I'm from London and I do have some knowledge on cockney slang but I did need translation websites to help me. Apologizes if it is not 100% perfect. I hope you enjoy it. This 2\3 part story is a present for a good friend of mine Sly-bunny22 and it is set in season 12.
Sam is in the kitchen flipping the pancakes. He puts the pan down and goes to the coffee pot. He picks up the pot and pours the coffee into two mugs. He hums to himself and gets the maple syrup out of the fridge. He scoffs at the half empty bottle of syrup. His brother had such a sweet tooth. The younger hunter gets out the fruit for himself and begins chopping them up. He gives the pancakes another check making sure they are not burnt. He nods feeling pleased with himself and he puts the pancakes on the plate.
He hears footsteps coming down the hallway. With a grin Sam pours the bacon followed by the maple syrup on the pancakes. He lastly puts the cup of steaming hot coffee next to it. Sam goes back to the pan and hears his brother entering the room.
"Morning Dean." Sam smiled as he pours the mixture into the pan.
Dean watched his younger brother moving around the kitchen. If Sam had an apron he would be a housewife.
He has the hair to be a housewife.
"Butcher's 'oo decided ter be the Babblin' Brook today." Dean says.
Sam froze and gives his brother a strange look.
"What did you say?"
"Babblin' Brook. You're cookin'." Dean pointed out with a scoff.
Sam frowns.
"Dean I know I have a habit of babbling but you don't need to turn it into a nickname."
Dean frowns.
"What's babblin' gotta do wif cookin'?"
"I don't know you tell me."
"Sam? wot the Gypsy Nell 're ya talkin' abaht?"
Now Dean looked pissed off.
"Gypsy?" Sam shakes his head. "Dean what the Hell are you talking about? Why you talking weird?" Dean glares and folds his arms. Sam approaches him with a concerned expression. "Dean are you okay?"
"I'm Calvin Klein." Dean waved him off.
"Dean you're not a fashion designer?"
"Never said I was." Dean cocked his head."Why lookin' at me weird?"
"Its your voice! Wait no it's not your voice its your accent you don't sound right."
"Come again?"
"Dean, have you heard yourself I mean really heard yourself?" Dean furrows his eyebrows and his tongue licks around his mouth. He gives his brother a puzzled look. Sam gestures. "Say something?"
"Ummm..."
Sam picks up the mug.
"What's in this?" He asks.
Dean raises his eyebrow.
"That's a rathead question ya got Everton Toffee in there." Dean stops and his eyes widen. His hands go on his throat. "Sammy what's Pete Tong wif me Hobson's Choice?"
"I..." Sam didn't know what his brother is talking about but he assumed Dean has realized something is very wrong. The younger hunter looks at Dean's scared expression. "Dean I think you are cursed."
Dean's face goes blank. His face soon turned into anger.
"Son of a bitch!" The older hunter began pacing up and down. "a the Gypsy Nell am I cursed? We ain't 'unted any witches."
"Did you touch anything in the bunker?"
"I ain't touched nuffin'."
Dean was getting infuriated. What kind of curse is this? It made him sound like a right idiot. He is afraid to talk because he is worried about how it would come out of his mouth. Sam gets out his phone.
"I'm gonna call Rowena." Dean let out a groan. "Sorry Dean but we kinda have no choice."
Sam scrolls through his contact list. He finds the witch and presses on to her number. It rings for a while. The younger hunter huffs and waits impatiently for the witch to pick up. Then the familiar Scottish voice comes through.
" Samuel. "
"Rowena."
"This better be good."
"I...I need your help."
"Oh do you now." Her voice purred with interest.
"It's...it's umm it's Dean."
"What did the bugger get himself into this time?"
"I uh do you know curses that can change how a person talks?"
"I beg you pardon?"
"Dean he is different he is... I can't explain it I have no idea what he is talking about?"
"Put him on the phone." Dean shakes his head at that. No way he is letting Rowena hear him like this. "Oh come on Dean I don't bite." The witch chuckled. "Just want to listen to your wee voice."
Sam puts the call on loudspeaker and puts the phone down on the table. Dean kept his mouth shut. Sam glares at him. Dean sighs and gives in.
