AN: This was from an idea in my Klance writing group chat - sending unsolicited nudes. I like how this turned out. Formatting on sucks, so I put the text conversations centered on the document. Lance is in Italic and Keith is in Bold. I couldn't think how else to differentiate the text conversation from the narrative. Spelling mistakes in the texts themselves are completely intentional!
What Do You Think?
"God, I'm pathetic," Lance muttered to himself as his finger hovered over the screen on his phone. His own photo stared back at him in the message he composed. In reality, his face was on fire, burning his cheeks in a way they'd never burned before. He'd never done this – ever - but he was drunk and desperate and had no idea what else to do.
Send.
He threw his phone onto his bed and screeched as he flopped back onto the mattress. Why did he do it? Why? This was freaky stalker level bullshit. If his Mama knew...well he didn't want to think what his Mama would say. First on the list would be, muttered in Spanish, that she didn't raise her baby boy to be a pervert.
He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes with a groan, glad he was alone in the apartment. His roommate, Hunk, was out on a date. Because, yeah, it was Saturday night and everyone in the world was out on a date, weren't they? Except maybe doctors who were saving lives? Or firefighters who were saving lives? Or police officers who were saving lives? Every other soul on the planet was saving lives or being happy. Except him. No, Lance was alone - again - on a Saturday night with no sweet and pretty face at which to gaze lovingly.
There was no response on his phone. He didn't actually expect one. The receiver of the message probably got hundreds of messages, Lance was certain. Why would one stand out? Maybe because it was Lance, nude in all his glory?
His hand scrambled for his phone, finally making contact. A few swipes and he opened the message he sent a few minutes ago, cringing at how creepy it looked and sounded.
*Send image*
What do you think? Fuckable?
He closed his eyes. He didn't want to see the picture again. Not that it wasn't a good picture. He took photography classes in school as part of his Media degree, so he knew the lighting was good. He possessed an artistic eye and the picture wasn't obscene. He kept it coy, not displaying the goods like a normal Dick Pic would. He posed laid out on his bed, naked, on his side and head propped up in his hand. One leg was cocked (hehe cocked) enough to hide said cock, and his other hand draped over his hip. He thought, objectively, it looked enticing and sexy, but who was he to judge? He needed a more expert opinion.
Why his brain short-circuited enough to send the picture to someone to rate, he didn't know. Could have been the alcohol? Maybe. He'd never. Never sent nudes to anyone, even when asked by the more freaky girls he'd met. Mama raised him right, after all. Well, he thought, apparently not if he sent a nude to someone.
A stranger, no less.
A person he'd never interacted with before, unless you count pressing the heart like on Facebook posts. Oh, and liking Instagram posts.
That was the extent of their relationship. Likes on posts.
So he, Lance McClain, had sent an unsolicited Dick Pic to a complete stranger on Messenger.
To make things worse? Said stranger was a guy.
A gay guy.
Ok, maybe it wasn't, technically, a Dick Pic. But a nude anyway. Why would this guy want a nude from him? Because he's gay? And why did Lance want to know if a gay guy thought he was fuckable? Lance was straight. As. An. Arrow.
At least he thought he was.
He needed sleep. He also needed to stop drinking from the almost empty rum bottle on his side table. Routine. That might help. He stumbled out of bed, nearly knocking his camera and tripod over, grabbed the bottle and headed to the kitchen.
One more sip. Ahh, Malibu was the best, wasn't it? Yes. Ok, shower. Routine. Routine helped when his mind was bouncing around as it was. Shower, skin care. Routine routine routine. He went through the steps of getting ready for bed mostly through muscle memory. However, the routine did soothe him to the point that his brain calmed slightly. He figured he would message the guy once more with an apology for hoisting his nudity upon him.
Only. There was a notification when he picked his phone back up. From AGMR. Like, what? He responded?
And while it was probably the extended hot shower and beauty routine he'd spent the last hour on that actually did it, the fact he responded sobered Lance right up.
Dude, wtf?
