Accompanying Music: "Athletic Heart" By Anton Belov
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Cold...
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Unbearable cold...
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Everything's going numb...
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Arms and legs light like air...
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Bubbles trickling up past my head...
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Can't even tell if I'm floating or sinking...
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Dead or dying...
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Then there's this flash...
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A flash of memory...
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The same one I've seen time and time again...
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"Fox." Uttered a voice. Its timbre encompassed a certain warmth; a certain kind of comfort.
A young teenage vulpine lie over there on the edge of his bed, arms relaxed behind his head. He wore an over-sized dark green wool sweater with cargo shorts and was gazing up at something: Models of all the Lylat System's worlds which hung from a large mobile around the ceiling lamp. Sheets of rain pattered against the bedroom window meanwhile, whisked through a chilly grey autumn air outside.
"Hey, son..." The voice spoke again. Now a grown middle-aged vulpine donning khakis and a casual shirt stood at the bedside, over young Fox. His fur came out somewhat of a darker brown than that of his son's.
"HQ's been keeping me late the past couple a days. Lotsa last-minute intel for this big mission and what not. Didn't get let go this morning until quarter-past three so... I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you..."
Naught but quietness returned. The teenage vulpine remained focused on those model planets; particularly the one of Corneria. The white tip of his broad bushy tail occasionally twitched a bit.
"... Taking a break from homework?" James McCloud smiled caringly and proceeded to sit down beside his son.
"Yeah," Fox uttered at last, "Just... Taking a little break..."
He'd propped himself up on his elbows, though an obvious uncertainty within his tone prompted James to tilt his head a bit.
"... Having trouble with something...?" He wondered, eyeing his son who nodded not long after.
"Vector theory, trajectory analyses, and orbital dynamics... Again..."
Glancing over at Fox's desk, James saw a number of glass-slate text logs lying next to an opened notebook. He couldn't help but let out a light scoff through his nose in response, since he recalled just as well the hours upon hours of frustration he'd gone through whilst learning those exact same topics.
"It's all just... Complicated..." Fox went on, "For every one thing I seem to get, there's always two or three other things I don't get."
"Mm." James acknowledged, again in understanding. "That is the Academy's endgame though. You learn real quick: Piloting any spacecraft is everything but your easy walk in the park. Doesn't matter if it's an Arwing, or one of our humongous Alpha-Class Carriers."
Fox pondered his father's words. Sure he'd heard more or less that same rundown many times before, but it remained true. Subjects like vector theory, trajectory analyses, and the dynamics of orbits were of course critical for any Cadet in the Cornerian Defense Force Academy to master.
"... Oh," Then James thought to ask, "How'd that flight test go yesterday? The one in the simulator?"
Mute was his son. From the rather dour look now upon his face it was clearly the last thing he wanted brought up.
"... Did you...?"
"I failed." Grumbled Fox, "Crashed."
James sighed after a moment. "What happened?"
"... I... I don't really know." Fox attempted to explain, albeit reluctantly. "First of all, the instructor's supposed to be giving us real-time feedback on exactly what's happening, right?"
"Mhmm." His father affirmed.
"Well... That's the thing. What happened made no sense. It's like a glitch hit the system or something and they didn't even notice. I mean, I was the one piloting. I thought I'd kept steady control the whole time. I saw all the gauges... All the readings..."
James remained quiet, even as Fox paused before thinking to give some context:
"... They had us doing another mock recon around Sector Y. Everything actually went real smooth, up until the minute I started making my final approach for landing back in the Carrier Transport. All of a sudden, the instructor raised his voice at me over the com. Said I had a problem with the G-diffuser and my Arwing was starting to roll to starboard."
"And, were you?" Inquired James.
"No, I wasn't." Fox insisted, "I made sure to keep an eye on every gauge throughout the recon. Double checked them then and there. Nothing seemed off, but that's when it went haywire."
"... Haywire how?"
