Dean groaned softly as he left the hospital, tired of being babied. He'd asked Sam to give him a few moments to himself, but that wasn't really what he wanted. He was searching for Castiel, not sure whether he was ready to yell at the angel or shake him - but he wanted to do something to the person who'd thought it was such a good idea to turn him into what he had been. For some reason, though, he didn't feel nearly as betrayed by Uriel's part in it.

The angel had left the hospital, having been visiting Dean while he had been in a coma, feeling pained for having done this. He had urged Dean to dig deep into his dark nightmares that he had faced in hell. Cass thought he had been doing the right thing, and wondered if Anna had been right about thinking for himself. There would be Hell to pay when he rebelled, if he did so; thinking about the possible choices. He didn't bother to turn when he heard someone approaching him from behind, standing in the church looking at the cross with a figure of Jesus in the front. Tears gently slid from his blue eyes, uncertain as to what he could now do.

Dean paused briefly behind Castiel, and closed his eyes briefly. Then, he stepped over to Castiel's side. He was a little taken aback by the look on the angel's face - but the words he spoke were edged with the anger he was feeling more than the hurt. "Didn't think angels could cry."

"And why would you not think so, Dean?" Castiel spoke softly, never taking his gaze off the large wooden cross above them both.

Dean shrugged. "Cause you're all heartless bastards?" Cruel words, perhaps - but understandable in a way.

The angel looked at Dean with his face hardening a little at that. "Right, we are all heartless and cold. We are just like Demons in your eyes, and you don't get it, do you, Winchester? We had a job to do and did it. Angels were dying; but you don't care that I may be the only one that didn't wish we had to demand it of you." His blue eyes hardened a little, still wet with tears. "Because of you, I plan to do something that I would never consider before - not that you care."

"The angels weren't being killed by demons; so you forced me back into the darkness for nothing, Castiel."

"We did not know that and had no choice in the matter."

"Yeah, because it's not like any of you were willing to get your hands dirty," Dean said bitterly. "Relying on humans to do the work for you. You shouldn't have asked this of me, Castiel."

The angel sighed, looking at the human in his charge. "It was orders; and you would have done the same if people were dying with no answers."

"I wouldn't have forced someone else to do my dirty work."

"We couldn't get anything out of him, and had to find out who was killing my brothers and sisters. It was the only solution."

"And the wrong one, as it turns out. Any closer to finding out who the real killer was?"

Cass looked at the cross again, feeling an ache. "It was Uriel...He had betrayed us."

Dean laughed - although there was no humour in it, only bitterness. "An angel killing angels...and you were going after demons."

"Shut up. This is hardly for your amusement. He was killing our own siblings; and I don't find it amusing!" Castiel snapped with fire in his blue eyes.

"Oh, believe me...I don't find it amusing either. But you really were looking for answers in the wrong place." Dean was clearly very angry - but that was a shield for the hurt at the core. "I expected Uriel to use us humans...but you, I actually thought were different.

"So now what? You going to run back to your brother and hide in a rotting hole until the war is over?"

"Sam and I will fight this war on our own terms." Dean jabbed a finger at Castiel. "I want the angels to stay away from us."

Cass stepped closer with a menacing look in his blue eyes. "You listen to me, boy. I dragged you from hell, and have no problems throwing you back in the pit. Don't you think you can hide from angels, Winchester, and you are not done with God's plan for you."

Dean stared back at Castiel, looking not too impressed. "That plan include forcing me to go back to what I was in hell? Or was that a new spin you put on it?"

"I followed orders, pure and simple. The greater good is far more important than one little demon." Castiel looked at the human. "It is greater than even you, Dean."

"Whose orders were you following, Castiel? Whose idea was it to go and capture Alastair and make me torture him? Or perhaps a better question would be, who - out of you and Uriel - heard those orders?"

"Uriel had the revelation, not I; and they were the orders. Find out who was killing our family. We got nothing, so we just ordered you to do it."

"And how do you know the orders came from another source, and not Uriel?"

"I don't, but I have faith. What is this about anyway? You planning to get me to talk, threaten me to say away from you, and then go hide under a rock?"

"No. I'm giving you a choice, even though you..." Dean hesitated, and looked away briefly, unwilling to speak those words - that Castiel had broken his trust.

"And what choice would that be, exactly?" Cass spoke as he turned to look at the human calmly, with ice still in his eyes.

"Either you back off, leave me and my brother alone - with the understanding that I will hurt you if you come near us again. Or you make amends for what you did."

Cass actually smirked a little at that threat. "You plan to try and hurt an Angel of the Lord if I come near you again? I could throw you back into Hell, and you are threatening me."

