Author's Note: A whimstical fic to explore an incident I mentioned on chapter 5 of my fic "The (Seven) Ways People See You". Title comes from Darkest Hour song 'Wound' which has also already named another TUA fic I did (I just really love this song ok), and that reads "When your way is the only way, you can't look at yourself and say 'I was wrong' ". This may already paint a little picture, but let me say it regardless: This is not a nice or kind fic to Klaus, or any other sibling witnessing it for that matter, and the fact that it takes place when the kids are 13 adds to the unease.
Warning: This whole fic has quite serious psychological abuse and emotional neglect against children, which I personally find quite disturbing.
Disclaimer: I obviously don't own The Umbrella Academy.
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11 January 2002
1:33 AM
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Vanya
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The screams made her jump off her sleep, and in her confusion, Vanya couldn't know if she was dreaming or not. Everything was dark and the sound was so loud, so close, so terryfing that Vanya screamed back. And everything around her started to shake.
If no one else had already woken up because of the screams, they certainly did when the mansion began shaking in its foundations. The nightstand fell to the floor with a bang and Vanya stumbled off her bed and ran out of her bedroom, completely lost in the haze of panic and clashing into Klaus on the corridor. The impact made her lose her balance and fall hard on her hands and knees with a yelp while Klaus fell to the floor and crawled back to the opposite wall of his bedroom, near the stairs. He was crying and screaming and covering his ears and cowering around himself.
"No, no, no, no, no! I don't want to, please, no!"
"Klaus?" she said, hissing at the sting of her knees and palms but still trying to approach him.
"What the hell is going on?!" Diego yelled, his bedroom door flying open as he ran through the corridor to Klaus whimpering and cowering on the floor. He barely looked at Vanya still on all fours and went straight to Klaus, but the two of them only managed to make him scream even louder.
"NO! DON'T! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Vanya pulled her hand back immediately and turned to Diego in worry, her panic and confusion now focused on trying to understand what was wrong and trying to breathe with all that sound numbing her senses and making it impossible.
"What's going on?!" Luther came running from his bedroom too, as did Allison, and Vanya could hear the footsteps on the upper floor as Ben and Five were startled up too. She immediately cowered as well, unable to stop herself from thinking she had messed up somehow, that maybe her startled scream had woken all of them up and feeling her heart jump uncontrollably on her chest.
"You're not gonna help anyone, Luther, go back to bed!" Diego yelled.
"Shut up, Diego! And you too, stop screaming, Klaus!" Luther yelled back.
"Guys, please, stop!"
"What the hell happened?! Klaus? Vanya, what happened?" Allison yelled.
"I don't-"
"For God's sake! It's one in the damn morning!" Five yelled from the top of the stairs, teleporting himself to the corridor the next instant. "Why are you all yelling?!"
"Klaus?! What's wrong?" Ben ran down the stairs after Five and dropped on his knees next to Klaus.
"NO! STOP IT, ALL OF YOU!"
"Guys! We're not helping!"
The uproar was so loud it deafened her and became her heartbeat and she felt she could choke and suddenly she remembered she needed her pills, they would help her breathe, they would calm her down, just like Dad-
"NUMBERS!"
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Diego
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Diego felt a shiver run down his spine as he turned to see Dad walk down the stairs. Five quickly moved out of his way as he turned to the children, fully dressed as if he had just been working on his study rather than sleeping, which was probably the most accurate guess. Diego opened his mouth to try to explain what has happening (even though he had no idea), but Dad didn't give him a chance.
"Number Seven! Your medication!" he commanded at once. "Take it immediately. How many times have I told you?!"
"I was just-"
"Now!"
Vanya scrammed to her bedroom, staggering on her way up and loudly rummaging through her stuff in search for her pills. A distinctive rustle of small things hitting plastic told him she had found them, even though Klaus was still sobbing loud enough to almost muffle them. Diego looked down at him again, trying to piece whatever information he could with the little he had: screams that made him jump out of his sleep and feel that the house was shaking (though that had to be his stunned imagination), a sound of clashing in the corridor and then Klaus crying and wheezing and Vanya sprawled on the floor, making it harder to be fully sure which one of them had started the chaos as clearly they had both been the firsts to react to it. But his gut just told him who had actually been the source.
"Klaus?" he tried again, resuming Ben's place at calling his name. He was just as unsuccessful in getting his attention, which made him grit his teeth and whisper more harshly. "Klaus! Pull it together!"