Lance laughed. Honestly, this kind of response was what he expected. Maybe not what his drunken self hoped for, but it was what he expected on his sober side. He followed the page, A Gay's Movie Reviews because the guy had a dry and sarcastic sense of humor. His Facebook was mostly biting movie reviews - biting even when he liked the movie. The reviews were similar to those Honest Movie Trailers which made fun of the movie, but still gave keen insight to them while pointing out flaws. The page had a decent following, including Lance who read every movie review. Every one of them made him laugh until he hurt.
The rare personal tidbit showed up here and there on the page. Enough for Lance to know he was gay, into motorcycles, attended the local Pride festival, and was a college graduate. The only real thing missing were photos. And a real name. Lance had no idea who this person was and what he looked like.
I just grabbed my phoen to apolgoive
phone and apologize
I'm sorry
oh ok
i was drunk
toomuch malibu
no worries i'll delete
Lance frowned down on his phone. Though he felt humiliated he sent the picture in the first place, to know it'd be deleted like nothing kind of hurt his feelings.
u not like it?
I...what?
It didn't do anything 4 u?
Was it...was it supposed to?
Rude! I send u a sexy picture and it doesn't do anything?
Look I don't even know you. Why would you think I'd like it?
It's sexy
Um. Ok.
I'm going to block this now
NOOO PLEASE NO
What. The. Actual. Fuck?
Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know what i Was thinkign.
I ws drunk and sad and for some reason that translated
into send random gay guy a nude. I'm Rory.
Sorry not Rory.
I mean my names not Rory
It's Lance
Tho u can probably tell cause I'm messaging
you from my personal account
Lance waited for a long time, a good half hour almost with no response from Gay Movie Guy. He felt awful. He probably pissed off and insulted this guy, someone he actually enjoyed following on Facebook, all because of his stupid insecurities. He should sincerely apologize, now when he was mostly sober.
It took him awhile to compose the message, on a separate document so he could grammar and spellcheck it. He did not want Gay Movie Guy to think he was a creepy stalker. Not think he was stupid. Not think he was some drunken or drugged out weirdo.
He pasted the message into the chat with GMG, took a deep breath, and hit send. It went through, so at least GMG hadn't blocked him yet.
I am truly sorry if I insulted you. Seriously.
I honestly don't know why I did it, because
the last thing I want to do is piss you off.
I love your page and am a big fan of your movie reviews.
I swear to God and on my Mama I'm not
some creepy guy. My best friend will tell you
I'm weird but in a good way. Like fun weird,
not weird weird. I just. I'm going through a
rough patch. I try to get out and date, but
most girls think I'm a joke, or they'll go out
on a couple of dates and then shut things down.
I think I'm likable. I think I'm ok looking
I have a lot of friends, but I feel really insecure
right now and I thought validation
from someone who liked guys would help.
Don't ask me why drunk Lance thought that.
Anyway, again, I'm sorry and I hope you
don't think too badly of me.
He waited again. For a good fifteen minutes staring at the phone in his hand to the open Messenger app. He was about to give up, with a sigh and an embarrassed feeling of being a complete asshole, when the typing dots popped up on GMG's side.
Apology accepted. Don't worry about it.
I get it and sorry you're going through that shit.
I'm curious though, why me?
Lance couldn't explain the elation that shot through him. GMG didn't think he was a creep! At least, it didn't appear he did! Shit, how to answer this?
You don't know how much that means to me dude
Thanks so much
U? I don't know.
I guess...god this'll mkae me sound like a weirdo again
I have a feeling I'll need to get used to it
Lance laughed. One of the things he liked about GMG was his dry and sarcastic sense of humor.
Ok, so.
U ever feel like a copelete stranger on the internet is s friend?
Complete
Like if u knew each other in person u'd be friend?
I never thought about it. I guess?
U seem like an awesome dude
Like really fnuny
Funny
Sorry I'm a shit Tyler
Taylor
Typer
Point proven
Everyone online is a shit typer
Tru
I can't ask my best friend if I'm fuckable
That cinnamon roll is too pure for that
He's say yes to make me feel better
And he's not into guys, so how would he knwo?
