Everything Made Sense

"Why, Lucas? What is this all for?" Ruth asked, seated in a deserted warehouse with her wrists restrained with plastic ties. If she were sitting on a cold metal chair instead of a wooden crate, this could be two years ago when Mani's men had brought her in. Only then she had been seated across from Harry. Things were quite different then. They were quite different now.

Lucas looked up at her. "What if there was one time in your life when everything made sense? What wouldn't you do to go back?"

Immediately, Ruth's mind flashed on one moment. One perfect moment that made sense. When she had been happy and everything finally made sense in that one moment. White burgundy and thermobaric bombs. What a species. She could still see Harry's smile across the table from her. The way he looked at her when they were alone and not working, the way her heart fluttered and her whole being felt at ease. It made sense, being on that dinner date with Harry. Before everything went so horribly wrong, before she had gotten scared, before he had turned cold, before Cotterdam had ruined everything else. That one moment made sense. Everything made sense. But she knew she couldn't go back. She swallowed hard and shook herself, steeling her expression against her captor, a man who she once counted as something almost like a friend. "With lies, you can go ahead in the world, but you can never go back."

"Don't quote Russian proverbs at me," he hissed.

She changed her tack. "Harry won't give you Albany," she proclaimed.

"I really hope that he does," Lucas replied softly. Terrifyingly.

"You'd really kill me, would you?" she asked him, feeling the tone of her voice grow higher as she felt the panic grow. She was going to die. It had only just now sunk in. She was going to die and Lucas was going to kill her. "How? How would you do it, Lucas?"

"Bullet to the back of the head."

He was so calm. So matter of fact. She should have known. He was on a mission, she was just collateral. And she knew it. She wasn't going to get out of this. Harry may have loved her once, may have wanted to share a life with her, but this was a step too far. Tears filled her eyes as the reality sunk in. But she couldn't fall to pieces now. She couldn't give Lucas reason to hurt her any further. She had to keep talking. Had to keep thinking. That would keep her going. "Let's say you do get Albany. You send it to the Chinese. What happens when someone uses it? You think you can live with that?" If only she could give him a moment to think, make him really contemplate the repercussions, maybe that would help somehow.

"I don't care," he answered petulantly.

A flash of horror ripped through her. "You do know what it is, don't you? Oh for god's sake, Lucas, if you knew what it did…"

"Ruth, please."

"It's a genetic weapon!" she shouted.

"Be quiet!" he shouted over her.

But Ruth could not stop. "Okay? It can be engineered…"

"Ruth!"

She stood up, pleading with him. "Listen, listen to me, listen to me, whatever you've done, whatever it is…"

"You don't know what I've done."

"Do you!? Do you know what you've done!? Lucas, do you know what you've done?!" She began to cry again, panicking over the implications of this, over what might happen, over this stupid, unwitting choice he was making. And it wasn't too late! He could fix it! He could make it right!

Lucas crossed over to her and grabbed her arms, forcing her to sit down again. "I've spent half my life hiding," he said. "I've been so careful. There's only one person I've been worried might find out. It's you."

That quieted her immediately. She understood now. His targeting her, it was twofold. It was leverage against Harry, of course. It wasn't the first time she'd been used to manipulate him. Wasn't even the second time. But unlike before, Lucas knew Ruth. Really knew her. And he saw her as a threat to everything he was doing. The tiniest part of her took pride in that, being recognized for her own worth and not just for what she meant to Harry.

Oh god, Harry. Time and time again, he was the beginning and end of everything in her world. And everyone knew it. Why and how they had ended up that way to each other, she would never know. She was clever and bloody good at her job. She tried to be kind. But really, there was nothing at all remarkable about Ruth Evershed, and she knew it. How on earth had she become embroiled in all these terrorist and international espionage plots? How had she become the one person that meant the world to Harry Pearce, of all people?

"Harry asked me to marry him," she said aloud, looking up to where Lucas was pacing. "I said no."

He poured a glass of water. "Why?" he asked, handing her the glass in some semblance of a friendly gesture. "You love him, don't you?"

Her heart skipped a beat at that statement. So nonchalant. Just like when he'd said he would put a bullet in the back of her head. She loved Harry and Lucas would execute her. Both facts of the moment. "Everything that's happened between us…it's too much," she replied in explanation. "I couldn't begin to unpick it all."

