Me: Hey, all CloudSkylark18 here and I'm bringing you all to the first episode of Talk Show; remastered and ready to be read. That said SmilesThroughFandoms, Sat3nCat and I own none of the shows, books, films or various other works to be shown in this collab. So, with that out of the way let's get on with the show.
Episode 1: Pilot (Of Inspectors and Demons of a Sort)
~Earlier Before the Show~
"I'm telling you Cloud, just leave the introduction to me, and I'll have everything under control!" a girl with glasses said to another girl; this one with honey brown hair.
"Smiles, you never have anything under control," Cloud said sending a point look at the other, "In fact you're the exact opposite of control."
Smiles huffed, "You can't let me have anything can you?"
"Nope!" Cloud said cheerily laughter dancing in her blue-gray eyes.
Smiles rolled her brown eyes at her friend's satisfied smirk, "Look, if you don't leave me in charge of the introduction, then I'm going to help Cat backstage. And by that I mean annoy our guests so much that they'll try to kill me before the actual show starts. Do you want that to happen?"
"I'm tempted to say yes..." Cloud's voice was deadpan though amusement lit her eyes at the indignant look Smiles threw her way, But fine, just leave the studio in one piece! I paid a lot of money for this set and I don't want you blowing it up!"
"I would never blow the studio up!" Smiles protested, but upon seeing Cloud's raised eyebrow she added bashfully, "Well, not on purpose..."
Cloud sigh, "Just make sure we actually have somewhat of a place to do the show when I get back," the brown haired girl told her friend as she began making her way backstage to check on the third member of their group; who also happened to be her cousin.
"You won't be disappointed, Cloudy!" Smiles called after her friend.
"Don't call me that!" Cloud called over her shoulder with a glare.
"Oh, just run your little test on the surprise!" Smiles waved her friend off as she made her way over to a plush, leather couch in the center of the studio. Cloud shook her head in a fond manner before heading off. Once she was outs of sight Smiles cracked her fingers and pulled out a laptop.
"Now, let's see what I can do about the introduction and theme song..." the girl murmured to herself as she began working, "Ooh! I like this song! Announcer voice, eh? Hmm... they said Voice Number Four is a good choice," Smiles fingers ran over the keyboard, "Add a couple of computer animations and some pre-shot video footage... and..." a click of the mouse followed her words, "Done! Now, time for a little play-back," Smiles rubbed her hands together in anticipation and pressed the play button as the camera zoomed in on her laptop screen, revealing the intro she made.
The show's logo appeared on screen as the instrumentals to Cee-Lo Green's Bright Lights, Bigger City started to play.
I've been living for the weekend but no not anymore. 'Cause here comes that familiar feeling that Friday's famous for. Yeah I'm looking for some action and it's out there somewhere! You can feel the electricity all in the evening air! And it may be just more of the same, but sometimes you wanna go where everyone knows your name! So I guess I'll have to wait and see but I'm just gonna let something brand new happen to me!
Video footage played along with the music. The first bit showed SmilesThroughFandoms playing laser tag with The Phantom of the Opera, Beetlejuice and Mabel Pines. The author of the group managed to win, but that only succeeded in enraging the Phantom who then attempted to strangle the girl with his Punjab lasso.
And it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright. It's alright! Bright lights and the big city belongs to us tonight... Tonight, tonight!
The next video clip was of CloudSkylark18 enjoying a small meal with Ash Ketchum, Pikachu and Brock. Cinderella, dressed as a waitress, then comes up only to be flirted with by Brock. With an annoyed look on her face Cloud asks Pikachu to give a small shock to the Gym Leader.
Now Friday's cool but there's something about Saturday night you can't say what you won't do 'cause you know that you just might. I'm alive this evening, it was love at first sight this Saturday and every Saturday for the rest of my life and everyone standing in line. Yeah, looking good and looking for a real good time. So I'll never have to wonder if, I'll have someone to share all of this with!
A third video clip popped up featuring Sat3nCat playing Mario Kart with Eren Yeager and Armin Arlert. Cat wins, and in his rage, Eren punched a wall; nearly destroying the entire building. In the distance an angry shout, suspiciously sounding like Cloud, is heard.
And it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright. It's alright! Bright light and the big city belongs to us tonight... Tonight, tonight!
Then the camera pulled away from the laptop screen revealing a loudly applauding audience. Said audience was filled with characters from various movies, cartoons, books, anime, games and many other fandoms. Then the camera panned to the stage which was decorated with the most modern but comfortable gamer amenities (such as beanbag chairs, leather couches and loveseats, a white shag carpet, and an oak coffee table).
"And now, here are your hosts. First, she's a book-smart ninja who has most of the characters from Assassin's Creed on speed-dial: It's CloudSkylark18!"
A loud cheer followed the announcer's words as the girl herself ran on stage. She waved and the crowd erupted into a frenzied applause.
"Next, she's deemed criminally and non-criminally insane in most states of America: it's SmilesThroughFandoms!"
Smiles appeared doing a rock-star slide onto the stage. It was impressive... for all of ten seconds then she crashed into the coffee table. The audience (and Cloud, though she would deny it; not very actively but it would still be a denial) busted up.
"And last, but definitely not least, she's a fan of a boy who can transform into a raging monster, and has enough weirdness in her body for both her and her cousin, say hello to: Sat3nCat, everybody!"
The final of the hosts Michael Jackson moon-walked onto the stage. She did a little turn and noticed Smiles still lying face-first on the table.
"What happened to her?" Cat asked her cousin.
Cloud sighed, "You don't want to know... though it's nothing new for her," Cloud then turned her attention to the audience, "Anyways it's nice to be here folks, and I'm so glad you all came to attend the premiere of Talk Show. Now it's time we introduce the first guest ever, Javert!"
