit so I put in my jacket and turnt to leave BUT THEN A HOBO JUMPED OUT OF A GARBAGE CAN

"Listen girl!" he said, maggots and mealworms falling out of his hair. "That game cartrege is bad juju! No mere mortal was ever meant to to see those longlong cases! Return it to the garbege before its too late!" Then the hoboe tryed to touch MY HOT BOD so I karete chop kicked him in the teslacoles and scremed "FUCK OFF YOU OLD FUCKER" annd ran realy realyy realy fst all the way home.

"I wonder what that was all about" I said as I slammed the door to my apartnment. "Oh well whop cares" I went to my room and got my limited editin pink DS with wendy oldbag X miles edsgouworht ecchi on the top lid (jealous, haters?) and laid down in my bed to play my newfound long-lost ace attonrey game cartrige. But first, I deciied to check out the box it came in. As I examined the cover art, I realaized soemtihgf was seriously... off.

First, Mia's boobs were too big. (seriusly they were liek redioulously huge)

Second, wtf why is Winston Payne on the cover hes a total scrub. Also he had hair for some reason? the fukc

Third, Apollo's ghey ass vest was green. Every TRUE ace attonriny fan knoews that his vest was only green in the concept art and not in the real game beoaucse they knew green was too manly a color for him, so they made his vest look like period blood because he was a PUSSY

Finally, Edgeworth was cornholing Gumshoe. Whhahiitt, whhhhahthaht? I almost fell out of my beg, aghast. What the the dinkies whas going on aroun here! Decicting to investergate forther, I turned over the box and saw that there was a complete list of all teh cases in the games. The names of the cases were all quiet distubring and sexual in nature.

I was geting seriously freked out but then I decided I didnt care. "Oh well whop cares" so I took out the game and slammed the cartidrge innto the slot and turned on my DS.

The game loaded and I selected the first case, "Turnabout Bondage Farm" and the gaem statred but it was more like a movie then a game? THe opening cutscene played. It was a dark, overcast day. The ace attorney gang were being tortured by Athena Cykes on some kind of creepy abadoned farm in Nebraska. Phoenix was being crucixfied, Maya was hogtied and naked, and Edgeworth, well Edgeworth was dead.

"Boo hoo hoo stop it Athena" cried Gumshoe as Athena did evil bad things to him AKA she was killing him.

"Ahahahaha... never... never!" laghed the evil Athena Ckyes evilly.

"Why are you doing this Athena" said Phoenix dully from the cross. Athena smacked him in the face with a 15-inch steel dildo.

"Shut up pretty boy" she snarled.

I was shocked... but whjat was my shock when Phoenix looked at me and said, "You gotta help us, trucyfan6969." I almost dropped my DS, aghast. "Athena has gone crazy. YOutr aour only hope."

My hero needed me! "DOn't worry Phoeinx" I said into the microphone. "I'm coming!" I jumped out of bed and grabbed an aloonymoon baseball bat. I faced the DS on the bed and did a Conan the barbarion pose. "I hope this works." Then I dived headfirst into the lower DS screen and the screen rippled like water and I was transported to the ace attorney world. I slowly floated to the ground.

"W-who are you?" asked Athena in fear, the 15-inch steel dildo slipping from her hand.

"Your worse nightmare... bitch" I groweled and I proceeded to beat her to death with baseball bat. When the deed was done I spit on her corps.

"Fuck you, Crapthena Dykes" I said. "You are the WORST ace attorney." Then I beat her smelley corpses up somemore just becase I felt like it bitch LOL. Then I untied Maya and we helped Phoeixcs down from the cross. Sadly Gumshoe was dead, he had shitted out his internal organs. We dug a grave and buried him and Edgeworth together in eachother's enteral embrace. T;hey would have wanted it taht way.

"Thanks, trucyfan6969" said Phoenix while groping maya's ass. "You really saved our hineys."

"No probs, it's toally awesome to meet you!" I said. I was totally fangirling. "Ummm I just wanna say that I totally ship you guys? And that people who ship Phoenix x Iris should be imhumanely euthanized?"

Pheoinx winked. "That just means you have good taste." Then all of a suddenly I noticed that Crapthena's head was falling off. I knelt down and took off her head, and she was actually Takeashit Yomozacki, the guy who made Dual Destines and Spirit of Justice, all along?

"What in the wolrd?" aksed Maya.

"LOL" I said "Crapthena Dykes was just his cringy self-insert all along. Fail." And we all laughed and pointed at the dead guy. Then Shoe Takamuimi walked over.

"Hey" he said. "Thanks for taking out the trash. That guy was a cringetard and he ruined my epic series with his gheyness. All the games after AA 1-4 and AAI 1 and the prof. layton crossover are NOT. CANON." Then he looked at my boobehs and lipped his lips. "You know, your realy sex and a goodlooking girl..." We stared into eachothers eyes with eroticism

and I knew what I must do

I must spread for Takazumi-san

My clothes fell off and I laid down on a bed of roses. I looked up and batted my lashes.

"Take me master" I sexed. Then we had the most passionate, backbreaking, canonical SEX of all time. Aferwords, he gave me signed prototype of Apollo Justice 2, so when I returned to the real world I wouldnt have to play the cursed shit I found in the trash.

I'm lying in bed as I type these final words. Apollo Justice 2 is literally too good. Too bad I'm the only one who will ever play it. LOL the new mechanics are so good. And holy shit, no Athena thank god. Ah, thank you, master Shoe... I will always treasure the the time I spent murdering Crapthena Dykes and sexing the most brilliant man who ever lived.

THE END