Mr. Krabs was busy, counting his money, just like any other day in this reality. While his arch-competitor was busy contemplating whether or not Eugene's life was actually easier than his, Mr. Krabs couldn't have cared less if he knew about it.
"10, 20, 40, 60, 200, 400, 800. Yup, everything seems to be shipshape fer me profits fer today!" Krabs observed contentedly. "Now fer the coins! 25, 50, 75, a dollar, $1.10, $1.20, $1.25, $1.26, and $1.27." His pupils grew large on his eyestalks. "Wait, that can't be right! Where's me tip money?!"
Krabs searched frantically around and under his desk and chair, on the floor, and even in the currently empty kitchen. "Where in Davy Jones is the rest of me money?!" Krabs panicked, smacking his clawed palms against his eyestalks. He scuttled around, then threw open his office door forcefully, leading with his pointy, crooked, money-sniffing nose. He skittered around, nose to the the floor, searching desperately for the few cents that would complete his profits for the day.
Krabs's search finally led to a scarcely-filled recycled pickle jar that had "Tips" written on it onto a hastily torn off piece of scotch tape, and a grumpy Squidward standing behind it with a dull expression on his face. Mr. Krabs gasped. "Mr. Squidward! How many times do I have to tell ye?!" He punctuated his upcoming reprimand by picking up the glass, pouring out the change into his claw, then discarding the empty jar to shatter somewhere inconsequential. "Tip money is to be brought directly to me office, not confined in a dirty jar!" Squidward rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he muttered. Krabs glared at him, but said nothing.
"ORDER UP! TWO DELUXE KRABBY PATTIES!" SpongeBob belted out through the otherwise relative silence in the restaurant. Krabs's head whipped around in his best employee's direction as he remembered something that he needed to do. He scuttled up to SpongeBob, who was about to serve the aforementioned burgers to Nat. "There you are, sir! Two deluxe-" SpongeBob turned to his boss immediately, eager to hear what he had to say. "Ahoy there, Mr. Krabs!" he saluted. "At ease, boyo." Krabs saluted back. "Er, SpongeBob, me boy?" Krabs started to say. "YES, SIR?" SpongeBob saluted again.
Krabs rested a claw on his hip. "I'll be takin' one of yer patties to me office fer bun inspection." SpongeBob smiled, still saluting. "I'm afraid you can't do that, Mr. Krabs!" Krabs stepped back. "What? Why not?" He asked, raising a brow. "Because that patty is for the customer, sir!" SpongeBob explained. Krabs took a second to physically regroup. "Not that patty, ye barnacle brain!" he shouted, throwing up his claws. SpongeBob nodded. "Yes, sir, Mr. Krabs! Obvious mistake, sir!" He lowered his arm.
Krabs sighed. "Eh, it's not yer fault, boy, I should've been clearer. I guess I'm just on edge right now." SpongeBob's jovial expression turned to one of worry. "Why, Mr. Krabs?" he asked tenderly. Nat cleared his throat, having been kept waiting for his meal, which caused SpongeBob to grimace at his boss. "Oh, of course! I'll be in me office. Report there once yer done here, boyo!" Krabs instructed. SpongeBob saluted again. "Aye, aye, sir!"
Krabs skittered back to his office, then to the kitchen to grab a Krabby Patty, then take it back to his office. "Hmm.." he hummed aloud, inspecting every edge, every seed on the burger. His eyestalks scrutinized every detail of SpongeBob's cooking ability. Krabs looked up for a second, then noticed his fry cook standing in front of him. "SpongeBob?" he asked, slightly confused. "What do you want, boyo?" SpongeBob raised an eyebrow in confusion himself. "You called me here, remember, sir?" he asked. "Arr! Yes, of course! Me main concern is that it's almost quittin' time and Plankton hasn't shown up fer at least four hours. That's why I've been distracted lately." Krabs explained.