"Next I knew, everything lurched sideways. Suddenly ended up in a fast barrel roll to starboard just like the instructor said a moment before. I stayed calm though and did my best to re-stabilize. I figured I'd done it, but then I looked up and... I way overcompensated 'cause I'd been depending on the gauges and for whatever reason, both the forward and starboard gyroscopes were off! Like, sixty whole degrees off!"
A sharp sigh escaped the young vulpine's maw as he paused yet again. Frustration and regret clearly nagged at his mind from recollecting this event.
"So there I was in a steep left bank... Tumbling straight into the carrier's hangar with the instructor all but yelling at me: Stabilize! Stabilize! Stabilize! By then it was too late though. I crashed there in the hangar and failed yesterday's test. You get the picture, dad."
"... Actually," James responded, "I'm not sure I do."
Fox's green eyes shifted over to look at his father for the first time this conversation.
"Whaddya mean...?"
In return, James gave him a subtle yet curiously supportive smile. "Anything else you can remember, Fox?"
"... Well, I..." The teenage vulpine's thoughts stumbled. "I mean, what else do you want me to say? I just... I choked, I crashed, and I failed. So all I can do is make sure to fly better next test, right?"
James lowered his head a bit, still intent on expressing sincerity. He let out another breath.
"True, but... That isn't quite what I meant. I meant more like, can you remember anything specific about yourself?"
Again, Fox reluctantly tried to put himself back in those seconds leading up to the crash. He recounted the sudden discombobulation of the simulator rolling, lights flashing, alarms droning, not to mention the instructor barking commands. And yet, he soon managed to focus on that precise moment of realization; the befuddlement from how the gyroscopes were completely inaccurate. What he'd seen as being leveled there on the dashboard was almost vertical when he looked ahead.
"... My hands were still tight around the stick..." He started at last, sitting up on the edge of the bed. "... And there was this moment... Where I knew if I just overrode to manual and pulled back the other way... Instead of staring at those gauges like an idiot..."
Fox gazed down, fidgeting with his fingers while shaking his head somewhat.
"I knew I could've... I was ready to... If only I did just override the stick and level back out... But the gauges confused me... So I didn't. Like I said; I choked, and somehow I guess the instructor didn't notice the glitch so it just counted as part of the failure. That was that. I was in no position to gripe."
This whole time James had been silent, yet something about that scenario seemed to be exactly what he expected to get despite both seeing and hearing his son's frustration.
"... Just curious," He inquired, "Who was the flight instructor for the session?"
Fox thought a moment. "Fitzgerald. It was Major Fitzgerald."
"Fitzgerald... " James pondered, a grin soon growing across his maw. "Ha, so that old boy's still on the teaching side of the Brass eh?"
"Um... Should I know him more than just by name?" Wondered Fox, "Yesterday was the first time he's ever instructed us."
A light promptly flashed in James' head, for there it was. This confirmed what he'd been suspecting; that the supposed 'glitch in the system' wasn't a glitch at all. Rather, it was very much a part of the Academy's training, and this also meant that Fox had reached a certain point as a Cadet.
"Well then," He confidently began, "You can expect to be flying under him a whole lot more from here on out, and not just in the simulator..."
The teenage vulpine gave his father a rather dubious look. "Not sure I get it, dad."
He patted his son on the shoulder. "In any case, it's nothing to lose sleep over right now. Can I take a wild guess though and say ALL your group-mates failed the test too?"
A surprised Fox hesitated. "... How'd you know...?!"
James waited through a silent beat of his own. "That's a whole other story, but it's not the important takeaway. What is important is how you obviously had it in yourself on what to do in that sudden situation. You knew how to react, your nerves just weren't ready yet. That's something you'll only learn to master with time, practice, and yes, more failures. Many more failures, even."
His son gazed back down at his furry feet, still unsure over what this all was supposed to imply.
"... I'm not mad or disappointed, if that's what you're worried about." James went on, "Quite the opposite as a matter of fact. I'm proud of you, Fox. Real proud to hear that you've reached the point where they're really starting to challenge you..."
A nonchalant scoff left the teenage vulpine. "Still doesn't change the fact that my whole group failed."
"Well that's just it." His father countered, "The idea was exactly for you all to fail..."
Fox rolled his eyes, sighing in disbelief before James added:
"... But not fail in the way you're thinking..."
"C'mon, give me a break dad." Fox started to refute, "I know you're trying to make me feel better and what not, but you weren't there. You didn't see that glitch. How it threw everything off. Believe me, I talked with the other Cadets afterwards. Everyone said something went completely haywire too right when they were about to-..."
He stopped himself when glimpses of a certain realization bloomed right then and there in his mind. Now he appeared to brighten up. His eyes even widened a little.
"Wait... THAT'S what the test was about...! There was no glitch...! Instead it gave us a scenario where we had to react with faulty systems on purpose!"
James nodded, happy that his son was finally catching onto the actual lesson of the test. "Mhmm, so you see? That's why I reckon you can at least feel proud for being able to know how to react right off the bat. I'll bet you most of your fellow Cadets couldn't say the same..."
A myriad of thoughts percolated through Fox's head until finally:
"... Yeah, I get it now..." He said with a slight grin, "My attention was so fixed on the gauges 'cause we'd all been trained to of course... But it just goes to show... We can't always rely on them, or any of the flight instruments for that matter..."
Wholeheartedly his father agreed. "Right on the money, Fox. When something suddenly goes on the fritz, however rare those instances may be, you gotta be ready to manually switch over like that. Take it from me; it's definitely happened a time or two out there."
For the next little while Fox sat there, still quiet and contemplative. He gazed out the bedroom window where that autumn storm carried on. A gust of wind threw a heavier sheet of raindrops against the pane.
"... One of these days you'll also come to understand the key to it all." James then declared, "I myself consider it one of those great 'secrets-hiding-in-the-open' sorta things, but it's what many of us pilots take to heart."
Fox glanced at him. "What's that?"
His father smiled. "... Remember what I've often told you over the years? Whenever you got stuck at something, yet you still had that feeling which eventually did bring you through to the right outcome?"
The teenage vulpine perked up. "Trust your instincts...!"
"Bingo, and equally vital? Never give up... No matter how tough or daunting things may look." James acknowledged. Fox on the other hand seemed a little taken back by its simplicity and had to process the notion.
"... Really? That's the key? Huh..."
"I know, I know," The older vulpine followed up, "It's one thing just to say those words, 'cause let's be honest, that's what they are: Words. But give it enough time along with your progress in training, and I promise it'll become second nature. You'll see."
"Thanks dad..." The more Fox thought about it, the clearer it became. His father was absolutely right; he'd had that gut instinct on what to do then and there, just like he'd articulated.
"... You wanna hear something else? Another secret if you will?" James then asked, to which his son perked up again somewhat.
"Oh?"
He ended up thinking for a beat. "Well... I 'spose this one's a little different, but it's something your mom and I have known for the longest time. Has everything to do with this next mission..."
A kind of youthful curiosity overcame the teenage vulpine. His green eyes beamed in response as he waited to hear what his father would say next.
"You know what though? I'll say it's a much more special secret..." James teased. Willing to play along, Fox shifted his body so he was facing the older vulpine head-on.
"Alright, c'mon dad. What's this secret?"
"Ok, ok..." Chuckled James, "It's how I always complete my missions and make it back home..."
Silence of a new kind arose between the two of them sitting there on the bedside. Rain kept whisking against the window all the while, until at last, James gently rested a hand atop Fox's fuzzy head.
"... It's you and mom." He said, patting his son between the ears. "Mhmm. It's you and her, Fox..."
A tear glistened in the corner of James' eye all of a sudden. He sniffled, blinking hard before thinking to wipe it away.
