Originally written in January 2017.
The sound of the blades hitting the ice still feels fresh. Although music should be blasting during a performance, there's nothing but that sound. Yuuri flies around the rink, majestic and magnific while doing his Eros routine. His hair flies, his skin gleams with sweat, his eyes slightly blurry. Yet, he's still as beautiful as ever.
Viktor can't get enough of that scene. His lover looked the best like this, in his opinion. Of course, there's a lot of beautiful, handsomes and pretty Yuuris, but that has to be at least top 5 in his preferences. While he dwelled on thoughts about how wonderful his protege was, the coreography reached its climax as the playboy threw the woman away. There's the finishing pose, reaching out his arm to someone.
"I am that someone", he thinks, running to the kiss and cry. He can't wait to hug Yuuri and sit by his side. The golden ring shines against the lights when his fiancee moves his hand, fixing his hair while skating towards the way outside. He needs to feel the warmth of his beloved one. He needs to hold him tight. Viktor feels it in every bone in his body, he desperately feels this longing.
He spreads his arms out, waiting for their bodies to clash.
Makkachin is pawing at his face, barking along with the alarm clock.
Viktor doesn't like waking up. It's cold outside, the ringing is too loud, he has to move around, he can't be sleeping. It's unpleasant. Skating now feels like merely dragging his feet through the ice. He demonstrates the coreography, and although he should be putting his soul into it, it's definitely lacking.
"Pathetic." Yuri clenches his teeth, Mila slaps him on the back. Everyone knows Viktor is going to be out of it. They're letting him take his time to recollect himself. Yakov was the first one to do it, offering the coreographer position since he wouldn't go back to competing and he wasn't a coach anymore. It was a good situation, Viktor would be able to focus on other things and Russia would have the man who created record-breaking programs on their side. It will be even better soon, Yakov believes, after he snaps out of it.
But maybe the pity party atmosphere makes it a bit harder.
Viktor now sleeps early, eager to disconnect himself from the Earth.
There he is again, stuffing his face with pork meat. How can someone be so cute while eating? He's so close, just across the table. His fingers move rapidly the chopsticks, breathing quickly while munching. Yuuri, the katsudon isn't running anywhere. Calm down. Viktor has no wish to eat his own meal, he just stares at Yuuri and that's enough for him to live. If he could control his dreams, though, it would be great to go on dates every night. But dinner at home is also good sometimes, it feels so... like being married.
"Yuuri." His voice sounds lively, pronouncing every syllabe like a song. His boyfriend answers, but thanks to a filled mouth he can't make much of it. It makes Viktor laugh, though, even it in other times he would feel bubbly instead of nostalgic. "I love you." The words are nothing but a whisper, and his throat feels dry. He wants to stand up and hug his lover.
Ex-lover.
His cellphone is ringing.
It's Chris, inviting him to go out and drink something, since he's spending vacation on Russia, apparently.
"I know you're hurting and it's hard", he tries. "But you need to refresh your mind, sulking won't help with anything. Come on, tonight's on me."
"I have training tomorrow."
"You've gone through this a dozen times, you're perfectly capable of drinking all night and then going to work."
Viktor sighs, not wanting to say another word.
"I'm going back to sleep. Have fun, Chris."
He hangs up before an answer comes.
"Sorry for making you wait!"
He reads Yuuri's lips, wondering why he can't ever hear Yuuri's voice clearly. It feels bad, leaving a murky taste on his mouth.
"I should be the one telling you that." Viktor answers, knowing that his boyfriend wouldn't understand his statement.
It's late afternoon and the sky is clear. Supposedly, a beautiful night is coming soon. Even if heavy clouds appear from nowhere, nothing could dissipate his happiness tonight. Going on a date was always something, even if it was after practice. Yuuri had enough stamina to not crumble after hours of skating, and that was quite commendable. Viktor sometimes wondered if that stamina could be put to other uses...
