I do not own My Hero Academia.

i. saturnine

"How are you feeling today?"

"I'm okay."

"You look tired."

"I am tired."

"Do you always feel tired?"

"Yes."

"I don't think you've ever told me."

"It's redundant."

"I'm your therapist. Nothing you tell me is redundant."

"Okay."

"Are you sleepy tired?"

"I'm existentially tired."

"And what has you feeling this way?"

"Maybe the fact I literally just came from a funeral like, two hours ago."

"That's terrible. I'm sorry for your loss."

"It's fine. I didn't know the guy."

"Who was he?"

"Some distant cousin."

"Oh?"

"We were only invited because my father is who he is."

"I see. And how did that make you feel?"

"I really hate funerals."

"I'd assume so. They aren't fun."

"Yeah."

"What about school?"

"I haven't gone yet because of the funeral. Today was supposed to be my second day but we just came from Nagoya, so."

"I see. You're in Yūei, right?"

"Yeah."

"How does that make you feel?"

"I dunno. The same."

"Are you not excited? It's a very prestigious school."

"I know."

"How did your father react?"

"He wasn't there when I got the letter."

"Have you told him since?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"He just grunted and said 'don't disappoint me'."

"I'm sure he had good intentions when he said that."

"Yeah. Sure."

"Well, Keiko, today will be our last day meeting, unfortunately. But you've been a wonderful client. I hope your time at Yūei goes well and you continue to make lasting connections. You've come a long way from when we first started."

"There's a but incoming."

"But— I don't want that growth to stop. Have you ever thought about keeping a diary?"

"No."

"Well, I'd like you to start. You can write down your feelings and hopefully use your coping strategies as well to make sense of them."

"Diaries are—"

"Dumb, I know. But I think you can really benefit from having one. Can you do that for me?"

"... I guess."

"Wonderful. Thank you again, Keiko."

"Yeah. Thanks."

Dear Diary,

As per Miyumi's request, I've started writing in you in hopes of making sense of whatever mood I go through at any given time. Though I still think it's stupid, I'm sure there's a reason she recommended it to me, and because she's the therapist, she knows better than I do. She told me to stop being pessimistic, so here's my daily dosage of starry eyed optimism. No one can say I didn't try.

It is, technically, my first day at Yūei, though the school year officially started a couple days ago. Funerals, am I right?

The truth is I hated being there and despite how I usually feel about my home, I'm glad to be back. Seeing how sad and grief struck everyone was made me painfully aware of how I must appear to others, which was both enlightening and depressing. I think the worst part, though, was that I understood exactly how they felt. It kind of sucks how that stuff works. Happiness varies so wildly from person to person and some aren't even able to experience it, yet grief is so universal. It isn't really fair, but then again, I guess nothing in life is.

I guess I'll end this entry here. I'm tired and I'll be at school soon. I'm hoping I won't end up dying on my first day, but considering the school in mind, I don't have high hopes. Optimism is really, really hard.

See you later.

- Keiko

I felt like I was dying.

Had I not been so thoroughly exhausted, I would have been more keenly aware of how morbid that thought was, but I was so focused on not collapsing and passing out, I figured trying to debate the ethics of macabre musings could be put on the backburner.

It was currently 8:34 in the morning. The clock on the wall only served as a reminder of how painfully slow time crawled, as if grimly mocking me over the fact I wouldn't be able to get back in bed until the later part of the day.

If I recalled correctly, classes started already— homeroom would be over in about thirty or so seconds, and I still had yet to leave the principal's office. I nodded every now and again to whatever he was saying, though my head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds and my neck was just barely supporting it.

I spent most of my energy focusing on the hundreds of signatures present around me. I could easily tell where everyone in the school was located: each student, teacher, faculty member. Considering the time they were all mostly dull and muted, sharing the same early morning fatigue I knew all too well.

"Well then, Sasaki-san, I believe that's all I have to say!"

I suddenly snapped to reality, perking up in attention. I forced a small, tight lipped smile, nodding in hopes that would suffice as a response. The small mouse seated on the couch across from me hummed contemplatively, and somehow I knew that he had seen through my bullshit.

"Okay," I said, gathering my bag from where it laid at my feet as I rose to my full height.

"I apologize for keeping you. I'll let Aizawa-san know you're on your way!"

"Thanks."