"...ey Rowena."
"Oh." Dean could have sworn she was grinning down the line. "May I hear some more."
"Rowena."
"I need intel Samuel."
"Wite as if." Dean sighed.
There is a giggle.
"My my I smell the blood of an Englishman."
"Huh?"
"Dean you're bloody Brit. A Londoner."
"What?"
Now Sam thought about it Dean did sound like a Brit. Not the posh Brits Dean sounded like someone from Oliver Twist.
"Ya must be jokin'. Surely they daan't Rabbit and Pork loike this."
Rabbit? Where the Hell did rabbit come from? Dean thought.
"Cockney do." Rowena answered. "From what I can hear you are talking cockney rhymes."
"Rhymes?"
"You talk in rhyme. For example apples and pears means stairs. Adam and Eve means believe. I know the basics."
"Bullshit."
Dean sits back and folds his arms. He thought the Brits are the biggest dicks as it is and they now have this language that makes no utter sense. If people in the U.S spoke like that their ass would be sent straight to the nut house.
"Is there a way to break this?" Sam asks .
"It depends. Usually those spells go on their own. However you could track down the witch who cast the spell."
"We haven't hunted any witches." Sam says.
"I guess the first option it is then."
"How long will it last?"
"Couple of days, a week...a month."
"Months? Gypsy Nell nah i'm not puttin' up wif this for a monf." Dean stands up. "Sam we need to find this witch."
"Dean we don't even know who we are looking for."
"Use ya Charles Fox o' bits John Wayne and start searchin'."
Dean suddenly growled in frustration and storms down the hallway. Sam blinks and furrows his eyebrows.
"Wayne...brain?" Sam smiles and nods. "Dean I think I understood that." There was no response from the older Winchester. The younger hunter sits down and opens his laptop. "Rowena if you find anything can you let us know."
There is a groan.
"Fine. I'll see what I can do. Goodbye."
The call ended.
Later on Sam sighs and closes his laptop. Nothing. He had nothing. There hasn't been anything from Rowena and Sam knew Dean is going to start getting impatient. The older hunter has remained quiet for the rest of the day.
He could try for Cas but the angel is busy looking for Kelly Kline. Crowley Sam thought last thing they needed is the King of Hell teasing the older Winchester.
Sam checks his phone to see if the witch has sent him a text.
There is still nothing.
Just then Dean comes in with his jacket on and duffle swung over his shoulder.
"Hey. Where...Where you going?" Sam asks. Dean looks up at him and quickly looks down. Sam stands up. "Dude it's okay you can talk to me."
Dean rolls his shoulders and grits his teeth. He then raises his hands and does a writing gesture.
"You want paper?" Sam asks. Dean nods and smiles. Sam opens a word document on the laptop. "Use this."
Dean let out a silent thank you and goes to the laptop. As soon as he touched the keyboard a shock went through him. Dean gasps and stumbles back.
"What the?" Sam touches his tabs. He frowns when he couldn't find anything wrong. He looks at his puzzled brother. "Sorry man I think it's your curse." Dean cursed under his breath and bailed his fists. "Hey." Sam leans on the table and smiles at his brother. "Talk." Dean raises his hands but Sam interrupts him. "With your words." Dean shakes his head at that. Sam folds his arms. "Try me."
Dean sighs.
"It's them. The bloomin' Brits they did this ter me."
Dean cringed at the sound of his strong English, cockney accent. Sam narrowed his eyes.
"The Brits? You think the British Men of Letters did this?"
"It's funny i'm speakin' loike them. I 'ave become a more douche version of them. This cockney rhymin' fin' is Jackson Pollock."
Sam nods.
"Guess you got a point but Dean why? Why would the Brits curse you?"
"Cuz they're assholes." Dean snapped.
"Rowena said this might be a witch's doing."
Dean didn't look convinced. He is certain the Brits knew about his current language problem. They would do anything to piss him off.
Now they are gonna pay.
" I'm garn over there wif or wifaht ya."
"Whoa whoa Dean. You can't just go over there and start pointing fingers you could be wrong about this." Sam unlocks his screen and starts looking through his numbers. "I'll call Mick." Dean's nose wrinkles with disgust. "Dude if we go over there you are gonna cause a scene. If Ketch is there..."
Sam shakes his head. Last thing they needed is Ketch making fun out of the situation.
This could actually be Ketch's doing. Sam thought with a swallow.
"Give me a sec."
Sam walks into the room with the phone to his ear.
"Davies speaking." Mick's cheery voice came through.
Sam sighs.
"Hey Mick."
Mick sat with a cup of tea in his hand. He held it with his pinky out and on the table is a tea-pot, the milk and sugar cubes.
"Care for more tea old chum."
Mick looks across the table. His colleague Rupert Evergreen held the pot of tea. He raises his eyebrow as he waited for a response. Mick nods and leans forward.
"Why not." He smiled.
Rupert refills Mick's cup. Rupert gestures to the table.
"More sugar."
"I'm good thank you." Mick sips his tea and puts it down. He picks up a scone and spreads jam and clotted cream on it. He goes to take a bite. A hand swoops in and takes the scone out of his hand.
"Thank you Davies." A voice said above him.
Mick looks up and glares.
"That was mine Arthur."
Arthur Ketch bit into the scone and smirks.
"Yes it WAS yours Davies."
Rupert looks at his colleague with disappointment.
"Come now Arthur there was no need for that. There was plenty on the table."
"I couldn't be bothered to jam and cream it." Ketch again smirked as he finished off his scone. "Now gentlemen how do I look?"
"Handsome as always." Rupert winked. Ketch straightened his tie looking more smug than ever. Rupert puts his cup down and grins. "Getting ready to see your girl Arthur?"
Ketch's smile drops.
"Girl?"
"Mrs Winchester." Rupert clasps his hands. "I must say Arthur she is a fine woman indeed very beautiful considering she burned on a ceiling."
"Ouch Rupert." Ketch cringed.
Even Mick gave his friend a frown. Rupert was always known to have dark humor.
"Have a good day." Rupert crosses his leg over the other leg. "I am certain those pants will not be staying on for long." He mumbled under his breath.
Mick choked on his drink while Ketch frowns.
"What did you say?"
Rupert smiles.
"Cheerio."
Ketch narrowed his eyes. He grabs his bag and leaves the room.
"He is so fun to tease." Rupert chuckled.
"I wouldn't go to far if I were you." Mick warned.
"Why? Because he will kill me?" He scoffs. "Mick he would have done that ages ago."
"Still I wouldn't push his buttons."
"What!" He laughed. "It's not like he is going to shoot you in the head is he?"
"I think he would do the stomach." Mick scoffed.
The sound of ringing interrupts the conversation.
"Soooo rude." Rupert huffed angrily.
Mick mimes "Sorry" and looks at the screen. His eyes widen.
"Winchester."
"Winchester? Which one?"
"Sam."
"Samuel!" He grins. "The brother that actually sees good in us. Unlike his brother." He spreads jam on his scone. "Dean...The poor man he has been hit on the head many times he struggles to see who is good and who is bad. He works with the King of Hell and not us. He sees vile demonic scum as allies and us as the villains. Mickey I think we should order a MRI for the older Winchester see if there is any significant damage."
"Are you serious?"
"It shows we are concerned about his health and well-being hmm."
Mick rolls his eyes and answers his phone.
"Davies speaking."
"Hey Mick." Sam sighed.
Mick leans back on his chair.
"I assume you didn't call for a chinwag."
"Uh no umm you see umm we gotta a problem. Its Dean."
"Dean. Is he okay?"
"He's cursed and we were well I was umm wondering if you can help us."
"You are asking for my help." Mick grinned.
"Can you help?"
"Depends what the curse is."
"It's um..."
There is a yell from the other end followed by a "Hey!"
"Earwig 'ere ya Three Card Trick! I kna ya did this ter me as sum Uncle Dick Rum Coke! 'eaven and 'ell ya 'ad your fan so na I want ya ter make me an american. if ya refuse I will 'unt ya daahhhnwahn by wahn and kill ya. ya 'ear me!"
It went silent. Rupert sips his tea and frowns at his friend.
"Mick why is your mouth open like a cod-fish?"
