Lou VS. I Can't
Disclaimer: The third part in my 'I Can' series has arrived and takes place a couple months after 'Ellie's Concern'.
Lou's Place
A quiet tension permeated the air at Lou's home as Lou herself paced back and forth as Chuck watched on in worry. She hadn't said a word to him since they had left the warehouse where she finally learned the truth about his double life with the CIA and NSA. A definite few steps above the FDA for that matter and had had to sign some Non-Disclosure Agreements over the whole thing. The mission wasn't supposed to have gone anywhere near that but unfortunately, it had. As Lou had ended up in the crossfire of it all thanks to their target's willingness to involve innocent civilians to try and ensure he got away. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't. Finally, Lou stopped pacing and looked at him and Chuck could see her eyes glistening and he swallowed heavily. "Were you ever going to tell me the truth?" She asked with a waver to her voice.
"I… No. I couldn't tell Ellie and I knew I wasn't ever going to be allowed to tell you so I never tried." Chuck admitted honestly.
"But did you want to tell me?"
Chuck sighed heavily. "I did. But part of me hoped I'd never have too, Lou. As the last thing I wanted was for you to spend your time worrying about me when I was off on a mission with Sarah and Casey." He felt horrible for hoping for that as in a way, he had been doing to her what Bryce had done with him where the CIA recruitment stuff was concerned.
The look of hurt and betrayal Lou gave him broke his heart. "That was a choice you should have let ME make, Chuck! Do you not realize how wrong that is!? I'm your girlfriend!"
He closed his eyes and sighed heavily again. "Believe me, I know how wrong that is. I know."
"Do you know how many times I thought something was going on with you and Sarah? Or had things said to me about the two of you? I always tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, Chuck. I did. But… But now I know the truth and in a way, its so much worse than you and her messing around behind my back! Because this could get you killed at any time!" She told him as tears started to come down her face and Chuck certainly remembered her confronting him about Sarah on more than one occasion.
There had been a few fights as well but it had always managed to be resolved but he had a sinking feeling this wasn't going to be like those times. "I want you to quit, Chuck. Tell whoever you have too that you're done. I can't lose you. Your SISTER can't lose you, none of us can, baby."
Lou knew without a doubt she wouldn't be able to handle it if she lost him. A groan came from her boyfriend as he rubbed his face in a tired manner as he got up. "You think I don't want to quit either? Because believe me when I say I want too more than anything!"
"Then do it! Its not like you're forced to stay with them!"
"I CAN'T! Okay!? No matter how much I want to tell them I'm done and walk away, I just can't. I'm stuck and right now there's just no way out." He replied and once more cursed Bryce Larkin in his head for putting him in this situation.
Lou however, wasn't quite willing to believe that and came up to him and put her hands on his face so he'd not be able to move his head away from her. "There is ALWAYS a way out!"
He stared sadly at her as tears of his own began to fall down his face. "There isn't, not for me. And even with the NDAs you signed, I can't tell you why because it would potentially put you at risk and I can't handle the thought of that happening to you. I'm sorry, Lou."
Casey had made it abundantly clear he wasn't allowed to tell Lou about the Intersect that's in his head before the two of them had left and came to Lou's. His Deli girl sniffled and the two shared a short kiss between them before she pulled away. "I'm sorry too, Chuck. But we, we can't be together anymore." Declared the heart broken Lou.
As she knew she wasn't going to be able to handle his double life and the dangers it entailed and what it could ultimately mean for him. Chuck's heart broke even further at her words and he wanted to fight it but didn't have the energy to do so. Not when he knew it could potentially bring greater heart break for the woman in front of him. "I understand… I'll, I'll see you around, I guess."
Quietly, the heart broken Nerd left Lou's place as she fell to her knees, her arms wrapped around herself as she sobbed heavily. "I love you, Chuck, I'm so sorry." Lou murmured as she sobbed.
Author's Notes: Well, that was depressing.