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, I think I am. I'm giving you a chance here, Cass. I have no reason to trust you anymore."

Blue eyes looked at the human, but never showed any emotions; knowing that if Dean didn't trust him, then there was nothing he could do to change it. "Well then, I suppose that you will leave now. How can some consequences bring back trust that is broken?"

"Not exactly consequences...more like punishment."

"Punishment? You plan to punish me for following orders?"

"No. I plan to punish you for forcing me back into that darkness and breaking my trust."

Cass' voice hardened once again. "I did what was necessary at the time; and for that I appologize. I said before in that warehouse that I had wished I had not needed to force that upon you. I would have done anything to keep you having to face that darkness. There was no choice, and I didn't realize I even had your trust to begin with."

"I'm not interested in excuses," Dean said. "Choose."

The angel just looked at Dean, not saying a word, hurt only flashing for second before the blue became ice again. "You want me to submit so that you can punish me?"

Dean shrugged. "I'm not gonna force you."

"And why do you expect me to care either way, Dean? You said yourself, Angels are cold-hearted bastards with no remorse; so why would I be able to regain your trust if you think that of me?"

Instead of answering, Dean asked another question. "Do you angels actually have relationships?"

This question stunned Cass; and he blinked, a little confused, the emotion playing in the blue orbs. "Uh...I beg your pardon?"

"Relationships...romances. Do any of you actually feel attraction? Love?"

Castiel looked at the human and swallowed a little. "Uh, you mean if we love; then yes, we do - but um, finding one's mate is extremely rare."

Dean glanced at Castiel, raising his eyebrows. "Why are you suddenly so uncertain, Cass?"

Castiel backed away suddenly, feeling trapped and frightened by the questions. "I am not uncertain, just confused as to the change in your questioning." He didn't want to admit something that he feared would make this worse. "I did not find my mate, if that is what you are asking."

Dean stayed where he was, watching the angel. "Have you made your decision?"

Castiel gulped and backed into a wall, almost timid of Dean asking such questions. He weighed the options and felt his eyes glistening again, looking away, not trusting his emotions. "I...W...What will you do with me?"

"I'm thinking about giving you a spanking," Dean replied.

Cass looked up, confused. "A...What?"

"Like I did to my brother when we were young, I would put you across my lap and smack your bare bottom until I feel you've paid for it."

"Bare...No! Bad idea bare." Cass looked like he was panicked and terrified, backing even further till he was trapped in corner with wide blue eyes. "I can't..Not bare...I've never, considering I hadn't found my mate...he is not in H...Heaven..."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "'He is not in heaven'? So you have found your mate?"

"I...I do not know...I have not found him in Heaven, so he is on Earth; not that I would expect him to return such emotions."

"Why wouldn't you expect that?"

"Well, I have been able to observe you humans; and only a few seem to enjoy same sex matings. I know mine is not in this grouping."

"What makes you think it's not just that he's not found the right person?"

"Because he likes to chase women," Cass said softly, wanting to crawling into the wall and hide.

"If I didn't know better, Cass, I'd say you could almost be describing me."

Cass whimpered and tried to bolt for the door, feeling his heart breaking. "What does it matter if it were you? You don't trust me or care for my reasons on having to ask this of you. You won't listen to me about why, and I am forced to submit to punishment or never see you again." The angel faded from the church, a few tears having fallen to the floor at his feet. He needed the time to think, and settled, sitting in the grass not too far from the church, looking at the nearby river.

Dean was a little surprised at having that guess confirmed, and left the church, glancing around and, spotting Castiel, stepped over to him - but stood rather than sit down.

"You are still here, Winchester? I thought you would have run back to Sam by now; or run for the hills at least."

Dean sat down on the grass next to the angel. "You're not supposed to run out after admitting something like that."

"Admitting what, exactly? That I was forced to do what I didn't want to because I had finally found my mate, only to have Uriel find out? To have him threaten to torture you both, kill you both slowly, and force me to watch? To have that person no longer trust me, and not bother to listen to the real reason why?"

Dean paused. "Cass...Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would it have made a difference? It wouldn't have stopped Uriel, and we both know it. I had no choice...none of us did."

"You should have told me instead of allowing me to think you'd betrayed me, Cass."

"You never gave me a chance to really say anything. You were hurt in a coma, and then wouldn't talk to me till now."

Dean sighed a little. "I warned you it would be bad. That I wouldn't walk out the same. You should have told me then."

Cass looked away, feeing his heart aching. "I was with Uriel most of the time and couldn't tell you. It was then too late to tell you when the creature escaped. You were hurt and then I wish I could have told you." The angel looked down once more. "I did try to tell you, but then Uriel hurt me for my attempts, warning he would rip your spine out slowly."

