Sunflower, Vol 6

by njostn

"My daddy thinks you're really pretty. I think he wants to marry you." - - - - - - - - - - - - - Paisley Ann Josten is a piece of work for a five year old. Neil is trying his best as a single father, and when she falls in love with a new children's book author, well, how can he tell her no? This is a story of growth, of finding family somewhere unexpected. And it's also the story o

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Preface

Before this absolute shitshow of a story starts, I have to explain a few things. Specifically the effort I'm putting into this story. And how it might not go to plan, because when do things ever go to plan?

I've made Instagram accounts for each main character, and I'm going to be posting there in between chapters. Parts of things that happen in chapters will be posted. And who knows, maybe there will even be some q & a's. Although that's unlikely, because none of the characters would ever do that. The first official chapter will be up (hopefully) this week. I'm crazy excited about this, and I hope you are, too.

As of now, here are the links to the accounts I have.

It's not required to follow them, obviously, but I thought it would be a fun addition. And it might help with the immersiveness. Check it out, it might be interesting.

neil's

andrew's

aaron's

renee's

Allison's

Listed on Andrew's account, there's the option to email him. You can use that option however you please, and you can expect an email back. You can ask about books he's written, ask for advice, or just tell him he's a disaster who needs to get his shit together. All of that is welcome, because I want to make this as fun as possible.

And then there is the quick descriptions of each character. I'll try to keep them as in character as possible. Changes in the canon timeline are that Neil was never recruited by Wymack, but exy and the foxes still exist. Kevin is still as obsessed as he was before. He plays for New York. Aaron and Kevin are together and are very happy. Aaron and ANdrew have a great relationship as brothers, because they have both grown as people. They are both 27. Allison is a model and vlogger. She can speak both French and English. Renee is married to Allison, and she is also a vlogger, with a blog she does on the side. They both travel often but make time for Neil and Paisley, and Renee makes time for Andrew, Kevin, and Aaron. They are all very close and know each other well. They're a family, just like the canon version of the Foxes.

Neil is 23 with a five year old daughter. She's blonde with blue eyes, and she is so adorable. But maybe I'm biased. I am writing her, after all. Neil is an art major, and we love that for him. He's balancing being a dad and being a student, and that's stressful. But he's doing his best.

Updates:

someone texted me and asked me why i was making so many fake instagram profiles, and now i'm embarrassed, so who knows if i'll actually reactivate matt, dan, and nicky's accounts. But for now, Aaron, Andrew, Kevin, Neil, Allison, and Renee's will stay up.

I'm really fucking embarrassed. I never want to leave my house again.

And I have an Instagram! I'm ajmiiinyard

Hope you enjoy! Let this disaster start!

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter One: Keep it Sweet in Your Memory

Neil considered himself to be a "cool dad", or whatever the internet was calling it now. He tried his best to let his daughter do what she wanted, with limits, of course. He didn't want to put a damper on her childhood. As any good father should, he wanted her to be happy.

Growing up with Nathan Wesninski, Neil learned how parents should not treat their children. Neil never yelled and was never violent, not even around her. He kept his temper under wraps as best as he could, not wanting her to think it was okay to lash out. Or worse, be scared of him. He did the opposite of Nathan, taking into consideration how other parents acted around their children. He wasn't worried about judgement. He was worried that she would be as fucked up as him, and he wouldn't wish that on anyone, no matter how terrible.

So Neil being the cool dad he was, took Paisley to the local bookstore to help boost her growth before the school year started. They walked straight to the back of the store, where the children's corner was hidden away. There were vibrant colors everywhere, painful on the eyes but perfect for a child's amazement.

Paisley picked out three books before making her way to the table covered in new books. She sounded out the titles, deciding whether it would hold her attention at bed time. She found one, a bit larger than the rest, and ran over to Neil. "Daddy, daddy! Look at how cool this one is!" She waved the book over her head before stopping abruptly. "Can I get it, pretty please?"

Neil sighed, "Of course, but that's the last one. That one will take a little longer to get through than your others. Longer than Harry Potter."

"That's okay! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Paisley skipped toward the cash register. "Look! He's the one on my book. What's it say?"

Paisley was pointing at a flyer on the counter, and Neil helped her read it out, letting her sound out some of the words herself. She looked up at the cashier, "What does that mean?"

She gave Paisley a small smile, "It means he'll be in here to answer questions and sign your books. Do you want to take one so you can remember?"

Paisley nodded her head quickly, "I'm gonna hang it on the fridge when we get home, okay daddy?"

"Neil nodded as he paid for the books and offered a small smile to the cashier. She gave a small wave to Paisley as they walked out of the store.

"She was so nice! Do you think she'll be there next week?"

"Did I tell you we could go? What if Aunt Allison wanted you over for dinner?"

"She'd be okay with it, I think," Paisley said, pulling on Neil's hand as they walked to the car.

Neil buckled her in and got into the car, looking at her through the rear view mirror, "Whatever you say, miss."

He turned on the radio and listened to Paisley sing along. It amazed him how she was so small but knew so much. Sometimes Neil was afraid she knew more than he did. And that was quite possible, as he was barely making it through college.

The ride turned silent as Paisley dozed off, and Neil changed the station to one that played classic rock. He took the last few minutes to listen to Led Zeppelin's 'Stairway to Heaven' and wonder how he got so lucky to have a girl as pure as Paisley.

For coming from a family of mafia members, Paisley wouldn't hurt a fly. She wasn't angry, she wasn't cruel. She was kind and generous and knew too much for her own good. Often times she reminded Neil of himself, especially with her stubborn tendencies.

He let her sleep, allowing her to recharge after such a long day. It was close to her normal bed time, so Neil bought a happy meal from McDonald's for her to eat once she woke up. He planned his own dinner in his head as he pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex.

Andrew's iPhone ; 17 February 2020 ; 7:43 p.m.

aaron: how's it going?

andrew: fine.

andrew: have a signing booked on monday

aaron: oh. should i bring kevin?

andrew: no.

andrew: don't bring yourself, either.

Andrew was interrupted by his phone ringing loudly, alerting him that Aaron was not taking his answer well. In hindsight, he should have seen this happening. He answered Aaron's video call and was met with a scowling Aaron and his loud, harsh voice.

"You know," Aaron's voice crackled, "it would be a lot easier if you let people support you."

"It would also be a lot easier if you just shut up." Andrew chewed on his lip, watching as his brother rolled his eyes, ignoring his suggestion and continuing to talk.

"For a children's book author, you sure don't set a good example. Is that really how you should treat your dear brother?" Aaron teased, laughing as Andrew's frustration bubbled.

The two brothers continued to converse over their lives, catching each other up on their busy (or not-so in Andrew's case) lives. They had grown closer once they had talked through their emotions. Whoever said "use your words" first deserves a prize. Even though Andrew hates talking, using his words was easily done. That's why he turned to writing. It gave him an outlet, a way to let people see the world through a different set of colored lenses. He liked to imagine that the lenses he wrote through were light blue, the crystal color of an ocean, or the sky after a storm.

Kevin appeared on the screen, greeting Andrew before joining their conversation. It worked well this way, the three of them talking, being a family. Although Andrew wished he had someone like Aaron had Kevin. It was a small want, but it was still present.

"We should be going now," Aaron said, disappointment seeping through his voice, "but we are coming to your signing. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"How cliché," Andrew rolled his eyes. "Thank you. For supporting me. I know it's hard because of how stubborn I am."

"It's nothing, Andrew. Goodnight, I love you." Kevin slid his head back into frame, exclaiming that he loved him too.

"I love you both. Goodnight. Talk to you soon," Andrew finished with a smile, closing his laptop and laying back onto the couch. He stretched his arms over his head, letting his back groan and pop in protest. Talking to his brother and his fiancé was a detox from the world; their conversations always left him happy but always wanting something more. He blamed it on the stress, even though he didn't have much to overthink. By no means was his day productive, but he felt drained. He had four phone conferences before one that afternoon, and when he went to his favorite café, the normal barista who knew his order wasn't present. He had to explain how he wanted a caramel frappuccino with three shots of espresso, a shot of mocha syrup, extra whipped cream, chocolate and caramel sauce, and caramel chunks. It was intricate and sweet, and the only thing Andrew would drink. He was picky, which meant that he had to speak to the barista much longer than necessary. After meeting with Bee for three years, he was getting better with social interaction, with pushing his limits in a safe way.

But everyone needs to rest and everyone needs to rejuvenate after a stressful day.

Andrew brewed a cup of hot chocolate, on the much sweeter side, and sat in his bed with a mountain of blankets on top of him and five pillows behind him. He flicked through options on Netflix before finally settling on an alien documentary. He pushed back into the pillows, letting himself sink into the comfort and warmth of his burrow.

Soon, he found himself nodding off to the sound of a historian droning on about irrigation canals and corn mazes caused by aliens.

The two were curled together in a light green blanket, reading Paisley's new book. Neil was right when he said it would be longer to get through. It had been a long day, and both of them were struggling to stay awake. But seeing the smile on his daughter's face made staying awake worth it.

