First Heartbreak, a sailor moon fanfic

Author's note: Please leave me your reviews - I'd love to know what you think of the story. I really hope you enjoy this one shot. This story was heavily influenced by my own experiences of heartbreak - writing has been better therapy for me than a therapist and I thank all who take this journey with me. I've never been able to recover through simple talking, but writing is a cathartic friend.

Author disclaimer: the song that inspired and was used in this story is First Heartbreak by Tori Kelly - she's an incredible artist. Give her a listen.

First Heartbreak

Serena followed the girls into the Fruits Parlour Crown and without a second thought, they occupied their usual booth next to the window, overlooking the beautiful sights of the Azabu-Juban district. They were lacking one member of their fabulous five and the reason for that was immediately obvious to all who knew the girls upon entering the café above the arcade. Andrew was all but a blur with how much he was running back and forth like the world's most functional yo-yo. There was a certain atmosphere in the air that even the non-regulars felt when they entered. However, the girls were feeling this in both anticipation and excitement, though it didn't look like Andrew was feeling much of the latter if the sweat at his brow was anything to go by.

"Poor Andrew," Amy commented sympathetically.

"I don't know why he's stressing so much," Lita chuckled behind her tall glass of iced tea. "I mean look at this place!" She gestured to the tables that were being quickly filled by customers, both regulars and otherwise. "I haven't seen this place as busy in all the time we've been coming here. It's going to be a huge hit."

"You sound like Mina," Raye smiled.

"Well, it was her idea!" Lita replied.

"So, it won't be anything but wonderful," Amy chirped. "She's been looking forward to this for weeks."

"Of course, she has!" Raye exclaimed. "It's a chance in the spotlight for our little diva."

"She'll be right at home then," Lita laughed.

Raye looked at Serena who was staring into the depths of her hot chocolate, stirring her spoon round and round the depths of the chocolatey drink as if in a trance. She gave her blonde-haired friend a nudge, bringing her back to the present.

"Sorry," Serena excused herself. "How long until this thing starts?"

Raye glanced at her watch. "About five minutes."

Andrew flew past their table for the fifth time in as many minutes and Serena couldn't help the sides of her mouth pushing up into a smile.

"Poor Andrew," Serena observed, watching him dart between customers and staff. "This should be good. Have you seen Mina yet?"

"She'll be in the ladies' restroom touching up her lip gloss undoubtedly," Lita smirked.

"For the tenth time," Raye laughed.

"Will there be other people doing this?" Serena asked, leaning over the table swipe up the leaflet in her hand.

"No one we know," Amy shrugged. "I think it will be open to the floor once the main performances are done."

"I don't know how Mina's able to sing in front of an audience," Lita shuddered.

"I did it!" Raye pointed out, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, but you're neurotic," Lita countered, with a flick of her hand.

Raye narrowed her eyes. "I'll have you know that the Autumn Festival was a hit!"

"Give or take Alan and Ann's interference," Lita winked, referring to the Cardian attack that drained everyone's energy for the Doom tree and effectively destroyed all of Raye's music sheets, motivating her to damage the monster enough for Sailor Moon to destroy for good.

"Don't talk about it," Raye grimaced, the memory of her charred music sheets stirring up the old upset of all that hard work being destroyed in front of her eyes.

"No need," Serena interrupted. "Andrew's finally stopped flapping, the lights have been dimmed and Mina's walking up to the stage." She was clapping her fingers together in anticipation, straightening up in her seat.

The girls turned in the direction of the newly made stage area in the corner of the café where Mina was just stepping onto in front of the microphone. Three weeks ago, Mina was complaining that there was nowhere to sing anymore that she didn't need to be over 20 years old to enter the premises. Andrew overheard the girls when they were playing in the arcade and he suggested trying out cafés. Mina turned her baby-blue eyes onto him, and he was putty in her hands. Later he reflected that if he had had hindsight of how stressful it would be to organise an event like this, he would have at least tried to say no when Mina suggested his family's café.

Mina pulled a stool forward in front of the microphone and pulled the stand down to her height. She smiled brilliantly at the audience and gestured to the guitarist stood to one side behind her. He started to strum on the strings, setting off a chilled atmosphere.

Lita leaned forward. "I never asked, where did the pianist, guitarist, and drummer come from?"

Raye looked over her shoulder at Lita and chuckled. "And the rest of the entourage, you mean? Actually, I think they're friends of hers in the drama club."

"I've never even seen any of these people!" Lita murmured.

"Neither have I," Raye nodded, "but she has a lot of friends from all the clubs she's involved in."

"Is there really that many of them?"

"You guys," Serena hissed, "shush!"