Klaus sniffed but didn't move, still curled up like a little kid, his hair in a mess over the hands he had wrapped around his ears. At least he wasn't screaming anymore, but his face was covered in tears and snot.
Vanya returned to the corridor, standing absolutely still at the door of her bedroom as if she had been the one to do something wrong and was awaiting her rebuke. Her chest was no longer rising and dropping like she was about to have a heart attack, but she was still pale. Diego squinted at her, but then moved his attention to Dad. He didn't so much look at Klaus until after Vanya had put her medication bottle on her jammie's pocket, making it clear she had done what she was told. When Dad finally looked down, it was with such a disdain Diego felt a sting of shame and pity even though he wasn't the target of them.
"What is this, Number Four? Gather yourself."
Klaus was still covering his ears for some reason, as if he wasn't the one that had been making as much of a racket as everyone else, and feebly looked up. He was shaking and his eyes were so red and puffy it made the green look almost shining- no, fluorescent.
"Dad..."
"I said gather yourself at once! You look pitiful."
Diego clenched his jaw and closed his fists so he'd not help - or force - Klaus up because his stupid brother wasn't moving, he was just shaking his head harshly. Diego exchanged looks with Ben, like sharing a silent cue to shove him back up together, grab him by the arms and shake him to wipe those tears away from his face. But Ben didn't move, and Diego didn't move either. He was afraid of what Dad might do or say to him, and Klaus was the sole target of that disdainful look right now. It was shameful, but Diego couldn't stand up to Dad.
"What's going on, children?"
Diego snapped his head to the side, feeling a sudden relief fill him.
"Mom."
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Allison
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Allison saw Mom and Pogo approach, both with concerned looks on their faces. Now the entire house was awake and all gathered up around Klaus. Their question was met with no answer but Dad's cold: "Number Four is throwing a tantrum."
"Master Klaus?" Pogo called, and the voice made Klaus move his head alright, and Allison could see how his eyes were so filled to the brim with tears it made her heart pinch. What was wrong with him? All those screams... "Stand up, Master Klaus."
"No. I don't wanna."
"Klaus," she tried too, now that Klaus was at least growing responsive to his name. He turned his face to her; he looked so scared Allison had to hold back the sting of tears she felt in compassion. Before she could say anything else, however, Mom broke through the line of siblings on the other end.
"Klaus?" she called as well, and Klaus' face flew to the other side. "What's the matter, sweetie?"
"Mom-"
"Enough of this," Dad cut in, grabbing Mom by the wrist and pulling her back and away from Klaus. Allison saw how Klaus flinched back and curled himself tighter again.
"Please, I don't wanna."
She eyed her siblings, Vanya standing absolutely still by the door, Diego shutting his fists tightly next to his thighs, Ben no longer crouched next to Klaus but standing up so he wouldn't be in the way of Dad, Five with his arms crossed in front of his chest looking irked. She turned to Luther for guidance or to find some silent answer, but he just seemed tired and annoyed, looking down on Klaus as if he wanted to shake him to his senses. Allison bit her lip and decided to remain silent, lest Dad would get angry at her.
"I... I just... c-can I just-"
"This is enough, Number Four. Go back to your bed, immediately."
"No, Dad, I don't- I don't wanna sleep," Klaus whimpered, sniffing and scrubbing his face. Rather than it actually calm him or help him gather himself together, it only seemed to make him try and fail to hold back a sob as his whole body quivered. "P-Please, Dad..."
Allison bit her lip harder. Although she didn't want to feel it, she did feel a twinge of annoyance too; all that loud ruckus had startled her and made her heart race and now seeing Klaus just refuse to move really did make him look like a little stubborn child, just putting up a show to get attention, but she knew Klaus. He wasn't putting up a tantrum, he was terrified. Question was, what could have possibly have scared him so much to-
Oh. Damn it.
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Luther
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Luther bit the inside of his cheek. He was still slightly dizzy from sleep, but he was forcing himself to push it away - what if this was a dangerous situation? But no, it was just Klaus being Klaus. All that noise just because he'd woken up and he had to wake up the entire house together with him. None of them dared to move not to bring about Dad's rage, but Luther had enough of this. Klaus was getting his way with getting all the attention and that wasn't right.
"Klaus, stand up," he commanded, but his voice had little to no effect on Klaus, just making him start to shake his head again.
"Klaus..." Allison tried again beside him.
"Klaus, it's one in the morning!" Luther snapped, his disapproval echoing their Dad's. "Go to sleep and let us all-"
"No! No, I don't want to sleep! I don't want to!"