Um...
I guess i though u like guys
So would u like me?
There was another long pause which made Lance wonder. Did his question get too weird again? Did GMG fall asleep? He looked at his clock and it was close to eleven. He had no idea where GMG lived - if it was Europe then he'd be way up past his bedtime.
Do you even know anyone gay?
I probably do, but don't know they are?
Maybe something liek that?
What do you mean?
Like I don't ASK guuyys or anything
I don't know what kind of idea you have in your head
But it seems like you think all we think about is fucking other guys
And I don't know why I'm telling you anything personal
But I'm not like that
U don't like guys?
No, I do. I don't sleep around.
I need to know someone to sleep with him
And I don't know you, so I can't judge if you're fuckable
Oh ok
Personally I'm attracted to a personality
Not only physical stuff
Am i at least cute?
Seriously?
Yes seriously!
I mean there's some reason girls don't stick around
I don't think it's that
So you do think I'm cute? ️
I didn't say that
It's impolite
implied
fuck my thumbs
I mean, don't do that
Yet
We only just met
OMG I can't believe I laughed at that
Yay i got u 2 smile
You did
I count it as a plus
Does your friend have any theories on your lack of girlfriends?
He does
What are they?
I don't wanna tell u. U already think I'm weird
I think we're past that now
Ugh
So demanding
Hunkthings I cmoe on toostrogn
Too strong
God i must be tired
Too strong? How?
I get real excited
I like romance
And i think i date girls that don't?
I don't know.
They never seem to like it
That sounds lame
I sound lame
I don't think so.
I wish someone would romance me.
Most guys I meet want a hookup
Too bad I'm not dating u
Yeah, too bad
Lance stared at his phone, mouth dropped open. Was GMG flirting with him? Was he flirting with GMG? Were they flirting? It wasn't blatant flirting, but Lance couldn't help smiling at the small banter they were developing.
The more important question was did he want to flirt with GMG? He could keep this up and see where it went, but did he want to? Something about this whole weird encounter made him want to. He was straight, wasn't he? He thought so. He constantly flirted with girls, but to be honest, he did notice good looking guys as well.
He didn't want to tell GMG Hunk had another theory as well. Hunk thought he self-sabotaged his dates because he actually wanted to date a guy. Hunk knew Lance better than Lance knew himself, so this theory may not be too far off the mark.
He didn't know what GMG looked like, but he knew he liked GMG. At least his sense of humor, and he seemed like a nice guy. At least he humored Lance during this lonely and sad night. Maybe a little shameless flirting with a stranger was what he needed.
I'd romance the snot outta ya
Snot doesn't sound romantic
I would say romance the pants off ya
But i don't wanna make u think I'm a perv
U said ur not looking for that
Says the guy who sent a nude
I don't mind a perv
If I get a chance to know him first
Just cause I'm looking for substance
Doesn't mean I don't want a freak in the bedroom
So romancing the pants off me might be on the table
Lance nearly choked. He threw his phone down for a minute to collect himself. He admitted it was pretty blatant. Of course, GMG could be talking in general, not specifically to him. It felt like it was directed to him. GMG continued the conversation, after all. And why did Lance want to keep flirting? Now what to say?
Sounds like a challenge
I liek a challnge
Yeah?
Sure
Challenge me to get ur pants off
See what i can do
Thought you were straight?
Never said that
Holy fuck. Did he really type that too? Was he into guys? He did find some attractive. He certainly felt attracted to GMG, or at least what he knew of him.
Interesting
Me?
No just in general
You don't thikn I'm interesting?
There was another long pause while Lance fought to keep his eyes open. Now they were chatting, he didn't want to put it off and go to sleep, but his body was telling him otherwise.
You're definitely interesting
Funny at least
I'm keeping ur attention anyway
Hope I'm not keeping u awake or away from something impotent
IMPORTANT NOT IMPOTENT
OMGLOL 😂
No problems in that department
At least I don't think so
Been awhile
Fuck my stupid fingers
😏 are you offering?