Paisley's hand wandered to the book, flipping it to the final page, where the author's picture and information was. Paisley stared, dragging her finger along the picture.

"He looks really scary. And mean," Paisley whispered, crawling closer to Neil.

"No, baby. We don't say those things about people, remember?" Paisley nodded, looking back to the book. "Look, he has pretty blonde hair like you." Paisley nodded, small fingers winding themselves into her own hair.

And as if by magic, Paisley was back to forcing Neil to read the book. Neil sighed before starting again, lulling Paisley to sleep.

Once she was asleep, he took the book to the dining room, sitting on a chair and fishing the flyer out of his backpack. He read the details on the signing, and then read the information on the author. He had to admit, his writing was good. Better than the other books his five-year old had picked out.

Neil pulled out his phone, posting a picture from earlier that day on Instagram. He pulled up his messages with Allison, scrolling through their recent messages before composing a new one. He snapped a quick photo of the flyer and sent it to her. The following message read: Sorry, you've been replaced :(

Allison replied less than ten seconds later.

Allison: oh! he's reaalllllllllly cute. just your type too

Allison: Get some Neil!

Neil rolled his eyes. Why was he so terrible at finding normal friends? Allison was always so obnoxious. He loved her anyway. He couldn't help from entertaining the idea of him "getting some." The man looked strong, with arms that Neil definitely did not want wrapped around him as he slept.

Neil: Must I remind you that I will be there with my daughter?

Neil: Plus I only heard about him today. I'm sure he's not that great.

Allison: of course not. but that's why they make play areas.

Allison: and who cares if you don't know him. find a way to.

Neil: I'm really regretting ever sending her to the mall with you.

Neil: Anyways, Paisley says she loves you. And so do I.

Neil: Goodnight Allison.

Allison: goodnight neil. take care xx

Even after he shut his phone off, plugging it in to charge across the room, he felt like something was missing. He put the new book on the white bookshelf in the living room, taking a moment too long to glance at the picture on the flyer underneath.

If he had dreams of strong arms, blond hair, and golden eyes that night, no one had to know.

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter Two: I Was Just Tongue-tied

Allison was quick to invite Paisley over for dinner. Neil tried to join along, but when he tried to set foot in her house, he was pushed out. Allison gave him an apologetic smile, "Sorry, Renee and I decided daddy needs a night to himself."

Neil grimaced, "It's only okay when she says it. And I don't need time to myself, I get that normally."

Allison put a hand on her hip, lifting an eyebrow, "And when was the last time you enjoyed the alone time you got?" Neil's silence was enough of an answer for her, because she shoved him and slammed the door in his face. He grumbled as he walked back to his car, but he was secretly relieved. He had errands to run, and those were easier without a five-year old's hands finding the need to touch everything. And it would be nice to treat himself to a glass of wine. And maybe a nice dinner.

The night was looking better as Neil drove through the city, looking for a new place to eat at. It was oddly simple, he realized, being without Paisley. The thought hurt him. She was always attached to his hip, and that was his fault. He had issues with being found when he was on the run, but now he had to protect his daughter first. He hoped she was having fun. That's all he wanted, was for his daughter to enjoy herself and live her life in ways he had never been able to.

He knew that it wasn't ideal, raising a child alone. He was often criticized because he didn't have a mother figure in her life. Neil had only ever done anything with one woman, and of course, it led to an unplanned pregnancy.

There weren't any medical complications, but herself and her family were a nightmare in real life. Her mother was devastated, wanting them to get married so they could focus on something other than the baby. Neil refused to be thrown into a marriage he didn't want. He didn't even like this girl.

She was terribly cruel, and Neil hated the thought of her taking care of a child, let alone his child. His friend, Matt Boyd, helped him find a good lawyer, and he took it to court. He was in no way ready for a child at nineteen, but it's what he got. In hindsight, it was the greatest thing to happen to him. Matt's mother said it was a miracle, and Neil had to agree.

Paisley was born on the ninth of October, weighing in at eight pounds and measuring nineteen inches. She had small tufts of blonde hair and Neil's eyes. He had always hated his eyes because they were Nathan's, but seeing his daughter with the same color eyes made everything bad about them disappear. He was proud of her already, and she wasn't even a day old.

Everything about her was small and fragile, from her fingers to her small body and her little feet and toes. Her nails were microscopic, her cheeks apple red and delicate eyelids fluttering. Her hands were small, but she was already strong. Neil couldn't help but see himself in her.

Naming her was the hardest thing. She was so perfect, and she deserved a perfect name; something that fit her and only her. He had a wonderful nurse named Anne who took care of his daughter when he couldn't. He decided Ann would be her middle name. Paisley was a name he saw in a pamphlet he was reading in the waiting room. So many parents had emotional stories about how they came up with the names for their children, whether it was a family name or after a friend. Neil was slightly embarrassed of the name, but she was his baby, and Paisley Ann was the only name that fit.

The first time he held her, something inside him changed. He hadn't ever had anything permanent, and it occurred to him that she was permanent. And she was his.

The two of them didn't get any visitors in the two days they stayed at the hospital. Neil had gone to Target, Babies 'R' Us, and Walmart with Matt and Dan. Neil started to panic halfway through their trip, convinced he wasn't going to be a good father. Matt rubbed his hand along Neil's back, assuring him that he would be the "greatest dad ever." Neil couldn't help but smile at that.

Even with Matt helping with the costs of having a child, Neil still was in price shock for three days. He had always worn the same clothes, and if they weren't found somewhere for free, they were bought at a thrift store. It was difficult for him to accept that he had to pay three hundred dollars for a carrier. Formula was another horror story. There were so many types, and the ones the doctors recommended were priced ten dollars higher than the others. Neil struggled to find the perfect one while an older woman lectured him on the benefits of breastfeeding. He quickly chose one with an orange lid and turned to walk away from her harsh glare.

Two hours and five stores later, they had loaded all the equipment into the bed of Matt's truck. They drove through the city and to the small neighborhood where Neil's apartment building was. They had already painted the nursery a pale green, baby proofing the apartment the weekend before.

They had to take a break at seven that night, ordering a pizza and resting their arms and legs for a while. Matt was on the verge of tears as he tried to read the directions for building the crib from Ikea. Dan comforted him, telling him, "No one can build things from Ikea. It's okay, Matt."

They ended up falling asleep before the crib was successfully built. Matt and Neil woke up to a fully built crib and a very awake Dan organizing the clothes, diapers, and food they bought in preparation. Neil had never been more nervous in his entire life. It was suddenly a looming problem, him having a child around. He was going to be an actual dad, in charge of a small human that he created.

Neil wasn't ready, but it was a little late to think about being ready when his fate was already sealed. He was going to be this child's father, whether he wanted to or not.

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter Three: I Don't Wanna Make You Feel Bad

"My daddy thinks you're really pretty."

Andrew tried not to panic too much. There was a little girl without a parent standing in front of him, wide blue eyes staring brightly at him. "Oh, is that so? Where is he?"

"Well, I don't really know. I think he got nervous. He wants to marry you." She smiled then, showing off a gap in her front teeth.

"What's your name?" Andrew diverted the conversation. While it was wonderful to know there was someone who might think he was pretty, he wasn't about to trust a random child.

"My name is Paisley Ann Josten. My dad's name is Neil. I have his phone number memorized," she said, the numbers rolling off her tongue robotically. Andrew remembered a time in which he had to remember a family members' phone number for school. He started to wonder how old this girl was. And also where she came from.

"Hey, Paisley?" he asked, catching her attention again. "Can you give me his phone number again?"

Neil was pacing nervously at the back of the store where Paisley had just stood beside him. After five years, he should be better at keeping his child close to him and not losing her. He didn't want to leave, for fear that she would come back looking for him and he would not be there.

[Neil's iPhone ; 22 February 2020 ; 4:20 p.m.]

Unknown Number: is this neil josten?

Neil: Who is this?

Unknown Number: i think i have something you might want back.

Neil: I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry.

Unknown Number: image attached.

Neil: Oh fuck. Yes, I want her back.

Neil: Holy shit, thank you. Where was she?

Neil: I'm so sorry. She walked away from me.

Neil: Wait, who are you?

Unknown Number: hold on, i'll come meet you.

Unknown Number: where are you?

Neil: Back of the store. Kids' section.

Neil: I'm sorry again. She should know better.

Unknown Number: it's fine.

Unknown Number: she should learn not to talk about her father so much.

Unknown number: i know more about you than i do her.

Neil: And I know nothing about you.

Unknown Number: Sure you do.

Neil was brought out of his panic by a small tap on his hand. He looked down to see his daughter smiling up at him. "Paisley Ann! You can't run off like that. I thought you got kidnapped. I was so worried, baby." Neil leaned down to hug her, not letting go, and not looking up to see who brought her back.

"It's okay, daddy. The pretty man from my book brought me back to you." Neil's eyes went wide at that, looking up at Andrew.