The man in question walked onto the stage as the audience applauded. He raised his hand in acknowledgement of the greeting as Smiles groaned in the background.
Cloud ignored her friend as she politely questioned the inspector, "So, Javert, how are you doing?"
"Very well, thank you," Jevert replied stiffly, "Now can we please get on with this? I have to get back to my job some time today."
"Keep your shirt on," the sudden sound of Smiles's voice had most everyone jump in surprise.
"You're up early. I thought you'd be down longer," Cloud deadpanned. Smiles glared but her expression quickly devolved into a grin; one that was a little to wide for comfort.
"You're probably right, but I was too excited to tortu- I mean speak to Javert here," the girl's voice was bright; too bright to mean anything good. Cloud back away, and motioned for Cat to do the same.
"Now FIRE!" Smiles yelled, and following a thunderous boom a loaf of bread flew from backstage and hit the inspector squarely in the head. Javert fell to the ground stunned. The audience sent each other confused looks at how the bread had managed to reach that velocity to render a man unconscious. They received their answer when a camera backstage revealed a cannon with more bread resting around it; the cannon had been purchased by the hosts for such situations like the one involving their first guest. Smiles began laughing uncontrollably as she walked over to her seat. Cloud shook her head sadly, in respect for Javert, and mimicked the last action of her co-host.
"You really live up to your insanity more and more," Cloud said then turned to her cousin, "Cat, please get the smelling salts. We need to try and get the inspector back on his feet."
Smiles grinned "Aw... thanks. I'm glad you noticed."
Cat nodded beginning to walk away to find the bottle of salts, "Sure thing Cloud. I'll be right back."
"That wasn't meant to be a compliment," Cloud grumbled at her friends, "But I can see you took it as one," the girl sighed, "Well, while we wait for Cat to return how about we call in that guest you told me about, Discord?"
"Sure, just let me get a hold of him," Smiles said cheerfully, as Cloud grimaced; if the bread cannon hadn't been any indication, the more cheerful Smiles was the more Cloud worried about what was to happen next. Smiles left the stage for a short moment before returning with a strange dragon like creature following her.
As a testament to her familiarity with Smiles's tendencies to like odd characters Cloud barely even blinked before speaking, "So here we are with Discord. So, first question, what's it like to be you?"
Discord looked thoughtful. He snapped his lion-paw fingers causing a cup of chocolate milk to appear, then in the same heart beat he took a sip of the cup (literally, he drank the entire cup and threw the milk away). Only then did he reply:
"Just a hoot! Literally, you never know what yo expect in a day of the life of handsome ol' me!" with another snap of his lion-paw fingers Discord turned the chair next to the still dazed Javert into a throne.
Cloud just stared on blankly; the world no longer made sense. Smile's face became a huge grin as she watched her friends reaction.
The former of the two leaned toward the latter and whispered, "I can see why you wanted him on this show. That's a male, pony, lizard... chicken... goat... antelope... other various animals version of you!"
"You forgot lion there, dude," Smiles pointed out.
"And I might add bat and pegasus, if you don't mind," Discord said as he appeared suddenly behind the two hosts. The action startled Cloud slightly, much to Smiles's amusement.
"I said various other animals," Cloud muttered, "I'd assume that'd also include lion, bat and pegasus."
"It's true that that's a part of why I brought him here, but there's one other reason," Smiles's grin was more pronounced than before, "He can do the one thing I can never do to you."
"And what might that be?" Discord asked clearly curious and anticipating the answer. Cloud was even curious about her co-host's claim.
The answer was a little less climatic than the audience was expecting, "Scare her," Smiles said gesturing to her co-host.
"I was not scared!" Cloud protested glaring at her friend.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night Cloudy," Smiles said impishly.
A more burning glare had Smiles backing down as her co-host spoke, "I said don't call me that. And I might have been startled, but that's different than being downright scared."
Discord inhaled deeply, "Now this is good chaos," before he sighed and floated back over to his throne.
"Watch it there Lion-Paw," Smiles said a warning tone in her voice, "You're supposed to be reformed."
"What?" the draconequus asked a little too innocently, "Can't a guy enjoy a few simple samplings of chaos?"
"Normally, I say no but as long as this studio remains in tact... eh?" Cloud mused dryly, "And in any case if this ends up going where I think it is, you're gonna end up getting more than a few samples."
"Speaking of chaos, I just loved what you did to that poor fellow right there!" Discord laughed as he jabbed his talon-thumb-thing towards the still unconscious Javert, "Using that bread cannon was pure genius!"
"Aw, thanks!" Smiles blushed with a genuine smile, "That means a lot coming from a renowned prankster such as yourself!"
"Discord, while it is to my limited understanding that you are the Spirit of Chaos, I would be grateful if you did not encourage her," Cloud deadpanned. Smiles lifted a pointer finger as a thought struck her.
"Oh! That reminds me, I better go swipe some bread from the cannon before Captain Hook here wakes up," the brown eyed girl grinned as she skipped backstage.
"Why Captain Hook?" Cloud asked curiously before become suspicious, "And what are you going to do?"
"As for the first question; I dunno," Cloud could hear the shrug in her friends words, "And for the second; Twists and Turns are me master plan! Then find your elements, back where you began!"
"You just made less sense than you normally do! And I didn't think that was possible!" the brown haired girl shouted after her friend.
"Hmm... now I wonder where she got that from?" Discord mused; his throne had turned into a director's chair, and the draconequus himself was dressed as an old-time movie director. Cloud glanced over and found him to be reading from a script entitled: 'The return of Harmony-Part 1. A quick glare from the human on stage with him had Discord poofing the script away. The moment the papers were gone Cat returned with the bottle of smelling salts she'd been sent looking for.