Maybe I am
Lance's heart beat fast as he hit send on that last message. This was definitely flirting. No. This went beyond flirting to almost sexting. If GMG wanted to, Lance had no idea what he would do. He'd never done that before.
You're not keeping me from anything
I'm chilling at home trying to watch a shitty movie
I'm thankful for the distraction
Lance's brain screeched to a halt at the one-eighty. Sexy flirting to...not. What?
Glad to help
Hhat shitty movie?
Honestly can't remember
Some trashy horror
can't wait to read ur review
U are reviewing it?
Yah, it's so bad I feel obliged to
You really read all my stuff?
Every word
Dude ur hilarious
I love it
That's.
That's nice.
Thanks
My pleasure 😏
Lance needed to get this train back on the route to flirt station.
I'm sure u hear it all th time
What?
That ur awesome
Ha! No not really.
I mean I guess people like the reviews
Dude u got like a hundred thousand followers!
I'm actually surprisede u responded
I figured lots of people message u
I guess?
Not many nudes tho
U don't get nudes?
Dick pics, yah
Sometimes.
Oh
Yah
That's why yours caught my attention
Really? WHat about mine?
It wasn't a dick pic
It was actually a really nice picture
See you do thikn im' cute ️
Haha.
No I meant the picture itself was nice
Good lighting
Keeping the goods hidden
The mystery
I liked it
Thanks
I took photography in school
I can tell
At least it looked like something like that
And I usually never get a face
Just dick
That's no fun
I wanted u to see the whole packgae that is me
Except for your actual package
LOL yah Except for my actual package
You still in school?
Nah i graduated last year
In photography?
Media studies
Photo was a requirement to learn lighting or some shit
I liekded it tho
I do some freelance sometiems
That's cool
I had to take photo for graphic design
That what u do?
Yah. Websites and stuff
It's boring, but pays
It's why I do the movie reviews
Lance heard the door to the apartment open and close. He glanced at his clock. Almost midnight. He'd been talking to GMG for awhile now.
"Lance? You still up buddy?"
"Yeah, Hunk. Just chatting."
"With who?"
"Uh, a guy I met online."
"Finally admitting it to yourself, eh?"
"Shut up, Hunk," Lance yelled, embarrassed. "How was your date?" he asked, trying to distract his roommate and best friend from his blushing face.
Hunk leaned against the doorframe with crossed arms and sent Lance a huge smile. "Great! Dinner was good. The concert was insane. I didn't think I was a big fan of Panic, but seeing how excited Shay was, I got into it. It was fun."
"Awesome! I wish I could've gone."
"So how'd you start talking to this guy?"
Lance glanced down at the phone in his hand. He gave a little shrug. "It's a little embarrassing. Can I tell you tomorrow?"
"It's not a Grindr hookup is it?"
"NO HUNK!" he shouted. "No," he added in a quieter voice. "You'll hear all about it tomorrow. I promise."
Hunk chuckled and pushed himself off the doorframe. "All right, Lance. Don't stay up too late sexting. And don't make too much noise if you guys start..." he stopped talking, but made a few suggestive gestures with his hand.
"HUNK!" Lance yelled again, throwing a pillow at his friend, who dodged it with a laugh as he disappeared out the door.
My roommate just got home
Jerk
LOL why a jerk?
He aksde if u were a Grindr hookup
Omg really? Never done that
Grindr is for lgbtq, why'd he think that?
You're straight?
Hunk thinks I'm bi
Oh?
Oh
Can I ask why?
Um
Well
I notice good looking guys
And he says i flirt too, tho i flirt w everyone
You do?
Ya like i don't know i do it
I think I'm friendly but hunk says it's flirting
Oh
Lance rolled over on his side, curling up into himself. Something about GMG's last 'oh' didn't sit right with him. He knew he couldn't read anything into plain text on the internet, but it almost felt like the mood of their conversation changed.