"Klaus, that's not helping," it was Five's turn now to comment.
"I don't want to sleep! I see all of them, I can't sleep!"
"Number Four!" Dad's voice echoed through the corridor and made Klaus shake like a leaf. "I thought we had overcome this. Do you still need more training after all?"
"NO!" Klaus' voice broke and his head jolted up. "N-No, please, Dad, I-"
"Do you see what you are causing to your brothers and sisters?" Dad cut him at once, making Klaus shut his eyes tight and bite back a sob again. "They trained the entire day and you are robbing them of their rest with your tantrum!"
Luther couldn't find a better way to describe it.
"But Dad, I can't-"
"No excuses! You are behaving like a spoiled little child who only thinks of himself!"
Klaus was visibly trying to hold back his tears but it was no use. He started crying again, big and ugly tears that made Luther groan under his breath.
"Everyone, go to your rooms," Dad ordered. "Your morning training will begin at the scheduled hour, not one minute later. You can thank Number Four for your trouble."
"Dad...!"
"Stop being a crybaby, Klaus-" Luther finally moved and grabbed Klaus by the arm but was rewarded with a high pitched scream and a smack to the face that only missed because of his trained reflexes.
"LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU ASSHOLE!"
"Klaus!" Allison stepped forward but was pushed back by Luther, who screwed up his face and grabbed Klaus by the arm again, this time hard, this time making sure that he'd have a reason to scream, and shoving him up to his feet.
"STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTING ME!" Sure enough, he did scream, and so did the others, and chaos erupted again.
"Let him go, Luther!" That was Diego.
"Way to go, Luther, that's really helping us!" That was Five.
"Luther!" That was Ben.
"Luther!" And Allison.
"Luther! Don't!" And Vanya.
"Boys, please!" that was Mom and Pogo, almost in unison.
"NUMBER FOUR!"
Klaus squirmed his arm harshly and painfully but all he could do was hurt himself more but he didn't stop and Luther didn't let him go until Dad told him to.
"Number One, let go of your brother." Luther obeyed immediately and Klaus stumbled back, holding his bruised arm like a broken limb. At least now he had a reason for those tears. "Number Four, go to your room."
"I will stay with you, Klaus," Mom said with a reassuring smile, and Luther saw the relief in Klaus' face as a physical light that was crushed to pieces when Dad cut in.
"No. Number Four will go to his bed like his siblings, alone, and sleep. Now."
"Dad, please. Please, let Mom stay. I won't- I won't do this anymore, I'm sorry, just let her stay."
"Maybe it's best to just let the crybaby have his way," Luther said. "So long as we can all go to sleep at last."
"Do not make me repeat myself." Dad was unyielding, and Luther didn't want to step out of place after a direct order, so he just shut his fists while Klaus resumed that annoying shaking of his head.
Thankfully, Dad had had enough too. He finally stepped up, and Klaus cowered back against Luther. Dad grabbed him by the injured arm and he let out a whine.
"I said, now, Number Four."
"Dad, no- Dad, you're hurting-" Dad began dragging Klaus back to his bedroom; Pogo and Mom and Five got out of his way. Klaus' whimpered again and Luther's resolve quivered however slightly, frowning at the thought of how much strength he had used. He probably overreacted... Klaus was a skinny boy. He moved his eyes instinctively to Diego and met an expected fury in his, his brother's jaw clenched so tight it looked almost painful.
"You will do as you are told, Number Four." Dad quite literally threw Klaus inside his bedroom. They all heard him stumble against his bed. "Do not disturb your siblings again."
"No, no, no, no..." But Dad threw the door shut and Klaus screamed and hit his hands against the other side. Dad quickly took out a key from his pockets and fitted it in the lock, the metallic sound sending a unwanted chill down Luther's spine and apparently a much worse one on Klaus. "NO! No, no, no, Dad, please, no, don't lock me, please, please-"
"Go to sleep, Number Four," and he turned the key.
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Five
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If Dad's intention had been to shut the sound of Klaus' screams along with the door, he didn't fully know the acoustics of his own mansion. It did muffle them somewhat, but they still echoed to the corridor when Dad commanded them again to go back to their rooms (which Five was the first to reach by teleporting) and they were still hearable even with the floor and walls adding blocking layers. As the house slowly fell back to its intended silence at 2AM, the smothered screams sounded like a constant and honestly unnerving mumble. The longer they stretched out, the clearer the mumble would grow to distinctive words.