"Took me awhile, but I got 'em!" the blond said neatly ignoring the draconequus as she knelt down next to Javert. In the same motion she stuck the bottle under the inspector's nose who then gagged and jerked up into a sitting position.
"What was that for?!" Javert growled at Cat.
"You had been knocked out by bread my good man," Discord informed the inspector, a small smile on his face; evident that he enjoyed Javert's confusion, though whether the confusion was a result of the statement made or the draconequus himself was unknown. In all likely hood it was probably a combination of the two.
"How?" Javert questioned, "How could I, Inspector Javert, be rendered unconscious by bread?"
It was Smiles who answered him, "Simple, I did it," she hid her hands behind her back as she made her way back over to where her co-hosts and guests sat.
"And where have you been?" Cat asked.
Smiles grinned that too happy grin once more as she replied, "Oh, I was just getting some bread from the bread cannon so I can actually host my own special segement of the show! A little something I like to call; Torture the Fool!"
The audience turned their attention to the televisions that had suddenly lowered from the ceiling. Scenes ran across the screens showing Smiles torturing random characters in different and unusual ways - sicking a giant sandworm on Beetlejuice, suspending the Goblin King over the Bog of Eternal Stench, locking Scar alone in a room full of the dumbest hyenas she could find, and so on - before the segment's logo appeared on screen with a splattered pie behind it. Once that was done the televisions were lifted back up into the ceiling
"Today's first, and only, fool, just happens to be Inspector Javert!" Smiles cheered. The audience joined her while Cloud and Cat just watched on.
"I don't like where this is going..." Javert trailed off uneasily as he observed the actions of the hosts. His co-guest on the other hand was not quite so concerned, in fact he was on the opposite end of the spectrum.
"You don't?" Discord asked impishly, "Because I'm on the edge of my seat with excitement!" the draconequus smiled as he munched on popcorn from the bowl he'd made appear (it's worth noting that he had transformed his seat yet again to become a section of Movie Theater seats). Cloud and Cat promptly joined Discord, one on either side, and occasionally snatched popcorn from the bowl.
"So, what's going on here exactly?" Cat asked in a hushed voice, much like one would hear at an actual Movie Theater.
Cloud eyes gleamed with amusement as she reassured her cousin, "Just watch, you'll laugh trust me."
"Today's torture device is; bread... Why more bread you ask? Observe, fine audience members," Smiles gave a sweet smile, which unnerved some of those present, before turning to the now wary inspector; a pure, malicious angry scowl on her face as she began pulling the bread a part and chucking the pieces at Javert, "HERE'S NINETEEN YEARS WORTH OF BREAD! EVERY YEAR OF TORTURING MY HOMEBOY VAJEAN TO YOUR FACE! OH! AND HERE'S THE BREAD FROM 1815 TO 1832! EIGHT MORE YEARS WORTH OF BREAD! BUT YOU SAID TEN YEARS ON THE RUN SO HERE'S SOME MORE BREAD TO TEACH YOU HOW TO COUNT! OH, AND ANOTHER NINE YEARS TO 1832! HERE'S YOUR BREAD JAVERT! ARE YOU HAPPY YET?!" Smiles screamed as the bread flew from her hands. When she ran out she stopped, cleared her throat and shrugged, "I'm thirsty. I need water," then so saying she walked off-stage for the third time.
Discord, who at some point during Smiles's tirade had rolled onto the floor, was the only one still outright laughing. Cat was snickering, still not fulling in control of her mirth while Cloud's smirk was the only indication of the humor she found at the inspector's humiliation.
"You were right," Cat smiled gaining a semblance of control over her emotions as she continued, "I did like it!"
"Told you," Cloud smirk became more pronounced before it disappeared behind her professionalism, "Anyway, back to reality. So Inspector Javert... What's it like being you?"
"A dreadful existence," Javert said, brushing himself off and taking a seat, "Always having to chase down a parole-breaking thief-"
"You do know you didn't have to chase this man down, right?" Cat asked.
Javert huffed, "Oh, but I did! He broke the lawr, and those who break it must be punished!"
"While I might agree with most of what you said," Cloud spoke, "He had little choice in the actions she could take."
Javert simply grumbled, something about 'citizens not understanding the pressures of one of his station'.
"I can see why she threw bread at you..." Discord mumbled. A crack indicated that one of the popcorn kernels he'd been chewing on boredly was no more.
"Tell me about it," Cat said quietly, "So Discord... you're the Spirit of Chaos, right? Would you mind giving us a small demonstration?"
The draconequus in question smirked in reply before cracking his knuckles. Then with a flamboyant wave of his talon-paw he snapped his fingers and the stage suddenly darkened. A non-sound effect thunder crash echoed around the studio. The three humans on stage glanced up to see what appeared to be:
"Are those... cotton candy clouds?" Cloud asked quizzically.
Discord replied gleefully, "Yep! And it gets better!" That's when it started to rain chocolate milk.
"Chocolate milk rain?" Cloud raised a brow, "I'm... conflicted. On one had I want to say 'well, there goes this show's last chance of making sense' and 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs anyone'."
"Oh, now what fun is there in making sense?" Discord asked. He reclined back into his, once again, changed seat; now it was a hammock.
"Hey, Cloud!" Smiles shout had everyone looking towards the curtain leading backstage, "You never told me about this machine! When'd you buy it?"
"What's it called," Cloud shouted back curiously.
"Umm... Elemental-izor! It has a picture of a diamond, balloon, apple, butterfly, lightning bolt and an odd shaped star on the side!" Smiles shouted.
Cloud's hummed a confused look on her face, "It doesn't sound familiar, and I don't remember buying anything like that recently. Bring it out here, so I can look at it!