"You should really make sure she doesn't get away from you. I recommend a backpack leash. They're life savers," the man grumbled, staring at Paisley instead of Neil.

"I'll look into it. I'm sorry about this all," Neil apologized, rubbing his neck with a sheepish smile.

"Your daughter told me you think I'm pretty." Andrew knew he was taking a stab in the dark, but he had to try somehow. He didn't exactly meet cute redheads with bold scars and bright blue eyes every day.

"Well, she might be right," Neil stood straighter.

"Was she right about you wanting to marry me as well?" Andrew chuckled, and something flashed behind Neil's eyes. He wasn't quite sure what it was. The reaction was foreign to Andrew, and gone within the next second.

How strange.

"I don't even know you. While I'm grateful that you brought my child back, I think it's time for us to leave. I'd hate to keep you any longer." Neil put his guard up again, grabbing Paisley's hand to try to get away.

"Hey," Andrew reached out, hand barely brushing Neil's arm, "how about I give you a book of your choice, to make up for the trouble I've caused."

Neil shook his head in protest, "No, no. It's not your fault."

But as Neil was insisting no action was necessary, Paisley was letting go of her dad's hand and grabbing Andrew's, pulling him forward.

"Paisley Ann, stop right now. You need to ask before you go anywhere with a stranger," Neil said, letting his dad voice slip in.

Paisley slowed and turned around, "I don't like you anymore. 'Drew is my new dad." She stuck her tongue out as the duo walked away. Neil felt anger bubble in his stomach, and could feel his ears turning red. Was it from embarrassment? Anger?

Ahead, Andrew started to talk to Paisley in a hushed voice, "You really should appreciate him. He's trying really hard to make you happy. He brought you here, right?" Paisley nodded her head, staring at the ground in shame. "What about your mom? Wouldn't she be mad if she found out I replaced your dad?"

Paisley thought for a moment, "I don't have a mom. Daddy says it's because she was a big meanie. Like Lord Voldemort." Paisley struggled to pronounce it, making it sound like Vole-murt.

Andrew let out a genuine laugh at that, "I guess you do like reading, huh?"

"Yeah! My daddy reads to me before bedtime. Do you think he will still read to me?" She looked on the verge of tears and very worried.

"If you apologize and ask very nicely, your dad will definitely read to you." Andrew bent down to retrieve a book off of the shelf, "Here, for you and your dad to read tonight."

Paisley squeezed his leg tightly, surprising him. More surprising than the contact was the fact that he didn't move away from her touch.

"Thank you, Mr. 'Drew. You're really nice." Paisley smiled at him.

Andrew pushed her forward lightly with his foot, "Go find your dad. I'm sure he's worried. And really upset."

"Okay. Bye-bye Mr. 'Drew!" she exclaimed with a wave, bounding down the aisles towards where her dad, hopefully, still stood waiting for her.

Neil let out a sigh of relief when he saw his daughter making her way back to him, another book clutched in her hand. She slowed down as she approached, "I'm sorry, daddy. Mr. 'Drew said I wasn't very nice. He said if I apologize, you would still read to me."

"Yes, of course I will, baby. You just can't do that. I was so worried about you." Neil crouched to give her a hug, allowing her to tuck her face into the crook of his neck. It was a nice, intimate thing.

"He asked about mommy," Paisley whispered, still held against Neil's chest.

"It's okay that you don't have a mom. I don't have one either, remember?" Paisley nodded up at him, blue eyes glistening. "Do you want to go home now?"

Paisley nodded, grasping his hand as they walked out of the store. On the car ride home, she sounded out words in her new book, making up her own as they went along.

It was six by then, and Neil did the very risky thing of asking Paisley what she wanted for dinner. He rethought what he said, adding, "We just had McDonald's, so that's a no from me."

Paisley's smile fell a little before she perked back up, "Steak and Shake! They have good milkshakes!"

Neil rolled his eyes, taking the exit to get there, "Are you only going to get a milkshake, or are you going to get food, too?"

Paisley kicked her legs around, "I'll get chicken tenders too! Daddy, please can we?"

Neil pulled into the parking lot, Paisley smiling as the red lights illuminated her face. She hurriedly unbuckled herself, waiting for Neil to open her door. He was thankful for the child safety locks, but sometimes it was a pain in his ass.

They sat in a corner booth by the windows. Paisley's feet were far from the ground, swinging as she sipped her strawberry milkshake slowly. She picked at her remaining fries, sleepy gaze staring out the window. She made eye contact with someone and was out of the booth in a second, zipping past the staff and waiting by the door patiently. Neil blinked, and Paisley was gone, running back to him. She sat down across from him, "Guess who I saw!" she exclaimed, fully awake.

Neil tilted his head, feigning confusion, "Who?"

"You're supposed to guess, silly. I saw Mr. 'Drew!" Paisley waved to someone standing behind them, and Neil tried not to worry. Neil was sure that Andrew would just ignore her and continue on his way. But the universe hated him, and so did Andrew, because he plopped down next to Neil and pushed him into the wall.

"Fancy seeing you here. What are you doing here, isn't it a school night?"

Paisley shot into a wild story about how she didn't go to school, but instead went to Gigi's house, and she read books with Aunt Danny. Andrew nodded along, and Neil could tell that he wasn't truly listening. Neil wasn't either, so he had no right to judge. Instead, Neil thought of all the excuses he could use to get rid of Andrew. He felt like he was being judged for letting his daughter get so close to a stranger. He was judging himself too. It was a foreign idea to both of them, trust. Paisley rarely let anyone take care of her, which is why Neil never sent her to a daycare. Daycare was full of strangers, and neither of the Jostens felt safe around people they didn't know. Well, that was until Andrew stumbled into Paisley's small circle of friends and family.

Neil was still trying to understand it. Was it because he was passionate about reading? Neil tried his best to read to her every night and buy her any book she wanted. He felt like he was failing as a parent, slipping into the dark territory of what Nathan was to him.

Neil was brought out of his rapid fire thoughts by Andrew kicking his shin. He ducked his head before making eye contact with him, a glare plastered on his face. Andrew wasn't smiling, but there was the hint of one in his golden eyes.

"What was that for?" he asked in a low whisper, praying that Paisley didn't notice the anger underlying his voice.

Andrew shrugged and Neil turned his eyes to Paisley, but his attention stayed on the man to his left. Paisley continued to talk until her eyelids started to droop, and she averted her attention to the cold fries on her plate. She picked at them slowly. Neil praised a God he didn't believe in and smiled apologetically at Andrew, "Sorry, I think you wore her out. It's been a long day for us, and we should really go."

Andrew took this as a message to move. As he stood, Neil admired how his muscles moved under the thin fabric of his black turtleneck. He was fucking gorgeous and it hurt Neil's brain to think about anything but Andrew. Paisley lifted her head as Neil lifted her up, "Do you want to say bye to Andrew?"

Paisley nodded against his neck, "Bye-bye, Drew. I luh you." Neil's eyes went wide. What in the absolute fuck was going on? He hoped she would forget what she said, and that they had ever met. Andrew definitely was not going to be staying in their lives. He had much more important things to do. Neil wasn't sure what authors did in their free time, but he knew it wasn't hanging out with a single dad and his daughter at a shady Steak and Shake.

Neil buckled her into the car as she slept. He tried to be as gentle as possible. He didn't want her to wake up, because she'd be grumpy, and he'd feel terrible for the rest of the night. So it wasn't much for her, but for him.

Neil settled Paisley in her room before he switched into his own pajamas and sat on the edge of his bed. He flicked through the same four apps on his phone before he accidentally tapped on a notification. His heart was in his throat as he saw who it was.

[Neil's iPhone ; 22 February 2020 ; 10:21 p.m.]

Andrew Minyard: you really should stop talking to strangers.

Neil: I've been trying.

Neil: You just show up at the wrong times

Neil set his phone down on the bedside table and rubbed his face with his hands. "Fuck him," he grumbled as he stared at the ceiling, falling asleep shortly after. His dreams were plagued with golden eyes and a cigarette lighter.

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter Four: I've Been Trying Hard Not To Talk To You

Andrew was stuck at a five-star restaurant, trapped in a stuffy room and a too warm tux. It was all black, and he looked amazing, but it was not meant for the heat in the restaurant.

Kevin thanked everyone for coming, and Adnrew kept his composure. Andrew didn't necessarily like Kevin, but he knew that Aaron was happy.

He had already been there for too long. The crowd of people there were not fond of him, but the feeling was mutual. He checked his watch, seeing that it had only been an hour. He thought of all the excuses he could use to get out of there. With a distraught look on his face, he all but ran up to Aaron, "Listen, I really want to be here-"

Aaron cut him off, "Yes, Andrew, you can leave. Thank you for staying as long as you did. I know it's hard." Andrew stood with his hands at his side, fidgeting a little as he pulled his brother into a hug that lasted a millisecond before he was out the door and racing to his car. He could feel the judgmental stares from the guests, but he couldn't care less.

As he drove away, faster than necessary, he decided that a late night ice cream break was needed. After the day he had, he deserved it.

