A/N: I apologize for the formatting error! It's all fixed now! As always, please favorite/follow and review! Reading your comments and suggestions make me happy.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Lauren Reynolds was supposed to be a completely different personality, an identity that she could just play the part of when necessary, and put away when she was not using it. She was supposed to be able to get close to Ian Doyle, uncover the necessary information that she needed for her team to put him away, and be able to leave the Tuscan villa and never look back.
She wasn't supposed to get attached. She wasn't supposed to have real feelings for this man, for fuck's sake. He was a criminal. He was a terrorist, an international arms dealer, he was a murderer. But somehow, somewhere along the way, this undercover operation had blurred the lines between Emily Prentiss and Lauren Reynolds. The normally level-headed brunette was truly falling in love with the man who she was supposed to be bringing down.
The Interpol agent rolls over in their bed, looking at the Irishman lying next to her. The moonlight is shining in through the partly-closed curtain, and she watches as he breathes. It was ridiculous to think that this wasn't all going to blow up in her face. Eight months ago when she had first signed on to this operation with the JTF-12 team, she believed that she could get through this without developing any true feelings for Ian Doyle. There was no reason to believe that she couldn't; she had never had issues doing so in the past. But the night that Jack Fayhe introduced her to the former IRA captain, she knew she was screwed.
There was something about looking into those deep cerulean blue eyes that captivated the hell out of her. There was something about the way that he spoke; his accent, and the way that words flowed out of his mouth that drew her in more and more. There was something about his crooked smile, that made her completely forget what she was here for. And there was something about the way he held her after they'd made love that made her long for a life with him, a life where she wasn't the enemy and she wasn't going to tear his whole world apart.
Ian alone was bad enough. Ian alone was enough for her to consider breaking character and telling him the truth, hoping that at the very least, she could spare his life. She knew what the authorities were going to do to him when they got ahold of him, and she knew that Ian would be a tough egg to crack. Her stomach churned at the thought alone.
But then there was Declan. That beautiful four-year old boy was the spitting image of his father. Those beautiful blonde curls and piercing blue eyes had stolen Emily's heart from the second that she had laid eyes on him. And as she became more and more attached to him every day, she became more and more painfully aware of the fact that she was eventually going to leave him; just as his mother had, and just as his father would.
Emily felt a tear roll down her face as she reached out in front of her. She let her hand gently graze down Ian's shoulder, and the older man barely stirred as a reaction to her touch. The brunette pulled her body closer to his, laying her head against his shoulder as she took in a deep breath. This hurt. This hurt like hell.
She knew what it was going to be like in a few months. She was going to be thousands of miles away from here, and Ian was going to be locked up in a prison, having God knows what done to him. She didn't know what was going to happen to Declan. When this was all over, she refused to put him in the profile. She knew of the horrific things that they would do to the little boy to get Ian to talk, to disclose secrets that he otherwise would take to the grave with him. There was absolutely no way that she was going to put Declan in the profile. As far as anyone knew, he was the housekeeper's son, and she would take that to the grave with her. It was bad enough what she was going to do to Ian, there was absolutely no way that she would allow something like that to happen to Declan too.
Ian stirs in his sleep, and unconsciously wraps his arm around Emily's body. The unintentional movement causes tears to flow down Emily's face, and she can't keep them from falling like rain at this point. So many thoughts are running through her head as she realizes what a horrible person she is. She has never had an issue compartmentalizing when it comes to cases, but this one is different.
As she snuggles closer to Ian, she knows that the end is inevitable. She knows that there's no way out of this. She's going to have to end this eventually, and she's going to have to give the JTF-12 team everything that she has on him so that they can arrest him. They're not going to be together; the two of them aren't going to be a happy family with Declan. She has to remind herself of who he is, of what he's done, but that doesn't make things any different. She still feels like she's the worst type of person for letting Ian get close to her, for letting Ian trust her the way that he did.
She unconsciously digs her bitten-down fingers into Ian's shoulder, and he moves slightly in a reaction to her squeeze. His eyes flutter open slowly, and he immediately realizes how tense the brunette next to him is. He frowns as he pulls her closer to him, running a hand through her curly hair. "Are you alright, love?"
Emily nods, feeling very lucky that he can't see the tears running down her face. "Yeah, I'm okay, sweetheart." She manages to choke out, faking a small smile as she runs her thumb up his forehead and through his soft hair. "Go back to sleep."
Ian nods, unconvinced that she's really okay. At 3am, he doesn't have the motivation or the energy to press the issue, but he'll bring it up again in the morning. He places his hands on her cheeks, pulling her closer to him as he softly kisses her lips. He can taste the salty flavor of tears on her lips, and he frowns slightly at the discovery. But he doesn't push her.
"I love you." He whispers as he pulls away slightly, their lips only a centimeter or two apart.
"I love you too, Ian. More than you could ever know." She tells him, knowing how true that statement is. She had never loved anyone the way that she loved Ian Doyle. In all of her years on this earth, no one had ever stolen her heart the way that this man had. And she guesses that's her karma for all of the things she's done. That God's way of punishing her. Of course the love of her life would be the only man that she could never truly have, that she was destined to betray. Life is a hell of a thing to happen to someone.
But she's here now. She's here now, and Ian is in her arms. In an undetermined amount of time, they won't have this anymore. The Irishman rests his head against her chest, and she realizes that her best bet is to live in the moment. She has Ian right now. Ian doesn't know who she is, or how she's going to ruin his life. Right now, Ian loves her, and they have a pretty good life, albeit a fake one.
She runs her fingers through his scruffy brown hair, fighting back more tears that are begging to fall. She doesn't know who she is anymore, or what happened to turn her into this person. She holds Ian's body tight, closing her eyes to try and get a little bit of sleep before the blonde preschooler comes jumping into their bed in a few hours, begging them to get up and play.
"I'm so sorry." She whispers at an inaudible level. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye.