Chapter One
"Come back to me! I love you forever!"
Valentine's words were still ringing in Ender's ears long after his house vanished behind him. Graff sat beside him, gazing nonchalantly out the window. Ender unashamedly observed the colonel. The man was dangerous, dangerous enough to persuade him to leave behind his family for six years and fly to a space prison.
It's what I was born for. If I don't go, why am I alive?
Not once did Graff turn his head to look back at Ender during the journey. Of course he knows that I'm afraid. Ender decided against asking the colonel any more questions. He thought that all would become clear soon enough.
As the car slowed to a halt near the launch station, Ender saw other boys piling onto the ship from a nearby bus. Most of them were bigger than him, taller, stronger, but a few were close to his size. As he stepped out the car, he heard muttering behind him. Graff was quietly speaking with another adult, but his eyes never left Ender. The attention made him nervous.
Ender was surrounded by laughter as he boarded the ship. The other boys weren't laughing at him, not yet, but Ender could tell that some of them had already made friends. Gangs. Like Stilson's. He did not find the jokes funny, and he did not laugh with the rest of the boys.
The launch occurred quickly, and soon the ship was in space. The other boys stopped laughing as the discomfort of reorientation planted itself in their stomachs. Color drained from the faces of some, and one boy began to gag. Ender found the lack of gravity quite entertaining, and a miniscule smile, invisible to the other boys, escaped from his lips. He was sitting on a wall.
Colonel Graff soon climbed up the ladder. Or down, rather. Or in whichever way Ender wanted to imagine. That he found even funnier, a thousand times funnier than the lame jokes the other boys were exchanging before the launch. He did not realize the stark smile on his face until Graff's stony gaze met his.
"What do you think is so funny, Wiggin?" Ender's mind went blank, and he stayed silent. "I asked you a question, solder!"
So Ender explained what he had found funny, not daring to look at any of the other boys. And he was (quite literally) knocked off his feet when Graff turned the attack into a string of praises, making him the star student instantly. As the colonel finished performing acrobatics to get back to his seat, the boy sitting next to Ender turned to him.
"Looks like you've got it made here."
"I didn't ask him to say that stuff." Ender timidly replied as he met the other boy's eye contact for the first time. The boy rolled his eyes.
"No crap you didn't. As if that bonehead would take orders from a baby. How old are you? You're smaller than the rest." The boy's gaze scanned Ender's body.
"Six." Ender felt himself relaxing a little. The kid didn't seem hostile. "You're not much bigger."
"Never said I was, but trust me, I pack quite a punch. Name's Alai, by the way. What's yours?"
"Ender. Ender Wiggin."
"Wiggin, huh? From how much you were wigglin' your butt when you climbed up here?" Alai laughed good-naturedly, and Ender found himself suppressing a smirk as well. I like this boy.
The rest of the trip went by mostly in silence for Ender. Alai frequently turned around and joked with the other boys, and sometimes he popped Ender a question or two. It was always small talk: schools, homes, favorite activities and smelliest teachers. The other boys did not bother asking for Ender's name, and one or two shot occasional glares in his direction. Ender pretended not to notice. They're looking for a reaction, and that's exactly what I'm not going to give. As a voice on the speaker announced that they were approaching the school, Alai suddenly turned to Ender.
"You saw them, right? The way they were looking at you?" Ender subtly nodded. He then shrugged, trying to mask the fear growing inside. I cannot show weakness. Alai didn't seem to notice.
"Better watch your back." Alai winked to indicate the joke, but Ender sensed the grain of truth in the statement. As everyone began to disembark the ship, a boy tried to trip Ender. Ender fell flat on his face, and snickers arose from around him. Graff roughly pulled him to his feet.
"Stay alert, soldier. That'll be the nicest trick they play on you from now on. Fend for yourself, earn their respect, or you'll get skinned alive in there. I wish I was joking." The glint in Graff's eyes was enough to convince Ender that he wasn't.
"You made them hate me." Ender knew that he was taking a huge gamble when he answered back. At that moment, he didn't care. "You made them jealous."
"And what are you going to do about it? Bawl for mommy? Lick their little butt cracks clean every time they take a dump? The only way to make them stop hating you, to earn their respect and admiration, is by being so damn good that they're scared to make a wrong move on you. I told them you were the best. Now you damn well better be."
Despite himself, Ender's lips quivered. Graff sighed and, kneeling down, looked directly into Ender's eyes.
"Ender, you were put on this ship not just because you're a Third. We've seen the hidden potential in you to become one of the best, if not the best, fighters mankind will ever have. If we're right, you'll save humanity from the buggers. If we're wrong, no one would be here to blame us for it. And the training you're about to go through will give us the answer. But there's no one you can rely on except yourself, and you gotta learn that quickly. Because in there," Graff pointed towards the entrance ahead of them, "Are some of the cruelest, meanest people you will ever meet in your life." Ender doubted that, but Graff made no effort to continue speaking. He quickly walked away, feeling the colonel's stare follow him through the doors to the school.
