Twilight was happy for them. She was. They loved each other and no amount of playful teasing with Rainbow, or whispered secrets with Rarity would change that. Twilight was their friend and always would be. That wouldn't change.
Their friend and nothing more.
And that was fine. Twilight had never expected to be in some sort of grand romantic realtionship. She had her work. She had her friends. It was fine.
The worst part was that Twilight didn't know who she was more jealous of: Rainbow or Rarity. She loved them both so much. Her loyal, dependable, exciting tomboy friend and her generous, beautiful fashionmare friend. She admired them so much. Had crushes on them for so long that longing for them seemed as natural as breathing.
And now they were together. And perfect together.
So she was fine. She was happy.
Goddess they looked so damn good together. Like a perfect contrast. Their new realtionship brought them close enough together that this was illustrated all the better. They complimented each other so well. Maintaining their individuality but growing together. Giving Rainbow the freedom to adopt a more thoroughly badass and aesthetically pleasing tomboy aesthetic, while Rarity was more adventurous and somehow bolder then she had been before.
It was startling to see. So perfect. It brought tears to her eyes.
Twilight was fine. She was happy.
During the day.
But during the night. The sacred hours of Luna, she wasn't. She was miserable. She hated it. Not because she didn't want them together. She longed to see it. But because she wasn't involved. Wasn't in between those two gorgoues creatures. She could complete them she thought. Two was so limited wasn't it? A world was created between two, but it wasn't filled by a couple. There needed to be more. She was good with them wasn't she? She was enough for them. She could make them happy. Happier. Help fill them more. Cause them to overflow the three of them.
This was mania. This was madness. Nighttime lusts filling her near the brink of madness. These bouts faded when Luna's foggy nights gave way to Celestia's clear day. Logic returned to her. Twilight was really nothing. Limited. She couldn't do anything for them. She was a perverted nerd who fantasized and obsessed. She'd never join them.
And that was fine. She was fine. She was happy.
Yet still, she longed. For she was mortal still. And longing, even senseless longing was part and parcel with the mortal experience. Life could be cruel. Could be hopeless. Twilight spent her whole life so far trying to ignore that. Then trying to paint over it with some nice pretty colors. But mania gave way to depression in the end.
Yet still, she smiled. It was her duty and her curse as Celestia's most loyal student. She'd never asked for a reward. Never wanted any reward but Celestia's attention. Now she was wondering what her faith would give her in the end. Would it give her joy? She'd settle for release. An end to the rolling tides of her mind. Her anxiety, her fears, her depression. Her hopes, her dreams.
She wanted to Ascend.
Little did she know, it wouldn't help.