The Stein family lived in a pretty pink house with lovely purple shutters down at the end of Daffodil Street. Everything about the house was bright and cheery. Everything, that is, except for the upstairs bedroom with the tiny, round window. This bedroom belonged to Franny K. Stein, little girl mad scientist.
Franny wasn't your average mad scientist. She's created a lunch meat creature to combat a crab monster with a pumpkin for a head, used her Personal Cow to lure a 50-Ft. Cupid from destroying the city, invented an invisibility potion derived from chameleon DNA that she later used to try and stop a two-headed robot, used time travel to change her embarrassing middle name...to an equally embarrassing middle name, went inside me to save the world when I accidentally ate a doomsday device she built, outsmarted a trio of Franbots she made to lighten her workload, used a shape-shifting suit to run for class president and even brought her pigtails to life when she tried her hand in hair-styling.
How do I know so much about Franny? Well, I am Igor, her lab assistant. However, I am not a pure Lab. I am also part beagle, part poodle, part Chihuahua, part spaniel, part shepherd and part some kind of weasely thing that probably isn't even a dog. I was given to Franny by her mom when she noticed her daughter was feeling down by not many of her peers being interested in her experiments and inventions.
Franny initially saw me as a burden, but a strong bond between us formed ever since I bit that giant cherub on his backside to prevent Franny from being skewered by one of his arrows. Over the years, I've been able to prove myself very helpful in Franny's experiments and have managed to cheer her up and make her laugh whenever she's feeling down. Franny, in turn, knows how to make me happy when I'm having a bad day.
But there are some troubles not even the most loving and caring of pet owners can help with. Not many people know this, but Franny had a rival mad scientist in the neighborhood. His name was Herbert G. Moreau, and he specialized in creating hideous hybrids from animal carcasses.
Franny is still mad at Moreau from the time he beat her matter transporter at the science fair with his ox-bear-dog whom he taught to wash dishes and cook cordon bleu meals. The number of insults these two have hurled at each other and the number of petty pranks they've pulled on each other would fill a phone book. The cause of my pain is that I have feelings for Herbert Moreau's lab assistant/pet, a pretty canid mash-up he calls M'linga.
Ever since I laid a glance on her poodle head, her rat-like tail and her mechanical hind legs, I knew that I wanted to be with her. I long to show M'linga my affection, but I fear that such an action is not possible without betraying Franny. On one hand, life's no fun when you don't take the opportunity to stop and water the trees. On the other, I know that there is little chance to win the love of M'linga for as long as she continues assisting Franny's rival.
One day, Herbert G. Moreau sent Franny a note requesting that they settle their differences in a monster duel. The two rivals were to each create a monster to fight on their behalf, the winner being whoever's monster defeated the other's.
While I was handing Franny over the brain of her monster, she looked at me and asked "Igor, is there something troubling you?" I hesitated and tried shaking my head, hoping that Franny would go on and assume that I was merely feeling bored. That was not the case. "I know something's bugging you, Igor. I haven't seen you look this upset since you had to wear a collar for a while after the incident with my nanite prototypes."
Knowing that continuing to lie about my inner torment would only exacerbate the situation, I wrote down on a piece of paper what was ailing me and gave it to Franny. "You've got a crush on Herbert Moreau's dog M'linga? I'm wounded that you actually thought I'd hold that against you, Igor. As sure as my name is Franny Kaboom Stein, I will help you cope with this problem!"
The next day, Franny pitted her monster against Moreau's. Franny's monster was eight feet tall and had seven eyes. Moreau's abomination looked like a horrendous cross between an elephant and a lion. Suddenly, Moreau's monster grabbed hold of M'linga. "Bobo, unhand M'linga this instant", Moreau shouted. Franny looked at me with an expression that I knew was telling me that this was a good time to make a good impression on M'linga.
With the same courage that motivated me to save Franny from the 50-Ft. Cupid and buy her some time when I let one of her Franbots turn me into a tuna fish sandwich, I leaped into action and bit Moreau's monster on the trunk. After the brute let go of M'linga, I led my object of affection to safety as Franny's monster laid a relentless beatdown on his opponent.
Herbert G. Moreau was very shocked at seeing his monster fall, moreso at seeing M'linga embrace me after I saved her. "Franny, I know when I have been licked", Moreau said. "You truly are the better mad scientist. M'linga surely would've died had your dog Igor not risk his neck to save her."
Franny held out a hand. "Herb, we may not have always gotten along well, but I'm willing to end this grudge if you are. Any fool can see that Igor loves M'linga, and who am I to let our petty squabbles stand in the way of their happiness?" What followed was a sight I never thought would ever be seen: Franny K. Stein and Herbert G. Moreau shaking hands and smiling.
M'linga proved to be more than just a pretty face. This weekend, the Steins and the Moreaus agreed to having a picnic together, and M'linga and I shared amusing stories of things we did with our owners. If I play my cards right, there might be the pitter-patter of tiny puppy paws in the foreseeable future.