Mick shuts his mouth but the shock remained on his face.
"Dean? Are you...Did you just talk to me in Cockney?"
"Yeah he did."
Mick heard a smack followed by a "Oww bitch" and "Jerk." Mick waited for the brothers to finish their little squabble and then asked his next question.
"That's the curse? Dean you think we did it?" He shakes his head. "Dean I know nothing about this."
"Yet I'm not convinced."
" Dean I swear I know nothing. Anyway why would you think we would curse you? That's a waste of a spell and it's a pointless spell what are we getting out of it? "
"He thinks you did it as a joke. To piss him off." Sam replied .
"I can assure you Sam we are innocent."
"Wot abaht Ketch? "
"I can assure you this is not Ketch's doing either. You both are not exactly friends but Ketch wouldn't go that far. I know him."
"We heard it could be a witch." Sam says .
"Possibly have you hunted any witches recently?"
"No."
"Hmmm? Maybe a witch saw you and decided to play a cruel joke on you."
"But why?" Dean winced.
"Dean you do umm how could I explain this you come across as...rude and...a dick. I am assuming whoever cursed you it was payback. Dean I got a list in my flies of all your enemies but I'm sure there is many more than what the papers show me."
Dean growled and Sam muttered something to him probably getting his brother to back down before a full-blown argument happens.
A woman walks in with flies in her hand.
"Mr Davies."
Mick takes the flies and nods.
"Thank you Miss Alice."
He flips though the file and lets out a groan.
"Which beast is it today?" Rupert asks.
"Hello?...Hello?"
Mick puts the phone back to his ear.
"Sorry about that I got sidetracked. I just got a case." He grits his teeth. "I need your expertise but since Dean is out of action..."
"What is it?" Sam asks sounding interested.
"Three bodies, each one has a hole in their chest, there is no sign of the heart."
"Werewolves."
"A classic." Mick replied sarcastically. He then had a thought. "How about you do this case and in return I will help you solve Dean's language problem."
"You would?"
"I can promise you that." He grinned.
"Ya trust 'im?" Dean sneered. "'e could be playin' wif us."
"He is our only best shot Dean." Sam replied. "We can't just rely on Rowena we gotta consider other routes."
"I can tag along if you like." Mick suggested.
Rupert raises his eyebrow at his colleague's suggestion.
"Thought Ketch was the brawns of the team."
Mick gave his mate the finger before returning to his phone call.
"I can be very useful on a hunt."
"Gypsy Nell nah." Dean answered. "Nah way ya 're comin' on a 'untwif us."
"Dean." Mick smiled. "Don't you realise I haven't questioned or interrupted you. Can't you see I understand you."
"Huh?"
Mick's smile widens.
"I'm a born and bred Londoner. I been on the streets and seen cockney take place It is rare but in some areas people do still talk like that. I picked up a few lines in the past then eventually I understood every rhyme in the book. It's quite easy once you get hang of it. Although you don't want to admit it you need me. Sam I bet you have no idea what your brother is talking about half the time."
"Umm yeah." Sam replied sheepishly.
"So you need me. I can be your translator."
"Translator." Dean scoffs. "I fin' we can do just Calvin Klein wifaht ya."
"Did you understand that Sam?" Mick asks. When there was no response Mick grinned and said. "He said I think we can do just fine without you. Calvin Klein...fine...Klein...fine can you see it rhymes?"
Mick felt that he was a teacher teaching children in a class room. Dean scoffs in response.
"Seriously? ya replace the bleedin' Dicky Bird Calvin Klein wifcalvinklein? that's just rathead."
"No Dean it's not stupid its cockney rhyming and its brilliant. By the way Dicky Bird means word and rathead means stupid."
"Umm Mick how does stupid rhyme with rathead?" Sam frowned.
Mick sighs.
"I don't know but it's cockney so..."
"This is so Tom Thumb." Dean muttered.
"Let me guess dumb?" Sam asks.
Mick grins.
"Correct. Listen lads having bad communication on the field can cause consequence such as...death. Sure Sam you might know the odd few words but you really need to know whole message. I am your solution to overcoming this communication barrier. What do you say? You in or out?"