"Kay-Kay!" the happy voice of Cloud's co-host preceded the girl herself as she skipped back on stage, "Here's the machine, Cloud!" Smiles lifted the strange device up into her friend's view.
"Bring it over," Cloud said. The girl, machine in tow, began making her way over to her co-host.
"Just watch out for that one loose floor board over there!" Cat spoke up in warning.
"What loose floor bo- whoops! I'm tripping!" Smiles called out as she tripped on the very same floor board that Cat had tried to warn her about. As she fell, Smiles let the Elemental-izor fall out of her hands. The device hit the floor with a resounding thud, though instead of breaking, as everyone expected, the machine let out a few beeping noises before a rainbow shot out from it. The rainbow arched up over the fallen girl and smashed into Discord. Before the draconequus could even react, he was turned to stone, a look of mild surprise on his face. Cloud, Cat, Smiles, Javert and the audience gasped in shock.
"Dude, you turned him into stone!" Cat cried out.
"Hmm... can we be sued for this?" Cloud mumbled to herself, "We didn't know what that machine did, and it was an accident... but that' never stopped anyone before."
"Whoops," Smiles grinned nervously, "Heh, heh... While Cloud's trying to figure out if we have an liability in this situation I'll take Discord backstage and try and find someone to chisel him out," as the girl began pushing the now statue Discord she spoke up again, "Feel, free to bring in the next guest while I'm gone."
Snapping from her thought Cloud glanced towards the seating room of the guests, "Not sure we won't be sued, but I'll worry about that after the show's over. As it is, it's probably a good thing that Smiles will be gone," the last bit was said under breath, but Cloud's cousin still heard her.
"Why do you say that?" Cat asked.
"Well, it's because our next guest is an antisocial delinquent with bloodlust issues. Which reminds me," the brown haired girl trailed off as she pulled out her cell-phone and quickly dialed a number, "Hello. Yes I'd like to speak to Reborn. What do you mean I have to hold?! I am not waiting twenty minutes! I don't care that he's busy just get him on the dang phone!" Cloud roared silent for a moment before speaking again, "Look I know it;s sudden, but could you get over here? I know youre busy, but I need your help. It has to do with a bloodthirsty prefect. Yes I'll get you whatever you want, within reason, just please get over here," then once the conversation was over the girl hung up and pocketed her phone; ignoring the curious stares of all the others. Cloud then stood and walked stiffly to the guest room where she peeked inside. A growl escaped her throat as she walked into the room, and likely to the outside, if the muffled shouting and clang of metal on metal was any indication. A moment passed and then Cloud returned with a boy trailing after her; murderous intent rose of the latter in waves.
"Herbivore, I don't like crowding," the boy growled threateningly.
"I understand that Hibari-san, but until you answer some questions you're stuck here," Cloud said; seemingly trying to keep her cool. The host was then forced to duck as a silver weapon was swung at her head.
"Really," Cloud raised and eyebrow, "Look, once you answer our questions and survive then insanity that is Smiles, then you can leave," the girl reasoned with the dark haired guest. Said guest said nothing before tucking his weapons away and sitting far away from everyone; a menacing glare was sent to anyone and everyone. It was at this moment that Smiles returned sans Discord.
"Oooh... is this the guy you were telling me about?" Smiles asked her co-host once she spotted Hibari.
Cloud sighed; thoughts of the damages that were likely to abound flooded her head even as she replied to her friend, "Yep, this is the head of Namimori Middle School's Disciplinary Committee, Hibari Kyoya. Please," she lowered her voice as she addressed Smiles, "just try not to annoy him.
"You worry too much," Smiles said cheerfully as she took her seat next to her co-hosts. Cat shared a look with her cousin.
"No I worry exactly the right amount... maybe less than I should at this moment," Cloud muttered. Cat sweatdropped before turning to the newest guest.
"So, Hibari-san, is it true that you make your own rules when keeping the peace in Namimori?" Cat asked.
"Hn," was the reply. Cloud sighed at the boy's action.
"Please... just answer the question Hibari-san," Cloud said pinching the bridge of he nose, "The sooner you do the sooner we'll be done."
The teen glared at her but answered, "Fine, but you'll owe me herbivore. The rules of herbivores' try to constrain me and are too lenient with those who break them."
"So... is that a yes?" Cat asked confused. Cloud simply nodded at her cousin when no answer was forthcoming from the prefect.
Smiles gained a curious look on her face before asking her own question, "Why are you calling Cloud an herbivore? Aren't all humans omnivores... baring choice of course."
"She's weaker than me," was Hibari's answer, "And she crowds around with others."
"Only those I know!" Cloud huffed, "I'm not much of a people person. And before you ask, he really does consider anyone weaker than him herbivore; that includes basically everyone hear right now. At least most every body. Though I'm pretty sure there are some lucky enough to be considered an omnivore in his book, and only one or two other people are considered to be at his level... possibly above, which is that of carnivore status."
After Cloud explained the ranking Hibari used the boy himself stood and walked over to one of the couches where he promptly laid down, "Herbivores I'm taking a nap. If you wake me up I'll bite you to death. I should warn you that even the sound of a falling leaf will wake me up," with that being said Hibari fell asleep. Smiles, Cat and even Javert looked at Cloud questioningly.
"It's true," the host under the gaze of those on stage with her said softly, "I've seen him wake up for a falling leaf, and... well, just do not wake him up," Cloud glanced over at the sleeping prefect before turning her gaze back to the others. Cat twisted so that her gaze was on the teen, making sure he was really still asleep. Javert was staring at the ground, stiff as a board; likely afraid that any move he made would wake Hibari. Next to the inspector Smiles fidgeted while trying to remain quiet. Cloud saw this and sent her friend her ever infamous 'Warning Look'.
"Don't. You. Dare," the brown haired girl growled quietly, which made her words all the more serious and unnerving.