In no way was Steak and Shake his favorite place, but it was hard to pass up the idea of a Nutella milkshake. The parking lot was empty, and he was thankful. There was never a high chance of running into someone he knew, but it was also never impossible.

He realized he had the shittiest luck when he walked in, looked around, and was waved at by a blonde-haired, blue eyed girl. Fuck.

Before he could look away and tell himself, No, this isn't your place, his legs moved, and he found himself sitting next to the pretty redhead dad from earlier. The same one who had taken up space in his thoughts since he first saw him.

He was in a conversation with the little girl, Paisley, from earlier, and she was talking about how she didn't go to school because her dad said she was too smart. Andrew questioned it a little, looking at the man who was respectively staring daggers into him. Andrew understood why he was doing so. He had kind of forced himself into their small family with no effort at all. He wondered for a second if Neil was jealous, and then decided that yes, yes he was.

After sitting with them for close to an hour, Paisley had started to fall asleep. He watched as the redhead picked her up. He wondered why she didn't have red hair like her dad. She waved at him, shocking him when she said "I luh you."

Driving was the only thing that could take his mind off of the day's catastrophic events. It was so cliche and it made Andrew's fingers itch; whether it was for a pen and paper to write or for a cigarette, he didn't know.

He drove for two hours, no destination in mind, just himself, the roar of the Maserati, and the road beneath him. It was about control, and how he could let go at any moment. Letting go of the wheel and letting the car swerve made the blood rush behind his ears. The adrenaline was heavy in his arms, his chest, lead weighing down his body. It was the rush of being held beneath water, not drowning but knowing it was approaching with every second. That was what driving was. The safety and danger all at once, the ability to leave everything behind. The freedom of the roads. But it was also the memories inside cars that made his heart leap, his blood run hot. He could still feel the steering wheel under his fingertips when he yanked it to the side in Tilda's car, ending her life. His foot got heavier on the pedal as the memories rose like a cough itching up his throat.

He found his way home, blinded by the street lights emotion. He wanted to call Aaron, to know that he was alright. Once he got settled inside his house, he dialed his number, listened to it ring, and then hung up. It wasn't worth it. He would call in the morning if he remembered. He scrolled through his messages, tapping on Neil's contact and typing a short message.

[Andrew's iPhone ; 22 February 2020 ; 10:21 p.m.]

andrew: you really should stop talking to strangers.

hot dad neil: I've been trying.

hot dad neil: You just show up at the wrong times.

andrew: i think it's always been right.

andrew: maybe that's just me, though.

Before he could reread it or think about the impression it would leave on Neil, he sent it. He fought the urge to throw his phone across the room. If Nicky was with him, he would have pestered him about having a crush. It wasn't a crush, he just hated the way he let his child run off. And he hated his red hair. And his freckles. And his blue eyes. And his voice. And how he was taller than Andrew. And… oh fuck.

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter Five: My Sunflower

Neil stared at his phone, waiting for the three dots to disappear. It had surely been a mistake, right? Why would Andrew Minyard be contacting him? They had barely interacted, and Neil assumed it had left a terrible impression. His daughter had gotten away from him, spewed nonsense about Neil and then decided that she would adopt Andrew into their family. It was a laughable thing, something that could only ever happen to Neil. His luck was getting worse as the days went on. There was a time in which he thought the worst of his luck was being caught by Lola. He was tortured by her and then Nathan came in and destroyed him, breaking him down until he wished they had just killed him.

It was a tiring, terrible thing, Neil's life. Nothing ever felt right. He never had a home, he never had anyone to rely on, he never really belonged anywhere. Until he moved to New York with Paisley, he had been on his own.

Paisley brought new wonders with her. Suddenly there were people who cared about both of them greatly. Matt Boyd, Dan Wilds, Allison Reynolds, and Renee Walker were all side effects of letting himself exist. To not push himself to the background of the scene, but instead flourish in the attention. To be alive, and not a withering plant.

Neil had to remember that he existed as his phone vibrated in his hand, sending a jolt through his arm. His heart raced as he read the text. A simple greeting followed by a question. Such a difficult thing, human interaction.

There were so many rules, so much stigma around how fast someone responded, the tone they used. It was embarrassing how easily humans were affected by such inanimate things.

Neil had been on the wrong side of knives, of guns, of murderous parents and their colleagues. He knew what it was like to be in danger, to have his life at risk.

So why was he so worried about such a small text?

Allison had given him great lessons on how to accept that he didn't fit the stereotype, but even those thoughts escaped him as he glanced back at the text Andrew sent. What was he supposed to say? What if he responded too fast and Andrew thought he was creepy? What if Andrew wasn't who he said he was, and was actually one of Nathan's men coming after him?

The timing was too coincidental to not be Nathan. Andrew had attracted his daughter, had pushed his way into their lives, and Neil hadn't bothered to try to stop it.

Neil felt childish at the vulnerability he let himself show. Paisley was safe for now, but he didn't know how long that would last.

So at 10:37 p.m., Neil exited his and Andrew's chat and entered a new one. He tapped the phone button and listened as it rang. It didn't even make it through two before the other line answered, "Hey, Neil. What's up?"

Neil swallowed, "Allison, I need help."

Allison took no time in responding, "I'll be there in twenty."

Allison knocked on the door, tapping her foot as she waited for Neil to open the door. As soon as Neil's face peered through the open crack in the door, she asked, "Is Paisley asleep?"

Neil snorted, "It's eleven and she's five. She'd better be asleep. Plus, with the day we've had…" Neil trailed off, his eyes focusing on the ground, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

"Alright, let's hear about him."

"What?" Neil gawked as he led the way to his bedroom. Allison stopped to look into Paisley's room before making her way to Neil's bed and sitting down.

"I know that's what this is. Do you remember two years ago when you saw that cute barista and called me at three in the morning? This is the same thing." Allison picked at her nails before folding her hands in her lap, "Is he going to be good to you?"

Neil started to nod before stopping himself, opting for a verbal response, "He was really good with Paisley. And he seemed okay around me."

Allison stared, lifting an eyebrow in question, "But?"

"Well, the timing is weird, isn't it? What if he knew Nathan?"

Allison laughed, standing and walking to the small desk on the far side of the room. She brought his laptop back to the bed, patting beside her. "Would it help if we researched him together?"

Neil nodded, sitting beside her wordlessly. He watched as her freshly-painted purple fingernails typed rapidly on the keyboard. He expected a loud clicking noise, but none came. That was something he had noticed about Allison a while ago. She was so strong, so eye-catching and visually loud, but she rarely made a sound. She was on the introverted side, always observing and finding deeper meanings in things. Unless she was drunk or mad. Then she was as audibly loud as she was visually.

She typed in 'Andrew Minyard', hit enter, and scrolled for a few more moments. She tapped a couple of times, a devious glint in her eye. She smirked, turning the laptop towards him, "I followed his Instagram for you." His laptop and phone pinged with a notification simultaneously. "Oh, would you look at that. He followed you back."

Neil could have pulled Allison's arms off with the force he used to get his laptop back to him, "Oh my god."

Allison rubbed between his shoulder blades, "I swear it's okay, Neil. Plenty of people follow each other on their socials. You're just a weirdo who only follows fifteen people."

"But why would I follow him? I don't know him!" Allison gave him a questioning glance, so he continued, "He doesn't need to see into my life!"

"Maybe not with any of this," she said, gesturing to the screen. "But when I get done with you and we snap some pictures, you'll have plenty for him to look at."

Neil rapidly shook his head in protest, but Allison was already up and digging through his closet. She flicked through, rejecting almost everything he had. She turned over her shoulder, "Do you still have that white button up I bought you for your birthday? And those super tight black jeans?"

"Yeah, of course I do. I'd never get rid of something you got me. Can I ask why though?"

Allison smirked, "You're going to look so fucking sexy."

Allison found the white button up and jeans and threw them towards Neil. She rummaged through his underwear drawer before throwing a pair of tight black boxers at him. "He's going to wish you were edible. You are going to look so goddamn delicious."

Neil grimaced, "Please don't talk about me like I'm a dessert. Especially when my daughter is across the hall."

Allison waved him off, "I only speak the truth, darling. Now get to it, then we can tackle your hair and face." Neil grumbled as he was pushed toward the bathroom, but complied anyways. The thought was exhilarating, looking nice enough to draw attention. But it was only one person, so it was okay.

When he entered the room again, Allison had her bag pen and was pulling out different brands of products Neil only half knew the reason for. As he approached he saw styling mousse, mascara, blush, concealer, and a few shiny things he couldn't name yet.

Allison moved her stuff to the small desk and pulled the chair out for Neil to sit down, and she got to work. Opening and closing his eyes when told and puckering his lips when needed was tiring, but he knew it made him look nice. Really nice.

Allison's fingers wound through his hair, tugging at the strands until she was content. She unbuttoned some of the buttons on his shirt, including the ones around his wrists and elbows. He assumed she would fold them up, but she left them there. She told him to part his lips slightly. He did. Allison did this daily, because she was a model of some sort. It was easy with her, but he could never do this with a stranger. She led him to the outside stairwell, "Stand there like this," she demonstrated a pose, and Neil copied.