God that makes me sound awful huh?
Um, no I guess not
If that's who you are
But i dont' think i am
Liek i wanna find someone i connect with
Someone i liek tlaking to
Talking
Fuck
That's...yah...hard to find
Can i ask u something?
Uh sure
Why'd u keep talking to me?
Huh?
Some random weirdo sends u a nood
And u end up talking to him for hours
Oh
I don't know
You seem nice
You're funny
I'm enjoying this
U are?
Yah. In spite of your awful typing
And I'm bored, so I figured...
Ha! Thanks
I can be entertaining
Yes, you can
So i feel were friends now
U have a name?
I've been calling you gay movie guy in my head
Or GMG for short
I hope that dosen't offend
And I hopep it's not weird to ask real names
I mean u know mine
Ha, no it doesn't offend me
And no it's not weird
Keith
Keith
I like it
I like one slehylan names
Syllable
JFC
One syllable like yours
I shortened my own
It's actually Leandro
Wtf were my parents thinking?
Haha yah Lance is better
How's the movie?
I don't know
Haven't been paying attention
You're distracting me
A good distraction i hope?
You fish for compliments a lot
I'm very fragile Keith
I don't think you're as fragile as you think
Lance didn't quite know what to make of that statement. He glanced at the time again. Nearly one am.
Am I keeping u up late?
Or is it daytime for u?
It's almost one am
But I can sleep in tomorrow
Got nothing til afternoon
We're in the saem time zone
Too bad this ain't Grindr
Ha. Already told you I don't do that
I need to really connect with someone
I thought we connected
A few hours of chatting isn't connecting
And it's a big time zone
Tru
I just need u to talk to me more
Fall for the Lance charm
Right...
And you're straight
I thought we established I'm porbaorl not
Probaoao
Probably
I think you need sleep
And I don't want to be an experiment
Lance frowned now. An experiment? What did Keith mean?
What u mean?
Just. I mean.
Fuck.
I could see myself liking you
To be honest
You could?
Yah, like I said, I fall for personalities
And I like everything about yours so far
But this.
You're questioning
At least I think so
I don't want to be your test
Lance thought he understood. He could see what Keith meant. If Lance wasn't sure of himself and tried something with him only to realize he didn't like guys, then Keith would be the one hurt. Not Lance. Why invite that kind of pain onto oneself with a weird guy on the internet you literally only chatted with a couple of hours? They didn't know each other. At all.
I understand
I do. Reallly
Ok dont' be weirder out
Weirded
But I do like you
I don't know if it's liek attraction or just friends
Can we try taht first?
Friends?
There wasn't a response for a long time. He hoped it was ONLY Keith falling asleep, or using the bathroom, or showering, or doing anything but not answering. He fidgeted, rolling from position to position on his bed as he waited.
Yah that'd be ok
I do like talking to you
I should probably get to sleep
My dog is giving me that look
And you should sleep too
Aw u care
Ok Keith
Have a good night
You too Lance
It took two weeks for Lance to get Keith's actual number, confused that it was a Texas area code (yes, he googled it), only to have Keith explain he moved to New York State recently to live with his brother. That was an exciting tidbit for Lance, who lived near Boston. They couldn't be far apart, could they?
The pair texted every day. Lance found he looked forward to Keith's texts in a way he'd never looked forward to anything. Their banter was fun and light. Some flirting on both sides, but never anything extreme. As if they were testing the waters.
Lance learned more and more, as time went by, about the mysterious boy on the other end of the chat. He learned Keith's quirks, likes, dislikes, desires, favorite foods, about his family, his history - everything. And Lance told him everything, too. Only with Hunk had Lance ever been so open.
It took a month after getting Keith's number when Lance finally convinced Keith to send him a picture - not a nood - unless he wanted to, of course. This got Keith laughing, so the selfie he took and sent showed him in a good mood. A big, bright smile on his face and a sparkle in his dark blue eyes that shot straight through Lance like lightning. He was beautiful. The black hair falling over his forehead made Lance's fingers itch to tuck it back.
