AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realised while writing this that the title of anything becomes 1000% funnier if you replace any of the words with "Balls". Examples: "Balls Cast", "KingBalls", "ExoParadigmBalls" and "Ryan Sucks at Balls".

The Unversed Cast Epic

CHAPTER 1

"We have come today to say goodbye to our beloved friend, Ryan Mathis, who died. We are going to put him into the ground." said Haedox cryingly.

Haedox, KingK and Exo and Ryan's Chinese doctor, were on the top of Mount Everest, where Ryan wanted to be buried. Exo was crying and so was Dan, Haedox was bawling because he was a gay little boy which he hates being called but that's what he was. The Chinese doctor wasn't crying for obvious reasons but he was still pretty sad.

*A day ago - the Hospital*

Ryan is on his deathbed. He is dying from Ball Disease. The Unversed Cast is in his hospital room, crying and so was Ms. Lesson, who was an old hag but also Ryan's wife.

"He has 36 minutes left to live." said the Chinese doctor, who looked like a reverse Benito Mussolini.

Ryan's wife wanted to have one last sex with her husband, but didn't because she was so old she would've gotten a heart attack from sex.

Haedox said "RYAN, DON'T LEAVE ME! WHO IS GOING TO BE MY SECRET PROSTITUTE IF YOU ARE NO MORE?" To which Ryan replied "It doesn't really matter Haedox, we don't really even see each other that much because you're always eating dinner and taking our money while we are starving but still putting our effort into the podcast.".

Haedox then screamed "RYAN SAY THAT ONCE AGAIN AND I'M GONNA COMMIT SEX ON YOUR DEAD BODY ALSO KILL YOU!", he truly was filled with gamer rage.

Ryan, in his final breaths said "I have two last things to say. 1st - Mrs. Lesson, I never loved you you old witch, I regret ever saying I wanted you in that one podcast. 2nd - My friends, you must move on from me, and find another member. Even though I succumbed to the disease, you must never forget me and respect what was once my place SO DON'T YOU EVER GET A FOURTH MEMBER!".

Exo said "Ryan, that makes literally no sense.".

Ryan dyingly whispered: "Shut up… exo…..". Those were his last words before he closed his eyes, forever. His eyes closed like the McDonalds I went to one time and didn't get the happy meal at BECAUSE IT WAS CLOSED.

KingK said, while having a nerection, "Ok, it's done can I go home now?" To which Exo replied "No, we have to bury him.".

1 day later, here they are. After all the worshipping and prays the Unversed Cast and the doctor who was Chinese started going back home to Bullyopolis, the town where bullies live. On the way back however, an avalanche happened and killed the Chinese doctor. The Unversed Cast kept on their journey without properly funeraling the Chinese doctor because they didn't like him and no one else did because he was a Nazi. They arrived to Bullyopolis on February 12. 2022. A mysterious figure was waiting for them. It was Alec!

"Hey Unversed Cast! I've heard one of you is dead and guess who can take his place!" said the Alger. Alec wanted to be on the cast, but he never was because he wasn't relligious towards Kingdom Hearts like the rest of those asses. Even though he was the Side Quest Gamer, he didn't want to be the side character.

Alec was then surprised - the Unversed Cast looked like a circus of hating men. They were arguing about who gave Ryan the disease, each one them presenting evidence.

Exo then replied to Alec "Shut up you piece ass bitch, Alec. The Unversed Cast is no more! I don't want to see those bast*rds ever again!" and then stormed off.

Haedox said: "Wow Michael! You are acting like a legit killer right now!" to which KingK replied "No he really isn't."

Haedox then angrily said "Damn, Damniel you sure are acting like a legit murderer right now!" And ran off like an entitled piece of shit brat.

Dan said "I don't give a shit! You are all murderers except me and you are all gonna go to jails and drop all your soaps and penises in the shower!" And he just walked off.

Alec said "Damn, they got away, what a waste!"

ExoParapingasGamer went homeless after the breakup because he didn't make millions from the Unversed Cast anymore and he wasn't able to pay for all of his OSSCs, frameisters, 480is, 720p TVs in 2019 and whatnot. After that he was just asking people for their opinions on Sonic Heroes on the Walgreens parking lot.

Haedox was more successful. He was able to overtake the US government like a bag of rhinos and proclaimed himself as the Fuhrer and renamed the country to Haedoxia. He also made a law that made it required for the name of anything, from humans to African porn videos in the US, to contain the word "Haedox". For Example: "Haedox: A Hero's Tail", "Haedoxwinked" and "Stranded Haedox". One day, Haedox Trump tried coming back to his rightful throne in the white house, but failed.

KingK was just kinda doing casual stuff. He just kept on making gaming videos and furiously masturbating every 2 hours just as he normally would. In his free time he would be watching anime because now that Ryan was dead, he was the biggest weeb in the world. Some of his favorites were "Haedox Note" "Haedox Ball-Z" "Avatar: The Last Haedox" (is an anime, fuck you) and "Sword Art Haedox".

Ryan was dead.

Sonata was finally freed from Ryrule's basement where he was fed Cockroach cakes and Gamer Girl Pee and forced into hard labour and editing Uncle Mike's Fanfic Corner.

Meanwhile, way up in the sky, the heaven. Ryan was in the waiting line for the heaven entrance gate. People had to be checked by God to see if they sinned or not, so he can know who goes to Heave, Hell, or the Shinigami realm. Most went to Hell because they were having sex before marriage and masturbating to yaoi hentai visual novels about camps. Before Ryan in the line there was the world famous Swedish rapper Big Nasty. Big Nasty wasn't accepted to Heaven because he was nasty. Ryan's turn finally came.

God said "Ugh… Jesus, are you seriously dead again? The last time I resurrected you was just 10 years ago." Ryan was confused. "Jesus, you know that the number of times I can ever revive people is equal to the number of episodes of Haedox Neutron Boy Genius and that I've brought you back 60 times so far?" God said.

Ryan, realising what's going on replied "Oh, yeah, I sure do know that, dad. I am you dear son, Jesus, and have respect for you and I want to return.".

God said "Ok, Jesus, but this is the last time. Use it well.".

God then used his God magic and shot powerful beams at Ryan. Ryan's penis became 89 times bigger because that's what happens when God resurrects people. Ryan said goodbye to his "dad" and went to earth.

God said after that: "Oh, that angsty boy. It's painful watching them grow up. Anyways, WHO'S NEXT?"

Then a person approached. It was Jesus. Jesus said "Father, you need to respawn me immediately! There is a disaster coming and only I can stop just like how I stopped the end of the world in 2012!".

God replied, confused, "Are you seriously dead already? Sorry son, no more resurrections.".

What was coming was unknown but something else did happen. On Ryan's way to Earth, Satan noticed someone falling from the sky, but there wasn't Jesus energy flowing from them. Satan was able to ressurect people from hell, but it was only one person per someone getting ressurected by God and wasn't actual Jesus. This was the first time someone was resurrected and wasn't Jesus, so Satan used his Negative energy, like the blue blob who definitely is more interesting than Zavok and Michael is just *!OBJECTIVELY!* wrong, and sent a laser to Hell to resurrect a dead person. The person resurrected was the Chinese doctor, who was already in Hell because Nazis, like Exo (Look at the Uncle Mike's logo), get automatically sent to hell. His penis grew 90 times (because Satan's penis powers were stronger) and he became evil. The Asian started going outside of the Earth's core, in plan of a master plan.