"Are you sure this is worth the effort?" he asked as she took pictures from different angles.

"I promise you, this is so going to be worth it." Neil accepted her answer and waited for her to flick through the photos. She discarded the ones that didn't fit her standards and edited the few that remained. She held the phone out to Neil, "What do you think?"

Neil felt breathless, "That isn't me. There is no way that's me."

Allison chuckled, "Baby boy, that is the smoking hot man we call Neil. What should we caption it?"

Neil tapped his finger on his chin, "I give up."

"You didn't even try, Neil!" But even with Neil's disregard to her question, her fingers tapped away, conjuring up a caption of her own. He really hoped it wasn't something terrible.

"And it's done. By the way, you might want to check your messages. I think someone is expecting you."

[Neil's iPhone ; 28 February 2020 ; 11:47 p.m.]

Neil: Have you ever been to Eden's?

Neil: You should meet me there.

Neil: 12:30

Andrew Minyard: i'll be there.

Neil once again almost took Allison's arms off. "Allison, did you forget I have a child? And that it's 12:04 in the goddamn morning?"

"Oh, you poor thing. You really haven't been anywhere since Paisley, have you?" Neil shook his head. "This is okay. Some bars are just now opening. One of those places is Eden's. Where you are expected. In thirty minutes."

Neil was going to say something, but he feared Allison had heard enough. As if on cue, Allison continued, "I promise that this will be worth it. You'll have fun, and you look hot as hell. I'll stay here and watch Paisley, okay? Go get your boy toy."

Allison pushed him toward the door, "Be safe and use protection. We don't need another unexpected pregnancy."

And the door was slammed in Neil's face. He held his leather jacket to his chest. This was going to be a long, long night.

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter Six: I Couldn't Want You Any More

Neil was dropped off at his house at eleven the next morning, and he felt like he was buzzing with electricity. Before opening his door, he let his head rest against the door frame. God, this was pathetic. He pulled himself together and opened the door. As soon as he entered, he regretted it.

Paisley and Allison were too alike to be left alone with each other. He should have realized that before he left to be with Andrew.

Paisley caught sight of him and ran towards him, jumping onto him at full force. She started babbling, "Aunt Alli said you went with Drew. Are you married? I hope you're married. I want him here."

Neil was speechless, and Allison answered the question for him, "Not yet. They'll get married real soon. And you'll be the flower girl and I'll be the maid of honor."

Neil was five seconds from walking out of the door when Paisley hugged his legs, "I missed you. Why didn't you take me with you?"

"Baby, it was just for me and him. Next time, I'll take you with me. You can help fend him off if he's being mean, okay?"

Paisley nodded, puffing her chest out. Her attention went back to Allison, who was putting her shoes on to leave, "Where are you going?"

"I think Aunt Renee wants to see me. She misses me, just like you missed your dad."

Paisley nodded in understanding, "Can you tell Rae I love her?"

Allison ensured Paisley she would, kissing her cheek as she walked to the door. She stopped to look at Neil, "I saw what he posted. You looked happy. I hope he stays, even if it's just for Paisley."

Neil's mouth was dry as he watched Allison leave. She quietly shut the door and Neil felt his walls crumble. He ran his hands over his face. What the fuck was he doing?

Noticing his distress, Paisley pulled at his arm and dragged him to the couch. She pushed him down and then sat on his lap. She was quiet for a few minutes, letting Neil think in peace. "Why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad, baby. I'm just confused." It was pointless to try explaining how he was feeling to a five year old who cried when an episode Peppa Pig ended.

Paisley nodded, "Can we take a nap? Naps always make me feel better!"

In minutes, they had made a bed of pillows and blankets and were cuddled together, dropping in and out of sleep. As soon as Neil saw Paisley was asleep, he closed his eyes, letting the world and his worries slip from his grasp.

Paisley woke up to her dad still asleep. She understood that he was having trouble with something. And she was going to solve his problems. She made her way to the kitchen quietly, finding Neil's phone and taking it to her room. She closed her door silently and sat on her bed. Holding the power button, she activated Siri, "Call Drew."

"Calling Andrew Minyard," the robotic voice answered.

"I didn't take you for the clingy type, Neil," Andrew answered, sounding happier than Neil was right now.

"My daddy is sad," Paisley started, and Andrew was instantly silent. "He didn't even make lunch. He always makes dino nuggets for me and him when he doesn't go to big kid school."

"Is he okay? Are you okay? Do I need to come over?"

"Daddy would be mad. I can't have people over," Paisley sadly explained. "And he doesn't know I'm talking with you." She pronounced it 'whiff', and she dragged out all of her syllables.

Andrew hummed for a moment before speaking again, "Okay. Can you ask your dad what he wants for lunch? Don't let him know it's me though. Think of it like… a surprise party."

Paisley giggled, "He's asleep, silly. But he really likes Chinese. That's what we eat on Thursdays. And I've never had a surprise party."

Andrew chuckled, "What do you normally get? And I'll be sure to throw you a surprise party soon. I promise."

"Daddy gets the vegetable one with the spicy chicken and I get the chicken nuggets with the red sauce like candy! It's soooo good!"

"Alright. I'm bringing food soon, okay? Do you want to keep talking or do you want me to leave?"

Paisley chewed on the inside of her cheek before bouncing lightly, "I wanna talk still. Pretty please?"

"Okay, bug. Talk to me."

Paisley talked while Andrew drove to the Chinese place. She was quiet while he ordered, because he asked her nicely, and as soon as she heard he was done talking, she was zipping through another story. Andrew would occasionally chime in with a comment that would have her gut hurting from laughter. She tried to be quiet to make sure her dad didn't wake up, but she found that it failed when Neil walked in with a frown on his face. "What are you doing? Everyone on the street can hear you." Paisley only laughed. "Is that my phone?"

"Indeed it is," Andrew responded as Neil panicked.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I fell asleep and I thought she was too, and she should have known better not to grab my phone and-"

"Neil. It's okay. Can you buzz me up though? Because I brought Chinese and I can't exactly get into your apartment."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I can do that." The line went dead and Neil felt so stupid. He had rambled. And not the normal Neil ramble. No, this was a girl-in-front-of-her-crush ramble. He hated himself for liking someone so… Well, he wasn't sure what it was about Andrew, but there was definitely something.

When Andrew walked through the door, paper bags with a plethora of containers in them, Neil nearly drooled. The food smelled amazing, and Andrew… Andrew looked like he had fallen from Heaven, wearing torn black jeans, a white shirt that was practically see through, and a back bomber jacket. Neil caught himself staring, flicking his eyes down towards Andrew's scuffed maroon Doc Martens. Neil knew he looked sickly, and that being this close to Andrew didn't help hide his eye bags and cracked lips. He was suddenly self-conscious, wanting to close in on himself and hide any apparent weakness.

He didn't have to hide for long, though, because Andrew's attention was stolen by an energetic blonde haired girl bounding down the hallway. Neil took the bags from Andrew and went to set out the food as Paisley thanked him for coming. Trying to listen was pointless, because Neil's brain was fuzzy and everything went straight through his ears without comprehension.

This was so fucked up, he realized. He accepted anything Andrew brought to him without even knowing him. This was moving so fast, and he was letting it. He was never scared around Andrew. Fuck, he had even gone on a date with him, somewhere he had never been. A complete stranger, who knew his daughter better than he knew Neil. He wasn't scared.

When Neil sat across from Andrew, making eye contact longer than necessary, he wasn't scared. When he accidentally brushed his leg against the man across from him, he didn't feel fear. When he fell into a comfortable conversation between him, Andrew, and his daughter, he didn't worry. He wasn't nervous. He wasn't afraid. He was not Nathaniel Wesninski, cowering under the gaze of his father. He wasn't the little boy running at any sign of conflict. He was Neil Josten, the single parent of a wonderful child. He was Neil Josten, the headstrong bastard Nathan wished he could be.

But most importantly, he was Neil Josten, the boy who liked another boy and sat fidgeting under his gaze. Neil half listened to what Paisley was saying, nodding along whenever she looked at him. It was such a simple thing. It felt like family. The word was foreign on his tongue: Family.

He tried it out, envisioning what it would be like. Simple things, like going grocery shopping or walking through the park. The idea of marriage, of someone else being there for him. For Paisley. Neil found it too comfortable and too easy to imagine. It was already so close to being reality, and Neil was having a hard time reminding himself that this isn't permanent.

Paisley was permanent. Art was permanent. Andrew and everything he brought with him was not. This couldn't be his life. He can't let someone else in. If he had to run again… Well, fuck, that would be much more difficult than it was when he was alone.

It could also make it easier, having someone to leave Paisley with. When something, or someone, finally caught up to him, and he ended up on the wrong side of a knife or gun, or something even worse, there would be someone for Paisley to come back to, even if it wasn't her dad.