Five sighed heavily and turned his back to the door, knowing fully well Klaus' pleading wouldn't diminish by doing that. Dad should've allowed Mom to be with him and at least they'd all be sleeping already. He thought on her expression when Dad left the corridor and climbed back up the stairs. She just stood there, immovable, then blinking and leaving as if she had just remembered she had something cooking in the oven. Five had looked at Pogo too; he looked pained, deeply so, but he didn't raise his voice or so much as open his mouth and just turned around and left too.
Five heard a series of thuds downstairs. Klaus was banging his hands against the door.
He sighed loudly and turned his body back up. Jesus, this wasn't working.
Five knew about Klaus' stay in the mausoleum. One way or another, they all knew by now. So he could take an educated guess at what had happened: Klaus had a nightmare. Klaus being Klaus, he had a serious reaction. Although Five could find at least some reasoning for that, it didn't really help him feel less annoyed that it was past 2AM and he was forced to be awake because his brother was stubborn and his Dad was unyielding. His persistency did borderline the tantrum now, though Five couldn't deny he sounded too terrified for it to be an act. But what good was it doing him to keep screaming? Was it keeping the nightmares away or something? It was giving him nightmares.
Speaking of which. Five had woken up with a jump and his heart on his throat because he felt his bed and the floor shaking under him. Literally shaking. Obviously, it was impossible, but Klaus' screaming had clearly been starling enough for Five to have that impression. The ones still going on down there were proof that, for all his best efforts, Klaus wasn't yet able to make things move with his mind or he'd have already burst that door down by now.
When the low thumping returned, Five shoved his pillow over his head. A desperate last resort, but it seemed to work a bit.
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Ben
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He was sure Klaus wasn't just banging his hands against the door. He couldn't, not with all that noise.
Ben shut his eyes tightly and covered his ears, feeling the shameful tears fall down his face and feeling even worse for that. He was quite literally a mirror image of Klaus right now, but no one was there to see him and accuse him and belittle him for it, so Ben was priviledged in his suffering. Klaus had been desperate and it only caused him more pain.
And it caused Ben more pain, too.
The moment he had woken up with the screams, he had known it was Klaus, and he had known exactly what it was.
"Come on, Klaus, don't think about it. If you're already dreading before it even happens, you'll just bring it upon yourself."
"But I'm scared, Ben. How can I stop myself from dreaming with it if I already think about it when I'm awake?"
"So keeping yourself awake is better?"
"I'm scared to sleep!"
"Have you already dreamed with it?"
"Yes!"
"And how bad was it?"
"Bad. It was really, really bad, and I put up with it alone but I can't, Ben, I can't. I can't fight it, I'm-"
"Listen. The next time you have a nightmare, come to my room, alright? I'll do my best to help you through with it, okay?"
And when he did have one, not only was Ben the last to reach him, but he was the most useless. How good of a brother was he when he knew how much Klaus was suffering and he still didn't do a damn thing?
He couldn't tell him the ghosts weren't real, because they were. He couldn't tell him it'd be alright, because it wouldn't. Klaus might have had a nightmare, but the source of it was real and the ghosts would still continue to haunt him because he could not not see them. It wasn't a priviledge he had. The only thing he could try to do was tell him to accept it, and clearly, it wasn't working.
He couldn't tell their Dad to not do that to Klaus because he was Dad and Dad was always right... even when he wasn't. The monsters were real for Ben too - just different. Dad had trained Ben to face them too, and it... worked. He had trained Klaus to deal with his own the same way, and it didn't work, which didn't mean Klaus was weak or useless, it just meant the method was wrong for him. But he couldn't say that to Dad, he couldn't be there for Klaus, he couldn't do a damn thing except crying and trying to muffle his brother's screams by covering his ears.
And they said Klaus was the one putting up a tantrum.
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Klaus
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He didn't know how he could still be crying, but crying he was. His throat was ragged and he could barely breathe, having started a coughing fit minutes ago that managed to interrupt his pleading if only for the moment his body forced him to shake so much he was sure he was going to be sick. His head was throbbing with a constant pain for what seemed like hours now, but he had no idea how long it had actually been, he was just sure his skull had to be split open for that amount of pain to be real.
When he had given up banging his fists against the door, he threw his back against it and when he had given up on that too, he slided down it to the floor. That had been when he started coughing and it had stopped him from hitting or screaming. Then he bang the back of his head against the door and it still didn't help, not with the door and certainly not with the pain.
He knew the door wasn't going to open. He knew Dad wasn't coming. All he wanted was to sleep, and he couldn't.