Lucas rolled his eyes. "For god's sake, Ruth. Be brave, be selfish! You're like me. You've done enough. Say yes!" he implored.

All Ruth could do was stare at him in response. Now of all times she did not want to be told that she was anything like Lucas. Was this him being brave and selfish after having done enough? If so, she wanted no part of it. Though that wasn't what he was saying. He was telling her to say yes. To say yes to Harry and to selfishness. To be brave. In so many ways, she was so much braver than she'd been before. She'd stared death in the face countless times and carried on and gotten through. Only a week ago, she had been kidnapped—not unlike now—and shot her captor to death to rescue herself and Deery. That had been brave. And she would be brave now. She wouldn't give in to Lucas, she wouldn't just sit back and let him manipulate Harry and take Albany and kill her, not without a fight. And maybe…maybe if she made it out alive, somehow…maybe she could be brave with Harry too. Though perhaps that was just a bit too much to hope for at the moment.

"It's time," Lucas said. He came over to her and pulled the gag back up over her mouth. She didn't resist him, knowing that if he knocked her out, she wouldn't know what he was doing, wouldn't be able to do anything after this. He went over to the table where there were two computer screens and a mobile phone. He typed something and dialed the mobile. He was talking to Harry, she could tell. Giving him instructions. It did not take Ruth long to realize that at least one of the computers was hooked up to a camera feed so he could watch Harry. Lucas had sent him somewhere and told him to strip off his clothes and put on others. Ruth was glad that Lucas was focused on the screen, as Ruth's imagination started to wander and she was too stressed to control her blush. But then Lucas gave Harry more instructions to get in a car and drive. He was going to make the drop. And Ruth's panic set in again.

Lucas closed the laptops and propped up the mobile before coming back over to Ruth to take her gag off.

"This isn't you," she said, pleading with him. "This isn't the man I know. I want to speak to Lucas North. I want to speak to Lucas. Where is he? Where is he?"

"Ruth," he replied softly, sitting down beside her. "Five miles outside Dakar, there's an estuary on the east bank that's covered with mangroves. Soft ground. That's where Lucas North is."

Her mind raced, knowing it was now or never. She needed to do something. "Harry's never going to give you Albany." It was a last ditch effort to make Lucas reconsider, but it was flimsy, she knew.

"You've always underestimated yourself, Ruth."

She was about to ask him what the bloody hell that was supposed to mean when she saw him take the cap off a syringe. "Lucas…no. No! Please! No!" she shrieked, begging for her life.

"Ruth, don't struggle," he grunted, plunging it into her arm.

"Lucas, no! What have you done!?"

"Come on, don't fight it," he said soothingly. "Just relax. Just relax."

Ruth felt a heavy darkness overtake her, but she did try to fight it. She gasped for air, crying and trying to beg. Lucas helped her lie down, and she could no longer move to physically resist. As she closed her eyes, she could feel him stroking her hair. And then everything went black.

"Ruth!"

That was her name. Someone was calling her name. Far away. She knew that voice. Didn't she? Yes, of course she did. It was Harry. Harry was calling for her. Her hand was stinging. How odd. Her eyes blinked open. Her vision was blurred but there were a lot of people around her.

Someone helped her sit up. Someone else had a stethoscope and listened to her rapid breathing and sluggish heartrate. But Harry was there. He was on the phone. But as soon as he saw her, he hung up and put it in his pocket.

"What's happening?" she slurred. "Where's Lucas?"

"We don't know," he replied.

Her heart dropped to her stomach. What was that supposed to mean? What was going on? "Thanks for coming for me. Hope it wasn't too high a price" she said coldly.

"Never," he told her.

That was exactly what she didn't want to hear. "Harry, you didn't…"

"I traded Albany to get your location. To keep you alive. And then Dimitri and Beth and Alec retrieved it," he explained.

"What!?" Perhaps it was whatever Lucas had used to drug her that made her mind swim, but nothing made sense.

"Ms. Evershed, can you stand up?" one of the paramedics asked.

She did so, shakily. But her attention remained on Harry. "You got Albany?"

"Yes, Ruth, we did. We had a tracker on Lucas's girlfriend and the team followed. The woman was killed in a shootout. Her body was found with Albany on the side of the road. And Lucas is gone."

