Hey guys, back with another Brooklyn Nine-Nine. M rated for smut of course.
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Disclaimer: I own no rights to Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I watched him at the end of the aisle. My love, my life. About to marry another woman. To say I was a broken woman was an understatement. I was in love with Jake Peralta. But he loved someone else. He used to love me.
It was years ago. Before he fell for Amy. Him and I were on a stakeout, and we were almost found out. I had no choice but to kiss him. I didn't mean to fall for him. I didn't mean for him to fall for me.
What started as a kiss, led to casual hook ups. Which led to some sort of secret relationship. He wanted to shout his love from the rooftops. He wanted to let the world know. I was scared of that. I never meant to hurt him. I never intended it to mean as much as it became.
I swallowed the lump in my throat at the memories.
I wanted to keep him forever. By my side. In my arms. In my heart. He caught my eye from across the room. He knew how I felt. Of course he did. How could he not. I knew that I regretted ending things with him. I know he didn't want to either. I was living in my fantasy where we would get back together. Looking up the aisle, I imagined it was me walking up to marry him. Maybe in another life I could. It would be me.
I swallowed that lump again. Determined not to let the tears fall from my eyes. I sat down.
Amy walked down the aisle. Go on Jake. Live your life. Say goodbye to me. To us. I had so many questions for him, I knew why we needed it. But a few months later, I came back to him. Just after Holt arrived. I asked him if he wanted to try again. He said no. He shut me down straight away. I never asked why not.
I was so tired of fighting for him. Of wanting to be with him. This time I would not even try. A lone tear slipped from my eye. I wiped it off my cheek. Insistent that no more would fall.
I had tried to forget him. I really did. I moved on with Adrian and a few chicks. But none compared to Jake. There were no sparks. No feelings. With Jake we would laugh until the early hours of the morning, then make love all day. I had to stop remembering. What I had with Jake was true love. And yet, we went from everything to nothing. Somehow, we had lost everything. We had lost each other.
The ceremony continued. More tears. I was unable to control myself now. I tried to calm myself down, but I couldn't.
They were pronounced as husband, and wife. He had officially moved on. He was living his life, without me. I knew this was goodbye. Why not me Jake? Why?
But I knew the answer. Amy gave him what I never could. He was living the life he wanted with her. With me, it was always a hidden affair. We never told anyone. We were careful when and where we met. We wanted to keep things private. Amy didn't. She was happy to be open in her relationship. He didn't owe me a goodbye. He didn't owe me anything. It still hurt though. All my old feelings, rushing back to me. Along with the searing pain I went through trying to forget.
But they leant in and shared their first kiss. Maybe some day. Not now. Not tonight. More tears. I tried so hard to fight them. I even contemplated walking out, but it would not have made any difference.
The happy couple was dancing. I snuck into the precinct and onto the balcony. I let the tears fall freely.
"I love you" I whispered to the memory of him.
"Rosa?" He asked. I jumped. Turning to face him. My defences shot up. My walls determined not to crack under his presence. A determination I was already losing. The mere awareness of knowing he had sought me out. He had come to find me was enough for my mind to give myself hope.
"Don't" I tried. My voice cracking "Don-Don't you say a word" I hissed. Venom and malice coming out in my tone. His eyes widened. "You heard nothing. No one will find out what you think or thought you heard" I added.
"Rosa" He started
"Don't you ever tell a soul" I added
"I know" He added
I had tried to hide from him. I knew in my heart. I still believed, that we were meant to be together. We were meant to be each other's. I didn't want to let him go. I couldn't let him go. I had tried. I had failed.
Him, standing that close to me. Brought back memories of last night. I brought my eyes to meet his, and I knew he was thinking the same as I was.
It was the night before the wedding. Rehearsal dinner. They were doing speeches and I had to walk out. I could not handle this. Not the man I loved, expressing his love for another.
He found me in the lobby.
"Rosa?" He asked
"Jake" I replied
"What's wrong?" He asked
"It's stupid" I muttered, his eyes locked with mine. He was inches from me. He licked his lips, eyes dancing between mine and my eyes. I leant up, and kissed him. He kissed me back, pushing me into a room, which turned out to be a bedroom.
"Jake" I moaned
"Shhh. Don't say anything" He said. Pulling off his clothes and then mine. He got me naked, lay me on the bed and thrusted into me. I could not bite back the moan as he entered me.
I hadn't felt like this in so long. Too long. He kept kissing me as he thrusted into me, over and over. Each thrust increasing in passion and vigour.
He was close. I was too. He found his release, from my tightening and moans. Unable to contain them now.
"I love you Rosa" He admitted as he came.
No. I could never let him go. Not when I knew I still had a chance. It was slim. But it was there. And I knew that
"Go on Jake. Live your life. Be happy. Goodbye to us. Go on. I have questions but not now" Rosa asked, no matter how much I knew I needed to get over him, I never would. Because he was not over me.
"I meant it" He said walking up to me. He pressed his lips to mine once more. He kissed me deeply. His hands rested on my hips. His lips kissing me. Breaking apart.
"I love you Rosa. But I need to move on. With Amy" He said. But he didn't walk away. He kissed me again. This time I knew, it was not goodbye. He stood there, looking down into my eyes. Neither of us daring to move. Neither of us wanting to be the one to walk away.
I still had hope for us. I still believed that we were meant to be. Maybe someday, but not tonight. I was the one who broke the silence first
"You need to choose Jake. And soon. Pick me, and give Amy a chance to move on. You've only been with her a few years. She can have her chance to find her Prince Charming. She can find someone who will give her everything. You may love her, Jake. But you can't give her everything. Not if you're out here with me" I whispered
He thought about what I said. I could see his brain working at my words.
"What if I chose you?" He asked "If I chose you, it would ruin our reputations. Our careers. It would break up friendships. Our lives would change. Forever" He said
"I know. But I know that you're worth it. I'll take being the bitch who broke you and Amy up. I can take the rumours, the arguments, the broken friendships. Because I'll have you to help me through it. We'll be in the same boat, together" I explained "You're worth it to me, Jake. I just need to know if I'm worth it to you" I added.
I watched him visibly gulp. Eyes flicking between me and Amy, who was inside dancing. Time stood still as his eyes once more met mine.
"It's always been you, Rosa" He said, in barely more than a whisper. Before I had a chance to even comprehend his words, he leant in and kissed me, softly. He broke the kiss and sighed. "We're in for a rough few months now" He said softly to me
"It's worth it" I replied.
"You're worth it" He corrected. I smiled at his words.
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