(Chapter 1 is for Humor and SFWish- Chapter 2 is NSFW)
"Hello and welcome to the Dating game! We have a fine set of bachelors tonight all looking for that special love connection!" Present Mic announces, the audience clapping as he smiled brightly. "Let's meet our first contestant, shall we?"
The audience clapped as the camera panned over to the three waiting bachelors.
"Bachelor #1 is Tenya Iida! He is working on a career in law enforcement and likes to run in his spare time!" Present Mic exclaimed as Iida adjusted his glasses and nodded to the cameras.
"And Bachelor #2, we have Yuga Aoyama! He enjoys sparkling and puts glitter on everything!"
The audience clapped as Aoyama sat there, gazing at himself in a mirror.
"Bonjour!" Aoyama sang.
"And Bachelor #3, Katsuki Bakugou! He likes to… what is this? Play with fire and destroy things?" Present Mic's voice dropping as he read his cue card.
"(bleep) yeah I do!" Bakugou growled, the censors bleeping him.
"Ah! Bachelor #3! Language!" Present Mic yelped as the audience all gasped.
"Whatever," Bakugou grumbled.
"And now! Let's meet our main Bachelor! Izuku Midoriya, who is here all the way from UA! He loves action figures and his favorite Pro Hero is All Might! He is quite the fanboy and wants someone special in his life he can fanboy over as well!" Present Mic called out as Midoriya came into view.
Midoriya took his seat on one side of the curtain, where he could not see the other bachelors.
"You know how this all works! Midoriya, will ask each bachelor questions, and pick which one he wants to go on a date with!" Present Mic said as everyone started to cheer.
"Ah! Hello!" Midoriya said. "Nice to meet you!"
"And nice to meet you too!" Present Mic said. "Are you ready?"
"I am!"
"Alright then, ask our bachelors some questions!" Present Mic squealed as everyone started to clap.
The cameras zoomed back in on Midoriya who was clearly blushing as he cleared his throat.
"Ok, Bachelor #1, what is your idea of the perfect first date?" Midoriya asked.
"Oh for (bleep) sake!" Bakugou growled, "Can't even ask an original question!"
"Bachelor #3, please wait your turn," Present Mic said.
"I'm just here for the free buffet afterwards!" Bakugou growled.
The audience booed him.
"(bleep) off!" Bakugou growled.
"OK!" Present Mic interrupted. "Bachelor #1, would you like to answer?"
"Yes, and thank you," Iida said and cleared his throat, once again adjusting his glasses. "The ideal first date would be a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant by the ocean where we would walk hand in hand as the sun set. Just as the sun is kissing the horizon I would lean in and ask if I could kiss you-"
"-is this joker (bleep)ing serious?" Bakugou asked over at the audience, chuckling. The censors doing a good job of keeping up and bleeping him out.
"Bachelor #3! Please!" Present Mic yelled.
"Ah, that is quite alright," Iida says. "Bachelor #3 is entitled to his wrong opinion."
"Alright! Midoriya! Would you like to ask another question?" Present Mic interrupted.
"Thank you Bachelor #1, that sounded delightful," Midoriya replied. "And Bachelor #2, same question!"
"Ah monsieur," Aoyama said, still gazing at himself in the hand mirror. "I'd take you to a house of mirrors where you could gaze upon my beauty, then to Hobby Lobby where you could douse me in glitter!"
Bakugou roared with laughter and almost fell out of his chair. "Ohmy(bleep)inggod!"
The audience was now watching Bakugou more than the actual show.
"Thank you Bachelor #2!" Midoriya yelped, "Bachelor #3! Same question!"
"Ah hell," Bakugou said, man-spreading in his seat and looking out at the audience. "I'd take you to a waffle house, then (bleep) you behind the dumpster!" The audience gasped and Bakugou smirked at the camera. "That's right! (bleep)ing romance!"
"Bachelor #3! Language!" Present Mic once more yelled out.
"Whatever!"
"Let's go with another round of questions! Shall we?" Present Mic announced.
"Ah! Yes!" Midoriya chirped, then flipped through his cards. "Bachelor #1- What are you looking for in a man?"
Iida cleared his throat and wiggled in his seat a bit. "I am looking for someone who I can cherish and support. Someone who will join in my goals and priorities in life. I want someone I can hold hands with, and come home to every night."
The audience all cooed at his response and Iida smiled brilliantly at the camera.
"(bleep)ing loser," Bakugou grumbled.
Present Mic ignored it.
"And Bachelor #2, same question," Midoriya said.
"I'd like someone who can appreciate my beauty and always want to stare at me and take photos!" Aoyama sang.