I bowed to Principal Nezu out of politeness and whirled around on my heel. As I exited his office, I let out a loud yawn, and searched for another clock in the hallway. 8:36. I decided there would be no problem with idling along. My homeroom teacher— Aizawa, as he was named— already knew I'd be late due to Principal Nezu's apparent habit of rambling off, and it's not like I was ecstatic to sit in a single seat for hours on end, listening to people lecture about things I didn't care about. I was never very invested in school, and it was only because I worried enough about my grades that I put in a semblance of effort into my studies.

Though I thoroughly dreaded the notion of being treated as the transfer kid once I introduced myself to the class, I put that thought in a corner of my head and figured it would be an issue I could worry about when it arrived.

Which, unfortunately, only took a few moments. I suddenly found myself in front of the classroom door, having been so engrossed in my thoughts I was blissfully unaware of the short distance between here and the principal's office. I could hear muffled commotion coming from the other side of the door, but more than that, I could feel twenty different signatures clamoring around, excited and antsy, with one that stood out, visibly annoyed. I groaned at the buzzing in the back of my head but swallowed my discomfort; instead, I diverted my energy to trying to make a decent first impression.

I placed my hand in the door grip and glanced upwards at the massive structure, staring at the 1-A painted in bright red. Was I imagining things? Maybe not. There was a bubble of nervousness within me that I stubbornly refused to pay attention to because it was the least of my concerns. I slid the door open and suddenly, twenty one pairs of eyes were on me.

It took every ounce of my strength to not flinch. What I noticed before anything else was the man at the front of the classroom, hunched over on the floor, encased in a bright yellow cocoon that I quickly realized was a sleeping bag. His sharp glare cut right into me, and I instantly found myself trying not to collapse from the sudden pressure. I cleared my throat and stepped inside, quickly shuffling to the front of the class, trying to not let the awkward silence get to me.

"You must be the new student," the man, Aizawa, grumbled, hardly shifting in place. I nodded.

"Uh, yeah." I turned to the class. "Um… my name is Sasaki Keiko. I'm sorry for my absence, I—"

"I'm aware," Aizawa interrupted. I was taken aback by his curtness, but I could appreciate the fact he didn't seem to care for formalities. Grumbling something under his breath, he somehow managed to unzip his sleeping back from the inside and rose to his full height, brushing unruly black strands out of his similarly colored eyes.

"Sasaki, take your seat." I nodded and hurried to the far end of the classroom, plopping down at the desk beside a blond boy with a death glare. "Now then, since the new student is here, listen up. We'll be conducting a training exercise off campus later on in the week. But before that, it's time you all choose a class representative."

What caught my attention and seemed to slip past everyone else's was the mention of a training exercise. I had questions I wanted to ask, but they would have to go unanswered; I suddenly suffered whiplash when a surge of intense zeal crashed into me like a semi truck. The entire class was suddenly alive with enthusiasm, hands shooting into the air as my peers all begged to be chosen to play the part.

"Fuckin' idiots," I heard the blond beside me grumble. I chose to ignore his remark and instead focused on making sense of the people surrounding me, but with all the physical and white noise, it was becoming increasingly difficult. I could feel the first threads of irritation weave into me, but before it could escalate, my savior came in the form of a blue haired bespectacled boy.

"Everyone, please quiet down!" he shouted. And then there was silence. I was taken aback by how quickly the room became soundless, enough so that if one listened closely enough, they could hear me gulping hard.

"This isn't a role for just anyone!" the boy continued. "Being the class representative requires the utmost care and attention! In addition—" His finger pointed in my direction, and for the second time, dozens of eyes were on me. "We must take into consideration our new classmate!"

"That's right, ribbit. She doesn't know any of us, does she?" a girl with wide eyes asked, tipping her finger to her chin. I opened my mouth to say something, but a boy appearing in front of my desk startled me enough to close it. He grinned, showing a set of razor sharp teeth, red eyes similar in shade to the boy beside me but far friendlier.

"What's your name again?" he asked.

"Get the fuck out of here, Shitty Hair," the blond growled.

"Sasaki Keiko," I said, scanning the class.

"Kirishima Eijiro!" the redhead introduced, smile growing wider. "It's real nice to meet you!"

"Oh— you too."

"Wouldn't we all just vote for ourselves?" a girl with pink skin and horns asked, brows furrowed together.

"W-Well, that is true—" The bespectacled boy quickly turned to our teacher, blanching upon realizing he was fast asleep.

"What should we do?" a boy with a large tail asked.

"Uh, if I may speak?" I rose my hand into the air. "I know I'm new, but I also know that not everyone would want to have the role. We can still do an election, and whoever has a second or third vote means they're the most qualified. Right?"