"Hey, all," Mina beamed, her pinkie finger tapping on the end of the mic in time with the strum of the guitar. "First of all, a big shout out to Andrew for organising all of this and not saying no to me when I suggested trying out a music night here." She paused. "Okay, not suggested, told." The onlookers chuckled and the girls looked at each other with a goodhearted eye roll. "I'm so excited to sing tonight and I'd really like to give credit to my friends for not strangling me in the run up to this night as I know I've been a complete nightmare." Raye snorted. Mina looked behind her at the rest of the guys and she nodded at them. "Right, so let's start this thing."

Mina tapped her foot gently and nodded her head to the opening bars of the song, then she opened her mouth.

You never hear me singin' love songs
Wasn't big on poetry
Never cried in the movies
Didn't wanna feel so weak
I would never talk about it
Never let it get too deep
But something in me's changin'
Guess you did something to me

Serena listened numbly. While everyone was preoccupied by Mina's performance, she found that she was finally able to let down her guard in front of them. A month had passed since Darien broke up with her and she didn't know the reason why, even now. She recalled leaving his apartment, walking in a daze down the street until she eventually found a telephone box, walked in and sank down onto the floor, resting her head against the window. The tears poured down her cheeks and the sobs shook her body as she was completely overcome by them.

She didn't cry in front of the girls. Crying didn't help. The pain she felt in her chest, right above the spot where her heart lay beneath was so profound, that nothing numbed it. Usually a good cry helped her to deal with strong emotions. Her mother used to tell her when she was a child that when she cried, every tear held a little bit of the hurt inside and when she cried, the tears took all the pain away inside. She would take a tissue and wipe Serena's cheeks dry and tell her to flush the tissue away and wave the pain goodbye. This time, Serena learned that this pain wasn't the same. It kept her awake all night. She was breathless when she was alone. She was gripped by anxiety when she was fighting as Sailor Moon, as she felt Darien's presence in the city more acutely when out of her civilian form, her connection to him even stronger when she embraced her sailor guardian identity. She knew he felt it, too. She felt the emptiness in her heart. Each day made the hole that much bigger.

When I'm lookin' in your eyes
That one day you might leave me
And it keeps me up at night
I guess that means I really love you
'Cause I'm afraid to make mistakes
If you ever left me that would be my first heartbreak
Oooh ooh oooh ooh, oooh ooh oooh ooh
If you ever left me that would be my first heartbreak

Serena drank a throatful of her hot chocolate through her straw and thought back to the first interaction they'd had outside of the Game Centre Crown. She cringed at the memory of her terrible test grade and even more so when she recalled throwing it over her shoulder and hitting Darien in the head with it. She'd turned to him when she heard him groan in annoyance at the unexpected turn of events to his afternoon and felt horrified when he uncrumpled her test paper and his eyes bugged out of his head when he saw the big, red angry 30 shining up at him. She thought she might die of embarrassment, until he opened his mouth to mock her and embarrassment quickly turned to anger. Then when her cerulean blue eyes met his stormy blue gaze, she felt herself stop, and momentarily got lost in them. There was something so familiar about his eyes and something in her responded to it. That night, his eyes were the last thing she saw in her mind before she fell asleep.

Maybe I shouldn't be thinkin' so far ahead
Better just enjoy this moment
And be happy for what I get
But you know it's not that easy
To get out of my head
So I guess that it's a good thing
When you want something so bad

"I don't know why I'm surprised that Mina chose a love song," Raye murmured to the others.

"Well, you know what she'd say," Lita whispered back, holding up her fingers in Mina's symbolic V sign, "the Goddess of Love must spread love wherever she goes!"

"Dear Lord," Raye grumbled, shaking her head in despair.

Serena smiled gently at the pair of them. She thought back to when she was forced to transform into Sailor Moon in front of Darien at the Starlight Tower after Zoisite attempted to burn them alive in the elevator. She sadly thought of his surprise and awe at her transformation. It was the first time he'd been nice to her that day. Her suspicion of his odd behaviour caused her to follow him to the Starlight Tower and it was his kindness that led them to learn of each other's true identity. Needless to say, she was taken aback and amazed to learn that he was the guy she'd been fawning over since her awakening as Sailor Moon, but that wasn't a bad thing. She found herself pleasantly surprised. The kindness she'd been a witness to that day had already softened her towards him. It felt like the real him. The him that felt familiar to her upon first meeting his eyes with her own.

Then he was gravely injured. Those short moments, before she awakened as Princess Serenity and was granted her memories of the Silver Millennium and her epic romance with Prince Endymion, she knew in those moments that she was afraid to lose him, more than the Dark Kingdom getting their hands on the silver crystal, more than being burned alive in an elevator, more than any Dark Kingdom monster. She knew in those moments that he was her everything. He was the reason that she continued to fight, no matter how scared she was. When she was scared, he encouraged her. When she was weak, he strengthened her. When she was beaten, he extended his warmth, fuelling her motivation to keep fighting.