"Ask a question! Ask a question!" Smiles whispered frantically, "Maybe then I won't end up killing all of us unintentionally."
"I highly doubt that," Cloud whispered her disbelief clear.
"So, Javert," Cat whispered, glancing at the inspector out of the corner of her eye, gaining the attention of the man, "I many not have read the brick of a book, watched the musical, or gone to the movie that made you famous but from what Smiles has been telling me; it's to my understanding that you're incredibly gullible."
"What?!" Javert's voice raised slightly above a whisper earning him a glare and a shush from Cloud, who glanced at Hibari to determine that the teen was still asleep. Javert had the good sense to look sheepish before turning a glare on Cat and Smiles.
"I am not gullible!" his voice this time was hushed.
"Oh really?" Smiles whispered, a mischievous look appearing on her face.
"Cloud..." Cat trailed off nerovusly, noting Smile's look.
Cloud sent Smiles another 'Warning Look' only this time she added a scowl to it, "Smiles, don't you even-"
Unfortunately, the warning came too late as Smiles shouted, "Hey Javert, look its 24601!"
"WHERE?!" Javert's over loud voice followed the host's own yell. He tried to pull his night-stick from his belt loop, but only ended up falling over in the process. Everyone started to laugh, but froze as a murderous intent rolled over the area. It was also clear that the intent was at least ten times stronger than it had been when he first appeared.
"Really," Cloud hissed, "You just had to go and wake him up; just to prove your point! Oh man, where's Reborn when you need him?" the host asked no one in particular. She stood and quickly pulled out a weapon of her own; a short sword. Smiles, Cat and Javert all back away from the girl keeping an eye on the prefect. Hibari had stood and was now glaring at everyone as he pulled out his tonfas.
"Hibari-san calm down," Cloud said slowly, as though trying to talk down a wild animal, "If you do, I might be able to find a way for you to fight Mukuro again," unfortunately the bribe of fighting Mukuro was ignored. Hibari rushed at the girl and swung one of his weapons. Cloud dodged and then brought her blade up, catching the second tonfa as it came towards her head. Before things could escalate farther a gunshot was heard followed quickly by the sound of a ricocheting bullet. Everyone on stage looked to the left and were greeted by the sight of:
"Is that a child?" Javert asked incredulously. Said child was wearing a suit and a fedora; a small green chameleon rested on the rim of the fedora.
"I wouldn't underestimate this particular child," Cloud said. Cat and Smiles looked at their co-host strangely.
"Dude, I think I'm finally starting to rub off on you... But not in the good way..." Smiles trailed off. But much to her surprise, and the surprise of many others, the infant jumped from his vantage point and landed gracefully between all the stage members.
"Ciaossu," the child said. Everyone blinked in surprise excepting Hibari and Cloud.
"Akanbou," Hibari said and to everyone's surprise, minus Cloud's and the infant's, he put his weapons away.
"I'm glad you could make it Reborn," Cloud addressed the child as she spoke, "Thanks for coming on such short notice," Reborn tipped his hat in her direction.
"You mean this is who you were contacting earlier?" Cat asked her cousin, getting a nodded from the blue eyed girl.
"Yep, he's the one of the few people who can stop Hibari-san," most everyone looked at the host as if she'd grown two heads, "Oh, come on. Don't tell me none of you realized that the prefect put his weapons away. Reborn's the one that shot the gun; he's a hitman and the world's greatest I might add," Reborn smirked as a mischievous light entered Smiles's eyes.
"Could you give us a quick demonstration?" the brown eyed girl asked. Reborn looked at Cloud and quirked an eyebrow.
"You'll have to excuse her," Cloud explained, "She's never met a hitman."
"Well, I've never met one either... well, not personally," Cat supplied.
Cloud nodded, "Yeah well, you at least understand that it's not a good idea to ask one for a demonstration.
"Oh, and why's that?" the nearly forgotten inspector asked. Cloud threw Javert a look that said 'are you serious?'.
"You of all people, being associated with the law, I thought would know. Well, the reason it's not smart is because the hitman in question may just choose you to help in the demonstration; Reborn definitely would," Cloud said evenly throwing a pointed look at Smiles. The girl in question backed away from Reborn although she seemed slightly reluctant.
Eager to get back to a semi-normal program and with Reborn as added insurance Cloud turned to Hibari, "So Hibari-san, what's it like being Tsuna's Cloud Guardian?"
"Were those even words?" Smiles asked Cat, who shrugged in reply.
"The herbivore has a knack for drawing in strong opponents," Hibari grinned ferally, "Most of them aren't worth my time, but sometimes there's an opponent that makes associating with the herbivores worth it."
"Uhuh, so... Reborn what was it like training Tsuna to become the boss of the Vongola?" Cat asked.
Reborn tilted the fedora down over his eyes a smirk appearing on his face as he answered the girl, "Entertaining."
"Entertaining, huh? WEll, what was so entertaining about it?" Smiles asked.
Instead of Reborn Cloud answered, "Tsuna's pain," the girl was then smacked upside the head with a giant green mallet. This amused Smiles's greatly, as Cloud rubbed her head glaring half-heartedly at the young hitman. The mallet said hitman had used on the host shrunk and turned back into the chameleon that had been sitting on Reborn's fedora.
"Jeez, you sadist!" Cloud growled, "Are you saying that you didn't enjoy causing Tsuna pain?"
"I never said that," Reborn's smirk became more pronounced, "But as a teacher it was gratifying to watch Tsuna win the Ring Conflict, and change the future," to this Cloud sweatdropped, Cat anime fell and Smiles looked confused (more so than usual).
"Ring Conflict? Changing the future? I'm... confused," Smiles groaned.
"When are you never confused?" Cloud deadpanned.
