School: Hogwarts

Year: 1

Theme: Madam Puddifoots - Looking at romance and love in the Wizarding World

Special Rule: The colour Green - Envy

Prompts: Anticipation (emotion) [Main] / Looking back, he could not tell not tell you how he got here (First Line) / Drama (word)

WC: 1740

Hindsight is a Great Thing

Looking back, he could not tell you how he got here. Sirius Black was cramped into a dark, dusty broom cupboard in some unspecified part of Hogwarts castle, nervously waiting for the moment he was discovered. His foot tapped rapidly against the brush of the wooden broom, his teeth frantically chewing at the inside of his cheek. It was fortunate that he hadn't returned the map to James's trunk. The paper rustled in his back pocket every time he adjusted, reassuring him that he had saved himself an extra couple of minutes.

In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea that he'd had, but he didn't think James would react quite that badly. After all, it wasn't as if he actually meant it. It was only an experiment. James just happened to choose the wrong moment to appear, and Sirius had panicked, running without really paying attention until he ended up in the closet.

He had spent weeks believing that Lily was the focus of his attraction, that she was the reason behind the pangs in his chest when he saw her and James together. Sirius had decided that it was time he found out. If it turned out that it was Lily, he wasn't planning to steal her from James. He just needed to know so that he could get over her. Who knew kissing the obsession of your best mate's school life would cause so much hassle?

The Gryffindor common room was relatively empty; the only occupants were Lily, Sirius and Remus. Sirius lay on the scarlet couch throwing paper balls at the other pair, trying to get them to stop studying or rather, get them to start paying attention to him. After a final paper ball to the head—the last of thirty-two to be exact—Remus finally gave up and gathered his books, leaving Lily to Sirius's mercy.

Sirius studied the red-haired witch, her head bent low over her book. He pursed his lips, contemplating his options. As far as he knew, James was upstairs conked out. He hadn't really been sleeping properly at night and tended to crash during the day after classes. It was now or never. Tramping his nerves down, Sirius pulled himself up and ambled over to where Lily sat.

"Hello, Lily-flower," he said, a lazy grin spreading on his face.

"Sirius," Lily muttered.

"Lily, would you be willing to help me with an experiment?" Sirius asked, leaning forward and resting his chin on his hand.

Lily raised her head and gave him a wary look. "What kind of experiment?" she asked suspiciously.

"One for class?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Lily's eyebrow lifted; disbelief at Sirius's willingness to do schoolwork was written all over her face.

"Telling?" Sirius cocked his head to the side, looking remarkably like his Animagus form. "Yes, telling." He nodded as if affirming his own thoughts.

"If I agree, will you let me study?" Lily asked, looking longingly at her books.

"Yes," Sirius quickly agreed.

"Then yes, I'll help," she said.

"Good," said Sirius before quickly cupping her face and leaning in.

He captured her lips with his, and… nothing. He pulled back, his face a mix of disappointment and relief. He wasn't in love with James's girl. Lily's eyes were wide with shock. Sirius dropped his hands and pursed his lips. He frowned slightly, staring at Lily. He then noticed her eyes flash behind him as if registering something that he couldn't see; something threatening. He slowly turned around, coming to face a murderous-looking James. Ice-cold fear ran through his veins as his life flashed before his eyes. He stood up quickly, his hands coming up in surrender.

"It's not what it looks like," Sirius said, edging around the sofa, backing away slowly towards the door.

James stared him down, his jaw clenched. His eyes glinted with barely controlled anger. Edging a little further away, Sirius managed to grip a crimson cushion, and with a throw any chaser would be proud of, he whipped it towards James's face and ran.

After running through winding corridors and down narrow stairways, he dove into the poky space that was usually home to an amorous couple. The door clicked behind him and he sunk down onto the cold, hard floor. His whole body shook as fear gripped him. Time for the waiting to begin.

Sirius pulled his knees to his chest, hugging himself. His feet began tapping a rhythm as his fingers joined the orchestra. Before long, his entire body was bouncing as he waited for the end.

Suddenly, Sirius heard a shuffle in the corridor. He took a deep breath in fear. Cowering into a corner, he squeezed his eyes shut and hoped that the person would pass by the cupboard. He even hoped that it was Filch and not James. Hearing the footsteps get closer, he pushed himself further into the corner, holding his breath in case he could be heard. He pulled his knees closer in an effort to magically turn invisible. The darkness around him was almost a comfort until suddenly, the door swung open, and he was bathed in light. Sirius shrieked and threw his hands over his head in protection. He waited for the thumping to start; for death to come.