SpongeBob nodded. "I would be too, sir, but there's something else." he said, waiting as patiently as he could. "What is it, SpongeBob?" Krabs asked, slightly concerned. SpongeBob twisted his uniform hat in his hands nervously. "Well, it's just that it's Tuesday again, sir, and I was wondering if I could have my, um... weekly performance review!" He folded his hands in front of his body eagerly. Krabs raised his brow again. "Review?" he asked. "Oh, yes, please, sir, please!" SpongeBob pleaded. "SpongeBob, me boy, it's almost the end of the day. Can't this wait until tomorrow?" Krabs asked, exhausted.
SpongeBob got to his knees. "Oh, please, sir! I want to make you so happy and proud!" he begged. Krabs sighed, rubbing his neck exhaustedly. "Yer doin' fine, SpongeBob, just leave me to get ready to go home." he said dismissively. The stress of having to wait for Plankton to show up was proving to be too much for the crab. SpongeBob, however, hadn't left. "But, sir!" he insisted. Krabs turned to him. "SpongeBob, I already gave ye yer review, now get out of me office," he said, starting to get irritated. "But, sir! There's gotta be something I need to improve on! Anything!" SpongeBob insisted.
Krabs threw up his claws in exasperation. "All right, fine! You want a review?" Krabs asked him, somewhat threateningly. SpongeBob nodded eagerly, his head making a squeaky sound. Mr. Krabs then proceeded to tell SpongeBob every little insignificant detail that wasn't absolutely perfect about the Krabby Patty, including: "One of yer seeds 0.2 millimeters further than the others on the bun", "there's half a squirt more of ketchup than mustard on it", and the completely devastating "the patty is not perfectly cylindrical."
Mr. Krabs finished his rant, then looked at SpongeBob, who stood there, emotionally disturbed, and he knew that his work was done. "Now, run along, boy, and go serve the last customer, or whatever." he instructed, pushing SpongeBob, who was still frozen, out his office door. SpongeBob stood right next to Squidward's boat, muttering intelligibly, looking on the verge of a breakdown. Squidward stood at his post, reading a book, then noticed his yellow co-worker standing beside him. "SpongeBob, do you remember that little talk we had about 'personal space'?" he asked SpongeBob.
SpongeBob didn't respond. "SpongeBob?" Squidward asked again. No response. "SPONGEBOB!" he yelled, causing the naïve fry cook to finally snap out of his daze. "Huh? What? Where am I?" SpongeBob asked frantically. "You're in my personal bubble, now move!" Squidward replied rashly. SpongeBob quickly sprinted to the kitchen with a bruised ego. Squidward sighed. "That old crab must've been really harsh on SpongeBob." he said to himself, examining the previous situation. "I almost feel sorry for the little guy. He did seem a little broken up."
His thoughts were interrupted by Pearl busting the Krusty Krab doors open and lumbering toward Mr. Krabs's office. "Daddy! Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" she said, bouncing up and down excitedly near his door. Mr. Krabs opened his door, holding onto the handle for dear life as he was bounced up and down against the doorframe. "Just tell me what you want, Pearlie!" Krabs shouted over the sound of his own shell hitting the metal doorframe repeatedly. "Could I please have, um... an advance on my allowance?" Pearl asked. "If it'll get ye to stop tryin' to shatter me shell." Krabs sighed, pulling out a single dollar from his shirt pocket. "There y'are, Pearl."
Pearl looked at her father. "One dollar?! You hate me!" she began to cry. Krabs began to panic, worrying more about his restaurant than his daughter at the moment. "Wait, no, no, no!" he begged. It was too late. Pearl's tears quickly flooded the Krusty Krab. As it drained, Nat Peterson walked sternly up to the crustacean, holding a Krabby Patty. "You!" he pointed angrily at Krabs. "Me?" Krabs asked. "You think this is funny?" Nat replied irately. "What in Davy Jones are ye talking about?" Krabs responded. "Well, Mr. Funny Man, is this how you get your sick kicks?!"