"I hate you," Smiles grumbled angrily at her friend.
"I know," Cloud smirked, "So, if no one has any more questions for Hibari then he can leave,"Smiles glanced at her friend a mite to innocently before asking:
"Is it true that you have a soft spot for small creatures?" you could hear a pin drop in the utter silence that engulfed the studio. With a single glare Hibari turned and left the studio. Cloud let out a breath of relief even as she turned her own glare on her friend.
"Do you realize how lucky you are not to be dead?" the brown haired girl hissed at her friend.
"What? I wanted to know," Smiles huffed, "You can't give me information and expect me not to say anything."
"Whatever," Cloud sighed then turned to the child hitman, "So, uh Reborn what do I owe you?" the hitman began walking off stage and beckoned for Cloud to follow him. Cat and Smiles shared a concerned look, but Cloud returned almost as soon as she left.
"What did he want?" Cat asked her cousin.
"Who, Reborn? Surprisingly nothing, at least not at the moment, I wouldn't be surprised if he cashes it in later since he told me he'd get back to me," Cloud said to her two co-hosts.
"Normally something like that would make me nervous," Smiles cringed at the thought, "Then again, I'm not part ninja, so..."
"Well, Javert, I think that's all the time we have for you today. Unless someone..." Cloud growled sending a pointed look at her friend, "Has something to say."
Smiles shrugged a grin on her face, "Nah, I'm good; said all I wanted to say earlier."
"If it's all the same to you Mademoiselle Cloud, I have something I'd like to say to Mademoiselle Smiles," the inspector said respectfully.
"Go ahead," Cloud said with a shrug, "We get paid whether you say something or not."
"Wait we get paid?" Smiles asked Cat quietly.
"I thought this was a FanFiction," Cat whispered just as quietly to her co-host.
"Mademoisell, Javert stepped towards Smiles, who merely raised her brow clearly unimpressed, "Please hold up one of your hands," the brown eyed girl complied and was promptly surprised when the inspector clapped one side of a handcuff around her wrist and the other onto the leg of her chair.
"What was that for?!" Smiles cried out incredulously.
Javert shouted right back, "You launched bread at my person!"
"You deserved it!" Smiles shot back tugging at the metal bond holding her in place.
"I did not!" the inspector growled.
"Actually," Cloud interjected, "As a person who saw the movie, read the Wikipedia summary of the book, and listened to Smiles constant ramblings about the musical... I can safely say you indeed deserved it."
"Besides, don't I get a fair and impartial trial?" Smiles asked.
"Well, he's from nineteenth century France, they didn't have fair trials then," Cat pointed out, "Did they?
"Pretty sure they didn't," Cloud muttered to her cousin.
"But you do get this Yellow Ticket of Leave-" Javert was caught of guard by the delighted gasp that came from his prisoner.
"Finally! I have the Golden Ticket, now I can go to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory!" Smiles cheered. Much to the confusion of most of the audience the brown eyed host had somehow managed to slip out of the handcuffs, and started dancing across the stage. Javert was left staring dumbfounded at the girl.
"Is she always like this?" the inspector questioned.
"Some days are worse than others," Cloud answered as Javert shook his head and made his exit, "Well Cat, I think it's time we bring out our last guest for this first episode. Do you mind getting him?
"Sure, what's his name?" the blond asked her cousin.
"Marius Pontmer-" Cloud began to speak.
"WAIT A MINUTE!" Smiles screamed suddenly appeared behind her fellow hosts, startling them, "Were you about to say Marius Pontmercy?"
"Yes... Back away from my personal bubble," Cloud said gently pushing her friend away.
"Ah, crap, I wasn't expecting him until Episode Three! I gotta go change, I'll be right back!" Smiles dashed off backstage.
"Wait, why are you changing? You don't even like Marius!" Cloud shouted after the other girl.
"That's why I'm changing!" Smiles called back and overly giddy tone, that put her friends on edge.
"I've got a bad feeling about this," Cloud sighed, "Cat go get Marius, and steal him a weapon from Sire Didymus; for his own protection. If Smiles come back I'll stall for time.
"Aye, aye Captain!" Cat saluted her cousin before heading off stage.
Cloud then turned to the audience and cameras and began speaking, "Well, our last guest of the day is an oblivious, dumb man who'd rather kiss the first spoiled blonde he sees than look right in front of - ok, who wrote this teleprompter?" Cloud asked in exasperation, "Because this seems a bit offensive in my opinion, and that's saying something!"
"I think Smiles wrote this one ma'am," a cameraman told the host.
"Yeah, that figures," Cloud grumbled running a hand through her hair, "Look, all offense aside, here's Marius Pontmercy!"
The wealthy, Frenchman walked out on stage to a mixed reaction from the audience; some cheered while others booed and threw various objects at him. Said objects included rotten tomatoes, shoes and big rocks. Marius was barely able to dodge these items. One particular audience member pulled a lawn chair from seemingly nowhere and heaved it at the poor Frenchman's head screaming 'YOU SUCK!'. This item was not dodged by Marius, leading to him being the second Frenchman to wind up semi-unconscious on the studio floor.
Cloud smirked as she looked down at the man sprawled out on the stage, "I take it that there are some Marius fans in the crowd."
Cat who'd been hiding backstage poked her head out from behind the curtain, "Is it safe to come out now?"
"Yeah... well, as safe as it's gonna get. We're gonna need to forma human shield for this guy once Smiles comes back," Cloud grimaced as she and her cousin assisted Marius into a chair. Cat placed the lance she swiped from Sir Didymus on Marius's lap just as the poor fellow regained consciousness.
"What happened? Did a carriage hit me?" Marius asked.
"I thought the phrase was 'truck hit me'?" Cat asked.
"He's from nineteenth century France," Cloud pointed out.