"If you'd helped me instead of stood with Uriel, we might have had a chance," Dean said - but there wasn't any anger in his tone.

"He would have killed you both and continued to remind me of it numerous times. I was frightened and did not know what to do."

"You should have trusted me, Cass."

"I did, but I just didn't trust myself. I was so used to following orders until Anna told me I should think for myself and trust my emotions."

"She has a point there."

"I know now, and should have told you." Cass sighed and looked at Dean. "I have never felt love or a connection with anyone in Heaven, until I saw you in Hell. The sparks were there, and I wanted you. You were destined for me - and Heavenly Father help me, I wanted you, but was scared. You showed no sign of wanting or in wanting men, but Uriel found out; and couldn't let him kill you both because of me."

"You don't need to be scared, Cass."

"I am scared you won't want me. Let's face it, Dean, you like women - not men."

"I like you," Dean said bluntly.

"But you don't love me, am I correct?"

"Cass, you dragged me out of hell...and despite continually threatening to throw me back, you still came there after me." Dean paused briefly. "I'm not good with the whole sharing feelings thing...but why do you think I didn't just tell you to leave in the first place?"

"I do not know. I have never fallen for anyone before, and didn't know your emotions."

"If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't have even thought about trying to heal the broken trust."

Cass blinked, feeling the tears welling up in his blue eyes again. "You...You love me? Dean, really?"

"Yeah," Dean said. "Which was why I was so angry..."

"I am so sorry, Dean...I should have told you sooner, but was so scared that you'd never want me." The angel looked at his mate. "Um, where do we go from here?"

Dean sighed a little. "Honestly? I still stand by what I said about punishment. You should have told me."

Cass chewed his lower lip nervously and glanced at Dean. "I...Um...You plan to spank me still, and then you'll forgive me again? Then what, after you spank me?"

"Then I guess we'll just be spending time together."

"I guess, and hope that it goes towards something deeper," Cass hoped, and then nodded a little. "Okay, I'll come back and deal with my needed punishment."

"Just before that..." Dean took a light hold of Castiel's chin, and lightly kissed the angel.

Cass gasped when he felt Dean kissing him, finding himself returning the affection with a soft moan. He had never kissed anyone before, loving every second of it. "Mmm...that feels pretty good."

Dean deepened the kiss a little before pulling back. "Thinking we might be doing more of that after your spanking."

"Um, like what?' Cass asked nervously, and chewed his lower lip. "I am a little nervous about you seeing me naked."

"Half-naked, Cass...and I can always bare you after you're across my lap."

"Well, I hope you do like what you see when I'm bare before you," Cass said, and did mean it, letting Dean help him up so that they could head back to the hotel. "What about Sam?"

"I'll send him out to get food or something. And pretty sure I'll be liking what I see." Dean started walking back to the hotel.

Cass went with him, feeling both nervous about this; but also content, knowing that Dean loved him. "I am sorry, Dean, and do love you...I would do anything to protect you; and kind of did the other night. It is something I am not proud of, to be honest, and am just glad he never killed you because of me. I couldn't live without you."

"I know you had good reasons, Cass...I'm really not mad at you anymore. One thing, though - I really hope that, when we have arguments, you won't pull the 'I took you out of hell, I can throw you back in' card. It's getting old."

Cass blushed a little and smiled. "I will try and not use that card as long as you never stop loving me."

"That's not gonna happen, so don't worry about it." Dean opened the door to the hotel room. "Hey, Sam, get us some food."

"Dean, you've just been out..." Sam looked between his brother and the angel, seeing that they looked like they were about to have a private conversation, and stood up. "Uh, okay...I'll have my cell phone if you need me." He left the room.

Cass watched Sam leaving the room so that they were alone. He then gulped, looking at Dean. "May I inquire as to how you wish to spank me?"

"Bare bottom and over my lap," Dean replied. "I probably would have used something else as well as my hand - but that was when I was still angry, and didn't have the whole story."

"Um, I...okay." The angel fumbled with his pants to get them open, looking at his mate, letting them fall, taking off his trench coat. Cass' blue eyes widened a little nervously, in his underwear, leaving the fabric on the floor and going towards Dean. His underpants soon came down, with his hands clasping over his privates. "Um ahh, I am a little nervous."

"Well, it is going to be painful." Dean reached out and took a hold of Castiel's wrist as he sat down, giving a bit of a jerk to pull the angel across his lap. "But I will forgive you and trust you again."