"That's true, Sasaki-san!" the green haired boy behind me gasped. Most of the class seemed to be in general agreement with my words, which was a bigger relief than I cared to admit.

"Very well!" my bespectacled classmate said. "Everyone, please cast your votes!"

"I vote for Iida-san!" the green haired boy announced, prompting the blond to whip around and glower at him once a few others reported the same vote.

"Fuckin' Deku—"

"Deku?" I parroted. The curious part of me wanted to inquire further, but I was distracted by the other voices expressing who they wanted to vote for. A few names flew around the room, but Yaoyorozu, Iida, and Midoriya ended up being the final three. Yaoyorozu and Iida both had seven votes, while Midoriya— or Deku— only had five. The blond refused to say anything, meaning in the end, it was up to me to break the tie. Just my luck.

"This is… a dilemma," I mused aloud. The pink haired girl, whose name I heard was Mina, puffed out her cheeks and huffed.

"If only Bakugo would vote!" she whined.

"I'm not doing shit for any of you two bit extras," he scoffed. I snorted.

"Quite the ego you got there."

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Sasaki Keiko." I blinked innocently at him. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Fuckin' bitch—"

"Anyway," I said, turning around in my chair to face Yaoyorozu and Iida. I could feel a surge of rage erupt from Bakugo, but I ignored it because there were more pressing matters to deal with. "I guess I'll let my vote go to Iida. I mean, it's impressive how quickly you were able to quiet down the class earlier."

His jaw dropped open, eyes glossing over as he practically burst into tears, bowing at a ninety degree angle. It was actually a bit funny because it was so obvious he wanted this more than anything or anyone. There was guilt I felt due to the disappointed look on Yaoyorozu's face, but at the very least someone got what they wanted.

"Thank you, Sasaki-san!" he cried. As if on cue, Aizawa cracked open an eye, letting us know he was finally awake.

"It's decided, then. Iida Tenya will be class representative, while Yaoyorozu Momo will act as deputy rep."

One of the things Miyumi asked from me, aside from the diary business, was to be more open. Due to circumstances out of my control I can admit I've become a bit cynical and hesitant when it came to befriending others. In all truthfulness I wasn't really the approachable type, but that never seemed to stop people from trying.

"Do you want to sit with us, Sasaki-chan?"

Iida Tenya, Midoriya Izuku, and Uraraka Ochako. If I were still with Miyumi she would have been ecstatic to know that I was invited to eat lunch with these people. That just didn't happen, not with me at least. Uraraka seemed to be the most outgoing out of the group, with her wide, brown eyes and sunny smile. If I wasn't so tired, I probably could have mustered up the energy to return one of my own.

"Thanks, but…" A frown pulled at my lips. "I think I just need to be alone for a bit, if that's okay."

Uraraka's expression fell and Iida and Midoriya— Deku— whatever, shared equal glances of disappointment. At that moment I had the urge to apologize to them, or at the very least let them know it wasn't because I didn't think they were decent people. I just, in the simplest of terms, sucked.

"We understand!" Uraraka chirped, her downcast expression immediately being replaced with a happier one.

"If you ever feel alone, Sasaki-san, you can always come to us!" Iida reminded. I took in a deep breath and tried to swallow, but there was suddenly sand in my throat, and I could barely find it in me to face them.

If I ever feel alone…

I forced a smile in spite of myself.

"Thanks, guys."

I was used to being alone.

I would even go as far as to say I preferred being by myself, but as I stared at the dozens and dozens of students gathered in the cafeteria, I began to wish I wasn't so predisposed to solitude. A part of me yearned for the intimacy of friendship, but another part of me thought that maybe I didn't deserve it at all. I always figured in the end it was less trouble to just sit by myself, so I did. With most of the tables occupied, though, the best I could do was seat myself at the far end of one and hope that the small group gathered on the opposite side would ignore me.

I poked at the bowl of katsudon in front of me, quickly realizing that I didn't have much of an appetite. I had every intention to throw it out, leave the cafeteria, and mull somewhere else, but Miyumi had told me before it's important I at least get something in my system. Especially since I didn't have breakfast. I sighed as I nibbled on the rice, but as the signatures around me became more lively, the stronger my urge to disappear became.

"Mind if I sit here?"