It was the sad truth that was life, and Neil had accepted his fate long before he had a child. Having a daughter would not change the danger looming over him, the death approaching quickly.

"-Neil? Hey, Neil. Oh my god," Andrew muttered before raising his voice, "Neil!"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Are you okay? You've only eaten three pieces of broccoli," Andrew lowered his voice, flicking his eye to Neil's plate.

Neil flicked his eyes to Andrew's, whose plate was nearly empty, and then to his own, where it was full minus the missing vegetables. "Oh, I didn't even notice. If you guys are done we can do something. Watch a movie or go to the park."

"No, absolutely not. We aren't leaving this table until you eat at least half of that," Andrew pointed at Neil's food, staring him down until he cracked. He lifted his fork to his mouth, chewing slowly. His stomach made a horrendous noise as he stabbed another piece of chicken. He let out a hiccup of a laugh, thinking about the irony of it all. He was being forced to eat something, and it wasn't something absolutely disgusting that Mary had made, forcing him to consume it to keep his health raised. They never had any food with taste, fearing that the smell would get them discovered. So they had sandwiches, Cheerios, small things.

Neil realized that he was eating much faster than he should have, but growing up without simple luxuries did that to a person. He didn't look at Andrew, but he could feel his gaze locking on him. He sucked on his fork lightly, knowing exactly what he was doing. There was rustling across from him, and Paisley left the table, running to her room quickly.

"She was worried about you. I was worried about you. Is it something I did? I'm sorry for pushing you," Andrew apologized, golden eyes holding Neil's blue ones.

"No, it wasn't that. You did everything right. Do you think this is going too fast?"

Andrew shook his head, "Neil, if something was wrong, I would tell you. And I expect you to do the same. I think," Andrew stood, cleaning the table as he spoke, "that I have never wanted to be around someone more. I have never connected with someone as I have with you and Paisley. There's something terribly right about all of this, and I don't want to lose it. Not yet. Not ever."

His voice didn't waver in his confession. There was a lump forming in his throat as he spoke, "I think this is terrifying. I think that in the 23 years I've been alive, I haven't been this confused. Everything has always been so simple. We run, we hide, and when he overstay our welcome, the cycle starts over.

You've completely changed everything I've ever known. And not in the 'I-don't-know-my-sexuality' kind of way. It's more, and I can't figure out what it is about you that keeps me coming back. And you're so good with Paisley, and she trusts and loves you, and I've never seen her do it so quickly. You have a way about you, and it's fucking me up, Andrew."

Andrew was silent, so Neil continued, "I'd like to try it. Being something more. If you want to."

Andrew leaned closer to where Neil was now standing, arm encasing him but not touching. One shift of weight would change that, and it made Neil's heart race. Neil could feel Andrew's breath, fearing that Andrew could hear his quickening pulse. Andrew froze mere centimeters from Neil's face, murmuring a soft, "I'd like that."

Neil fought back the sigh that tried to escape his lips. He smiled a little, leaning forward before he heard little footsteps running towards the kitchen. There was a loud crash, and Andrew moved way as Neil dashed down the hallway, "Paisley Ann!"

Her eyes were full of tears as she looked at the shattered glass around her. Her lip trembled, "I'm s-sorry, daddy. I tripped and dr-dropped it," She hiccupped and her words were cut off my a heart-wrenching sob.

Neil lifted her onto his hip, brushing his thumb over her cheeks to wipe the tears. "It's okay, pumpkin. I'll clean it up. Why don't you and Drew watch a movie? I'm sure he likes Disney."

She nodded, hiccupping as her tears slowed. Neil carried her to the couch where he found Andrew sitting. He frowned at the sight but said nothing. "You two can choose a movie, I'll clean up the mess."

He grabbed a dustpan and broom, walking down the hallway, brushing the pieces into it. They made a small clink as they bounced into each other. Neil found the picture frame the glass was from, and his heart ached. It was a picture from the day Paisley was brought home. Neil was holding her, cooing down at the small baby in his arms. His scars were more prominent, but he looked happy, sitting in the rocking chair in her room, rocking her back and forth. He was sent back to that moment, where Dan and Matt had stood next to him, assuring him that he would be okay and that he would never be like Nathan.

He knew they were right when he walked into the living room to see a sleeping Paisley with her head in Andrew's lap, and Andrew with his arm around her and his eyes closed. He took a picture, threw the glass pieces into three plastic bags wrapped together, and ran them to the dumpster behind the property. The cool March air was nothing against the warmth radiating from his heart and pulsing through his entire body.

Happiness.

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter Seven: Kiss in the Kitchen Like it's a Dancefloor

Neil woke up disoriented, blinking twice before closing his eyes again. King flicked her tail over his face before leaping over him, stretching before resting on her hind legs. Neil sat up, running his hands through her white and black spotted fur before swinging his legs off of the bed. Listening to the quiet of the house, he gazed out the window at the already risen sun. His fingers fumbled over his phone as he checked the time, scrolling through his limited amount of notifications slowly. Paisley was normally awake by seven, and it was almost nine. Neil didn't question the fact, because he wasn't going to say no to a few minutes of peace before Paisley woke up.

He took a twenty minute shower, humming along to whatever song came to mind. He stopped in front of his full-length mirror and gazed. His eyes caught on the scars along his torso, the burn marks up his arms and the iron print on his shoulder. He hadn't ever been comfortable with his body, knowing how badly his flesh looked. But he was home, and he could wander around without having to worry about questions. Paisley had gotten a watered down explanation of everything. He compared Nathan and Lola to Voldemort and Bellatrix, and that was enough for her to understand. "Icky," she had said when he first showed her, but then she gave him a hug so tight that it constricted his breathing.

He opted to go without a shirt for the morning, and to put one on when Paisley woke up. Andrew had definitely left, because he had told Neil that he had a meeting. With who, he didn't know, but it wasn't his business.

He turned left out of his bedroom door and went to check on Paisley, in case she was awake and playing quietly, waiting for him to wake up. He pushed her door slowly, before opening it quicker when he saw that she wasn't in her room. He didn't panic yet, but his heart rate had steadily increased. He left and went to the living room, where he hoped she was.

She was not.

He started to pace before moving quicker. Maybe he shouldn't have trusted Andrew. But as he made his second lap through the hallway, he heard laughter erupting from the kitchen.

"Dadddyyyyyyyy. You passed right by us!" Paisley squealed when she saw Neil. Andrew was standing beside her, his hand holding her hip to keep her upright on the counter. Paisley had flour on her hands and Andrew had it on his cheeks. His black shirt had small, white hand prints caked across it. There was pancake batter on his nose.

Neil laughed, swiping his finger across his nose, licking the batter off. Andrew's breath was soft and so was his voice. "Hi."

"Hey, mister. You scared the sh-" Neil bit his lip, cutting himself off. "You scared me. I thought you had a meeting?"

"Not until later. We decided to do a video conference last night. I'm surprised I didn't wake you." Neil pulled away then to stand by Paisley, getting a better view of Andrew.

"Who's it with, anyways?"

"Dan Wilds-Boyd. She has a podcast? I've never heard of her before but that's good."

"Oh," Neil said, "I guess you could-"

"Aunt Dan! I love her so much! She took me to Build-A-Bear and the zoo and to a waterpark and she helped daddy get ready for me when I was a baby! Can I come see her with you?"

Andrew sent Neil a look, and Neil just shrugged, "I wouldn't mind seeing her again. We can just play it off as a coincidence if you want."

"Please da- Drew? I really want to," Paisley jutted her lip out, catching her slip up. Neil hoped Andrew didn't notice, and if he did, that he wouldn't care. Andrew nodded his head in agreement, and Paisley ran down the hallway to get dressed.

"Paisley! We just made pancakes and you ran off before eating any. Come back here," Andrew said loudly. Any louder and he would be yelling. Neil appreciated the fact that he hadn't yelled. Andrew was gentle with a tongue as sharp as glass and a gaze that could ruin you. For Neil, it was a good ruin rather than bad. But he assumed that was reserved for him and him only.

At the table, Andrew sat next to Paisley and across from Neil. It was embarrassing to realize how little the Jostens used their dining room table. Paisley listed off the times they had eaten at the table to Andrew, all of which were when Matt, Dan, Allison, or Renee were over. Andrew nodded his head, thankfully not looking at Neil.

Neil knew he wasn't doing anything wrong. It was his choice how to raise his child. But deep down, he felt that Andrew was judging him harshly. Neil couldn't afford to lose him. For Paisley's sake.

And for his own.

As they ate and talked, Neil thought about his childhood. Before Mary and Neil ran from Nathan, they had been a family. A rough, disastrous, broken one, but a family nonetheless. They only ever ate at the table when Nathan had company and they had to make a good impression. His mom would put on her ruby lipstick and would abuse her cheeks with foundation and rouge. He always thought she was pretty without her makeup and that she didn't need it. But Nathan wanted her to wear it. It was used to hide the tears, the bruises left by fingers too heavy, too rough. She wore the same style of dress: a low-cut, skin-tight piece of fabric. Always dark colors, navy blue, maroon, dark red, and black. She would tease her hair, curling her blonde locks tightly. Nathaniel would watch, waiting for his mother to be done so she could help him knot his tie. She would tense when she heard the footsteps, smoothing her son's dress shirt down, kissing the top of his head before wiping the lipstick smear away. She would take his hand tightly, leading him down the stairs, smiles on both of their faces.