"It's 'cause of those I love. Those I care most about. They're the ones who give me the real courage... The assurance that I'll be able to tackle any mission... No matter the odds..."
Fox just stared at his father, blank and speechless. He'd never seen him in this vulnerable of a state before and didn't know what to respond with, much less how. Not until later in his life would Fox truly be able to think back on this brief moment and realize the full implications.
"... So... Ahem..." James began once more, clearing his throat. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I know this next mission's gonna be no different from the rest of 'em. I mean, they don't call James McCloud Corneria's 'One True Ace' for nothing, eh Fox?"
A genuine smile slowly formed on the corners of the young vulpine's muzzle. He threw his arms around his father's torso and clung to him tightly, as if never wanting to let go.
"I love you dad..." He murmured. James let out a heartfelt sigh and likewise hugged his son, eyes still moist.
"I love you too, Fox..."
Now the young vulpine couldn't help but feel his own chest flutter. A flurry of emotions started teeming within him; anything from pride and happiness for his father, to an indefinite melancholy which lay beneath it all.
"H-How long will you be gone?" He wondered.
"... A month I reckon." Replied James, sniffling another time.
Fox closed his eyes. "Where are you going?"
His father paused, glancing up and eyeing a particular greenish world on the outermost ring of that large planetary mobile.
"... Venom."
The name seemed to echo around in Fox's head several times until he finally reopened his eyes and parted from their hug.
"That far out, huh." Marveled the teenage vulpine, also looking up at that planet of interest with its spacial relation to Corneria.
James nodded. "Sure is..."
Then his son surmised, "Hm... At least it sounds like you'll be home for End-Year. Mom'll be glad..."
To this the older vulpine chuckled. "Heck, I'm just hoping to get back in time so I can still register for the 46th Galactic Smash Tournament! Gotta make sure I'm up to snuff on my kicks and all for when everything rolls around next summer over on Neightyvee. You know that you're gonna be old enough to enter now, Fox? I mean, if you ever wanted to give it some thought. Word is there's shaping to be lotsa newcomers this occasion."
Fox only ended up half-listening to what all his father said, for one last little question had manifested in his mind.
"... Dad? Is anyone else going with you on the mission?"
Soundly, James answered, "Who other than my two most trusty wingmen, Peppy Hare and Pigma Dengar."
Peppy... Pigma... The thought percolated for a moment. Fox had met them in person before; more so the former than the latter, although he still knew both names and thus felt reassured now since they were another pair of Corneria's finest fighter pilots, behind his father of course.
"... Originally the plan was for me go alone, if you can believe that!" James exclaimed, adding, "But Pigma must've persuaded the Brass to let him and Peppy accompany me just for good measure, which after talking about it with him, yeah... I reckon it is nice to have some company, as well as backup."
Fox smirked, letting a scoff out through his nose before asking lightheartedly, "Maybe he figures there could be a tough spot that you'd need help with?"
His father confidently nudged him on the shoulder, grinning back.
"Who, me?" He jested, "Nah. Not a chance."
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There it is...
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The lie...
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The fleeting warmth...
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But before that...
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Before the pain...
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I remember watching...
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Watching him kiss mom goodbye outside...
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Watching him leave home again...
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And yet I felt so sure...
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Sure I'd see him come back...
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Like every other time...
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That belief...
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That sweet little belief...
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All the unforeseen consequences...
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Did dad know...?
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Did he already know what would happen...?
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Was he prepared...?
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Was he prepared to die...?
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Was he ready for the end...?
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His end...?
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Is this my end, then...?
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They say memories have a way of messing with time...
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How they can comfort us in final moments...
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I've even heard it's nice to drown...
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Peaceful...
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But no...
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No...
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Dad was still right...
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I have to believe...
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I HAVE to believe this isn't the end...
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Those I love...
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Those I care about...
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I can't...
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I can't go...
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Not like this...
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Never...
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Like...
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This...