A/N :- It's been a while but the quarantine is giving me time to write and well stop procrastinating.
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Haruno Sakura is pulled towards Uchiha Sasuke like tides towards the moon. She is infected by him like a plague. She loves loves Sasuke in every language of the world there is and yet, she will never say the words. Instead, she writes him a letter – one she will never send.

Dear Sasuke

In Tokyo the people around me are so very kind and they try to include me in their joy but Sasuke, I just keep trying to find glimpses of you in them. I always fail. There's no other you, not even close…..

It's been four years since I walked out from your life. Four years since I rejected your proposal and threw the ring right at your face. Don't get me wrong, I have never once regretted my decision and this letter isn't a form of apology but there are things I want you to know. Things that I simply cannot contain in myself anymore. Withholding the love you seek was hard but I never once wished to be cruel with you.

It's been long – far too long and I hope you have found it in yourself to move on. In theory, being the one who left I should have already moved on but I think of you often. In fact, I miss you today to the point of hurting. I miss not having someone who notices that I wear mismatched socks, that I have a dimple on the left side of my cheek and a tiny mole just at the corner of my lip. Most of all, I miss our fights….the way you used to argue with me to put myself first. For someone who was right about things most of the time, you were quite wrong about me. See, turns out the selfish one was me all along. I took all your love and in return, I broke you….Don't get me wrong, I just never deserved you. Not once. For someone who is supposed to be a doctor, I knew I could not be the one to fix you. I would have made it worse….I did make it worse. In the relationship, there was so much of you and so little from me…

You wanted marriage, kids – the perfect life and I….well I just wanted you. And that's why I left. It wasn't fair you see, asking you to give up what you have been dreaming about most of your life. How could I deprive you of all that? So the solution was simple I started the fights, the arguments hoping you would break up with me but you, you stuck around like glue. You were just never good at letting things go, Sasuke. Always trying so hard. You thought proposing to me was going to delete the error inborn in me….the selfish gene….

I hurt you that day...I saw how the light in your eyes changed, how I changed you but you must know I loved you in my own selfish way. I almost said yes but the crippling thought of turning into my mother, becoming the person who I swore to myself I will never turn into was all the cruelty I needed to reject your proposal. I refuse to be a woman who lets a man define her entire existence, who reduces to a catacomb when her lover leaves her. I could not see my life turn into a fractured fairy tale. In my world 'forever' was always a lie. In some other parallel universe where I am not a fuck-up I would have been content to be yours...

Sasuke, I hope you found the love you deserve.

P. S You are my best what-if, my most hopeless wish.
Love
Haruno Sakura

Sasuke hummed as he parked his car inside the garage. Grabbing the flowers he got for his fiance from the backseat, he rushed towards his house while taking a quick look at his watch.

12:30 PM

God, he's late. Mentally cringing to himself for being late third time in a row on their movie nights, he dashes towards the door and hopes she's in a forgiving mood. Hopefully, the daisies will help.

He rings the doorbell twice. A minute passes and no one answers the door.

So she is mad….

"Karin, babe I'm sorry for being late….there was this meeting, let me come in and explain."

Only silence and a gust of chilly February wind greets him. He lets out a sigh thinking he does deserve the silent treatment.

"Karin, please. I'm sorry."

Raising an eyebrow, Naruto frowns. Karin might be the type to be upset over this but not dramatic. No, she's hardly ever dramatic. Growing suspicious and running out of patience, Sasuke furiously knocks at the door.

"Karin, open up okay? I need to know whether you're alright in there. Karin, sweetheart. This is getting a little out of hand."

Fuck this, he thought as he scowled angrily. Throwing the flowers over, he braced himself as he landed a swift kick at the door breaking it open. Striding forward, he grew anxious by every passing moment as he looked for his fiance.

"Karin, answer me. Are you here?"

Taking his phone out of his pant pocked, he dialed her number. His heart dropped a little as he heard her ring tone coming from their bedroom.

Was this her idea of a joke? If so, he didn't find it funny. Not at all.

"That wasn't very nice of y-

His voice died in his throat as he felt his knees give out their support. Bile rose up his throat as he covered his mouth with his palm. No, please no...

This cannot be happening to him.

Not again.

Not again.