Tears filled her eyes. Tears of relief, more than anything else. "Harry, you're sure?" she asked, take a step towards him.

She stumbled, and he was right there to catch her. "I'm sure, Ruth," he murmured softly, holding her in his arms.

Ruth broke then, all the adrenaline and tension and terror and chemicals pouring out through her sobs. She pressed her face into Harry's collar and clutched his lapels in her fists.

"It's alright, Ruth," he assured her, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. "Everything worked out alright."

"I'm so sorry, Harry," she cried.

"You've nothing to be sorry for, Ruth."

"Yes, I do. For all of it. For everything. For…for us." She pulled away to look up at him.

There were tears shining in his eyes, then. He gave a watery smile and took her face in his hands. His thumbs brushed away her tears. "Come on, let's get back to the Grid."

He helped her walk out to the ambulance so she could be given a final check before Harry took her back to Thames House. He stayed close by while her vitals were being checked, which she appreciated.

"Why do you look like you're about to meet with a Colombian drug lord?" she asked, finally noticing the clothes he was wearing.

Harry chuckled. "This is what Lucas gave me to wear. He had me strip in front of a camera to prove I wasn't wearing a wire or a tracker or anything."

"He had you strip completely?" she asked in slight surprise. Her inhibitions were lessened by the drugs, surely. Her tongue was far too loose.

"Let me keep my trunks, thankfully," he told her with a smirk.

"Well, he chose the right size for you, at any rate, though I can't say I agree with the choice of color."

"You don't like the light colors?"

"The blue shirt is nice. I like you in blue," she said, internally cursing for not being able to stop herself from saying such things. "I'm just not used to the light-colored suit. And it's not often I get to see you without a tie."

"Oh? And which do you prefer?"

"Dark suit, open collar."

He laughed lightly again. "Is that so?"

"Or else I do like some of those purple ties you have."

"I shall keep that in mind," he replied with a bemused expression.

The paramedic finally let Ruth leave, handing her two bottles of water and telling her to drink both and to rest for twenty-four hours. Harry helped her into his car, sitting in the back seat with her so his driver could take them back to Thames House.

She took sips of water and felt a bit better. A bit tired, but slightly more like herself. She rested her head on his shoulder. Harry gently took her hand. "Thank you for coming for me."

"Thank you for staying alive."

"Would you have really traded Albany for me?" she asked.

"I did."

"I mean if there wasn't a plan to get it back."

He hesitated a fraction of a second before resolutely saying, "No."

She exhaled in relief. "Good."

Harry turned and kissed the top of her head. "I need to change back to my own clothes and finish a few things in my office. Will you let me take you home after? You need to rest."

"Will you stay with me?"

"If you want me to."

"I do," she said. "I think we should talk."

"I agree."

Two hours later, Ruth was in trousers and a chambray shirt—the clothes she kept on the Grid for when they spent more than twenty-four hours there at a time—and Harry had donned his white shirt and black suit and a purple tie, which did not escape Ruth's notice. Tariq was on the electronic search for Lucas. Dimitri and Beth were handling Albany. The Home Secretary had been informed. And Harry was ready to take Ruth home.

He drove them both to her flat and followed her inside. She locked the door behind them. "I'll make us some tea, unless you want something stronger," she offered.

"I could certainly use some scotch, but I don't think you should have any. Sweet tea for us both, I think."

She smiled at the memory. "How very English."

"Though I daresay this ordeal is at its end, unlike the last time we had sweet tea in your kitchen," he pointed out.

"Different kitchen."

Harry gave a small shrug. "Different ordeal."

She went about starting the kettle and getting the tea things. Harry leaned against the counter nearby but out of the way. Ruth knew she should say something, though she hardly knew what. "I told Lucas," she blurted. Those damned drugs were wreaking havoc on her filter.

"Told him what?" he asked calmly.

"That you asked me to marry you and I said no."

"Oh wonderful. As if the man hadn't humiliated me enough."

But Ruth shook her head. "He told me I should be brave and be selfish for once and say yes."

Harry just stared at her, seemingly too afraid to move or speak.

Ruth continued, "He asked me why I said no. 'You love him, don't you?' were his exact words. And I just…I used to be so afraid of people knowing how I felt about you. I tried to hide it. Must not have done a very good job. Then or now. Then, I was young and naïve and foolish. And since I've been back, I've just felt so broken, Harry. Like…any of that brave selfishness that Lucas thought I should possess was so far out of my reach."