'Cause for the first time I get worried
When I'm lookin' in your eyes
That one day you might leave me
And it keeps me up at night
I guess that means I really love you
'Cause I'm afraid to make mistakes
If you ever left me that would be my first heartbreak

The girls observed how at home Mina was on stage, lost in the music. She could be singing anything, and it would be perfect. She was made to spread her joy and hope through song. The audience were totally wrapped up in her performance and the steady beat of the music. The stress had long fallen off Andrew's shoulders and he knew this was something he could continue at the café. He knew this would work. It seemed all he needed was the relaxed demeanour of Mina Aino to pull it off without a hitch. She knew it was a good idea and he should have trusted her. He always held a fear of things not working out, but he needn't have worried because Mina had every faith in herself.

Serena took another long drink of her chocolatey beverage and felt it's soothing kick of sugar tingle her taste buds and warm her stomach. She held the glass tighter from within the grip of her fingers. Warmth was something she always associated with Darien. Since he broke up with her, she felt the absence of his warmth so much. She felt cold. So cold. It was more than simply putting a warm jacket on and it will take it away. It was more than holding on tight to a hot water bottle. She was cold inside. She felt like every beat of her heart was a slow, heavy one.

She thought of their first date following their victory in saving the Tree of Life and giving Alan and Ann a second chance. She dejectedly thought of the 'coffee' date they'd had. How she'd laughed when he admitted that he'd never had a milkshake before so she forced him to share the biggest chocolate milkshake she could find. Then he'd kissed her, gently and deeply and she'd teased him saying he tasted like chocolate. He'd told her that it was the best drink he'd ever had and kissed her again. They took a long walk in the sun through the park where he decided to hire a boat and took her out onto the lake. He'd brought madeira cake with him and they had fed that to the birds that occupied the lake. He'd held her hand as they watched the birds gobble up the food they'd broken off for them.

She remembered meeting his brilliant blue eyes with her own and wishing that time could just stop. They'd suffered so much in over a millennium and she wished that they could have another millennium just to make up for the time that had hurt them so much. She didn't know she could love someone as strong or as deeply as she does. She felt that he loved her, too. They'd lived more than one lifetime and yet it felt like time was passing them by. She was scared to lose him. She wasn't sure she could again.

I wanna run I wanna stay
Hold every piece so it won't break
Wanna let go, wanna hold tight
Afraid that I might suffocate, you with my love
How much is enough?
How much is too safe?

There were countless times when Serena wanted to give up her sailor guardianship of the galaxy. She was young and had so much to experience in her life. She didn't realise that the old silly worries over bad grades, getting a boyfriend or even just getting up in time for school would be a lost memory. She wished she could go back to that because the weight of the world sat on her weary shoulders and it showed no sign of easing. Then Tuxedo Mask appeared and encouraged her to keep fighting. He'd given her a reason to keep going: she was the only one who could. She remembered hearing a group of students at school talking about how Sailor Moon was 'just a girl', like it was a surprise that she was the strongest one around to protect all things that lived on the planet. She had thought to herself at the time that that was what she kept saying.

Serena thought back to a conversation she had with Darien following a particularly gruelling battle. She'd been beating herself up for not being good enough, not being quick enough, for having to rely on the sailor soldiers for help. He'd taken her hands and looked at her with his intense eyes.

"When I'm with you, you don't have to hold back," he told her. "You must believe in yourself and follow your path without fear. You are Sailor Moon, Princess of the Moon. Everyone else will vanish, new sailor guardians and new stars will be born. But you, Serena Tsukino, Sailor Moon, Princess Serenity, you will forever be immortal. You will be the most beautiful star shining in the sky for eternity." He squeezed her fingers gently. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. You are light and love in equal measure. You are needed."

Oooh ooh oooh ooh, oooh ooh oooh ooh
If you ever left me that would be my first heartbreak

Mina's song came to an end and her smile was so bright that it could have been seen from orbit. Serena smiled and applauded with the rest of the café. She looked down at the table briefly and felt shocked when she felt a tear fall off the tip of her nose and land on the table. It was then she felt a hand on each of her own. She looked up to see Raye and Lita holding each of her hands, with a sympathetic smile on their faces. Amy was looking at her with a tentative smile on her lips and a saddened expression on her face. Then Serena raised her eyes to see Mina stood at the head of the table. Mina's smile wasn't full of elation anymore, but one of empathy for her friend. She didn't need to be the goddess of love to know when her friend was in pain. Serena didn't need to talk about her heartbreak. Every one of them felt it, too.