The said angel let out a gasped yell when he was pulled over Dean's lap, suddenly knowing that this was going to hurt. "Oph...I want you to trust and love me, Dean, no matter how much this hurts."

"I will do, Cass." Dean took a firm hold of Castiel, and brought his hand down hard on the angel's bare bottom.

"Oh ow!" Cass let out a slight grunt when he felt the sharp sting on his bare bottom, the cheeks clenching a little.

Dean landed several more hard smacks, wanting to do this right even if it wasn't going to be as severe as he'd originally intended.

The angel grunted and was soon squirming over Dean's lap, tears falling once again, sobbing. His once pale bottom was burning, and it hurt so much. "Ow...s...sorry...ouch!"

"I know." Dean increased the force and speed behind the smacks a little.

Cass soon stopped talking altogether, just crying hard over his mate's lap with his butt cheeks turning scarlet.

Dean finally stopped the spanking, resting his aching hand on Castiel's back and lightly rubbing the skin.

Castiel just sobbed, considering it hurt, and he needed to finally just let it all out. His body shook with him sobbing with Dean holding him. "S...Sorry..."

"I know. I forgive you." Dean held Castiel close, letting him cry it out.

The angel held onto Dean as he sobbed, finally unable to cry any longer. "Love you."

"Love you too, Cass." Dean continued to hold the angel.

Cass gently kissed Dean nervously with a smile. "I am glad you now know."

"Same here." Dean returned the kiss, deepening it a little.

The angel gasped and moaned, feeling rather embarassed suddenly when he found his penis hardening. "Ohhh dear...my um penis has gotten rictormotis."

Dean gave a slight laugh. "Seem to be getting rather turned on by this, huh?"

"It seems to have gotten rather stiff and is aching."

Dean nodded. "Kind of means you're getting turned on by this. Want me to give you a hand there?"

"A hand with what?"

"That." Dean nodded to Castiel's erection. "I'm guessing you're a virgin...but I'm sure you're not completely ignorant about sex things."

"My being ignorant about the act of Mating? Well, I do not know much about it; but know I am yours, as you are mine. I have never have mated, no; but I do not know exactly what happens. I am an angel, after all, but do not know as much as you think I may know."

"Well, we can wait anyway," Dean decided. "You should have a chance to calm down emotionally."

Castiel looked down and sighed. "Yes, it has been a trying term of events; and for that I apologize - but do hope to mate someday soon when we are ready. I am still uncertain as what to do about this, however."

"Take a cold shower, that'll help," Dean suggested.

The angel blinked a little, confused; but also a bit hurt. "You...You do not wish to touch me? I understand, however."

"I never said that, Cass. But you're not letting me know what you want."

"I do not know what it is I want, except to be with my Mate. You are mine; and may touch me if you wish it. I want you too."

Dean pulled Castiel closer to him, sliding a hand down to take a gentle hold of the angel's erection.

Cass gasped when he felt the warm hand on his throbbing flesh with a whimper, fluid leaking from the tip. The angel panted hard, feeling the strange sensations. "Ohh...Dean...Yes, please..."

Dean kissed Castiel again, beginning to massage his erection.

The angel whimpered and moaned against the human he loved's sweet lips, feeling his heart pounding. "Dean...love you."

"Yeah...Love you too, Cass." Dean gently nipped at the angel's lips.

Cass wrapped his arms around Dean while they kissed, their passion deepening, his breath out in pants as he spoke. "So...You um like what you have seen of my b...body?"

Dean grinned. "Definitely. You're extremely hot."

Cass blinked his blue eyes, looking confused. "I was unaware of a temperature increase in my vessel."

Dean laughed slightly. "I mean hot as in handsome."

"Oh. Then I will tell you that you are hot as well. That word seems to have so many meanings for you humans."

"Not the only one which does." Dean kissed Castiel again, speeding his strokes up a little.

Cass was about to ask what else was used, but then Dean took both his voice and breath away.

Dean deepened the kiss, even as he worked on bringing Castiel to the edge.

"Uhhh...Dean...please, I am burning...Gahh, Dean!" Castiel's entire body arched up as he came hard in his lover's hand, panting hard with wide blue eyes. "Uh...Dean."

Dean smirked, and kissed Castiel thoroughly. "First intimate moment, huh? How was it?"

"Uh yeah, first imtimate moment," Castiel admitted with a soft smile. "I have never been with anyone else."

Dean lightly touched Castiel's shoulder. "See what you could have missed out on?"

"I would rather not have the experience and be with my mate than be with a stranger to have the experience."

"Not what I meant, Cass."

"What did you mean?"