I sensed his presence amidst the hundreds that were scattered across my mental radar, but I didn't bother to pay much attention to it until now. Blue eyes traveled upwards and I furrowed my brows once we made eye contact. He had a sheepish smile on his face, as though he were a moment's notice away from combusting, and based on the way his tail was wrapped almost protectively around his waist, I thought it safe to assume that maybe he wasn't so used to this interaction thing, either.

"No, go ahead," I said with a dismissive wave of my hand. I glanced back upwards as he took his seat across from me, eyes narrowing reflexively.

"Aren't we in the same class?" I asked. He confirmed my answer with a nod.

"Yeah. I sit on the other side of the room, I think. Sasaki, right?"

"Yeah. And you're…?"

"Ojiro," he introduced as he broke his chopsticks. "Ojiro Mashirao."

"Ojiro," I repeated, letting his name familiarize itself with my tongue. "Cool."

The silence that followed was awkward, but not suffocating. We sat, and we ate, and that was it.

"Mind if I ask you something?" Ojiro asked, slurping up a piece of ramen.

"Shoot."

"Since you're new and everything, uh, what's your Quirk?"

I knew the curiosity was going to spill over inevitably, but I was hoping the question would have come a little later. I didn't feel like going into the specifics of my Quirk if Ojiro wanted to delve that far into it. Still, I figured it would be appropriate to answer. If we were to be in the same class, and work together as equals, it was only fair he knew what I could do.

"It's Telekinesis," I answered plainly.

"Telekinesis?"

"Yup."

To demonstrate, I nodded my head and the cup of water beside my tray lifted into the air and to my mouth. I took a small sip while barely moving a muscle. Ojiro shamelessly gaped, enough to elicit a small chuckle from me.

"That's… really cool!" he gasped.

"Eh. Not really."

His shoulders slumped. "It's cooler than my Quirk, at least."

I noticed the way Ojiro stroked his tail, hands trembling slightly. I could have ignored the comment and returned to eating my food, or give him a wide smile and say that his Quirk was the absolute best thing in the world, but that required energy I didn't have, and I wasn't great at comforting others, either.

"It's not a competition," was what I settled on, shrugging my shoulders. Ojiro blinked at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean." I took a moment to eat a piece of pork. "In the grand scheme of things, heroes don't worry about or care how flashy their Quirk is. As long as you use it to save people, that should be all that matters." I looked at him and blue met black. "Personally, I believe it's selfish to think otherwise."

Ojiro opened his mouth to respond, but—

"Attention students!"

We both perked up, and my sense immediately went on high alert. Before I even realized it I was on my feet, and Ojiro followed suit.

"There has been a level three security breach! Please walk calmly to the nearest exit!"

There was a beat of silence as the automated warning settled within everyone's systems, but the moment it did, all hell broke loose. A sudden surge of anxiety and panic shot through the cafeteria, and I was left reeling experiencing it all. I stumbled back a few spaces as a hundred or more bodies all darted to one of the exits. Screams and shouts pervaded my hearing, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to make sense of the chaos.

"Sasaki!"

When I opened my eyes again, I just barely missed being trampled by a student larger than myself. A pair of hands were tightly grasping my shoulders, and when I finally snapped out of my stupor, I saw Ojiro before me. His gaze was hardened, resolute, but his hands were quivering.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He dropped his hands when I nodded, and my palm made contact with my forehead as I gently rubbed it in an attempt to placate the increasingly bothersome headache.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Head hurts," I murmured. There were too many people, too much feedback. In an environment with such madness, it was hard to make sense of all the signatures. There was an overload of white noise and useless fluff that was making my brain feel like it was too big to fit in my skull.

"Shit," I cursed, leaning against the table so I wouldn't collapse.

"I-Is there anything I can do?" Ojiro asked. I didn't answer him. I stumbled along in my footing, one hand painfully clutching my head and the other kept flat against the table. I could feel him following behind me, but I could barely keep my focus on him.

The worst part about this was that there wasn't just a surge of panic inside; there was one outside, too. I managed to lurch towards one of the windows and pointed outside. There was a similar scene beyond the trees of countless people trying to force themselves into the school, stopped only by a two man army that consisted of Aizawa and another teacher, Present Mic. Interestingly enough, cameras and microphones could be seen lifted above their heads, which meant that these people weren't a threat: it was the media, and they were simply trying to get the next scoop.

"Look," I rasped, focusing on Ojiro's expression as the realization slowly hit him.