When he arrived at his dormitory, Ender discovered that the only available bed was by the door, below Alai's bunk. As soon as he entered, the room grew quiet. Ender immediately spotted the biggest kid in his group, and his gaze was none too kind. Ender pretended not to notice as he opened his locker and compartments. Cool suits, and is this… a laser gun?
An adult entered the room, ducking his head to avoid hitting the lowered ceiling. Ender observed him. He was younger than Graff, with fewer wrinkles on his face and a more energized demeanor. His eyes sparkled, evidently not having been through as much stress or exhaustion as the colonel. But above all, he seemed kind. Almost fatherly, even.
"Good evening, boys. I'm Dap, your temporary mom for the next few months. But don't come running to me if you wet your bed." Dap paused and allowed the boys to laugh. "And follow my orders unless you want a broken nose. Clear?"
The boys nodded.
"Now, dinner's in five minutes, and you can make your way to the mess hall by following the colored dots on the floor. Your code is blue green blue—remember that and you'll always be in the right place at the right time. If you managed to open your lockers, congratulations, you're not disabled, but you'll also find all the uniforms you'll ever need from now on, as well as a desk to do your homework. Battle School's still got 'school' in the name, so don't let me catch any of you slacking now." Dap glanced around the room, attempting to warn any potential troublemakers. His eyes landed on the big kid.
"You. What's your name?"
"Bernard, sir." You don't look so scary now, do you, Bernard?
"I'm keeping an eye on you. Now, what's the color code?"
"Blue green blue!" Everyone answered in unison.
"Good. Now go have some dinner." Dap turned and left.
As the boys exited their dorm, someone forcefully pushed Ender into the wall and he softly cried out. Ender turned around to see only Alai, whose face was clouded with genuine concern.
"Are you okay?"
No, Ender wanted to scream, no, he's not okay, because he's lonely, scared, and thousands of miles away from home, from Valentine, all because he was chosen to fight in some stupid war. I cannot break down now. So he nodded.
"Let's go then." Ender and Alai walked out the dorm and followed the bright luminescent dots on the ground. After a while, Alai broke the silence.
"Listen, Ender. I know people ain't treating you right, and I know you don't deserve a damn thing they've done. I wish I could help, but right now I don't want them thinking you've got a follower. They'll hate you even more for that." Alai turned to look at him, but Ender kept his gaze focused ahead. He knew that Alai was right to an extent, but he felt no need to admit it.
He heard Alai sigh as they reached the entrance to the mess hall, and Ender walked away to get his tray of food. When he returned, he found Alai sitting in the middle of a table with Bernard's little gang. They were all laughing, but Alai was just nibbling on his food. You try to blend in, yet you're standing out. Ender looked for an empty table and sat down.
A few bites into his food and Ender noticed someone walking in his direction. The boy was much bigger than him, and for a second Ender tensed with uneasiness. But the boy's face conveyed no malice, no desire to make his life any harder than it already was. He took a seat across from Ender.
"Hello." The boy sounded tired. Defeated.
"Hi."
"My name's Mick."
"I'm Ender."
"Why aren't you sitting with your launch group?"
"Why aren't you?" Ender blurted out before he could stop himself. Talking like that to someone twice his age was not a good idea.
Mick didn't seem to care. "Because I'm the bugger in my group."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I'm invisible. Insignificant. Another bug they squash under their foot," Mick said as he leaned forward. "Are you?"
Ender didn't reply. He didn't need to, because Mick already seemed to have the answer he wanted. It didn't matter. The two boys ate in silence for a while before Mick spoke again.
"There's a reason why I'm telling you this, Ender. I don't want you ending up like me." Ender looked up. "You wanna do well? Become a leader. That's what they're looking for, people who can lead and command fleets in battle. Work hard and make your group respect you, but that still doesn't mean they'll be your friends. Quite the opposite, actually. But then again, you don't need too many friends in your life, as long as you have one or two good ones. Ones you can trust with your life. Me? I've got no one. Hopefully it'd be different for you." With that, Mick stood up and left.
That night, after the lights went out, Ender thought about Valentine. He recalled the soothing voice that she put on to comfort him after every nasty fight, telling Ender that he was different from Peter and always will be. He recollected her soft touch as she would embrace him like her own child, shielding him away from Peter's dangerous threats. She's not here anymore, and she won't be anytime soon.
The heated fistfight that unfolded only a day ago seemed like a dozen lifetimes away. Ender felt a whimper choke in his throat as regret constricted his chest. Why did I choose to leave home? He stared intensely at the mattress above him, not daring to shift his glance anywhere else. Hot beads soon started forming in the corner of his eyes. I cannot cry now.
It only dawned on Ender then that noises were coming from the other bunks. He blinked hard a few times and strained his ears to make out the sniffling noses, raspy breaths and quiet sobs emanating from other boys. Seems like I'm not the only one missing home. It gave him just a little comfort as he discovered that even the toughest kids in his group had weaknesses, that they had emotion.
Above him, Alai did not make any sounds, but Ender knew from the uneven breathing that he was not asleep. He's the only one who's been approachable, who's been kind to me until now. Ender wished that he could learn more about Alai and wondered what it was in him that got him chosen as well.
He wondered what it was in himself that the teachers were looking for.