"Um…. ok," Midoriya mumbled. "And Bachelor #3, same question."
"I want someone who can take my thick cock and choke on-"
"-Alright!" Present Mic interrupted as Bakugou's microphone was turned off. "Remember this is a PG 13 rated show!"
"This is lame! Can we get to the buffet now?" Bakugou groaned, sitting back and smirking at the audience booing at him.
"How about another round of questions?!" Present Mic announced, making everyone clap and cheer.
"Bachelor #1," Midoriya began, "If you could describe yourself in one word, what word would you choose?"
"Loyal," Iida said, sitting up proud.
"Suck up," Bakugou grumbled.
"Bachelor #2, same question," Midoriya said.
"Sparkly!" Aoyama sang.
Bakugou rolled his eyes, slouching in his chair.
"And… should I even bother asking Bachelor #3?" Midoriya asked.
"You better (bleep)ing ask me!" Bakugou growled.
Midoriya giggled. "Ok, Bachelor #3, same question."
"Explosive," Bakugou smirked- making the censors sit and wait to bleep him out.
Midoriya giggled and continued. "Another question?" he asked Present Mic.
Present Mic waved his hand. "Might as well!"
"Ok! Bachelor #1- What is your best pickup line?" Midoriya asked.
Iida gave another brilliant smile to the camera. "I think your hand looks heavy. Would you like me to hold it for you?"
The audience melted in their seats.
"That was romantic," Present Mic cooed.
Midoriya smiled. "And Bachelor #2? Same question."
"Oh this question isn't about me, so I'll pass and continue to gaze at my beauty," Aoyama sang.
"Um… ok… and Bachelor #3?" Midoriya asked.
"Waffle House dumpster! I'd (bleep) you so hard behind it!" Bakugou laughed, slapping his own knee.
The audience was all booing him as Present Mic quieted them down. "Ok ok ok! Not exactly a pickup line…. Now it is time for our Bachelor to pick which Bachelor has won his heart!" Present Mic said, then turning to Bachelor #1 and winking at him. "I know which one I'd pick! But this is up to Midoriya!"
Midoriya started to think as the audience was screaming "BACHELOR #1" to him. Iida's chest puffed out some more as the chants continued.
"Just want my free fucking buffet and be done with this," Bakugou grumbled.
"Midoriya, have you made your decision?" Present Mic asked. "I am sure Bachelor #1 is ready to take you out as soon as we're done here!"
Midoriya thought, and smiled at Present Mic. "Yes! I have made my decision!"
"And which Bachelor have you decided on?" Present Mic asked.
The cameras spanned between all three Bachelors. Aoyama was still looking in his mirror, Iida's chest was puffed out a bit more as Bakugou flipped off the cameras.
"I choose…" Midoriya said, drawing it out and Bakugou getting up out of his chair to leave as he knew he was not being picked. "Bachelor #3!"
"What the (bleep)?!" Bakugou yelled.
"WHAT?!" Present Mic yelled.
The audience was in an uproar, all booing and yelling for Bachelor #1.
"Quiet!" Present Mic yelled. Once it settled down, Present Mic cleared his throat and looked over at Midoriya. "Um… did we hear you correctly? I thought you said you had chosen Bachelor #3?"
"Nope, you hear correctly!" Midoriya chirped and smiled at Present Mic. "Can I meet my Bachelor now?"
Present Mic deflated and waved his hand. "Might as well."
Midoriya got up and moved around the partition. He saw where Bachelor #1 was sitting there, shocked he was not picked- his mouth wide open and just frozen in place. Bachelor #2 was still staring at himself in the mirror and the sparkle off of him made Midoriya shield his eyes.
Then he saw him.
His bachelor. The one he picked. The cameras zoomed in as he smiled over at Bakugou who was growling at him.
"I just came here for the free food!" Bakugou growled.
"And I came here for a date!" Midoriya chirped and held his elbow out to him. "So… Waffle house, huh?"
"-AND CUT!" Aizawa- the show's producer yelled. "What the hell was that?!"
Midoriya looked over where the producer was glaring at him. "What do you mean?"
"We had a perfect bachelor set up for you and you picked… the gremlin?" Aizawa gasped.
"He said he would fuck me behind a Waffle House dumpster!" Midoriya exclaimed.
"Well… you are kinda cute," Bakugou said, looking Midoriya slowly up and down.
Midoriya gave his million dollar smile. "Are we ready then?" he asked.
"Fuck it- let's go to Waffle House," Bakugou said, "But after we hit this cheap ass buffet the show is offering."
"No fucking in the back room!" Aizawa yelled, the audience gasping as the two walked off the stage.
This show had been a disaster-
-and their highest rated one yet.