"And for the rest of the show... So am I!" Smiles announced happily as she pranced out onto the stage, now dressed as an Eppie-Bopper. Marius glanced around the stage, still a bit confused, while Cat and Cloud just stared at their fellow host and her new choice of clothing in mild surprise and shock.
"Dude, what the heck are you wearing?" Cloud asked her friend.
"What? This old thing?" Smiles smirked with false bashfulness.
"Emphasis on old," Cat whispered to her cousin, noting the worn down skirt, blouse and new-boy cap.
"I'm just wearing this to make Marius feel more... welcome..." Smiles said in a sickly sweet tone that unnerved not only the other three on stage, but also the audience.
"Should..." Marius cleared his throat though the fear didn't disappear from his voice, "Should I be worried?"
"Yes, I'd say so. Though if it's an consolation we got you protection," Cloud whispered the the guest before smiling and dragging her co-hosts to their seats, "Now, to being the final interview, Marius... wh-" Cloud was cut off as Smiles leapt from her seat jumping onto Marius, yanking his shirt collar so he'd be forced to meet her menacing eyes.
"WHERE WERE YOU JUNE FIFTH AND SIXTH IN THE YEAR 1832?!" Smiles shrieked at the Frenchman.
"Can someone get her off of me?!" Marius shouted. Cloud was quick to dash from her seat and literally yank her friend off the traumatized man.
"DUDE! We talked about this!" Cloud scolded Smiles as she set her friend back in her chair the latter host pouting as it happened," Now please, calm down or I will get Reborn out her, regardless of the favor I will owe him. Got it?"
Smiles sighed reluctantly, "Got it."
"Good," Cloud huffed before speaking delicately, "Now, Marius- all crazy Éponine fan-girl moments aside- what is life like for you now that the barricade failed?"
"And you were left with nothing but your wife, a dead father-in-law and a lot of empty chairs at empty tables," Smiles added smirking.
Marius face became one of heartbreak as Cloud smacked slapped Smiles on the back of the head for what she said, "It's... It's... difficult, at times. But I believe I'm moving past it."
Smiles opened her mouth to say something, but Cloud and Cat both threw their hands over her mouth, abruptly cutting her off. Cloud glance apologetically before giving Smiles her most irritated look yet.
"Sorry man, we haven't exactly got a filter or a muzzle for her yet," Cloud smiled thinnly.
"It's quite alright, I'm used to a few... what do you call them nowadays? 'Haters' every now and then," Marius said.
Smiles managed to swat her friends' hands away and put herself beyond their reach before smiling at Marius, "So Marius-"
"Here we go, this should be fun," Cloud grumbled sarcastically.
"I did a little bit of stalking - something you should be familiar with - and found that you are a fan of the Twilight series-" Smiles grin was manic.
"What? Now I am not! I cannot stand that fictional garbage!" Marius huffed dramatically. The three hosts blinked at him.
"I feel as though we've just upset a few people," Cat remarked solemnly.
"I feel as though Marius just unintentionally broke the fourth wall by being and unintentional hypocrite," Cloud murmured, "Though I have to agree with his statement.
"I feel as though I should continue, "Smiles smirked before turning her attention back onto Marius, "So, Pontmercy... Are you sure you're not a fan of Twilight?"
"I am most certainly not!" Marius shot back affronted.
"Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?" Smiles continued her questioning.
Marius continued his insistent denial, "I do not like Twilight!"
"Who's your favorite character?" Smiles smirked, "Mine is the one who isn't Kristen Stewart."
"We just lost a few viewers didn't we?" Cat turned to her cousin as she spoke.
"It was bound to happen sooner or later; I just thought it wouldn't happen until later," Cloud sighed, "Why'd it have to be the pilot episode?"
"Well, Mademoiselle I do believe you were a bit off on your assumption," Marius turned to Smiles voice cold, "Now, Mademoiselle Smiles-"
Smiles then reached out and slapped Marius across the face, surprising everyone, the man in question most of all, "OW! What was that for?!" the Frenchman yelled.
"I'm like Éponine," Smiles replied curtly, "I am no Mademoiselle."
"You just wanted an excuse to slap him, didn't you?" Cloud deadpanned.
"Yeah, pretty much," Smiles answered cheekily while her co-hosts sweatdropped, "Look, Marius. I'll let you leave right now if you just answer my previous two questions; honestly."
Marius fidgeted a bit under Smiles's gaze; said girl smirking victoriously as is she'd just won something. Cloud and Cat just shook their heads sadly at their co-host.
"I think you're enjoying this way too much," Cloud remarked dryly.
It's the little things, man. It's the little things," Smiles replied wistfully, causing Cloud to facepalm and Cat to roll her eyes. Finally Marius stopped fidgeting and exclaimed:
"Alright! Alright! I do like Twilight and... I regret admitting this, but I'm Team Edward."
SLAP!
"OW!" Marius screeched as he caressed the cheek Smiles just slapped. Again...
"I'm probably going to regret asking this, but why'd you slap him? In the face? Again?" Cloud asked then muttered quietly, "Though being on Team Edward admittedly makes him deserving of that."
"Because he shouldn't be Team Edward, he should be Team Éponine!" Smiles huffed.
"You don't like this guy all that much, do ya?" Cat asked her friend.
"Nope!" Smiles said as though Marius was no longer in the studio, "Besides, Enjolras is better."
"Right," Marius droned sarcastically, "The lone survivor of the June Rebellion is much less spectacular compared to a hot-headed leader of-"
SLAP!
"OW!" the Frenchman screeched again, cradling his other cheek.
"DUDE!" Cloud exclaimed, looked exasperatedly at her friend.
"There was a mosquito," Smiles said; a weak attempt a defense. Though she wasn't really trying very hard to defend herself in the first place.