The house would be spotless. There were never any signs of Nathaniel's presence. If he were to disappear, there would be nothing to clean up.
This was intentional, of course.

When Mary stumbled into Nathaniel's room, telling him they were leaving, there was nothing to clean. There was nothing to grab to take with him, nothing that he would miss.

As Neil looked across the table at Paisley, he wondered if he had ever looked so happy. Had he ever been able to talk so freely to someone like Paisley did with Andrew?

This was why he let Andrew stay. Because Paisley was happy. Of course, while Andrew stayed around longer, Neil became more biased. But Andrew always stayed.

Neil hoped he would never leave.

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter Eight: I couldn't Want You Any More

"Hi, Aunt Dan!" Paisley squealed, running to the tall woman. Neil stood back, smiling at how excited his daughter was. Andrew had told him he was going to come in later, and Neil made sure they would be gone by the time he was supposed to meet with Dan. He told Paisley, quite strictly, to not say anything about knowing Andrew. He didn't want Dan questioning him about anything other than his books.

He knew she would, but it was more about her not questioning about him specifically. He really couldn't handle that, and he wasn't sure what strain it would put on his and Andrew's relationship.

As Paisley colored with Dan, Neil scrolled through his phone. It wasn't as comforting as he had hoped, so he put it back in his pocket. His phone buzzed three times, but Neil opted to ignore it. He walked over the where Dan and Paisley were and sat down, "May I join you, ma'am?" He asked Paisley.

Giggling, she answered, "Of course, daddy!"

They colored pictures from The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty because they were Paisley's favorites. Every few moments she would cut in, talking about how pretty they were or how they were her favorites. Neil's heart was constantly full when she was around. No matter the time, she could always make him feel better. That's how he knew he was parenting right. Nathan had never let his son make him feel better. It was always backhanded scolding, a sharp sting to his cheek.

The door to the studio closed quietly, as if someone had ensured it was as close to silent as possible.

Before Neil could look up to see who it was, Paisley ws up and running. "Drew!" she yelled, hugging Andrew's legs. Andrew smiled, picking her up and resting her on his hip, asking her about her day.

Neil fumbled to get his phone out of his pocket.

[Neil's iPhone ; 16 March 2020 ; 12:09 p.m.]

Andrew: i'm on my way (11:24)

Andrew: neil? (11:32)

Andrew: i'll just assume you saw x (11:36)

Andrew should not have assumed Neil had seen his texts. He knew it was weird that he had gotten three notifications. He should have known better.

"Hey. Neil. Neil Josten," Neil turned his head to where Andrew stood, not meeting his eyes. "It's okay, Neil. It doesn't bother me."

Neil's skin was itching. He tried to find an underlying tone with Andrew's words, something that showed that it was not okay. But there was nothing.

Dan cut in, "I didn't realize you… knew each other," her voice was uneven, and she gave Neil a curious glance. "Pais, why don't you help me clean up while your dad and Andrew talk?"

Neil wanted to say and do so many things, but he ended up just glaring at Dan. She shrugged, turning her attention to Paisley. He could see her eyeing him, though. He took it as his cue to move. He walked over slowly, "I'm sorry. I should have checked my phone and I was going to get out before you got here and Paisley and I were going to get lunch and I didn't want her to ask you anything because-"

Andrew slipped his hand over Neil's mouth. Suddenly self-conscious of his breathing, Neil stilled, slowing his breath, but his heart was pounding. "Neil, I told you it was okay. You have to realize I would never lie to you. I don't care that she knows. Because she's your friend, and you should be able to talk to her without being scared of slipping up." Neil nodded, staring down at Andrew's hazel eyes. Andrew leaned in slowly, and Neil realized how chapped his lips probab;y were. He felt bad for Andrew. But when the kiss came, there was more joy than worry. Neil's heart fluttered, and he leaned in toward Andrew. When Andrew pulled away, he smirked, "See? I told you it was okay." Neil collapsed against Andrew, ducking his head into his shoulder and breathing in his scent. Andrew slowly moved his hand to stroke Neil's back comfortingly. "I told you it was okay, and it always will be okay. That won't ever change. Not when it comes to you."

"I just worry," Neil whispered pathetically.

"I know you do, and that's okay. I want to help," Andrew reassured him. Neil sniffled quietly before lifting his head.

Everything slowed and silence fell over the room. Andrew smiled with his eyes before turning Neil around to look at Dan and Paisley. They were talking quietly, Paisley giggling at whatever Dan had said. Paisley looked at the boys before erupting into laughter again.

"Is something funny, young lady?" Andrew teased.

"Daddy loooooves you!" Neil lurched forward, holding Paisley up and tickling her torso. Paisley's head fell backwards, laughing.

"Who told you that?" Neil asked, knowing that it was Dan. Of course she would say something. She had never seen Neil intimate with anyone.

"Aunt Dan!" Once Paisley's fit of laughter was over, she leaned forward to whisper in Neil's ear, "I have to ask Drew secret."

Neil nodded, "Go ask him, then."

Paisley hopped out of his arms and went straight to Andrew, who picked her up with ease, "What's up, buttercup?"

Paisley leaned forward, whispering in his ear. Andrew nodded, staring intently at Neil. Goosebumps formed on his arms and his heart fluttered under Andrew's gaze. "Yeah. Good plan. Are you sure?" He asked Paisley, eyes still on Neil. Paisley nodded. "Soon?"

Paisley nodded again, "Very soon."

Andrew let her down and went back to Dan, smiling widely.

"Alright, bug, tell Aunt Dan bye. We have to go get lunch." Paisley nodded, saying bye and hugging Dan. Dan squeezed her, kissing her on the cheek as Paisley giggled. Neil walked over to Andrew, "What was that about?"

Andrew smiled up at him, "None of your business, mister." Neil sighed, leaning down to kiss Andrew goodbye. "Bye, wonderboy."

"Oh, fuck off," Neil whispered, smiling as he grabbed Paisley's hand. The two waved before leaving. Andrew watched until they turned the corner, turning to Dan.

Dan smiled at him, "So-"

Andrew cut her off, "How does Neil feel about marriage?"

Sunflower, Vol. 6

Chapter Nine: Kids in the Kitchen, Listen to Dancehall

[Three Months Later]

"Neil? I didn't know you knew Andrew!" Renee said, kindly greeting Andrew before turning back to Neil. "Unless you guys are just now meeting? I'm a bit flustered, I apologize."

"Oh, I, uh-"

"Renee, this is the dad I was telling you about."

Renee's eyes widened before she forced her expression back to one of neutrality, "Oh?"

Neil felt there was more underlying their conversation but he said nothing to interrupt them. He may have known Renee, but he knew her wife much better. And obviously Andrew knew Renee more than he knew Allison. Neil broke away from them and went to find Allison.

He did a double take when he saw Andrew standing next to exy legend Kevin Day. He would have noticed if Andrew had passed by him. And since when did Andrew know Kevin Day?

Neil decided he had to be seeing things. He looked down at his drink, swirling it around slowly. Andrew had gotten it for him, so it must have been safe. He felt his head to make sure he wasn't running a fever. He looked back to where Kevin Day and Andrew stood, expecting them to have disappeared, but what he saw was much worse than he could have imagined.

Andrew was too busy sucking Kevin's face off to notice Neil walking up behind him. Neil felt cold anger rise in him, and he did the one thing he swore he would never do, because it was too much like his father: he hit him. "You goddamn bastard! I let you come into my life and be around my daughter and this is what you fucking do? And with Kevin motherfucking Day? You told me you hated exy!"

"Excuse me? Fuck you!"

"What the fuck do you mean? I was the one who just caught you cheating on me!"

Andrew opened his mouth to respond but Neil was gone. He found his way to the bathroom, hugging his knees to his chest. He should have just stayed with Paisley. His phone pinged with the tone he set for Andrew. Neil buried his head into his knees, hoping that it would make everything go away. Neil's phone starting ringing then, and he swiped the call away, letting it go to voicemail. His phone rang once more before pinging with a notification that he had a new voicemail from Andrew. Neil didn't want to hear it. There was no way to make it any better. Neil had seen everything; more so, he saw everything he needed. His stomach couldn't take any more, but his brain kept going. What all had they done? Was it because he had a kid? Was Kevin Day that much better than him?

Neil let a sob escape him, and he crumbled even further into the ground. This wasn't what Neil Josten was supposed to look like. Neil Josten was a badass survivor who never got hurt. He didn't show pain.

Someone knocked on the door that Neil was leaning against. "Occupied," he croaked, cringing at how weak he sounded. It was all Andrew's fault.

Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.