"If you'd decided to leave and not tell me how you felt, you would have missed out on this. Though guessing you wouldn't have minded missing out on the spanking." Dean grinned.

"I...Yes you are correct. I would have missed out being with you; but the spanking I could have done without."

"I think it might go without saying that I'll do it again if I need to - but I'm saying it anyway."

"But it is painful."

"That's kinda the point, otherwise it wouldn't be a punishment."

"Ahhh, you are correct that it was a punishment and thus deserved."

"Do you feel that it was deserved?" Dean asked seriously, but also curious.

"Yes, it was well deserved and needed, despite the pain it caused me. It was nothing compared to the pain it caused me to hurt you, or the pain I caused you."

"Well, you're forgiven now. And have found your mate and been accepted."

"I am glad I am yours and love you. Thank you, Dean, for not leaving me and for not fearing when you found out." Cass then blinked. "How did you know that it was you?"

"Really, Cass, how many humans have you spent time with since coming here? And Sam's not been exactly chasing women."

"Um, well, only the two; unless you count Bobby."

"Yeah...I guessed it wasn't him."

"No, it wasn't Bobby. My mate has and always will be you, Dean."

"Glad to hear it. Cause you're mine now, Cass."

"Yes, I am yours; and plan to remain so."

"Good." Dean glanced at the door. "You should probably get your pants back on before Sam comes back."

Cass looked at his boyfriend and blushed a little. "Oh, right; it wouldn't do to have him see me as this."

"And this? Is for my eyes alone." Dean helped Castiel to get dressed again.

Cass took his pants and began to put them on. 'Yes, I am yours alone, Dean. Thank you for forgiving me and for your love."

Dean grinned. "You're welcome - for both."

Cass smiled a little. "I love you and know my destiny is to be with you forever."

Dean leaned over and kissed Castiel again, deeply and passionately.

The angel smiled and gulped. "You know, you keep this up and I may not be able keep from having rigormotis again."

"Maybe better stop, then. Don't want to make Sam blind."

"Blind? Oh! That we cannot do; however, I am at a loss as to how such an event could occur from Sam seeing us together."

"Well, not really blind...but believe me when I say that seeing your brother being intimate with someone else is definitely not something you want to see."

"Why not? Isn't being intimate and in love a beautiful thing?"

"Not when you see your brother with someone else, Cass. We can continue this later," Dean promsied. "I'll send Sam out again."

"Why is it not good to see one's brother with someone? Would Sam not be pleased we are together?" Castiel innocently inquired.

"I'm sure he would be - but actually seeing it is just something you're going to have to trust me is a Bad Thing."

"Seeing what exactly? Us kissing or the whole Mating thing?"

"Anything more than kissing."

"Oh. The Mating will upset Sam; but he shall be happy we are together?"

"Yeah." Dean figured that was the best way of putting it.

The angel nodded and lay in Dean's loving arms. "Alright, I understand completely. I do believe I would not enjoy watching my brothers and sisters mating."

"No, probably not." Dean sat back on the bed a little so that he could hold Castiel better.

The angel sighed. "I just feel despair on having to hurt you...I felt the pain more than you shall ever know."

"You don't need to feel guilty anymore, Cass. I've punished and forgiven you."

"I just wish I had seen past Uriel's deceptions."

"Would have been better if you had before making me torture Alastair...but then this might not have ever happened."

"Yet if you had not come to me in that church, you may have not known the truth about Uriel and being my mate."

"Can't see me not coming after you, Cass. Though I was really angry."

"I got that impression in the church and outside."

"I wasn't that angry outside..."

"Well, you had some anger, I would wager."

"Yeah, but only because I still thought you'd betrayed me willingly."

"Do you still believe thusly?" Castiel looked at his mate, worried that Dean still didn't trust him completely.

"No, Cass. I know you thought you were doing the right thing."

"I could not let him kill you and torture you. I thought it was what was ordered of us, but wish I had not been forced to ask it of you."

"Stop blaming yourself, Cass, or I'll put you over my knee again."

"You...plan to spank me once again?"

"Joking, Cass...unless you think you need another one."

"No, I appear to not desire a second spanking; or feel the need for one," Cass admitted, and smiled a little again. "I still have issues with the humor."

"Well, you'll learn." Dean kissed him gently.

"I believe I shall learn." The angel smiled and kissed his beloved human mate with his body shivering, remembering what he had done to Dean. He had nearly lost him without ever truly feeling the love he could with his mate. He then vowed never to force Dean to do anything that he couldn't ever again, letting his blue eyes shine with that deep emotion. One day, they would mate - but not tonight - when they were ready; and he didn't want to blind Sam doing it.