"Karin…" he cried out as braced himself to walk towards his bed where the love of his life lied still, absolutely immobile with blood staining the white sheets, blood leaking from her wrists. His fingers twitched and trembled as he caressed her face pulling her closer towards himself. He coughed out another sob as he checked for her pulse.

Nothing

She was gone.

His baby, his love…his everything.

She left him…..

She left him too. Just like everyone else. Like his parents, like his brother, like Sakura…..

Everyone he loves just ends up leaving him. Maybe he's cursed after all.

Naruto sat with his best friend as his wife brought a cup of coffee for him.

"Sasuke, you should drink something. God, you haven't even eaten anything since…." Hinata said as she gently patted Sasuke on the shoulder while she passed the cup to him.

Nodding at her out of courtesy, Sasuke took a quick sip even though it felt as if it was warm blood pouring down his throat. Ever since, Karin's death he's been seeing blots of vermilion blood, everything he tastes feels rusted. He thinks its poetic justice. Being haunted by the one you love since their suicide is your mistake.

There's no such thing as ghosts. Its his conscience that hunts him – the thoughts never stop. Especially, at night. It's been days since he has slept a wink and yet all that he can think of are what ifs. If only he acted more caring towards her, told her how much she meant to him more often. God, instead he does this to her. It's all his fault. He drove her into taking her own life. He did it to her.

"Stop blaming yourself, man" Naruto's gentle tone didn't console him though.

"Why do people commit suicide Naruto? She wasn't happy….she wasn't and I just couldn't see it. I was so blind in my work that I neglected her. She died thinking she didn't matter to me…..its all my fault. You can't ask me not to blame myself when clearly, she blood is on me."

"She knew you loved her and she was happy, believe me….that's all we talked about, your wedding and you. God, Sasuke I can't even imagine how this happened….just that morning, Karin was shopping for her wedding dress." Hinata let out a sigh as her eyes got teary. Karin was important to her as well. She was her best friend, the maid of honor at her wedding with Naruto. It's so unlikely that Karin of all people would commit suicide. She was such a fighter, so vibrant and full of life. Just bursting with flames of life and energy.

Her thoughts got cut off as she watched Sasuke pick up his phone.

"My phone was on silent. I didn't notice, its Inspector Shikamaru – he's the one handling Karin's suicide case…..give me a minute, I will ring him back."

"Yes, Its Sasuke….What….."

Sasuke sighted as he put his phone down. He clutched his face with his hands. Thinking that another wave of grief has overwhelmed him, Naruto looked at his friend with genuine pity.

"I'm going to kill them."

Naruto's eyes widened in shock as he gaped at Sasuke. "Sa-Sasuke wh-

"She was murdered. Whoever killed her made it look like a suicide."

Hinata covered her mouth in shock and let out a quiet sob.

Naruto looked at how his friend's face darkened.

"I'm going to find that bastard and rip him to pieces." Sasuke lashed out as he kicked the coffee table and grabbed his car eyes rushing out of his house.

It was seven O'clock and Sakura could already feel a migraine coming her way as she picked her phone. God, who's calling her so early on a day off. Can't they do without her for one day at the hospital? Even a workaholic like her needs a break every now and then. She groaned as she read the caller ID

Kiba

Well atleast it's not from work. Although, she is going to throttle the life out of this idiot if he's calling her so early to ask her out on a date. The mutt just refuses to take no for a answer. Should a policeman even be allowed to have so such spare time. May the lord put this idiot on a double shift for parole.

"Kiba, you better have a damn good reason for calling this early. Don't I deserve some peace and quiet, a full eight hour sleep occasionally?"

"Sakura, they need you to come over to do a postmortem check. Shikamaru contacted me. You need to fly to Kyoto by tomorrow."

"Is it really necessary for me to come back to Kyoto? Can't you have Tsunade look into this instead?" Sakura massaged her forehead as she questioned Kiba over phone.

"Actually, Sakura I think you might want to be involved during the forensic reporting of this one."

"Oh yeah, pray tell why?" she rolled her eyes. Kiba had such a flair for drama.

His next words however caught her off guard.

"because it involves Sasuke. The girl who died was his fiance and the evidence they found till now narrows him down as a primary suspect."