It was the picture that made Lance realize he had fallen for Keith. Hard. Had fallen for Keith the person. He knew if Keith hadn't been as beautiful, he would still love him, but the picture made him face the fact that not only had he fallen for the guy, he had fallen for someone breathtaking. Damn he was a lucky son of a bitch. (Sorry Mama)
Three months later they talked on the phone for the first time, a big step according to Keith, who loathed talking on the phone and preferred texting. During the conversation, they told each other where they lived, which Lance immediately looked up on his tablet. Five hours away from each other. That was doable.
And, oh, Keith's voice. If he hadn't already fallen in love with Keith's personality. If he hadn't already fallen in love with his picture. His voice would have done it. His low-pitched gravelly voice when they first talked late one Saturday night was so sexy, but it was his laugh which completed Lance's fall. It was a sound he wanted to hear every day for the rest of his life and after.
In the meantime, not a day went by without either of them sending something to the other. The flirting got more serious, Lance fell deeper and told his family and Hunk he was bi and in love with a boy. Hunk was, of course, not surprised. He gave Lance a little smirk that spoke 'I told you so' more than Hunk actually saying it. His family was ok too, much to his surprise. He wasn't been sure how they'd take it, but Mama only said if the boy made Lance happy, it's all that mattered.
Six months after that, combined with daily texting, messaging, flirting over Facebook, talking on the phone, they finally met in person. Lance was a nervous wreck as he waited at his and Hunk's apartment. The plan was for Keith to stay at a hotel for his visit, to make sure it wasn't too awkward. Hunk tried to calm him down – he stayed to, as he put it, make sure Keith wasn't a serial killer. Lance thought that was overkill. He tried to explain to Hunk that a real serial killer wouldn't spend over six months working on someone just to kill them, but Hunk wouldn't be moved. Lance was secretly touched at his best friends' concern.
He was also glad for Hunk's presence in case it was too weird.
Hunk sat patiently on their couch, watching Lance pace back and forth in front of him, with the occasional break to go to the bathroom to check if he still looked perfect. In spite of all of Hunk's reassurances and attempts at calming him down, nothing worked and Lance worked himself into a frenzy of anticipation.
Until the buzz of their intercom.
He tripped over his own feet to get to the little box by the door, falling onto his face with the sound of Hunk's laugh in his ears. Hunk stood to go over to the box and answer. There was Keith's voice, saying it was him and Hunk answering to come on up before pressing the button to unlock the lobby door.
"He's on his way, Hunk!" Lance yelled in a panic as he shakily got to his feet, desperately smoothing his hands down his clothes to look neater.
"Yes he is," Hunk said in a calm voice as he returned to the couch. "Don't do anything weird when you answer the door."
Lance stood a few feet from their door, staring at the fake wood grain with his hands clenched tightly at his sides. Geez Keith, how long did it take to walk up to the third floor?
The knock sounded, making him jump a little. He wanted to lunge for the door, but he didn't want to seem too eager. He took approximately twenty deep breaths, until Hunk murmured something about NOT hyperventilating and did he need to answer it or what?
And there he was, framed in the doorway after Lance yanked the door open, smiling at Lance with that happy expression from his first selfie. Lance felt immediately calm, though he stared at Keith with his mouth dropped open, and noted small details. Keith's piercings in his ears, the overnight bag looped over his shoulder, the phone held in his hand, the dimple in his left cheek. "You're here…" Lance said faintly.
"I'm here."
They stared for another minute, each taking in the fact they were face to face. "I can't believe it," Lance said.
"Believe it," Keith said, tilting his head slightly. Then he held up his phone, the face toward Lance, opened to their last message exchange that morning. "So, um, you said you were going to jump on me and kiss me to pieces when I got here," he said, as he dropped his bag on the floor. "For someone who introduced himself to me with a nude pic, you're pretty shy. What are you waiting for, Sharpshooter?"
With a laugh that dissolved all worry and tension within him, Lance did just that.