Leaving those kind of thoughts aside for now, they linked hands, walking down the street. Although Hasetsu used to be a tourist spot, there never were many restaurants to begin with, since most hot springs doubled as these (or tripled, if you considere them as hotels), so Viktor had to choose from few options. Of course it was logical to let Yuuri make the decision, as a native of the city, but Viktor wanted to do something different and suprise his lover. It was a nice change of pace, Yuuri always had been the one taking Viktor to places, be it the Hasetsu Castle or the nice ramen shop by the main avenue. Viktor wanted to do something on return.
"Is something wrong?" Yuuri's lips soundlessy form words. "You look a bit distracted."
"No, nothing!" He promptly answers. "I was just thinking."
The breeze flows pleasantly around them. Yuuri's hand is warm. Viktor wants to kiss him right now.
Makkachin kicks his stomach.
Definitely not the most pleasant way to wake up.
Viktor knows that he should be trying to get over Yuuri. It was been enough time since the Grand Prix Final. Like Chris said, sulking won't help. It won't make it better, it won't bring Yuuri back. He should just accept it's over and try to restart his life again. It's hard, and it'll get even harder with time, but someday it will get easier and then his ex-fianceé will be nothing but a memory, a beautiful remembrance of his youth. A valued image living in the back of his mind. By then, he'll be taking care of Makkachin III, probably taken over as Russia's coach, Yuri will be retiring, no one of his rivals will still be on ice. And probably, Yuuri will be as as away as he can from figure skating.
He feels bad thinking like that, as if Yuuri's existence was a burden on his own.
Sometimes he wonders how Yuuri's doing. Georgi and Mila, with all their experience, gave lots of advice on how to cope with the end of a relationship. One of the fundamental rules was to not go after your ex (if only Georgi followed that too). Unfriend them on facebook, block them on twitter, unfollow their instagram. It was a key action for 'killing your love', as Mila put it. It sounded a bit too brutal, but her way of doing things was somehow refreshing. But yeah, even though they said that and a lot more, he can't help but think of how Yuuri's life is going by. Since he retired, no one heard from him. There were a few rumors that he was working at Yuutopia and planned to take over the business, which was probably true, but no one dwelled on that for too long, except for his fans. Everyone else was more focused on Viktor NIkiforov's return to the Russia team and on "Viktuuri"'s break-up.
None of the blocking or unfollowing happened, to be honest. It wouldn't make difference, Yuuri rarely used social media, so he didn't needed to go through the hassle of doing it. It's not like a picture of his ex-lover would pop up randomly when opening Instagram.
There was user 'phichit+chu', though.
Hurled around a small table were Phichit, striking a peace sign, Yuuri, focused on the book he was reading, his sister Mari, smoking expressionless while staring at the camera, and Minako, the ballet teacher, wielding a huge bottle of beer. Viktor could feel his heart twisting and throbbing and experiencing a thousand feelings and kinds of pain, all at once. Besides his dreams, he hasn't seen Yuuri for almost four? Five months? Almost half a year.
He closes the app immediately, throwing away the smartphone.
Tears lead his way into sleep, and Yuuri is there once again. His face is more defined than ever, as if it was real life happening before Viktor's eyes. They don't say anything, they don't even touch - their eyes only meet, and they stay like that until the world around them starts building itself.
It's a familiar room in a hotel in Barcelona. Viktor suddently notices that he's only wearing a towel, and Yuuri looks deadly serious.
"Let's end this." Even if the sound doesn't comes out, Viktor knows what Yuuri is saying. This time, he's not crying. He only looks down and nods, whispering "I'm sorry".
Yuuri's hug is warm, although not comforting.
He can't tell if he has agreed or disagreed, and there's not time to confirm either option.
The alarm is ringing again.
The sound of the blades hitting the ice stillis the same, and Viktor dances across the rink, spinning flawlessy like always. Yuri doesn't complains anymore, Mila has a soft expression on her face, Yakov just nods when the routine is done. They can feel the change, they can see a difference in Viktor's eyes. They're still empty, but not dull.
"He's still got a long way to go", Georgi sighs, but with a slight smile.
After all, in the end, Viktor Nikiforov is still human.
That night Chris sends another message, asking if Viktor will see him off on Saturday. "I'll think about it", he answers and turns the phone and the lights off, wondering what he'll see tonight.