Klaus had already half-realized that there were no ghosts in his room, but he was still too scared to open his eyes for longer than a second. The darkness behind his eyelids didn't make it better though, because he was locked, he couldn't get out, because he was back, because he was back where they were and now they were here and he was so tired-
"DAD! PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME OUT!" Klaus screamed louder after that and hit his hands and feet against the floor to do something, anything, but he was just a baby making a tantrum, wasn't that what they said? And they were right, so he screamed again even if he could barely do it anymore, even if he started to cough so viciously he had to physically hold his chest so he wouldn't break apart.
He so tired. He was so tired a part of him was expecting him to just pass out and face the night that way but somehow he was still awake and conscious and hurting. His arm was hurting so much, the throbbing in his head exchanged turns with the one in his arm and cradling it didn't help. His nose was so clogged he couldn't breathe and the sleeves of his pajamas had grown stiff with dried tears and snot but the ones in his eyes didn't dry even if his eyes were pinching and hurting too.
"I'm sorry..." His broken and ragged voice forced him down to low begging. He didn't really know what he was apologizing for. For screaming, for waking up his siblings, for being unable to sleep, for being scared, for being weak, for being a spoiled little child, for just being. "I'm sorry... Dad, please..."
There was no sound on the other side of the door, and Klaus' coughing and wailing was the only thing he could hear for some minutes. Then suddenly, a key was pushed into the lock and Klaus jumped back, so stunned and numb for the hour-worth of crying and hurting that he was unable to feel that sound as the salvation he longed for, instead fearing it to be even worse punishment for it all. Dad wouldn't yield, he wouldn't return, not unless he was angry, not unless he was very angry and-
It wasn't Dad.
"Mom!" he wanted to scream, but his voice was too ragged. He wanted to smile, but the sight of Mom entering and closing the door behind her was so... so everything that he broke down again. He threw himself against her legs and held her tighter and tighter as he sobbed harder and harder.
"I'm here, Klaus."
"M-Mom, I'm-I'm sorry, I'm sorry I woke you, I'm sorry I woke everyone, I didn't- I didn't want to, I just..."
Mom shushed him, gently fondling his hair.
"I know, sweetie. I know."
"I-I can't, I can't sleep... I'm so scared, Mom, I'm so-"
"Shh... Come here." Mom bent over slightly and encouraged him slowly to let her legs go, kneeling down at his height and giving a gentle smile as she soothed his hair and the sides of his face, waiting for Klaus to sob and cough, his heart finally slowly down and letting him catch his breath. She kept grounding him with her touch. "It's alright. It's alright."
Klaus threw himself at her, hugging her so tight it hurt him.
"I don't want to sleep, Mom. Please, don't make me..."
"You need to sleep, Klaus."
"B-But they... Mom, I see them, the ghosts-"
"Are there any ghosts here now?" she asked him, and Klaus' lip trembled as he still wavered his eyes around, shaking his head weakly against Mom's. "I will stay here with you even if they aren't, okay? Let's put you to bed, sweetie. You must be exhausted."
Klaus coughed harshly as Mom slowly unclasped his arms from around her. He tried to dry some of the tears and snot with a shaky hand, but Mom held it in hers and lifted a handkerchief instead.
"You don't want to have your sleeves all dirty, do you?" she said playfully, blinking in the next moment. "You are drenched in sweat, dear. Let me help you with a bath-"
Klaus waved his head. "Can I take one tomorrow? Please?"
The sound of the last word seemed to make her face quiver with hurt.
"Of course, Klaus. Let's at least change your clothes, alright?"
Klaus nodded and grabbed Mom's hand as she helped him stand up. While he forced himself to shrug off his jammies and put on new ones, Mom comfied the bedsheets after deciding they were dry enough for him to sleep in. Although she patted his pillow, she sat down right next to it and Klaus didn't think twice and sank himself on the bed with his head on her lap. Mom pulled the covers over him and tucked him before starting to fondle his hair again softly. Klaus sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve anyway, but Mom didn't say anything against it.
"Don't be scared, Klaus. I'm here. I'll help you fight your fears tonight, okay?" Klaus didn't answer her. She continued anyway. "You'll feel better tommorow, sweetie. And then you'll see. You'll be able to fight them alone soon, I know it."
He was so exhausted from lack of sleep and crying that he fell asleep on Mom's lap in less than five minutes.
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to be continued
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Author's Note: Let's just say this. Writing this chapter listening to DSBM was an experience.
Thanks for reading.
Next chapter: The morning after and its consequences.