When nothing happened, he shifted his arms minutely and peeked one eye open. Framed in light from the corridor stood James, arms crossed over his chest. He had one eyebrow raised at the cowering teenager.

"Get up so I can hit you," he said in his deep timbre voice that seemed to fill the small space.

"No," Sirius said.

"Come on," James argued, "it's only fair. You kissed my girlfriend."

"I was performing an experiment," Sirius said pleadingly.

"Why did that involve kissing Lily?" James asked, anger seeping into his tone.

Sirius winced slightly at the question. "Because I thought I was in love with her," he muttered.

James's arms dropped to his sides in shock. Silence filled the little cubby hole as James took in the news. Sirius noticed the anger physically leave his friend's body as his shoulders dropped. He sighed and crouched down, moving into the closet beside Sirius. His foot kept the door open slightly allowing a crack of light in, keeping the darkness away. He started bouncing the door lightly as he pondered how to broach this topic.

As the silence continued, Sirius watched the irritation morph into contemplation on James's face. When he began to feel like James wasn't likely to hit him, he sat up slightly more. With a small gap between their shoulders, they stared at the moving door.

Finally, James spoke, "Are you?" he asked warily, his foot halting its tapping rhythm on the door.

"Merlin, no!" Sirius cringed. "It felt like incest."

James snorted faintly. Sirius allowed a smile to cross his face. This was normal. This was them. James turned his head to study the boy beside him. His chin was tucked into his neck, and his knees were pulled up, still feeling like he needed some protection.

"So, why did you do it?" James asked.

Sirius's shoulders raised and dropped multiple times as he took a few steadying breaths. He didn't know how to admit that his philandering ways weren't bringing any sort of pleasure anymore if they ever did. That the security that lacked in his childhood is what he's craving now.

"I have had an ache in my chest and…"

"You thought the way to solve it was to kiss the love of my life?" James interrupted.

"No! It just— it… it occurred when I was around the two of you, and I couldn't figure out why. It's not there when I'm alone with you, but for some reason, when I see you both together, it feels like someone has their fist around my heart; squeezing it," Sirius tried to explain. "I thought that if it was Lily, I could find out and then I'd know how to get over it."

"But it's not Lily?"

"No."

"And it's not me?"

"Merlin, James, no!"

"Is there anything happening in particular when the pains in your chest occur?" James asked, moving one hand up to run through his hair.

"Not really. I mean, you're just doing normal things like sitting on the sofa reading or when I happen to walk in when you're hugging," Sirius said softly, his eyes gazing wistfully into the distance. A grimace formed on his face as he realised the soppiness of his thoughts. James smiled faintly before nudging Sirius gently with his elbow.

"Did you ever think that it might not be the people that you want?" James asked.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked back.

"You need a girl, Sirius," James said with a little laugh. "Well, actually, not specifically a girl, but you want a relationship. Someone to have the kind of companionship and security that I have with Lily."

"A relationship?" Sirius said contemplatively. He tilted his head to the side. It did make sense. He did love Lily, but as a sister. Did he crave the adoration that shone in both their eyes when they looked at each other?

"A relationship," James agreed.

"So, I need to find a girl that I know and enter a relationship?" Sirius asked.

"Not exactly. You may have to wait to find them, but I promise it is so worth the wait," James said, throwing an arm around Sirius's shoulder. Sirius smiled at him.

"Maybe I'll try it. Thanks for helping," he said. "Come on, I think I've an apology to give."

James chuckled. "I think Lily is still stunned if that's any help."

He got up off the floor before offering Sirius a helping hand. James pulled his friend to his feet, and together they started down the corridor. Before they reached the end of it, he drew his arm back and landed a hard punch to Sirius's bicep.

"Ow!" Sirius yelped, clutching his arm.

"That's what you get for kissing my girlfriend," James said, laughing.

"You drew me in! You got me to put my guard down! You manipulative, little…" Sirius's grumblings followed them as they continued on their way to the Gryffindor dorms.

After all, a lovely young lady needed to be rescued after having been shocked by a kiss. Maybe she knew someone who would be able to give Sirius the companionship he desperately wanted.

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