Andrew was all that could make Neil feel better, but he was the only one who could make him feel like this.

"I guess you met Aaron," came the muffled voice through the door.

"Fuck off. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Neil…" Andrew took a breath, "Sweetheart, that wasn't me. I know that doesn't help. But if you just come out, I can show you. Please?"

There was a loud silence as Andrew waited, hand against the bathroom door. The lock clicked and there was a shuffle as Neil opened the door to peek out and see Andrew. As soon as he saw him, it was like he collapsed. Against his better judgement, Neil let himself fall into Andrew's arms. "I thought," Neil sniffled. "I thought you left me."

"Baby, I would never. It's me and you, remember? Always me and you." Andrew slid his hand up and down Neil's back before slowly lacing their fingers together, kissing Neil's hand softly. "Say it."

Neil sniffled again, wiping his tears with his free hand. "It's me and you. Forever and always."

"That's right. Are you ready for your explanation or do you need more time?" Andrew's concerned gaze broke Neil.

"Is it bad?" Neil hiccupped.

Andrew shook his head, "No. It's more of a surprise. And I know you like exy, so…"

Neil laughed softly, "Not when Kevin Day is kissing my boyfriend."

"Well, there's more to this than you think," Andrew held his hands up in surrender, "I would never do that to you. I'd tell you that I hated your guts and that you were too much of a dumbass for me." Neil tried to hide it, but too quickly his face fell. Andrew backtracked, "But I have yet to say that! See what I'm saying? Neil Josten, you are perfect for me. Fuckups and all."

Neil rolled his eyes, "How romantic."

"Not as romantic as meeting my twin brother."

Neil's mouth was agape as Andrew walked away. Neil was going to ask more questions, but the only answer was to follow after Andrew. He grabbed Andrew's hand, leaning towards him for support. Andrew stopped abruptly. When Neil was closer, he could see the differences between Andrew and, supposedly, Andrew's twin brother.

"So you're the psycho who punched me. Nice to know Andrew found someone as crazy as him."

Andrew swatted his shoulder, mouthing 'what the fuck' at him

"Sorry. I'm Aaron, not Andrew. And I'm glad."

"Are you serious? What the fuck?" Neil turned away from Aaron and towards Andrew. "When were you going to tell me?"

"I didn't think I'd have to," Andrew shrugged. "We look really fucking different." Andrew lifted a strand of his hair and then pointed to his clothes.

Neil felt really stupid now, so he said so. "I feel really goddamn stupid now."

"I would, too. Not knowing what my own boyfriend looks like." Aaron laughed silently, blowing air past his lips. "Speaking of… Where did Kevin go?"

Neil found him instantly, pointing him out to Aaron. Aaron nodded, disappearing to go get Kevin.

Neil looked back at Andrew, "I'm sorry."

"Neil, if you had a twin brother and I saw him making out with Allison, I would have done much worse than you did." Neil laughed at that. "And while we're meeting my family… NICKY!" Andrew beckoned across the room to them, and a tall man ran over.

"Oh-em-fucking-gee! Who is this cutie? Andrew do not tell me you bought a prostitute just to make you seem less lonely."

Andrew pushed Neil aside, "What the fuck, Nicky?"

Nicky nervously laughed, "I just… You know how it is, don't you, cute guy?"

Neil didn't know how to respond verbally, so he just nodded before turning swiftly and walking away. He overheard Andrew say, "Great, you fucking broke him. Nice going, Hemmick."

Neil found his way over to where Dan and Matt stood, "I just got called a prostitute."

Dan jumped at the sudden noise, turning to guffaw at Neil, "Was it-"

"Nicky?" Matt and Dan asked at the same time.

"How did you guys know?"

"Neil, we played exy with all of Andrew's group in high school. They haven't changed much."

"Oh," Neil said.

Dan nodded, "Hey, how about we go into the dining room? Matt and I ordered pizza and it should be coming soon."

Neil followed behind her, looking around to see if anyone else got the memo. Apparently the others did, too, because everyone was filing into the dining room, conversing quietly. There were occasional glances at him, but Neil pushed it behind him, blaming it on his rising anxiety. Dan and him sat at the end of the table, away from everyone. Neil looked around, noticing there were flowers set out and the lighting was dim. It was odd but not completely out of the ordinary for Allison. There was a vanilla and rose scented candle directly in front of him, and the flame made him nervous but the scent made him feel calm.

"What have you been up to? How are things with you and Andrew? Have you done anything?" Dan smiled a little, as if she knew something.

"I'm not talking to you about my sex life."

Dan clapped her hands together, "Oh! You totally did! Holy shit. Get it, Neil!"

The room filled quickly. Neil noticed there were more exy stars there than he had thought. He spotted Jean Moreau and Jeremy Knox first, and there were only more from there. His inner fanatic was screaming. He made eye contact with Aaron who only smirked at him. It wasn't the same as Andrew's cool smirk. Something about it was harder, more like a glass edge than a simple movement of his lips. Neil looked away quickly, not wanting to compare Andrew and his twin brother any more.

"Where did Matt go?"

Dan's head shot up, worry in her eyes before she hid it quickly, "I told you we ordered pizza! I'm sure he just went to answer the door."

"He's been gone for a while, though. Maybe we should check on him."

Neil went to move, but then the room went quiet. He heard Dan sigh from beside him. He started to look at her before he saw Matt stride in. Except something was off.

"Why is he wearing that?" Neil said to no one in particular, but Dan grunted in response.

Matt was wearing a white dress shirt with a pale blue bow tie. Neil didn't have time to question it before Kevin walked in wearing the same thing. Neil flicked his eyes over to where Aaron sat, but he only shrugged.

"Dan, what is-" Neil stopped mid question, interrupted by the sudden ache in his heart. Matt was holding a chalkboard sign that said 'Follow me.'

Neil stifled a laugh, looking around to see if anyone else was as confused as him. "What the fuck? Am I about to be murdered by two wannabe Ted Bundys?" Matt laughed but didn't say anything, which didn't help. He stood up and his chair screeched against the hardwood floor. As he followed Matt and Kevin outside, he turned to see everyone following him. "You guys do know that my birthday is January 19th and not June, right? There's a couple of different letters."

No one answered, and Neil started to get frustrated. Why did everyone know what was happening but him?

But when he walked outside, he understood.

Allison's backyard had been turned into something out of a book Neil would read to Paisley. There were flower petals of every color littered in a winding path that led into the forest. Neil turned to where Matt and Kevin had stopped. Matt nodded his head and Neil continued. There were lanterns stuck in the ground to light the path when the flower petals ended. Neil turned around, but he saw everyone waiting at the forest's edge. He chewed on his lip, pondering if it was worth it, but he went forward.

Ducking under a tree branch, Neil reached the familiar clearing he had used to hide away when things got too loud. The difference was that there was someone else there.

"What is this about? Is it our anniversary or something? Because if so, I definitely forgot," Neil laughed, but stopped when Andrew didn't answer. He rung his fingers together, waiting for Andrew to answer or to turn around. Neil choked on the air when Andrew did turn around. "What the fuck? I really missed something, didn't I? God, I'm so sorry. Shit, I'm a terrible boyfriend."

Andrew shook his head, pulling at Neil's hands, "Turn around and wait until I tell you to look." Neil nodded, facing the opposite direction of Andrew. He tried desperately to look over his shoulder, but it's like Andrew knew he would try. He couldn't see anything. Neil was going to ask if Andrew was almost ready when he spoke, "You can look now."

Neil turned around, gasped, and then laughed, "Your bow tie is crooked."

Down on one knee in front of Neil was Andrew. Ring box in hand, he rolled his eyes, "Yes or no, Neil?"

Neil gave a painfully sweet smile, "Aren't you supposed to make a speech?"

Andrew grimaced, "I was afraid you'd ask that." He cleared his throat, beginning quietly. "Since the moment I met you, I knew there was something special about you. You didn't care that your daughter liked me more than you and that she wanted to spend time with me. You never judged me or made me feel guilty for taking a liking to her, too. You just… supported me. And that's what I want to do for you. I want to be there for you, I want to be able to raise Paisley with you. I want to be a family. And I.. We, actually, want to know if you'd like that. Being a family, I mean."

"What do you mean, we?"

Andrew looked over and out stepped Paisley holding a chalkboard sign identical to the one Matt had earlier, reading: Will you marry us? in Paisley's lopsided handwriting with a cartoon ring drawn underneath it.

"I needed to ask her first. Because I know she will always come first, and that's how I want it to be."

Paisley, being silent the whole time, said, "I want you to be my daddy," and then she turned to Andrew, "and I want you to be my dad."

"What do you say?"

Neil was too shocked to say anything. He let three tears escape, sniffling quietly, "You got my daughter to go against me so you could propose? You two are diabolical." Neil laughed, letting the sounds of the forest comfort him. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you. I'll marry both of you."

"Oh, thank god. I was worried you'd reject your daughter in front of me. How embarrassing would that be?"

Neil laughed, "Shut up and kiss me, nerd."

And Andrew did.