Nat held the burger out to Krabs. "What? It's just a ordinary Krabby-" The Krabby Patty was everything but ordinary, filled with gross items. "Mother of Pearl!" Krabs exclaimed. "SPONGEBOB!" SpongeBob appeared next to Mr. Krabs, looking distraught. "I tried, Mr. Krabs." he said solemnly. "I really did." Krabs turned to him. "What is it now, SpongeBob?" he asked.
"A customer ordered a medium soda, and I gave him a large! I gave him a laarrge!" SpongeBob cried out. "I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it!" SpongeBob continued to repeat this for quite a while. "SpongeBob, stop that!" Krabs commanded. SpongeBob continued. "Stop that and get back to work!" Krabs jabbed his claw into SpongeBob's chest, hoping that would work as a sort of "off button". SpongeBob continued to shout "Soiled it!" as Pearl walked up to them, facing her dad with her fins on her hips. "Okay, Daddy. I've decided I'm gonna run away! Run away and find a new daddy!" she cried. "Fer the love of Neptune, make it stop!" Krabs pleaded.
Suddenly, everything and everybody went silent, save for a single siren horn. "What, did I say the secret word?" Krabs asked. "No, sir, he's back." SpongeBob replied, furrowing his brow and squinting his eyes. Mr. Krabs was still too confused to fully understand the situation yet. "Who's back? What?" He asked frantically. A green blur flashed by him. "What was that?!" Krabs exclaimed. "Man your stations! Red alert! Red alert! Take cover!" SpongeBob yelled. Everyone in the Krusty Krab ran to take cover, except Krabs, who was still confused.
He scuttled back and forth in a panic. "Take cover from what?" he shouted, panicking. SpongeBob was up in the crow's nest, scanning the area, and wearing some strange tech goggles. "He's around here somewhere," he said. Another flash of green whizzed by. "There he goes!" SpongeBob pointed. Mr. Krabs finally understood, as he squinted his eyes. "Plankton," he spat.
"Correct, sir! We're on high-Plankton alert! He's not getting past me!" SpongeBob cried out confidently, as he hiked up his short pants. Krabs scanned the area for his enemy. "He must be blendin' in with the shadows! SpongeBob!" he called to his employee. "Yes, sir!" SpongeBob responded, saluting. "Plankton is here somewhere. He's gonna ruin me restaurant if no one can find him!" Krabs replied in a slight panic.
"And he's finally got a Krabby Patty!" Plankton shouted triumphantly, laughing maniacally, swinging on a rope and holding onto the Krabby Patty he was referring to. "Plankton!" Krabs yelled at him. "Unhand me merchandise at once!" Plankton laughed again. "Catch me if you can, you overweight crustacean!" he teased, laughing. Unfortunately for him, while he was taunting the crab, he didn't notice a plucky, young sponge jumping out of the crow's nest above them for a rudimentary kamikaze attack. "I'm gonna make you eat those words, Plankton!" he cried out.
Plankton could only look up for a second in confusion as SpongeBob jumped off the edge of the crow's next and plummeted toward him. "No dining... and no dashing!" SpongeBob called out as a battle cry. SLAM! His porous body landed right on top of Plankton, flattening him. A cracking groan came out from under him. "Fine... Here's your stinking patty!" Plankton cried, thrusting the somehow in perfect condition sandwich through one of SpongeBob's holes.
Mr. Krabs quickly plucked it from Plankton's stubby fingerstumps as SpongeBob got up off of a mangled Plankton. Plankton got up wearily, snapping himself back to shape. "Mark my words, Krabs! Someday that formula will be mine!" Krabs chortled at him. "Don't take me lightly, Krabs! I will get it, even if I have to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next-" He was interrupted by getting picked up by Krabs. "Yeah, yeah, don't quit yer day job, Sheldon." he said dismissively as he launched Plankton out the door and back toward the Chum Bucket.