There was chatter. Sam begging while Dean is arguing. Dean sounded like an angry Brit speaking fast in cockney rhyme going so fast Mick is certain Sam couldn't catch up. The conversation was amusing to the Englishman.
"I ain't got all day lads." Mick interrupted. "You know lives need saving."
There was a sigh.
"Sure Mick." Sam says. "You can come."
Mick grins.
"Marvellous. I will text you our meeting point. Right now I must pack my bag. See you later Sam, Dean. Have a safe drive."
The call ends and Mick puts his phone away.
Rupert stared at him with the scone still in his hand. Mick stands up and frowns at him.
"What?"
"You are insane."
" I am doing my job. "
"Yes which involves sitting behind the desk and barking out orders not going into the field."
"Now it's time I did."
"You are going to get yourself killed. Maybe we should call Arthur."
"And distract his honeymoon." Mick smirked at his answer.
Rupert didn't look like he is the mood to laugh. He instead stands up and places his hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Be careful out there old chum."
Mick nods.
"I will."
Mick gave his friend a smile and then he leaves the room.
One thought flashed his mind as he walked out.
This is going to be an interesting case.
To those who couldn't figure out what Dean said during the chapter here are the translations. I aim to post the next chapter next week.
"Butcher's 'oo decided ter be the Babblin' Brook today." : "Look who decided to be the cook today."
"Babblin' Brook. you're cookin'.": "Cook. You're cooking."
"What's babblin' gotta do wifcookin'?": "What's babbling got to do with cooking?"
"Sam? wot the Gypsy Nell 're ya talkin' abaht?": "Sam what the Hell are you talking about?"
"I'm Calvin Klein." : "I'm fine."
"Why lookin' at me weird?" : "Why are you looking at me weird?"
"That's a rathead question. ya got Everton Toffee in there." : "That's a stupid question. You got coffee in there."
"Sammy what's Pete Tong wif me Hobson's Choice" . "Sammy what's wrong with my voice?"
"a the Gypsy Nell am I cursed?": "How the Hell am I cursed?"
"We ain't 'unted any witches." : "We haven't hunted any witches."
"I ain't touched nuffin'": "I ain't touched nothing."
"...ey Rowena.": "Hey Rowena."
"Wite as if.": "Right as if."
"Ya must bejokin'. surely they daan't Rabbit and Pork loike this": "You must be joking. Surely they don't talk like this."
"Months? Gypsy Nell nah i'm not puttin' up wif this for a monf." "Months? Hell no I'm not putting with this for a month."
"Use ya Charles Fox o' bits John Wayne and start searchin'." : "Use your computer brain and start searching."
"It's them. the bloomin' brits they did this ter me": "Its them. The Brits they did this to me."
"It's funny i'mspeakin' loike them. I 'ave become a more douche version of them. this cockney rhymin' fin' is Jackson Pollock." "It's funny I'm speaking like them. I have become a more douche version of them. This cockney rhyming thing is bullshit."
"Cuz they 're assholes.": "Because they're assholes."
"Earwig 'ere ya Three Card Trick! I kna ya did this ter me as sum Uncle Dick Rum Coke! 'eaven and 'ell ya 'ad your fan so na I want ya ter make me an american. if ya refuse I will 'unt ya daahhhnwahn by wahn and kill ya. ya 'ear me!" : "Listen here you dick! I know you did this to me as some sick joke! Well you had your fun so now I want you to make me an American. If you refuse I will hunt you down one by one and kill you. You hear me!"
"Wot abaht Ketch?" : "What about Ketch?"
"Ya trust 'im?": "You trust him?"
"'e could be playin' wif us.":"He could be playing with us."
"Gypsy Nell nah.": "Hell no."
"Nah way ya 're comin' on a 'untwif us." : "No way you are coming on a hunt with us."
"I fin' we can do just Calvin Klein wifaht ya." :"I think we can do just fine without you."
"Seriously? ya replace the bleedin' Dicky Bird Calvin Klein wifcalvinklein? that's just rathead." :"Seriously? You replace the word fine with Calvin Klein? That's just stupid."
"This is so Tom Thumb.": "This is so dumb."