"No there wasn't..." Cat trailed off with a sigh.
"Yeah, you're right, there wasn't," Smiles chuckled, "Alright Pontmercy, that's all the time we have for you and your darn lonely soul. You can go now."
"With pleasure," Marius remarked dryly.
"Oh, and if I were you, I'd hurry up and find Cosette," Smiles added a wicked smirk unexpectedly appearing on her face, "I think I saw her and Montparnasse talking together and heading out to some Italian Place-" Smiles's smirk grew as she watched Marius's eyes go wide in fear. As the Frenchman ran off stage, Smiles hummed, loudly and out of key, the melody to Empty Chair at Empty Tables.
Cloud rolled her eyes and shook her head at her friend's antics as she and Cat rose from their seats and joined their co-host center stage, "Well, that just about does it for this; the pilot episode of Talk Show. Thanks to all who actually took the time to check this out, and put up with the insanity long enough to make it this far," Cloud spoke with a smile.
"Now, our next episode will be sure to keep you on your toes. Not to mention get you to thinking," Smiles grinned brightly.
"That's right Smiles! Our next episode will involve tricksters; from just your average every day slight-of-hand guys to those we know to be dangerous!" Cloud exclaimed for all to hear, "Now, assuming Smiles doesn't get to them first, we'll see you all next time!"
Cat smirked at her cousin's remark, "That's true Cloud! Now, thank you and sorry to all the guests we had on this show today! Remember we just borrowed them, and none of them were harmed in the making of this show," Cat paused for a second before adding, "Well, except the ones Smiles tortured. Other than that, we own none of the characters and none were intentionally or unintentionally harmed; again barring those Smiles tortured!"
"There was also Discord," Cloud remarked then looked to Smiles, "By the way what happened to him?"
"I tried chiseling him out, but he's completely made of stone now!" Smiles said helplessly, "Right down to his core! I don't even know how to-"
"HEY!"
The audience gasped and then went silent as everyone (including the hosts) turned to see six brightly colored ponies (one unicorn, one allicorn, two pegasi, and two Earth ponies) and a tiny purple and green baby dragon narrowing their eyes at the hosts.
The unicorn with a curly, royal purple man stepped forward, "Is it true that a draconequss was recently on this show?"
The three hosts blinked before exchanging quick glances and then returning their gazes to the ponies and dragon before them.
Cloud stepped forward cautiously, "Um... yes, he was; If you happen to mean Discord. Dare I ask who you all are?"
The baby dragon came to stand beside the unicorn, "I'm Spike," he gestured to the others, "This is Twilight Sparkle," the allicorn, "Fluttershy, "the pegasus with a light pink mane nodded shyly, "Applejack," the Earth pony wearing a cowboy hat tipped said hat in greeting, "Rarity," the unicorn narrowed her eyes further, "Rainbow Dash," the second pegasus, with a rainbow man, seemed to be plotting the downfall of the hosts, "and Pinkie Pie," the final of the group, and all pink Earth pony, was fuming and looked ready to pounce, if horses could pounce, "And all of us are friends with Discord, the draconequus that was turned to stone!"
"So it was Discord," Cloud muttered as the allicorn moved to stand with Spike and Rarity.
"And we want to know whose fault it was," Twilight Sparkled gaze slowly moved over the hosts, "Now!"
"Oh, that was me," Smiles chirped in. Cloud grabbed her friend's arm and yanked her back quickly.
"Uh, I'm not so sure that's something you want to admit to. If those ponies and that dragon are his friends, they might want revenge; and you being the one that put Discord in the state he's in would be their first target. Not to mention that they look pretty angry..." Cloud trailed off, eyeing the group of ponies and lone dragon warily.
"Especially the pink one," Cat whispered, gesturing to the murderous look on Pinkie Pie's face.
"Guys, chill. The show they're from is literally titled Friendship is Magic. There most powerful weapons are pieces of jewelry that shoot out rainbows," Smiled shook her friends hand off her shoulders, "I think I can handle this," Smiles then calmly approached the Mane Six and Spike, "Look, guys. I am the one who turned Discord into stone again, but it was a pure accident! I just tripped and then a rainbow shot out of the strange machine I found backstage! Now, I know you all can be very friendly, so let's just all work together to free Discord from-"
"Let's get her!" Rainbow Dash shouted. That was all it took for the Mane Six and Spike to charge the host and begin attacking her. Smiles tried to crawl her way free, but Pinkie Pie and Spike dragged her back into the circle the Mane Six had created around her.
"GUYS! GUYS HELP ME! AH - OH IT HURTS! IT HURTS SO BAD! GUYS HELP ME! THEY'RE NOT FRIENDLY! THEY'RE NOT FRIENDLY AT ALL!" Smiles screamed as the ponies continued their beat down.
Cloud and Cat exchanged glances, "Should we help her?" Cat asked, though not overly eager to deal with enraged horses and a dragon.
"Nah, she's had this coming for a while now. Besides she said she could handle this," Cloud remarked with a smirk before turning to the audience, "Well, that's our show. Tune in next time!
"And if you would, maybe leave a review in the box!," Cat smiles, "I'm Sat3nCat!"
"I'm CloudSkylark18!" Cloud grinned.
"AND I'M IN HORRIBLE PAIN!" Smiles shouted as she attempted to crawl away again, which ended with the same result of her being dragged back into the circle. The girl screamed in terror and pain the entire time.
"Join us again next time! Bye!" Cat and Cloud waved goodbye to the audience as Hot Chelle Rae's song Tonight Tonight started to play. The two unscathed hosts began to dance as the camera pulled away from the stage. As the video feed began to fade out, the song, Smiles's screams and the audience's applause were all the could be heard. Then the screen faded to black.