"Wait… so then… was this some sort of false alarm?" he asked. I nodded once. Just moments later, a relatively large commotion caught our attention. Turning our heads, my eyes widened at the sight of Iida quite literally flipping through the air before landing on the exit door's frame, struggling to keep from falling over as he pressed himself as far back against the wall he could. For a moment, I thought he'd be swallowed up completely by it.

"I-Iida-san?!" Ojiro choked.

"Everyone, please calm down!" he yelled. "It is just the media! There's no need to worry!"

The mob collectively began to calm down as the announcement finally settled in. I sighed in relief and slumped against the window, but before I could fall any further, Ojiro took hold of my shoulders once more to keep me on my feet.

"I gotcha," he said. I leaned against him and nodded, giving a small smile as a thanks. The crowd dispersed and my headache finally started to fade away. Ojiro dropped his hands once he figured I was steady, but for a few moments, I remained propped up against the window.

"That sucked," I said plainly. I looked over as Iida walked in our direction alongside Uraraka, Midoriya, Kirishima, and another blond with a lock of black through his hair.

"Sasaki-chan! Ojiro-san!" Uraraka greeted, scurrying towards us. "Are you two okay?"

"We're fine," Ojiro said. "That was a pretty crazy stunt you pulled, Iida."

"It had to be done. There was no other way for everyone to calm down," Iida explained.

"How heroic of you," I half chuckled, holding back the sarcasm that threatened to follow my words.

"You look pale, Sasaki-san," Midoriya remarked, brows furrowing in concern. "Are you alright?"

"'M fine. Just got a little sick."

"And Ojiro was right there to take care of you, huh?" the blond asked. He took a step towards us, narrowing his eyes. "Is there something going on between you two!?"

"Kaminari…" Ojiro sighed.

"We should get back to class, probably," I muttered. I didn't want to be stuck in an awkward situation because the notion of a guy and a girl being friends was still, for some reason, blasphemous. I didn't wait for anyone's responses, instead turning on my heel and trudging out of the cafeteria, but there was still something bothering me.

It was no secret that the Yūei Barrier was off limits to people without proper clearance or an ID. The media was relentless, yes, but they weren't stupid. They wouldn't storm in and risk the chance of being charged with trespassing— they would've done so a long time ago— which meant they somehow must've gotten past the security gates itself, or someone was able to get them in. The former seemed unlikely considering the gates were designed to automatically close if trespassers infiltrated, but if they didn't this time, that meant the gates were suddenly, somehow, no longer working.

It wasn't adding up, and that's what bothered me the most.

I held on to these suspicions, though. I could think about them later, but the last remnants of a headache were still lingering, and I didn't want to put any further thought into anything. So I stayed quiet, and hoped this gut feeling I had was just anxiety trying to get me riled up.

Dear Diary,

My first day of school went… okay in terms of how first days could go. The last thing anyone expected was for everyone to lose their shit like the apocalypse was upon us, but 'Emergency Exit Iida', as he's been appropriately dubbed, did a good job in calming things down. Makes me think that yeah, he's a pretty good class representative, after all. He, Uraraka, and Midoriya are all nice people. I wanted to ask Midoriya about the name he was called, but I wasn't given the opportunity. Oh, well.

Ojiro is nice, too. He's kind of awkward, but I am too, so I can't blame him for that. It was nice eating lunch with him.

The rest of the people in my class seem pretty decent. Endeavor's kid is in there, but I have yet to say anything to him. I don't think he recognizes me and I only recognize him because I've seen him a couple times at those stupid hero parties, and someone like him is hard to forget. There's also Bakugo who I certainly don't care for, but as long as I don't pay him any mind it should be fine.

I might visit Tsunagu sometime soon. It's been a while since he's so busy all the time, but I'd also like to talk to him about the incident earlier and see what he has to say about it. I dunno. We'll see.

I made two journal entries today and I think that should count for something. Maybe I can stick to this thing after all.

See you later.

- Keiko

a/n

aaaand here we are! i've had this story in mind for a long time now but i've only just recently gotten the motivation to actually do something with it and lemme tell you just this prologue alone went through like three or four rewrites because i was never satisfied with it lmao. i feel a lot better about this version even tho i'm still not completely sold but i'm just gonna have to live with it ig! i decided to skip the quirk apprehension and mock battle arcs because i just didn't deem them necessary to write since like every mha fanfic has them LMAO

keiko is a really fun character to write and i'm excited to continue her journey! and before anything i just wanna warn this story is gonna deal with some deep stuff but spoilers a major theme is gonna be grief so that's gonna be fun :^) anyway thanks so much for reading and see you next time!