"You are not broken, Ruth," Harry said. "You have been put through the worst things the world could do to a person, but you have never broken. There is steel running through your veins. You are the strongest person I've ever known. And I don't know if it's brave selfishness you need, but I do think you are more deserving of happiness and love than anyone in the world."

She gave him a sad smile. "I just don't think that's true."

"But that is how I see you, Ruth," he replied softly. "And in all the bungling I've done about it over the years, the bad timing and the wrong words and all the rest, I have…I have tried to show you that."

"Show me what?" she breathed. They were on the precipice, she felt. If he just said the words, if she just let herself believe them, then they could…

"That I love you. And I want, more than anything in the world, to make you happy."

Her breath caught in her throat. She knew those things already. For he had shown her that without saying the words. But the words themselves, oh they meant the world. "You are everything to me, Harry," she told him. Her voice was barely more than a whisper, and if she tried to speak any louder, she was sure she would burst into tears. "From the moment we met, you became the center of my world. The beacon in the dark. The rock that held me steady amidst the swirling chaos of what we do."

He took a single step toward her, cupping her cheek in his hand. "And you have been that for me, Ruth. My true north in all things."

She laughed lightly. "I think we're getting a bit too poetic now."

"Yes, but you've always liked poetry," he murmured with a gentle smile. "And I only wish I had a bit more poetry when I asked you to marry me."

"I might have said yes."

"How about now?"

The air seemed to be sucked out of the room. There wasn't a single sound except the pounding of Ruth's own heart. "Now what?" she asked shakily.

"Ruth, will you marry me?"

If she opened her mouth, she knew she would cry, so Ruth merely nodded her head. Harry pulled her into his arms and his lips crashed against hers. Their mouths moved together and the tears escaped down her cheeks.

It was only the whistle from the kettle that broke them apart. Probably for the best, all things considered. "Tea," he reminded. He was a little breathless and he was smiling, looking happier than Ruth had ever seen him. Though she was reminded very much of their one and only dinner date. He had been happy then. Things had made sense then. Things made sense now.

"Would you stay with me tonight, Harry?" she asked, pouring the tea into each of their cups.

"I'd like that very much."

"Beth will be back eventually, but we could just…erm…"

He smiled. "I'll stay in your room and out of sight, if that's what you want."

"Well, I just think she should be warned before she finds her boss undressed in her flat," Ruth explained.

"Undressed?"

"Unless you plan on sleeping in that suit. I'd really prefer if you didn't. I don't much like you all rumpled."

"But the purple tie?" he teased, holding it up to her.

She smiled. "Yes, I like that very much. Drink your tea before it gets cold."

"Yes, dear."

Ruth felt herself blush. He'd never used any sort of endearment for her before. And even if he was teasing, it felt very nice. All of a sudden, it dawned on her. "Harry!" she exclaimed, almost dropping her tea.

"Yes?" he asked with concern.

"Are we engaged?"

"I hope so."

She exhaled, relieved she hadn't imagined what had transpired. "I'll be glad when these drugs wear off," she muttered, shaking her head.

"Do you not want to be engaged?" he asked worriedly.

Ruth reached over and took his hand. "No, I very much want to be engaged. I just wanted to be sure that's what happened."

He gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "Good. And perhaps tomorrow, after work, we can go by Cartier and I can buy you a ring and then take you to dinner."

"Oh we can't go to Cartier," she protested.

"Well, if you don't find anything you like there, we can try somewhere else."

"No, that's not what I meant…"

"I know what you meant, darling, but I have a feeling you're not going to let me buy you many expensive things during our marriage, so please indulge me on this. I'd like to find a ring worthy of the future Lady Pearce."

Ruth snorted in laughter at that. "I forgot I'd be getting a title."

"It's very stupid, I know, but it comes with the position of being my wife."

"Just being your wife is enough," she said, blushing again.

Harry took her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it. "It's more than I ever dreamed, Ruth. But we're going to do things properly. And that starts with an engagement ring."

She sighed resignedly. "Oh alright."

"Good. Now, drink your tea before it gets cold."

Ruth smirked. "Yes, dear."

Harry beamed smiling. Ruth's heart felt light and happy and everything, everything made sense.